


Fatetrapped

by Shwoo



Category: Homestuck, Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Future Fic, Gen, Kid Fic, Next Generation, Original Character(s), SBURB, crossover AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-03
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2017-11-13 11:29:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 58
Words: 98,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/503043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shwoo/pseuds/Shwoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that Phineas and Ferb have grown up and had kids, they must participate in a game. But they won't be the ones to play it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Phineas: Inform Ferb of troubling development

**Author's Note:**

> The first draft of this story is over 72,000 words. I've never edited anything close to this length before, but I hope this comes out enjoyable. And finished.

  
furtiveForewarning contacted phenomenalFunification

PF: Ferb!  
PF: It's been a while! :V)

FF: :U|

PF: Yeah!  
PF: Nearly 24 hours. :V(  
PF: Did you figure out anything else?

FF: No.  
FF: Work was hectic today.

PF: Ah, so you did have something to do with the abandoned warehouse district explosion!  
PF: I thought I detected a hint of your aftershave.

FF: It is very flammable.

PF: I keep telling you bro, you should go freelance.  
PF: You'll get more time off that way.

FF: Even with the most sensitive instruments, I have yet to detect a difference in the way you use your time off and the way you use your work hours.  
FF: Besides, in my line of work, deadlines are paramount.

PF: That's true.  
PF: You can't just sit around and do nothing while an evil space pig tears up Bolivia.

FF: :U|  
FF: Did you discover anything?

PF: Yeah...

FF: :U?

PF: The game has to be played.  
PF: There's nothing we can do about it.  
PF: It's big on predestination.  
PF: But we're not the ones who'll play it.

FF: :U|

PF: We're going to do everything we can to help them through the game.  
PF: Nobody's going to die on our watch!

FF: And who are these fated players?  
FF: Are you still there?

PF: They're our kids, Ferb.

.

The banging and sawing and twanging from the backyard had been going on for an hour, and Alicia Flynn-Garcia-Shapiro was getting sick of it. She didn't know what her dad was working on, but if he had to take it outside, it was probably really big and complicated and boring. If it was interesting she was sure the noise wouldn't be so annoying.

Her dad was working with Alicia's uncle Ferb today. Uncle Ferb was great, but he was really quiet. He never said much when she tried to talk to him. Her mom said it wasn't because he didn't like her. He was just a naturally quiet person, and always had been.

Her mom could say that because her parents had known each other since they were kids. So had uncle Ferb and the mother of his kids, and so had her other aunt and uncle. Actually, uncle Ferb hadn't met some of the mothers of his kids until he was grown up, but they all lived in South America or something. They didn't count.

Alicia wondered who she was going to marry when she grew up. She hoped it wouldn't be a boy. Boys were boring and gross, except maybe for her cousins, and obviously she wasn't going to marry one of them.

she stood and leaned out of her bedroom window. She couldn't tell what her dad and uncle were making out there, but she never could. It was big, and there was more than one of them, and they had circuitry. That was all she knew.

Alicia did like to watch when her dad worked in the backyard, even if the sound was annoying. Sometimes he even told her more stories about his childhood. Working in the backyard was nostalgic, he said. Especially when uncle Ferb or their smelly old platypus was there.

Her dad's stories were the best. She couldn't wait until that kind of stuff started happening to her. She didn't know when it would be, but one day she and her cousins were going to make so much stuff.

It was going to be amazing.

.

  
furtiveForewarning contacted proficiencyDiversified

PD: Dad! :D  
PD: How did you get my handle? :S

FF: I have a challenge for you.

PD: :D  
PD: What is it? :S  
PD: Are you in America? :S

FF: That's classified.

PD: :(

FF: I want to see if you can convert ancient computer code into something that will run on a modern machine.

PD: :O  
PD: I didn't even know ancient people even had computers! :O

furtiveForewarning sent a file to proficiencyDiversified

PD: WOW! :O  
PD: :O  
PD: :O  
PD: Thanks dad! :D  
PD: Im gonna start working on it right now! :D

proficiencyDiversified signed off

FF: Good luck, Hal.

.

Doofenshmirtz opened the door to his apartment to find his grandchildren waiting for him. Oh, right... Vanessa had said something about dropping them off for the night. Maybe. He couldn't remember. "Oh, hi boys," he said "What... where's your mother?"

Hal didn't even look up from his handheld computer. Alton said "Hey grandpa. Mom dropped us off in the lobby."

Alton went inside without another word. Probably looking for Perry the Platypus. They got along really well, for some reason. Doofenshmirtz had told and told Perry the Platypus that Alton was a bad seed, but he never seemed to get it. You'd think that Perry of all people would be able to tell a selfish, slimy good-for-nothing, but nooooo.

At least Doofenshmirtz had the good twin all to himself. "Uh... Well, come in, Hal..." What was wrong with him today? He really liked his little computers, but usually he could walk through a door without being prompted.

Hal didn't respond, so Doofenshmirtz pushed him inside, closing the door with his foot. "Just, uh... Just come in, make yourself at home."

Hal sat in the middle of the floor, still not looking up.

"Man, what is with you today?" said Doofenshmirtz, trying to look over his shoulder. Hal was a little shy about letting people see his computer screen, but he couldn't hide from a snooper as dedicated as Doofenshmirtz.

He had one of those holographic split-screen setups, with a lot of unintelligible symbols on one side, and different, but equally mysterious symbols on the other. Some colours flashed up, and Hal grumbled and made typing motions with his fingers.

"Forget it," said Alton, entering the room with Perry the Platypus under one arm. "He's barely said a word since dad gave him that stupid game to convert." He went right up in Hal's face. "Hey, Hal! Hal!"

Hal glanced away from his computer, rolled his eyes, and went back to whatever he was doing.

Doofenshmirtz opened his mouth to say something really scathing to Alton about bothering his brother, and closed it when Perry the Platypus glared at him. Perry was so protective of that stupid kid. He was going senile, that was the only explanation. After all, he was a very old platypus. Were platypuses even supposed to live this long? Doofenshmirtz didn't think so.

Alton flopped down on the couch, dropped his crutches, and reached for the remote. "What's on TV?"

"Hey, you can't--"

Perry the Platypus glared again.

"Okay fine, whatever," said Doofenshmirtz. "Let him watch whatever he wants. I thought maybe, just maybe my _monorail_ would understand me."

Perry the Platypus stared at him. So did Alton. Hal glanced away from his computer for a second.

"You know... Monorail... marail..." said Doofenshmirtz uneasily. He didn't know what exactly he was trying to say, but they didn't have to know that. "I'm... I'm getting into the spirit of things. Oh, don't give me that look!"

Perry the Platypus rolled his eyes, and went to sleep on Alton's lap.

.

Later that night, once Doofenshmirtz had fed the boys TV dinners and put them to bed, he settled down on the couch for nice long session of glaring at the wall. If only he'd been allowed to watch what he wanted instead of some stupid tween comedy for stupid tweens, maybe he'd be doing something more interesting by now. Kids. It was like they thought they ruled the world. Not one of them understood the sacrifices he'd made so the world would be a worse place. On average, the world had actually ended up a better place, but... still. He'd made sacrifices.

The door to the main room creaked open. It was Hal, without his computer for once.

"Oh, hello, Hal! It's good to see you're finally..." Doofenshmirtz trailed off when he saw Hal's face. "Oh, it's you again."

His face was almost as blank as Perry the Platypus's was when he was in one of his moods, and though Hal's eyes were open, he seemed to be staring at something far away that Doofenshmirtz couldn't see. He sat stiffly and said "Soon."

"Soon?" repeated Doofenshmirtz. "Th... that's all you have to say for yourself? How about another Pumpkinator blueprint? Come on, just one more."

"Soon," repeated Hal. He got up and left the room.

"Huh," Doofenshmirtz muttered. If he'd known anybody else with a night-time alter-ego, Hal's would have been the worst. Sometimes he was helpful, he really was. He'd even helped Doofenshmirtz take over a nice vacation house in Alaska, and it had been Doofenshmirtz's right up until the afternoon, when Perry the Platypus had finally woken up. But now all he could say was "soon"? Soon what? Soon he'd get the retirement tax cut he'd been promised like a decade ago? Soon Perry the Platypus would come around to the idea that Doofenshmirtz had always been meant to rule the Tri-State Area? What?

Well, it probably wasn't important anyway. Doofenshmirtz turned on the TV and flipped through the channels, just in case there was something worth watching.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified contacted delightedFortune

PD: Hey Alicia. :D  
PD: Its done. :D  
PD: Now its just compiling. :D

DF: yay!!!  
DF: do you know what it is yet???

PD: Not exactly. :(  
PD: I think its a game like the Sims and like an action game. :D  
PD: Except with reality instead of computer screens. :D  
PD: One player is the client player. :)  
PD: And the other one connects to the client player and gets to move around their stuff. :)  
PD: I havent thought of a name for that one yet. :S  
PD: Server player I guess. :S

DF: wow!!!!!  
DF: you should be my client!!!!!!  
DF: ok?????  
DF: can you have more than one client??

PD: I think you can only have one client. :(  
PD: But the client can connect to another client who can connect to another. :)

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: we should get xavier and fred and alton to play!!!!!!  
DF: it can be an adventure!!!!!!!!

PD: I dont think Altons interested. :(  
PD: But Ill ask again. :)  
PD: brb :)  
PD: He said no. :/

DF: oh no!!!!!!

PD: He says he wants to play soccer with Fred. :/  
PD: I think he meant Fred. :/  
PD: He said Mr Mirror. :S

DF: omg!!!!!!!  
DF: we have to tell fred about the game before alton talks to him!!!

PD: I guess. :/  
PD: Maybe we should wait until they finish. :)  
PD: The game looks like its really long. :)

DF: Okay.........  
DF: Is it still compiling????

PD: Yeah. :(  



	2. Hal: Play

  
discerningPedestrian contacted fredPhillips

DP: hey fred

FP: hey alton

DP: wanna get beaten in soccer again

FP: ur the 1 whose gonna get beaten

DP: thats hilarious  
DP: i need 2 get out of the house  
DP: hal keeps bugging me 2 play his game

FP: yeah thats annoying

DP: try living with him  
DP: mom practically has 2 drag him out of his room  
DP: whats so great about a stupid ancient computer game anyway

FP: probably nothing

DP: hey fred  
DP: what do u really think about hals game

FP: right now  
FP: same as u

DP: ok  
DP: but what if u were just thinking about it 2 urself  
DP: then what

FP: depends  
FP: on which person i am

DP: uh  
DP: ok  
DP: lets get back to soccer

FP: ok

.

proficiencyDiversified is talking to delightedFortune

PD: Its done! :D

DF: yay!!!!

PD: Ill send it to you! :D

proficiencyDiversified sent delightedFortune two files

DF: 2???

PD: Ones the client software. :)  
PD: Ones the server software. :)  
PD: You need the server software to connect to me as a server and if you want to connect to someone else as a client you need the client software. :)

DF: ok!!!!!!!!

PD: Ive installed the client software and now Im running it. :)  
PD: Once youve installed the server software you can see whos running the client. :)  
PD: Which should just be me. :(  
PD: You select who you want to connect to and we can start! :D

DF: yay!!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: ok i'm installing the server!!!  
DF: i can't wait!!!!!

.

  
phenomenalFunification contacted candescentFervor

CF: Hey Phineas.  
CF: What's up?

PF: Hey Candace.  
PF: :V)  
PF: Listen, I'm gonna tell you something.  
PF: And you have to promise not to freak out.

CF: ...

PF: Are you freaking out?

CF: A little.  
CF: Why would you open with that?

PF: Sorry. :V(  
PF: Anyway, you need to pack your things, and get out of the house.

CF: What

PF: It'll be easy! :V) Just use the Packifier 3000000! I got it for you for Christmas, remember? :V)

CF: Why do I have to leave, Phineas  
CF: What did you do

PF: It's okay, sis.  
PF: Stop freaking out.  
PF: :V) :V) :V)

CF: Tell me what you did and I'll think about it

PF: Something's going to happen to Xavier at your house, and it'll be too dangerous if you're there too!

CF: So what you're saying is  
CF: I should run away and abandon my son to some horrendous fate  
CF: Is that what you're saying

PF: No, not at all! :V)  
PF: Whatever happens, it'll be tailored to him.  
PF: It'll definitely keep him safe.  
PF: But it doesn't care about you. :V(

CF: And it is

PF: It's a game.  
PF: A game that only takes care of its players... :V(

CF: Yeah  
CF: That sounds worth it  
CF: Whatever this game is, he's not playing it

PF: And, uh...  
PF: The game is where the meteor babies originated.  
PF: You know, through time travel.  
PF: No game, no meteor babies.  
PF: Candace?

CF: I'll get the Packifier 3whatever.

candescentFervor signed off

.

Candace sat back in her chair, unwilling to move right away. If it was anybody but her brother...

"Mom, hurry up!" Amanda was already in her Troll Queen costume. "You said you'd drive me!"

Candace smiled at her. "I remember, Amanda." Amanda seemed to have the idea that nothing would get done unless she spent all her time hovering over people's shoulders. Sometimes she was right.

Amanda was going to be at the dress rehearsal all day. Hopefully she'd stay there safely without getting mixed up in... whatever. "You go wait in the car. I'll just be a little longer."

Amanda growled and marched outside. Candace was definitely going to be in trouble if she had to wait more than five minutes.

Candace found the Packifier in the hall cupboard. It had turned out to be pretty useful, especially on tour, but she'd never used it like this before. Maybe she should pack up Amanda's stuff too. She wouldn't be happy if whatever was going to happen to Xavier happened to her things as well. And what about Fred? He was out playing soccer with his cousin. Would he be okay? She'd become so used to thinking of the boys as a unit that she'd forgotten to ask Phineas about him.

The Packifier was a medium-sized box with a funnel on top and a control panel on the side. Candace programmed it, hit the big red PACK button, and stood back as all her possessions whirled through the walls and into the thing's funnel. She didn't understand how they could pass through solid objects and each other like that, but she'd learned a long time ago not to question her brothers' designs. They worked because they worked.

She hurried out into the backyard, where Xavier was sitting happily under the digital tree. That was more or less what he did all summer. Candace had never met a more laid-back child. He definitely didn't get that from her.

"Hey, Xavier," she said. "What are you going to do today?"

Xavier looked confused. "Uh... I'm gonna sit under this digital tree."

What else could she have she expected? "Have fun with that, honey," said Candace. "I'm gonna drive Amanda to her dress rehearsal, and then I'm doing some errands. I'll be back in a couple hours, okay?"

"Okay," said Xavier.

Candace walked backwards to her car to keep her son in view. She was going to come back, and everything was going to be exactly the same. Phineas was wrong for once. And the mysterious meteor babies would remain a mystery.

.

The game was really fun so far! It almost made up for Hal being so slow making it. Alicia had played house building simulators before, but this was the first one she'd played that actually affected real life.

The game camera was currently centred on Hal's room, but she could see the rest of his house if she moved the cursor around. The house seemed kind of empty. It was hard to tell if it only showed Hal's stuff, or the house really was that empty. She used the cursor to throw a few of Hal's boring electrical things around the living room, and they didn't bounce off anything invisible, so she guessed it was spring cleaning day or something.

So far her cursor's range was pretty limited. She could barely even reach the backyard. Hopefully it wouldn't stay like that. Maybe by the end of the game she'd be able to remodel every house on Earth! Probably the people in them wouldn't like that, but... if it was part of the game, it had to be okay. Right?

The amount of menu options was overwhelming, but Alicia thought she could see how to make extra rooms. She just had to click and drag. Hal's house was boring and didn't even have stairs, so she went up a floor and tried making an extra room on top. The roof automatically moved up to sit on it.

Okay... Now she just needed to find out where the stairs were so Hal could get up there. She guessed the game had been made before tutorials were invented. She checked the Phernalia Registry menu, but all it had were three weird items that were definitely not stairs. There was a Cruxtender, an Alchemilathe and... another Alchemilathe. Okay, that was weird. But she was looking for stairs. There was nothing at all in the Explore Atheneum menu, or the Alchemy Excursus. Giving up for now, she went back to Hal's chat window.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to delightedFortune

PD: Whoa. :S

DF: ok now i'm connected to you!!!!!!  
DF: what?????

PD: The loading screen was playing a song. :O  
PD: A really catchy song. :D

DF: i didn't get a song but now i can see in your house!!!!!!

PD: Its working! :D  
PD: Its working! :D :D :D  
PD: What am I doing right now? :D

DF: standing on one foot like a dork!!!!!!

PD: Right! :D

DF: i can look around your house too!!!!!!  
DF: it's really empty!!!!!!!!

PD: Yeah. :|  
PD: Altons out playing soccer and moms at work as usual. :|

DF: no i mean it's really really empty!!!!!!!!  
DF: there's barely anything here!!!!!!!!  
DF: are you okay hal?????

PD: Yeah. :/  
PD: Mom always said not to leave my computer stuff all over the floor. :(

DF: my mom doesn't say that but she does say not to run that fast indoors!!!!!!  
DF: so i only do it when she's not home!!!!!!!!  
DF: does it look empty to you too or is it just the game?????

PD: Yes. D:  
PD: Wait. :O  
PD: Theres a note on the door. :O

DF: i'll get it!!!!!!!!

PD: Whoa its flying! D:

DF: catch!!!!!!  
DF: oops sorry!!!!!!

PD: Its okay Ill just pick it up. :)

DF: what does it say?????  
DF: i'm zoomed in all the way but i still cant read it!!!!

PD: Ill scan and paste. :)  
PD: "Hal

I've moved everything that doesn't belong to you out of the house.  
Good luck.

Mom"

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!

PD: Why would she do that? :S

DF: i can change a lot of stuff in the game!!!!!!!!  
DF: maybe she was scared i'd ruin something by accident!!!!!!!!!!

PD: I guess. :S  
PD: But I never told her what the game does so how does she know? :S  
PD: And whys she okay with you messing with the house? :S  
PD: She never lets me do that normally. :S  
PD: Theres something weird going on. :O  
PD: Alica? D:  
PD: Something just fell on the lawn. D:

DF: Uh.... sorry that's your toilet!!!!!  
DF: My finger slipped!!!!!

PD: Thats the kind of thing Im talking about! D:  
PD: Mom wrote up a whole list of things we cant do while shes not there! :O  
PD: Ripping out the plumbing was one of them! :O

DF: You're not allowed to rip out the plumbing?????

PD: ...No. :/  
PD: I should ask someone about this. :S  
PD: Like mom or dad. :S

DF: but what about the adventure????  
DF: you cant have an adventure if you keep asking adults what to do all the time!!!

PD: Okay I wont then. :/

DF: ill keep figuring out the controls and you talk to the others!!! they should be in the adventure too!!!

PD: What others? :S  
PD: Alton and Fred and Xavier? :S

DF: duh!!!!!!!!


	3. Hal: Spread the word

proficiencyDiversified contacted discerningPedestrian, fredPhillips, and cozilyPlanted

PD: You guys have gotta play this game! :)  
PD: And not just because its awesome! :)  
PD: My mom and dad are talking like its really important! :O  
PD: Alicia wanted me to tell you guys because shes doing her thing where she thinks were all destined to do something really excellent together. :/

CP: Okay  
CP: Sounds like fun  
CP: Im in

proficiencyDiversified sent cozilyPlanted two files

PD: Ones the client version and ones the server version. :)

CP: It's multiplayer right

PD: Yeah. :)  
PD: The client version connects to another players server version and the server version connects to another players client version. :)  
PD: So far you me and alicia are the only ones who have it and im already her client. :(  
PD: So Im gonna need to connect to you or youre gonna need to connect to alicia. :)  
PD: brb

CP: It's not working Hal  
CP: It keeps freezing  


.

Alicia had finally found the stairs. She placed them in a free space in Hal's mom's room, and they made a convenient space in the ceiling directly above. She was going to fill the new top floor with so much cool stuff once she figured out how.

She remembered that Alton probably wouldn't be able to get to the new awesome room. He had trouble with stairs. But it was all was his own fault for going off and doing boring sports instead of playing the game like he was supposed to. She'd tried to talk to him about Hal's mysterious project a few days ago, and he'd actually insulted it! Maybe if he'd been nicer, she would have used the ramp object instead.

She tried to drag the new room's walls to make it bigger so she could fit more stuff in, but nothing happened. A bar on one side of the screen just flashed red at her. She'd been ignoring the bar because she couldn't figure out what it meant, but she thought it'd been full before. Now it was empty.

.

proficiencyDiversified is talking to delightedFortune

DF: hal!!!! hal!!!! hal!!!!  
DF: talk to me again!!!!!  
DF: there's a problem!!!

PD: Whats wrong? D:

DF: the bar with the crystal next to it is empty and now i can't build anything!!!!!!!!

PD: Hm :/  
PD: I think thats build grist. :/  
PD: You get more by killing enemies. :)

DF: enemies???????  
DF: i don't see any enemies!!!!!!!!

PD: Me neither. :S  
PD: Maybe they appear on screen and you have to click on them really quick. :/

DF: okay!!!!  
DF: i'll look out for enemies to click on!!!!!!  
DF: You keep spreading the word!!!!  


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to discerningPedestrian, fredPhillips, and cozilyPlanted

PD: back  
PD: Is it working yet Xavier? :S

CP: No  
CP: Its still freezing

PD: Uuuuuh are you using a Steale? Whats its specs? :S

CP: I dunno  
CP: Yes Im using a Steale

PD: Okay when did you get it? :S

CP: Last year but its older than that  
CP: Its grandmas old Steal  
CP: Grandma Linda

PD: :/  
PD: Its probably too old to play the game. :/  
PD: Dump your specs and Ill send you the upgrades. :)

CP: ok  
CP: actually no  
CP: Ill figure it out myself  
CP: If thats okay

PD: Sure. :/  
PD: I mean sure. :)  


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to delightedFortune

DF: hal i put new stuff on the top floor!!!!!!!  
DF: i found them in the phernalia registry!!!!!!!!!

PD: Wait a second. :)  
PD: Still talking to Xavier. :)

DF: why are there 2 alchemilathes????????  
DF: hal you screwed up!!!!

PD: back  
PD: I didnt screw up. :(  
PD: I made it better. :)  
PD: I found the item crafting part of the code but it was too complicated and you need to enter to do it so I made it funner. :)  
PD: But it takes grist so we need to find enemies first. :(

DF: i don't see any enemies!!!  
DF: enter what???????

PD: I dont know. :/  
PD: It was in the code. :/  
PD: You can only deploy the Punch Designex when you enter. :/  
PD: I mean Punch Designix. :(

DF: ok then what does the cruxtender do????

PD: I dont know. :(  
PD: I think this button on top does something but Im not strong enough to press it. :(

DF: try harder!!!!!  
DF: stand on it!!!!!  
DF: try again!!!!

PD: Uuuuuuuuh why dont you just drop something heavy on it? :/  
PD: My arms hurt now. :(

DF: ok!!!!!!!

PD: Thanks! :)  
PD: But can you put the toilet back now? :/

DF: i can't!!!!!!  
DF: not until i get some more grist!!!  
DF: are you sure you can't see the enemies????

PD: D:

DF: what???

PD: The cruxtender. D:  
PD: It says 1:44. D:  
PD: Or it did when you dropped the toilet on it but now its counting down. D:

.

  
cozilyPlanted contacted phenomenalFunification

CP: Guess what Uncle Phineas!

PF: What is it, Xavier?  
PF: :V)

CP: Remember that time twenty years ago when you and Uncle Ferb travelled through time to last month and summoned an oldies band to sing about all the things we could do over summer?

PF: I think so. :V) What about it?

CP: Hal sent me a new game that won't work on my computer and he offered to upgrade it for me but I said Id do it myself!

PF: You sound excited!  
PF: Are you looking forward to playing the game? :V)

CP: I guess  
CP: Im also looking forward to making the game work  
CP: I thought of it myself!

PF: Oh!  
PF: That's great! :V)  
PF: But make sure you play the game too, okay?

CP: Ok  
CP: Bye Uncle Phineas

cozilyPlanted signed off

.

The backstage area of the theatre was packed with busy-looking people in ridiculous costumes. "Are there any human characters in this play?" Candace asked.

"Uh..." said Amanda. "Yeah, I think so. Okay mom, thanks for--"

"Oh, Amanda!" It was a man of about Candace's age. He was... also wearing a troll costume? It was hard to tell. Candace hoped she was going to be able to follow this play when it opened.

Amanda seemed to deflate. "Just go away, Nathan."

Nathan leaned against the wall and smiled at her. "Nah." Still smiling, he made a crude suggestion regarding how Amanda had got the part over other, allegedly more talented candidates.

"Excuse me?" said Candace. "I hope you didn't just say what I think you said." She wished she could say she was surprised. But all she was was angry.

Nathan jumped and turned to face her. Recovering, he said "Ah, you must be Amanda's mother. Or maybe her older sister?" He winked.

Was that supposed to be a compliment? "I'm her mother."

Nathan squinted at her. "Hey, aren't you...?"

Oh great. It wasn't that Candace minded being recognised, but she did mind some of the people who recognised her. Anybody who really wanted fans didn't know what fans could be like.

"And isn't your husband out of town...?" He trailed off under Candace's glare, opened his mouth to say something else, and backed away.

When he was gone, Candace said "Yeah, I'm gonna make a complaint." She looked around for a person in authority.

"Wait, mom, you don't have to!" pleaded Amanada. "He's playing..."

"I don't care if he's playing every character in the story. Nobody talks to my daughter like that." People talking to her like that she could deal with.

Ah, there was the director, surrounded by another costumed actor, a stagehand, and some sort of technician, all talking at once. Candace had spoken to him when Amanda had been cast, though Amanda had asked her not to.

Amanda ran after her as well as she could in her costume. "Mom, if I get Nathan kicked out of the show, I'll be like an outcast for eternity! Everyone will think I'm a total whiner!"

Candace looked around. "What if _I_ get him kicked out of the show? I think I can handle a couple more people thinking I'm a whiner." Besides, any grown man who spoke like that to a fifteen-year-old couldn't be as popular as Amanda thought. "Please, Amanda, remember to tell me about this kind of thing."

"Okay, mom," said Amanda, like she always did. All she wanted to be was an adult, and nothing Candace could do made her see that she wasn't one yet.

.

  
phenomenalFunification contacted peripheralProtector

PF: Are you sure you want to do this, Perry?

PP: yes

PF: You can sit it out if you want.

PP: no

PF: :V(

PP: ^_^  
PP: worry aboutttt your ddddaughtttter

PF: Alicia isn't legally blind.  
PF: Perry, I didn't want to tell you this, but I've been researching the lifespan of platypuses.

PP: yes  
PP: 15 years

PF: Oh. :V(

PP: phineas  
PP: ive livedddd a long ttttime  
PP: wantttt tttto conttttinue living  
PP: butttt notttt  
PP: atttt the expense of others  
PP: you andddd ferb  
PP: fanttttastttticcccc  
PP: butttt notttt enough

PF: :V(

PP: my reflexes  
PP: sttttill gooddddd  
PP: ddddontttt undddderesttttimatttte me  
PP: ^_^

PF: Well, if you're sure...

PP: ^_^

peripheralProtector signed off

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to discerningPedestrian, fredPhillips, and cozilyPlanted

FP: Sounds cool. :)  
FP: Sign me up. :)  
FP: Hal? :?  
FP: Anyone? D:

CP: Im here

FP: Oh hi Xavier  
FP: What happened to Hal

CP: I dont know  
CP: Im worried

FP: Im worried too

CP: Maybe hes distracted from playing the game

FP: Yeah I hope so

PD: Im okay Im just scared. D:  
PD: bbl

FP: Hal whats happening? :D  
FP: I mean D:

CP: What are you scared of Hal?  


.

Fred didn't think Hal was going to answer for a while. Didn't bbl mean "be back later"? He wasn't completely sure. Nobody seemed to know the chat abbreviations Hal used.

Fred glanced up at Alton, who was jogging very slowly around the soccer field. "Hey, Alton!" he called.

Alton looked around, and Fred held up his computer and gestured to him to come over.

Alton walked back quite a bit faster than he'd been jogging. Even when his legs weren't tired, he could walk faster than he could run, but he thought the jogging was better exercise. Fred didn't know if that was true or not. "I hope it's not about that stupid game," said Alton.

Fred grinned sheepishly. "Sorry Alton. You got a message from Hal too, right?"

Alton shrugged. "I looked at it."

"He says he's scared," said Fred, pointing at his computer.

Alton took out his own computer, looked at it, and mumbled a word that he wasn't supposed to know. "What is he doing?" He seemed to come to a decision. "Can you run to my house and see out what he's up to? I wouldn't ask, but..." He pointed at his legs.

"Sure," said Fred. He would have agreed even if he wasn't being Xavier.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to discerningPedestrian, fredPhillips, and cozilyPlanted

FP: Alton wants me to run over there and see whats going on  
FP: Hell follow  
FP: I think hes scared

CP: If Altons scared Im scared

FP: Me too  



	4. Hal: Enter

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to delightedFortune

DF: it's counting down??????   
DF: to what??????

PD: Dont know. D:

DF: an enemy ambush?????

PD: :S

DF: look a floating purple thing came out of the cruxtender!!!!!!!   
DF: what is it?????

PD: :S   
PD: Its called a sprite I think. :S

DF: where are you going????????   
DF: look out it's following you!!!!!!!!

PD: Sprites arent enemies. :)   
PD: I dont think. :/   
PD: Im going down the stairs to look out a window. :/   
PD: Maybe Ill see the enemies coming. :/

DF: i can see your whole house and there's no enemies!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: but i can't see your neighbourhood!!!!!!!

PD: I don't see any enemies... :/   
PD: Wait. :S

DF: what are you looking at???   
DF: are they in the sky?????

PD: Theres a star... :S

DF: you cant see stars during the day hal!!!!!!

PD: Alicia   
PD: Its a meteorite   
PD: Headed this way   
PD: :O :O :O :O :O :O

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: how do you know??????????

PD: I wrote a collision app for my Evv. :)   
PD: Its really accurate. :)   
PD: The meteorites gonna hit when the cruxtender says 0. D:

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: I dont think I like this game anymore. :(

DF: don't say that it's part of the adventure!!!!!!!!   
DF: you just have to stop it!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: try using the sprite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: look the cruxtender had a cylinder in it too!!!!!   
DF: use it with the sprite they're the same color!!!!!!!!

PD: Maybe I should run away before I get killed by a meteorite. :(

DF: dont run away!!!!!!!!!   
DF: thats like giving up!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Youre not the one whos about to get hit by the meteorite. >:

DF: just do something with the sprite!!!!!!!!!   
DF: what do sprites do anyway???????

PD: Uh. :S   
PD: Theres a function in its code that takes an object. :S

DF: huh????????????

PD: I think it does something if you put something in it. :S   
PD: Not the toilet! D:

DF: awwww.............   
DF: can i try the garden gnome????????

PD: Fine whatever hurry. D:

DF: okay done!!!!!!   
DF: now it's a purple gnome sprite!!!!!!   
DF: what is it saying?????

PD: I don't know its just gibberish. D:   
PD: This isn't helping. D:   
PD: Are you sure there isnt anything in your game? D:

DF: i'll look again!!!!!   
DF: oh!!!!!   
DF: i found a card in the phernalia registry!!!!!   
DF: it wasn't there before!!!!!!!!   
DF: here!!!!!!!!!

PD: Thanks. :/   
PD: What am I supposed to do with this? :S

DF: ?????????????

PD: I think the cards have something to do with item crafting. :/   
PD: Im gonna take it to the alchemilathe. :)

DF: good idea!!!!!!

PD: Hm its trying to carve something with lasers. :/

DF: use the cylinder that came out of the cruxtender!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's the right shape!!!!!!!

PD: Okay. :)   
PD: You were right the lasers carved the cylinder but I dont think Im being saved from the meteorite. :/   
PD: It just looks like a totem now. :/   
PD: Wait I think the alchemilathe is scanning it. :/

DF: it made a computer!!!!!!

PD: What is this the item crafting tutorial? :/   
PD: Maybe I shouldnt have messed with the code. :/   
PD: Good thing I didn't change anything else. :)

DF: hal turn on the computer!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i think it's the next step in avoiding the meteor!!!!!!!!

PD: Its a Steale. :/   
PD: Im not using this. :/   
PD: Steales suck. :/

DF: you need to use it!!!!!!!!!

PD: But its a Steale. :(   
PD: Even its name is stupid. :(

DF: my steale always works fine for me!!!!!

PD: Well Evvs never crash. :)   
PD: And they have auto memory management and prevent memory leaks. :)   
PD: I had to put lots of redundancies in the game code so it wouldnt break your Steales. :)   
PD: And Evvs never get viruses. :)

DF: hal the meteor!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Oh yeah. D:   
PD: I can see the shape of the meteorite now. D:

DF: what are you waiting for?????   
DF: turn on the steale!!!!!

PD: :/   
PD: OK. :/   


.

  
fredPhillips contacted discerningPedestrian

FP: its gone

DP: what

FP: your house   
FP: its gone

DP: what   
DP: fred   
DP: u there   
DP: say something

FP: sorry   
FP: a meteor crashed into where ur house was   
FP: i dropped my steale   
FP: but im ok   
FP: i was running up 2 ur house and it disappeared

DP: my house

FP: yeah

DP: its gone

FP: yeah

DP: and then it got hit by a meteor

FP: yeah

DP: what

FP: its true really   
FP: ull see when u get here

DP: ...   
DP: ok   
DP: see u there

discerningPedestrian logged off

.

Hal closed his eyes for a second. Alicia was right, he knew that. The thing the game had made for him was probably important and it would probably stop him from being squished by a meteorite. But it was a Steale! He hated Steales! They were a stain on the world of computing! And they were perfectly spherical, what was up with that? He didn't even want to think about how poorly designed their operating systems were.

He looked over at the sprite thingy, which was floating nearby. Maybe he could figure out the weird language it was speaking if he had more time. But he didn't. By the time he'd finished making the Steale item and gone back to the yard, there'd only been 40 seconds left on the Cruxtender.

Hal bit his lip, and pinched the Steale, turning it on. He knew how to use them, of course. Sometimes he had to fix them for Alton or his mom. Nobody ever had to help him fix his Evv, which he continually pointed out as a sign of its superiority. Alton continually pointed out that that was because you practically had to have a PhD in computers to even turn them on.

Hal thought Alton wasn't trying hard enough.

The Steale was taking far too long to start. Hal gripped it so tightly that his fingers hurt, and looked up at the sky. He imagined that he could feel the heat from the meteorite by now. He could definitely see it. It was brown and pockmarked and everything a meteorite should be, and it was going to vaporise him unless he did something fast.

He noticed the Steale's screen change colour out of the corner of his eye, and sighed with relief. The stupid thing had finally started.

The screen was completely white. As Hal watched, the white got bigger and bigger until it was bigger than everything.

Hal waved his free hand in front of his face frantically. He was sure he could feel the computer kind of... dissolving in his hand. He bit his lip again to stop himself from whimpering.

He was going to die.

His vision began to clear. It was dark. Much darker than it had been before. He was still in his backyard, but the meteorite seemed to be gone. That was... good. What had happened? Had he been transported to the future? Maybe to the past, before there was a meteorite?

Hal looked around for the garden gnome sprite, but it was too dark to see very far. He rushed inside, switched on the light, and turned around. The sprite always followed him so closely that it should've been there. But it wasn't.

It seemed to be dark out every window, even the ones on the other side of the house. Which was strange. He lived next door to a light factory. It should have been light out that way at least.

As Hal turned away from the window, there was a flash, and he caught a glimpse of a completely unfamiliar, unsuburban landscape. There was... a big stretch of swamp, and maybe a field? With trees? It was hard to tell. Hal pressed his nose against the glass, willing there to be another flash.

Maybe... The game generated worlds for each player. Hal knew that much. He hadn't been able to figure out how the players got to the worlds. The code was a bit obscure in a lot of places. Was he on his world now? And if he'd entered, did that mean...?

Hal looked down.

A black... creature... wearing a garden gnome outfit leered up at him. Hal backed away. Yes. Enemies.

How exactly was he supposed to fight them? He didn't have any weapons. He hadn't excepted the game to have such a steep learning curve. How did anyone in ancient times even play it? Maybe they'd all got obliterated by meteorites. Maybe that was what had killed the dinosaurs. There was no way ancient people knew how to use Steales. People from fifteen years ago couldn't use a Steale. He'd seen them try.

Hal backed away into the closet where they kept the video games that their mom wouldn't let them keep all over the floor, slammed the door closed and huddled behind a pile of collectathons. Now what was he supposed to do?

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to discerningPedestrian, fredPhillips, and cozilyPlanted

FP: hal???????   
FP: hal????????????   
FP: what happened to your house?????????????????????

CP: Why are you being Alicia?

FP: his house disappeared!!!!!   
FP: i'm freaked out!!!!!!!!!!!

fredPhillips pinged proficiencyDiversified

FP: hes still connected!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: hal say something!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ...   
DP: i bet its the game   
DP: the game sucks

FP: give me the game!!!!!!!!!   
FP: ill go in after him!!!!!!!

DP: who r you talking 2   
DP: hals not answering   
DP: no1 else has the game   
DP: except maybe alicia   
DP: some1 should ask her   
DP: not it

FP: xavier does!!!!!!

CP: Oh yeah   
CP: Ill send it to you   
CP: Your Steales newer than mine right?

FP: yeah!!!!!!!!!   
FP: it's from last year!!!!!!!

cozilyPlanted sent fredPhillips two files

FP: ok installing!!!!!!!!!   
FP: i guess i'll connect to alicia!!!!!!!!!!

DP: r u sure my house is gone

FP: 100%!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: i should be sitting next to it!!!!!!!!   
FP: but i'm not!!!!!!!   
FP: i'm sitting next to a crater!!!!!!!!

DP: all my stuff is there   
DP: and my pills

FP: pills?????????

DP: painkillers   
DP: 4 my back   
DP: it always hurts otherwise   
DP: its from the cp i think

FP: from xavier???????   
FP: that's mean!!!!!!!!

CP: I didn't hurt your back   
CP: Did I?

DP: not u   
DP: cerebral palsy   
DP: its a disease   
DP: or something

FP: oh yeah!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Is that why you need crutches?   
CP: Because your back hurts?

DP: no   
DP: i need crutches because my legs dont work right   
DP: thats also from the cp

FP: :(!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: does alicia use smilies?????????   
FP: i dont remember!!!!!!!!!

DP: dont know   
DP: and its ok im used 2 it   
DP: im usually ok if i take my pills

PD: Hi guys. :/

CP: Hal you're okay!

FP: :O!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: hal do you know if alicia uses smilies????????

DP: what happened 2 our house

PD: No she doesnt. :(   
PD: But she says omg a lot. :)   
PD: I dont know what happened to the house Alton.:/   
PD: Its somewhere else. :/

DP: ...

PD: Its dark out so I cant tell where. :/   
PD: Theres lightning strikes and I think I saw a swamp. :/   
PD: But no thunder. :S

FP: wow!!!!!!!   
FP: sounds exciting!!!!!!!!!

PD: I guess :/   
PD: But theres evils gnome imps everywhere and I think theyre trying to kill me. D:

FP: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Im hiding. :(   
PD: I dont know what to do. :(

DP: ur vaprofier   
DP: or whatever u call it

PD: :S   
PD: I dont have to blast through the walls i can just use the doors. :S   
PD: And mom would be mad. :S

DP: not 2 escape   
DP: 2 fight

PD: :O   
PD: Its not for killing things. :O   
DP: thanks alfred nobel   
DP: u can still use it that way

PD: :O

FP: i agree with alton   
FP: u dont have a choice

PD: :O

CP: Theyre right

PD: :O   



	5. Alicia: connect to Fred!!!!!!!!!!

Hal wrinkled his forehead. The vaprifier? Really? His mom would murder him if she found out he still had it. She nearly had when he'd built it.

He guessed it could be used offensively, but he didn't want to hurt anything. But the imps were trying to kill him. But he didn't want... Hal's eyes began to adjust, and he noticed a small movement at the edge of his vision.

It was a pointy gnome hat. There were imps in there too! Hal yelped in surprise, and they all turned to look at him at once.

Hal jumped up, nearly dropping his Evv, threw open the door and raced up the hall to his room. He was glad the house had no stairs. Running up stairs was hard. Running was hard in general, but he was managing so far. It was amazing how much energy he had when he was terrified.

Did Alton know about that? Was he so good at exercise because he was scared all the time? That didn't seem like him.

He skidded to a halt just outside his door. Two imps were blocking the way. Hal took a deep breath, jumped over and rolled when he hit the floor. He hadn't even known he could do that, but this was no time to be impressed with himself.

His room was full of imps, and they were all playing with the electronics on the floor. They were shoving hard drives into wideband jelly cords and dropping processors onto open computer towers like they were just toys. Hal clenched his fists. Now he was kind of okay with hurting them.

He stepped around the imps, searched through his closet and found the vaprifier in its foolproof hiding place at the very back. Just as he grabbed it, something hit him from behind and he fell into a box of old schoolwork.

Hal twisted in time to see a gnome imp rushing him, holding a motherboard like a club. He closed his eyes and squeezed the trigger of the vaprifier.

It made its vaprifying noise. Then nothing. Hal opened his eyes. The imp was gone. In its place was a pile of... stuff. On top was the motherboard, but underneath were weird, otherworldly crystals that Hal was pretty sure were grist. He stretched out a hand, and they disappeared when he touched them.

Definitely grist. Okay. He'd defeated that enemy. His heart beating hard, Hal inched out of his closet until the rest of the imps were in view.

Then he fired.

He only missed a few times. It was just like his VR games. He guessed that it took the same muscles to fire a real laser as it did a virtual one. Or at least, his brain couldn't tell the difference. This wasn't so bad.

To finish off the last one, he jumped up and down on his bed and shoot it in midair. He betted that he looked really, really cool.

The danger gone, Hal collapsed on the bed. He had never been so exhausted. If this was exercise, he didn't understand why Alton liked it so much.

It wasn't fair. He could barely move. He was so sore, and hungry, and sore. He couldn't even bring himself to pick up the last piece of grist. It was a good thing it wasn't one of those video game drops that disappeared after a while. All he had to do was not leave the room, which wouldn't be a problem for a while.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to discerningPedestrian, fredPhillips, and cozilyPlanted

CP: Hal?   
CP: Did you do it?   
CP: Did the imps find you?

FP: omg i hope not!!!!!

CP: Maybe he cant talk because hes fighting imps

FP: i hope that's why!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: yeah me 2

PD: Hi. :(   
PD: Im just gonna lie here. :(   
PD: Forever. :(   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to delightedFortune

DF: hal that's so cool!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: keep shooting imps!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal check your evv!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: check your evv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: who are you talking to now???????

PD: Hi Alicia. :)   
PD: Im talking to Alton and Xavier and Fred. :)

DF: you're talking to the others without me???????????

PD: You said to spread the word. :/

DF: i want to see!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hold up your evv to the top of your room!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Im gonna invite you to the chat instead. :/   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to discerningPedestrian, fredPhillips, and cozilyPlanted

PD: Alicia wants to join. :)

delightedFortune has joined the chat

FP: quick lets talk about her behind her back

DF: too late!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hi guys!!!!!!!!   
DF: isn't this exciting??????

DP: i think i want my house back now

DF: whats new???????   
DF: did hal tell you about the gnome imps????????

CP: Yeah   
CP: Why are there gnome imps?

DF: i think because i put a garden gnome in his sprite!!!!!

DP: whats a sprite

DF: it came from the cruxtender!!!!!

DP: whats a cruxtender

DF: you'll see when you play the game!!!!!!!

DP: i dont want 2

DF: but you have to!!!!!!!!!

DP: hals playing the game and he nearly got hit by a meteor   
DP: now evil garden gnomes r trying 2 kill him   
DP: that doesnt sound fun

PD: Its fun. :)   
PD: Even though Im tired now. :(   
PD: Hey what about your pills? :S   
PD: You left them here right? :(

DP: ill get more

PD: Dont you need a prescription? :(

DP: ill get another 1   
DP: no big deal

DF: alton you need to play the game!!!!!!!

DP: y

DF: because you need to!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ...

DF: hal get out of bed so we can keep playing!!!!!!!

PD: I cant. :(   
PD: I ran too much. :(   
PD: Then I shot too much. :(

DP: trust me hes telling the truth   
DP: i used 2 think hes being a drama queen but hes really not

DF: then what am i supposed to do????????   
DF: i want to play the game!!!!!!!

CP: Freds got it   
CP: You could play with him   
CP: Where is Fred anyway?

DP: hes here at my crater installing the game   
DP: he says he doesnt know if he wants 2 play anymore   
DP: because hes being me again and i dont want 2

DF: tell him to be someone else!!!!!!!!

DP: he says it doesnt work like that   
DP: oh wait he changed his mind   
DP: he wants 2 play now

DF: yay!!!!!!!!!   
DF: does that mean you want to play too????????   
DF: is he still being you???????

DP: yes   
DP: he thinks maybe ill change my mind   
DP: doesnt mean i will   
DP: hes good at copying but hes not a mind reader

DF: i think he's right!!!!!!

DP: whatever   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified contacted forcibleDessertinator

FD: Hal! Hi!   
FD: How are you doing?

PD: Hi grandpa. :)   
PD: Guess what? :)

FD: You forced one of your little friends submit to your will?

PD: No. :)

FD: You got revenge on all the kids who laughed at you in math class?

PD: Haha no. :)   
PD: Im in elementary school grandpa. :)

FD: You... Hm... Okay, I'm out of ideas. What is it?

PD: Youre so funny. :)   
PD: Its the Vaprifier! :D   
PD: I used it to fight garden gnome imps out of my room! :D

FD: The Vaprinator?   
FD: Your mom told me you got rid of it.

PD: Vaprifier. :)   
PD: She thought I threw it away but really I didnt. :)

FD: Shooting recklessly, lying to your mother, and leaving a dangerous weapon around the house.   
FD: I'm so proud of you!

PD: :)

FD: Tell me, though, why was your room being invaded by garden gnomes?   
FD: Who were also imps?

PD: I ported the game dad sent me. :)   
PD: Remember when I was working on it at your place and you got mad because Alton wanted to watch TV?   
PD: I finished it and nearly got hit by a meteorite and now Im somewhere else. :S   
PD: And theres enemies everywhere. :S   
PD: Alicia prototyped my kernelsprite with a garden gnome and that made the imps be garden gnomes. :)   
PD: I think. :S

FD: Oh yes, yes, the game.   
FD: Your uncle Perry completely refuses to talk about anything else.   
FD: It's annoying, that's what it is!

PD: Haha. :)   
PD: Uncle Perry can't talk. :)   
PD: He's a platypus. :)

FD: Uh...   
FD: Oh yeah, right.   
FD: Well, if he did talk, he'd be talking about it a lot, I can tell you.   
FD: He's off on some wild adventure right now, shooting down meteors or something.   
FD: I told him he was too old for it, but did he listen?   
FD: No, of course he didn't.

PD: Cool! :D   
PD: I wish he shot down the meteorite that nearly landed on me. :(   
PD: How does uncle Perry know so much about the game anyway? :S

FD: Oh, you didn't know?   
FD: He and your dad and uncle are in some kind of cahoots together.   
FD: Apparently there's this game you supposedly "have" to play.   
FD: Cahoots is a funny word, don't you think?   
FD: Cahooooooooots.

PD: :O   
PD: Did they know about the house disappearing? :O   
PD: What do you mean we have to play it? :O

FD: Beats me.   
FD: So, what else is new with you?   


.

  
delightedFortune contacted fredPhillips

DF: fred are you connected yet?????

FP: not yet

DF: do you really think alton will change his mind?????   
DF: i hope he does!!!!!

FP: i think hes mad because hal spent so long making it   
FP: xavier and amanda didnt make it   
FP: neither did mom or dad   
FP: so im good

DF: is that a yes or a no??????

FP: its a dunno

DF: what's the answer??????   
DF: tell me!!!!!!!

FP: dunno   
FP: ok im online   
FP: it says i need 2 connect 2 something but theres nothing there

DF: oops!!!!!!   
DF: i'm not running the client!!!!!   
DF: whatever that means!!!!!!

FP: ill wait

DF: hal was right it does play a song when you install it!!!!!!

FP: i didnt get a song

DF: it only plays when you start the client version!!!!!!   
DF: you should find someone to connect to so you can hear it!!!!!!

FP: and get punched by imps and hit by meteors

DF: that too!!!!!!!!!!

FP: ok im connected

DF: can you see me?????????

FP: yeah   
FP: u look excited

DF: i am!!!!!!!!   
DF: deploy the cruxtender and alchemilathe!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i want to enter!!!!!!!!!

FP: wait   
FP: i dont know the controls yet   
FP: or 1/2 the words u just said

DF: hurry up and learn!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

  
cozilyPlanted contacted proficiencyDiversified

CP: Guess what Hal?   
CP: I did it!

PD: Did what? :S   
PD: Did you know my dad and uncle Phineas and uncle Perry were in cahoots? :O

CP: I fixed it so I can play too!   
CP: I just have to install now

PD: Cool. :)   
PD: What about the cahoots? :S

CP: That makes sense   
CP: Uncle Ferb sent you the game   
CP: He probably had a good reason

PD: You think so? :O

CP: Maybe Alicas right   
CP: About the destiny I mean

PD: :/   
PD: Maybe. :/

proficiencyDiversified signed off

.

  
delightedFortune is talking to fredPhillips

FP: ok i think i found what u were talking about   
FP: do i deploy both alchemilathes or what

DF: just 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal just broke the game!!!!!!!!!   
DF: that's the only reason there's 2!!!!!!!!

FP: hal broke it   
FP: is it still playable   
FP: is that why he nearly got killed

DF: he says it's the only thing he changed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: oh ok   
FP: alchemilathe and cruxtender in the bouncy fun room

DF: yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: ok don't build anything!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and don't push the button on top of the cruxtender yet!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it summons a meteor!!!!!!!!

FP: ok   
FP: what do u want me 2 do

DF: uhh........   
DF: get that book off the shelf!!!!!!!!!   
DF: the one i'm pointing at!!!!!!!!

FP: ok

DF: so cool!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i know!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal said the alchemilathe had to do with item crafting!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: use the book on the alchemilathe!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: sure thing   
FP: thats pretty cool

DF: omg!!!!!!!!   
DF: can you see it??????   
DF: its saying you can make another book!!!!!!!!

FP: yeah i see it

DF: its like a photocopier for real things!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hey what are you doing???????

FP: using another book on it   
FP: u said crafting not duplicating   
FP: cool

DF: "101 Inventions That Changed The World && The Littlest Giant Robot = The Medium Sized Robot Invasion: A Novel?"   
DF: cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: alicia i see the popup 2   
FP: here u go

DF: omg did you actually tell it to make one????????

FP: yeah   
FP: so

DF: i told you not to use my grist!!!!!!!!

FP: no u didnt

DF: i told you!!!!!!!!   
DF: you don't listen!!!!!!!!!!

FP: ....   
FP: scroll up and read the log   
FP: u might learn something   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified contacted furtiveForewarning

PD: Dad? :/   
PD: Are you there dad? :/   
PD: Grandpa said you and Uncle Phineas and Uncle Perry are in cahoots about the game. :O   
PD: Dad? D:   



	6. Perry: Exposit

  
phenomenalFunification is talking to furtiveForewarning

PF: Look out, bro!

FF: :U|

PF: You don't need my help at all. :V)   
PF: You're really taking care of those meteors!

FF: Meteorites, actually.

PF: Are you as worried about Perry as I am?

FF: :U|

PF: I tried to tell him not to do it.   
PF: I told him we had it under control.

FF: I suppose all we can do is trust him.   
FF: Uh-oh.   
FF: Hal just asked if you and I were in "cahoots".

PF: Uhh...   
PF: Of course we are.   
PF: He must know that!

FF: In regards to the game.

PF: So soon?

FF: It seems he heard it from Dr Doofenshmirtz.   
FF: Should I tell him the truth?   
FF: He's very young.   
FF: They all are.

PF: Don't you remember what we were like at that age, Ferb?

FF: Hopelessly naive?

PF: Hahaha, maybe. :V)   
PF: Regardless, we should tell him the truth.   
PF: Ferb, look out!   


.

  
delightedFortune is talking to fredPhillips

DF: okay i guess i didn't actually say anything about grist!!!!!!   
DF: you don't have to be so mean about it!!!!!!!!   
DF: you're mean when you're being alton!!!!!!   
DF: be someone else!!!!!!!!

FP: im just being honest   
FP: like alton would   
FP: u were kinda pushy 2 u no

DF: be someone else!!!!!!   
DF: im not talking to you until you be someone else!!!!!

FP: ...

delightedFortune has blocked fredPhillips

FP: .........   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to furtiveForewarning

PD: Dad? D:   
PD: Dad? D:   
PD: Dad?????? D:   


.

  
phenomenalFunification is talking to furtiveForewarning

PF: Ferb?   
PF: Say something, bro!   
PF: Ferb...   


.

  
peripheralProtector contacted phenomenalFunification

PP: hes alive

PF: You caught him!

PP: notttt likkkke ferb   
PP: tttto sitttt   
PP: in path of metttteor

PF: Uh... Yeah.   
PF: He was distracted.   
PF: So was I.

PP: hes unccccconcus   
PP: *uncccconcious   
PP: completttte andddd   
PP: imeddddiatttte reccccovery   
PP: metttteor fieldddd   
PP: a badddd place   
PP: tttto chatttt

PF: Yeah... :V(   
PF: Hal knows we know about the game.   
PF: Dr D told him.   
PF: We decided to tell him the truth, just before...

PP: 0_0   
PP: ill talkkkk tttto him   
PP: ^_^

PF: Are you sure?

PP: be outttt of danger   
PP: as you wantttt

PF: :V(

peripheralProtector signed off

.

  
peripheralProtector contacted proficiencyDiversified

PD: Who are you? :O

PP: perry

PD: I didnt know you had an account! :O

PP: ddddontttt use itttt   
PP: unless needdddedddd

PD: :D   
PD: Thats funny! :D   
PD: Are your keys stuck? :S

PP: unimporttttantttt

PD: Are platypuses allowed to have accounts? :S

PP: apparenttttly   
PP: pay attttention   
PP: your ddddadddds okkkkay   
PP: however is   
PP: knockkkkedddd outttt

PD: That doesnt sound okay. :S   
PD: Doesnt that mean he has a concussion or a cracked skull? D:

PP: usually notttt   
PP: hes fine   
PP: have much experience

PD: OK. :/   
PD: Why is he knocked out? D:

PP: was shootttting metttteors   
PP: gotttt ddddisttttraccccttttedddd

PD: Like you are! :D   
PD: Youre not distracted are you? D:

PP: how ddddidddd you know   
PP: oh   
PP: your grandddddadddd ttttoldddd you   
PP: yes

PD: He said you and dad and Uncle Phineas were in cahoots! :O   
PD: Then he said it was a weird word. :/

PP: soundddds likkkke him   
PP: your ddddadddd founddddd something   
PP: cccclassifiedddd loccccation

PD: :O

PP: an ancientttt ttttemple   
PP: over 100 million years olddddd   
PP: intttteresttttting   
PP: ccccarvings

PD: :O :O :O   
PD: Thats older than the dinosaurs! :O

PP: in ttttemple   
PP: your ddddadddd andddd unccccle   
PP: ddddisccccovereddddd   
PP: a game

PD: :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O   


.

  
discerningPedestrian contacted delightedFortune

DP: would u start talking 2 fred so he can play ur stupid game

DF: no!!!!!!!   
DF: you're too mean!!!!!!

DP: me   
DP: i though u were mad at fred

DF: he's mean because he's being you!!!!!!   
DF: why is he being you anyway???????

DP: at a guess   
DP: probably because im sitting right next 2 him

DF: why????????????

DP: because this is my house   
DP: or it was before it turned into a crater   
DP: im waiting 4 mom 2 pick me up   
DP: she hasnt replied 2 my message yet   
DP: guess shes busy as usual

DF: your mom??????   
DF: she's an adult!!!!!!   
DF: you can't talk to an adult!!!!!!!   
DF: this is our adventure!!!!!!   
DF: not theirs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: u mean ur adventure   
DP: i dont want 2 play the game   
DP: remember

DF: you will!!!!!   
DF: fred wants to so you will too!!!!!!

DP: y do u want me 2 play anyway   
DP: freds just doing what id do   
DP: and u want him 2 stop copying me

DF: we all have to play!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: if we all have 2 play, y arent u playing with fred

DF: he's being mean!!!!!!!

DP: but u think u have 2 play   
DP: how is it any different from me not wanting 2 play

DF: you don't have a good reason and i do!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm gonna play with someone else!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: like.................   
DF: you!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: fred calling u out isnt a good reason not 2 play   
DP: & being mad at the game for eating hals life is   
DP: if u think u & fred have 2 play u should play with him

DF: why do you care so much anyway????

DP: fred wants 2 play   
DP: he asked me 2 talk 2 u   
DP: i dont have anything better 2 do   
DP: what with my house being gone

DF: why does he want to play if he hates me so much?????

DP: uh   
DP: he doesnt hate you

DF: then why was he so mean????????????

DP: he didnt say   
DP: i guess u did something stupid   
DP: thats what ur doing when u think im being mean   
DP: im just being honest usually

DF: that's what he said!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i wasn't being stupid!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i just made a mistake!!!!!!!!   
DF: and..........   
DF: then i said it was his fault even though it wasn't!!!!!!!!

DP: did u apologize

DF: no!!!!!!!!   
DF: hes being mean so why should i have to say sorry???????

DP: blaming someone for something they didnt do isnt mean?

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: aliens took over your brain!!!!!!!!

DP: what

DF: you used a question mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: so

DF: you never use punctuation!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: doesnt mean i cant   
DP: i mean know what it is   
DP: my keyboards not broken   
DP: u try having cp in ur hands & c if u want 2 type extra characters

DF: whats cp??????   
DF: do you mean xavier?????

DP: ...   
DP: here

discerningPedestrian sent delightedFortune a file

DP: i talked about this before   
DP: im not typing all that again   
DP: anyway   
DP: dont u think u were being mean 2

DF: no!!!!!!!   
DF: i don't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: think about it

discerningPedestrian signed off

.

Ferb opened his eyes. He could see... purple. And black markings? What were they? Letters? Yes. They were letters. The letters of his name, in fact. But they were all jumbled up.

He closed his eyes again.

.

  
peripheralProtector is talking to proficiencyDiversified

PD: The game dad sent me? :O

PP: yes   
PP: their investtttigations showedddd   
PP: you are ddddesttttinedddd   
PP: playing itttt

PD: :O

PP: sendddd game   
PP: intttto pastttt

PD: :O   
PD: Does that mean Alicia is right? :O

PP: aboutttt

PD: She thinks were all destined to do... something. :/   
PD: She doesnt know what. :/   
PD: And shes been bugging Alton about playing even though he doesnt want to. :/

PP: possibly rightttt   
PP: she and Altttton   
PP: also ddddesttttineddd   
PP: for game

PD: And Xavier and Fred? :O

PP: yes

PD: Is it because were cousins and all the same age like Alicia thinks? :S

PP: yes   
PP: sortttt of

PD: I feel bad now. :(   
PD: I always thought Alicia was kinda crazy. :(

PP: may   
PP: be ccccoinciddddence   
PP: your ddddadddds awakkkke

PD: Dad! :D   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to furtiveForewarning

FF: Hello, Hal.

PD: Dad! :D   
PD: You're okay! :D   
PD: Perry says you got knocked out! :O   
PD: Did you know he has an account? :O

FF: I was careless.   
FF: Has Perry told you everything?

PD: I think so. :/   
PD: He says the game came from a temple somewhere and me and Alton and Xavier and Fred and Alicia are destined to play it because we're the same age. :O   
PD: And related. :O

FF: I see.   
FF: That does appear to be the case.   
FF: Personally, I think you kids are a little young for this.

PD: Im starting to think that too. :(   
PD: Im scared the garden gnomes will come back. :(   
PD: But if the temples already there in the past then we'll be okay because we have to send it there in the future, right? :/

FF: We're not sure.   
FF: The temple's arrival in the past may be triggered by something you've already done.   
FF: We don't think it's part of the winning condition.   
FF: Your sprite may be able to tell you more.   
FF: Did you prototype it with a garden gnome?

PD: Yeah. :)   
PD: Actually Alicia did. :)   
PD: But I cant understand anything its saying. :(

FF: It should have hatched when you entered the Medium.

PD: :S

FF: A region of the universe that you have entered.   
FF: I don't know any further details.

PD: I'm in another universe? :O

FF: That is my belief.

PD: My sprite didnt tell me that. :(   
PD: My sprite didnt tell me anything I havent seen it. :(

FF: Find it as soon as you can.   
FF: It knows how to play the game.

PD: OK. :)   
PD: Hey dad? :S   
PD: Whats the point of this game? :S   
PD: I converted it, but I can't tell how you win. :S

FF: I don't know.   
FF: I just know you have to play it.

PD: OK. :/

furtiveForewarning signed off


	7. Alicia: Enter

  
delightedFortune is talking to fredPhillips

DF: fred????????

FP: yes   
FP: u still there

DF: yeah.......   
DF: uh............   
DF: ...............................................................................

FP: what

DF: i'm sorry......

FP: u r?

DF: yes........   
DF: i'm sorry for blaming you for wasting my grist..........   
DF: i should have told you about it first..........

FP: thanks 4 saying sorry   
FP: im sorry 4 being hasty & not asking how 2 play   
FP: u wanna play more

DF: yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: this game is the best game i've played all week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: ok remember don't press the button on the cruxtender yet!!!!!!!!

FP: i remember   
FP: dont want 2 summon a meteor

DF: now give me my card and let's use it on the alchemalthe!!!!!!!!!

FP: card

DF: it's in the phernalia registry where everything else was!!!!!!!!   
DF: i need it to get to where hal is!!!!!!!!!

FP: what about the sprite u were talking about   
FP: u said it was inside the cruxtender or something

DF: yes!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: but the cruxtender summons a meteor!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: don't press it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: and the enemies look like the sprite

DF: yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: what do the enemies look like if u dont free the sprite   
FP: do they look like a void   
FP: thatd b neat

DF: i don't know!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i don't think it would be neat i think it would be really really bad!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: no enemies means no grist!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: what r u looking at

DF: the sky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: yes but what in the sky   
FP: is it a meteor

DF: it's a star!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's day so it must also be a meteor!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i wish i had hals collision app!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: quick drop something on the cruxtender!!!!!!!!!   
DF: what are you waiting for????????????????

FP: im scared   
FP: alton wouldnt b scared here   
FP: hes right im 2 awesome   
FP: sorry that was alton

DF: hurry!!!!!!

FP: he grabbed the keyboard

DF: drop something on the cruxtender!!!!!!!!

FP: what should i drop??????   
FP: you wouldn't ask u'd just do it!!!!!!!!!!

DF: anything!!!!!!!!   
DF: just something heavy it's hard to press!!!!!!!   
DF: that's not heavy it's ducky momo!!!!!!!!

FP: It looked heavy. :(

DF: yay thanks!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: did you know hals not allowed to rip out the plumbing??????

FP: Me neither   
FP: Sorry

DF: why are you saying sorry???????   
DF: give me the card instead of saying sorry!!!!!!!!!!

FP: Sorry for dropping the toilet on the Cruxtender

DF: its ok!!!!!!!!   
DF: dad can fix it!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: ok quick give me the card and throw something in the sprite!!!!!!   
DF: i don't want my enemies to be black holes!!!!!!!!

FP: The floating pink thing?

DF: yes duh!!!!!!!!   
DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: why did you use ducky momo?????????   
DF: only babies like ducky momo!!!!!!!!!

FP: Sorry   
FP: If you dont like Ducky Momo then why do you have a doll of him?

DF: i used to like it!!!!!!!   
DF: then i turned 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: ??????????????   
DF: why did it make a kettle???????????

FP: Is that the wrong thing?

DF: i don't know!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal had a steale not a kettle!!!!!!!!   
DF: and it wasn't pink it was purple!!!!!!!!!   
DF: so was his sprite!!!!!!!!!!

FP: I thought Hal hated Steales

DF: he does!!!!!!!!

FP: Maybe the cards make whatever you hate. :/

DF: i don't hate kettles!!!!!!   
DF: all they do is heat up water!!!!!!!   
DF: they're ok i guess!!!!!!!!!!

FP: what did hal do with the steale????????

DF: he just turned it on!!!!!!!

FP: i asked alton and & he thinks u should just wait 4 it 2 boil   
FP: since its already on

DF: if he's so smart why doesn't he just play the game???????

FP: hows it boiling anyway   
FP: its not attached 2 anything

DF: i don't know but it's getting hot!!!!!!!   
DF: it's not boiling yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: hey u needed the pink rod u got from the cruxtender right   
FP: what were u gonna do with the card if u werent gonna turn on the cruxtender

DF: oh yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you need the cruxtender to make the steale or the kettle or whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: good thing there was a meteor or i would've forgotten!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: ...   


.

Alicia glared at the kettle. Why was it taking so long to boil? Was it one of those old-fashioned ones that didn't even have an attached heating system? Would it even transport her when it was finished? How did these things work anyway? Hal's Steale had transported him when it had started up, not when he turned it on. Was boiling water the same kind of thing as a computer that let you do stuff with it? It was like those weird logic puzzles her parents kept giving her.

Hal had got the easy item. Even a little baby could turn on a Steale. Alicia had no idea what she was even supposed to do. She looked at the floating pink Ducky Momo... thing, but it didn't seem to have any ideas either. Did Ducky Momo ever have ideas? From what she remembered, all he ever did was get confused about simple everyday tasks. Alicia wished Fred had chosen something cooler, like a bunch of spikes or something. She didn't think she had any spikes at the moment, but maybe they could have crafted some. She wouldn't have minded Fred spending her grist on something like that.

The kettle was still heating up. It was too hot to touch, but it still wasn't hot enough to boil. She glared at it again, but she still didn't have laser vision so it didn't help. What if it didn't heat up completely by the time the meteor hit? She'd be flat and so would the house.

What could she do to speed things up? Maybe she could... No, flamethrowers were bad for kettles. They might melt it. What could she do? She had to do...

The kettle whistled, and there was a bright flash.

Alicia's vision cleared, and she gasped. Wherever she was, it was much better than Hal's world. For one thing it was daylight. Her house was now in a small, tree-filled valley. A gust of wind brought her the delicious smells of chocolate and hard candy, as well as a hint of licorice.

She hoped there were imps as well. She'd already figured out exactly how to deal with them. It'd be kind of funny to kill enemies that looked like Ducky Momo.

She rushed up to her room.

.

This was so stupid.

That was all Alton could think as he sat on the curb in front of the smoking crater where his house had been. Thinking the whole thing was stupid wasn't going to make it go away, he knew, but it did make him feel better.

Stupid, stupid game.

Soon his mom would come pick him up. She'd know what to do. She might be spend a long time at work, but she still helped them when she could. She'd been to some of his games and some of Hal's award ceremonies and everything. Not all of them, but some.

Fred was sitting next to him, engrossed in his Steale. He was still imitating Alton, but he seemed to be fine with the game in general. He obviously still thought that Alton only hated the game because of Hal. Alton wasn't so sure, himself.

He tapped his foot. If he'd known that his house was going to vanish into a computer game, he would have brought a book or something. He'd been getting tired even before he'd rushed home, so extra training was out of the question. He probably could train more if he pushed himself, but only if he wanted to spend the next day or so in bed.

On Fred's screen, Alicia was staring at something pink. She looked even more impatient than usual. Maybe a bit scared. Alton didn't doubt that there was a meteor headed for her house, just like his.

That was the kind of thing Alton was talking about. Stupid game. Who would play a game that killed you if you failed a timed mission? Other than his stupid brother and his apparently stupider than he'd thought cousins? He was beginning to see why this game had been lost.

Fred was beginning to look deeply uncomfortable. Not like Alton's obviously always cool and calm demeanor. And he knew that the fact that Fred wasn't reacting like Alton was bothering Fred almost as much as Alicia's impending death. Fred was weird like that.

Alton picked up a stick and traced it around the road. For the fifteen billionth time, he checked his Steale to see if his mom had replied. She hadn't. She was probably in a meeting or something. He'd just have to wait a little longer.

Maybe there was something on the Internet worth reading, that was both free and unfiltered. Though he doubted it. He didn't see how Hal could spend so much time with it.

Suddenly, Fred let out a relieved sigh. Alton glanced at the screen. "Is she... wherever? Not dead?" It was a stupid idea to play the game, but it wasn't like she deserve to die for it. That was a bit too far.

Fred nodded without looking at him. He was probably switching who he was imitating. It was always disconcerting to watch him do that.

Fred laughed happily and started typing much faster than he had been before. He was probably being Alicia now. Great. Two Alicias was the last thing the world needed.


	8. Alton: Grow more skeptical by the second

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to discerningPedestrian, fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted and delightedFortune

PD: I have news. :O

DP: u got out of bed

PD: No. :)   
PD: Im still lying down. :)   
PD: Some more gnomes came in but I shot them. :)   
PD: Then they touched my stuff. >:   
PD: So I yelled at them and they left! :D

DP: poor gnomes   
DP: ok so whats ur news

PD: Grandpa said dad and uncle Phineas and uncle Perry were in cahoots and dad said he gave me the game because were destined to play it! :O

DP: ...

PD: It came from a temple! :O   
PD: The temples somewhere classified! :O

DP: that u alicia

PD: No its Hal! :O   
PD: Its me Alton really! :O

DP: since when did u believe in destiny

PD: Since dad told me about it. :)   
PD: Uncle Perry said it was because were related and born at the same time just like Alicia said. :O

DP: since when did uncle perry talk   
DP: hes a platypus

PD: He messaged me. :)

DP: so   
DP: i was in this destiny 2

PD: Yes! :)

CP: Whoa   
CP: Really?   
CP: Was I in it?

PD: Thats what dad and uncle Perry said. :)   
PD: You and me and Alicia and Fred. :)   
PD: Just like Alicia said. :)

DP: shes a stopped clock all right

PD: :S

CP: Huh?

DP: never mind   
DP: ur just trying to make me play the game hal   
DP: if any1s in cahoots its u and alicia

PD: Its true! :O   
PD: Ask dad or uncle Phineas or uncle Perry! :O   
PD: Theyll tell you! :O

DP: yeah im really gonna go up 2 dad & say hey remember the computer game u sent hal well r we destined 2 play it

PD: Hed say yes. :/

DP: yeah sure

PD: He would! :O   
PD: He and uncle Phineas and uncle Perry are shooting down meteors right now! :O   
PD: Grandpa said so! :O

DP: oh great grandpas in on it 2   
DP: hal if theyre shooting meteors y wouldnt they shoot urs

CP: Maybe they knew he'd get away in time   
CP: I bet thats a part of his destiny

DP: yeah maybe   
DP: or maybe they didnt because theyre not actually shooting anything   
DP: i bet dads on a mission and uncle phineas is building something   
DP: like usual

CP: I believe Hal   
CP: When I spoke to Uncle Phineas he said to make sure I played the game

PD: Just ask them Alton! :/   
PD: Theyll tell you. :/   
PD: brb I have an idea. :)

DP: hey xavier are u still gonna play the game

CP: Yeah   
CP: Im installing now   
CP: I tried to install it before but it crashed

DP: and u really believe its destiny

CP: Sure   
CP: Why not?

DP: ...   
DP: ok

phenomenalFunification has joined the chat

CP: Uncle Phineas?

PF: :V)   
PF: Hey, kids!   
PF: Hal says you don't believe him.

CP: I believe him

DP: r u really uncle phineas

PF: Of course! :V)   
PF: Who else would I be?

DP: r u sure ur not secretly alicia

PF: Uh... I don't think so.   
PF: Where is Alicia, anyway?   
PF: I thought she was in this discussion.

DP: shes in her room   
DP: i can see her on freds screen   
DP: freds watching her & typing   
DP: before she was freaking out & looking at a magic pink kettle so i guess she entered or whatever

PF: She did?   
PF: That's great!

PD: She entered already? :O   
PD: Was there a meteorite? :(

PF: Yes, most likely.

PD: She must have activated the cruxtender! :O   
PD: She knew it summons a meteorite and she still did it! :O   
PD: D:

PF: Who told you that?

PD: Nobody. :/   
PD: My cruxtender summoned a meteorite when I activated it. :/   
PD: Dont they all do that? :/

PF: It might have counted down the time until impact, but it didn't summon anything.   
PF: Except maybe your sprite. :V)   
PF: Unfortunately, the meteor was coming whether you activated the cruxtender or not.

PD: :O

PF: But you know, it's very important that you do activate the cruxtender and prototype your sprite before you enter the Medium.

CP: Whys that, uncle Phineas?

PF: Do you know why, Hal? :V)

PD: No. :/

PF: Well don't worry, your sprite will tell you sooner or later! :V)

PD: My sprite? :S   
PD: I havent seen it since I did the medium thing. :/

PF: Are you sure?   
PF: Have you looked everywhere?

PD: Im lying down now. :/   
PD: Im too tired to walk. :/   
PD: Should I look for it? :/

PF: Don't worry, it'll come to you!   
PF: It's your own personal adviser for the game!   
PF: Or at least the early game.

PD: Cool. :)

DP: so let me get this straight   
DP: its really destiny   
DP: really   
DP: what   
DP: y

PF: We don't know. :V) All we know is that you've already done it! We even found some of the things you sent back from the future!

DP: like what

PD: Like the ruins he and dad studied! :)   
PD: The classified ones remember? :)   
PD: That's how they all know so much about the game! :)

PF: Yep!   
PF: With a little extra help from my dreams. :V)

DP: what   
DP: thats stupid

PD: :O

PF: I understand where you're coming from, Alton, but it's all true.   
PF: :V)

DP: i was maybe with u until u started talking about dreams   
DP: maybe

PF: Your dad and I think it may be psychic resonance.   
PF: Meaning that they're not dreams in the normal sense at all! :V)

DP: then what r u doing astrally projecting urself

PF: More or less!

DP: u cant do that without a machine   
DP: its a scientific fact   
DP: or something

PF: I was the one who proved that, as a matter of fact! But the game doesn't seem to operate on natural laws.   
PF: To put it another way, you could say that the game itself is the assisting device!

DP: ...

PF: Oops, gotta go!   
PF: Good luck with the game!   
PF: :V)

phenomenalFunification signed off

DP: ...   
DP: ...   
DP: ...

PD: See? :)

DP: i still think its stupid

CP: I think its pretty cool   
CP: I wonder if we can learn to dream like that

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: oh hi alicia

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: oh great

DF: dad sees the future in his dreams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and i told you so alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: so cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: He just said his dreams told him stuff. :/   
PD: He didnt say anything about the future. :/

DP: who cares   
DP: forget destiny   
DP: uncle phineas lost it   
DP: i bet its genetic   
DP: im gonna wait until mom picks me up

DF: but where will you live?????   
DF: don't you want your house back?????

DP: yeah of course   
DP: but its gone   
DP: im not playing the game just because it took my house   
DP: i dont negotiate with terrorists

PD: Its in the Medium actually. :)   
PD: Whatever that is. :/

DP: you need your house alton!!!!!!!!!!!   
DP: you should play the game to get it back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: mom can get it back   
DP: if she cant the police can   
DP: or dad if they cant either   
DP: maybe even grandpa   
DP: whoever   


.

  
delightedFortune is talking to fredPhillips

FP: look out!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: ducky momo imps!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: what's that you picked up??????????

DF: a boomerang!!!!!!   
DF: i've been practicing with it!!!!!!

FP: i didn't know boomerangs were weapons!!!!!!!

DF: wtf????????   
DF: the f stands for flip!!!!!!!!

FP: the imps don't look hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: they didn't even lose any health!!!!!!!!

DF: i know boomerangs are weapons!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm 1000000% sure!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: whats wrong with it?????

FP: i have an idea!!!!!!!!!!

DF: hey give that back!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: what are you doing????????

FP: it says "boomerang && butcher's knife = weaponized boomerang"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: can i make you one????????????   
FP: i'm asking so you won't block me this time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DF: sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: ow!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i typed ow so you know how much the new boomerang hurt!!!!!!!

FP: throw it at the imps!!!!!!!

DF: yay!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: grist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to discerningPedestrian, fredPhillips, and cozilyPlanted

DF: brb imps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ok u guys have fun with that   
DP: so wheres the medium anyway   
DP: hal

PD: I dont know. :/   
PD: Its still too dark out here. :/

CP: I cant wait to play this game

PD: I thought you installed it already. :/

CP: It crashed   
CP: So I had to reinstall   
CP: Itll work this time

PD: It shouldnt crash ever. :S   
PD: I made it so it wouldnt crash. :S   
PD: Even on a Steale. :S

CP: Its OK its not your fault   
CP: I fixed it to work on my computer

PD: Oh. :/   
PD: I thought you were gonna fix your computer. :/   
PD: Are you sure the games gonna work right? :S

CP: It should work   
CP: If it doesnt Ill just fix it again

PD: OK. :)

DF: back!!!!!!!!!!

FP: me too!!!!!!!!

DF: fred made a razor edged boomerang with the alchemitlathe and i used it to kill some imps!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Cool   
CP: Hey Fred wanna be my client player when i install the game

FP: sure!!!!!!!!!   
FP: i can't wait to get into the medium!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: it's going to be so cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DF: yay!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: we're making a chain of players!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal's my client and i'm fred's client and after fred enters xavier can be alton's client!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: no he wont   
DP: im not playing the game   
DP: ill never play the game

DF: yes you will!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you will cause it's your destiny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: dad said so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: no such thing as destiny

DF: is so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: ok anyway since hal still cant see the medium ill describe it!!!!!!!!!   
DF: its windy!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: all the plants are made of candy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i wonder if they taste like candy!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

Land of Gusts and Candy

.

  
delightedFortune is talking to fredPhillips

FP: ?????????????????   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to discerningPedestrian, fredPhillips, and cozilyPlanted

FP: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: alicia ran outside and when she did the game said "Land of Gusts and Candy" and then it started playing music!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DF: the plants do taste like candy!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: omg really????????????   
DF: i don't hear any music!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you must have it to make up for not getting any music when you install the server!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal you should go outside!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i want to hear your music!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Do I have to? :(   
PD: Im still tired. :(

DF: yes!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: ok ok. :(   
PD: im moving. :(

CP: OK the games installed

FP: yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DF: quick fred connect to him so you can enter!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: i can't yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: alton wants me to do it somewhere else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DF: omg why????????????

DP: bcause hes sitting next 2 me and i dont want 2 get hit by a meteor   
DP: moms meeting me here when she gets my message and i dont want her 2 get hit either

FP: yeah!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: i'm going back to the park!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: i'll connect to you there ok xavier??????????

CP: OK

DP: hey u no what   
DP: im gonna sign off and wait 4 my mom   
DP: good luck guys

DF: no wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: see u when ur done with ur game   
DP: if it doesnt get u killed first

discerningPedestrian signed off

DF: alton wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: we lost him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Its okay   
CP: If its destiny hell play sooner or later

DF: really????????   
DF: i hope so!!!!!!!!!!!!!   



	9. Phineas: Start to worry

Land of Flashes and Frogs

.

  
delightedFortune is talking to proficiencyDiversified

DF: your world has music too hal!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i like it!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's..............   
DF: flashy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal quit bumping into things and answer me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

  
fredPhillips contacted cozilyPlanted

FP: Im at the park

CP: Cool   
CP: I'm connecting to you   
CP: Cool

FP: OK now that were connected   
FP: Do you wanna go into the Medium straight away?

CP: I want to play with the controls a little first   
CP: Haha   
CP: I like this game

FP: Cool

CP: Its weird how youre the only only person at the park today

FP: Yeah   
FP: Weird   
FP: Is that you Xavier?   
FP: The flying slide over there?

CP: Yeah

FP: You better stop   
FP: I think its public property

CP: Oh yeah   
CP: I forgot it was real   


.

  
phenomenalFunification contacted delightedFortune

PF: So, have you found your sprite yet, Alicia?

DF: not yet!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i looked everywhere and so did fred!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Well, what does it look like?   
PF: Maybe you haven't been looking for the right things.   
PF: It's pink, isn't it?

DF: it's ducky momo!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: yes it's pink!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: I thought you said you were too old for Ducky Momo. :V)

DF: it was fred's idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he panicked so he put something stupid in!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Are you sure you've looked everywhere?

DF: yes dad everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Under the couch?

DF: yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Behind the TV?

DF: yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Below the zero-G bounce tank?   
PF: Remember when you lost your great grandma's earrings?

DF: i looked everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Well, let me know if you find it!   
PF: Has Hal found his sprite yet?

DF: no!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i looked all through his house and it wasn't anywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he cant see it either!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Okay then, have fun with the game!

DF: ok dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

phenomenalFunification signed off  


.

  
phenomenalFunification contacted furtiveForewarning and peripheralProtector

PF: We have a problem.   
PF: Alicia can't find her sprite, and neither can Hal!

FF: Did she look everywhere?   
FF: Beneath the zero-G bouncy tank?

PF: Apparently. :V|

FF: Could it be that the sprites weren't transported to the medium with everything else?

PF: Alton and Fred are still sitting outside the crater where his house used to be. If the sprite was there, one of them would have mentioned it.

PP: *cccconcernedddd face*

PF: d_b?

PP: yes   
PP: thankkkks

FF: :U|   
FF: Phineas, are you sure about the way the game is played?

PF: Certain!

FF: By the way.   
FF: In your dreams, you're a child wearing an yellow outfit with a crescent on it?

PF: Yeah!

FF: When the meteorite hit me, I dreamed that I was a child, and I that was wearing a purple outfit with a crescent on it.   
FF: There may have been writing on the walls of my room.

PF: Really?   
PF: That's great, bro!   
PF: That must be Derse!   
PF: Do you think you can go back?

FF: I think so.   
FF: Once we've taken care of the meteorites, of course.   


.

  
fredPhillips is talking to cozilyPlanted

CP: Do you see any meteors?

FP: Not yet

CP: Ill hit the cruxtender if thats okay with you

FP: Sure

CP: What does the countdown say?   
CP: I cant see it

FP: 1:00:00

CP: An hour?

FP: I think so

CP: Thats a lot of time   
CP: What do you want to prototype your sprite with?

FP: Uh   
FP: What do you want to prototype it with?

CP: Uh   
CP: How about Bernie Bear

FP: Uh   
FP: Okay   
FP: But hes at home

CP: You can come home and get him   
CP: We have time   
CP: Or do you want me to bring it to you   
CP: Im not doing anything   
CP: Except sitting under the digital tree

FP: Ill come home   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to delightedFortune

PD: So. :/   
PD: Land of Flashes and Frogs. :/   
PD: What does that mean? :/

DF: it means there's frogs!!!!!!!   
DF: and lightning!!!!!!!

PD: Yeah. :/   
PD: How do you play this game, anyway? :/

DF: i dont know!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i think your sprite is supposed to tell you!!!!!!!!!   
DF: but our sprites are gone!!!!!!   
DF: we should just explore until we find things to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: OK. :/   


.

  
delightedFortune is talking to fredPhillips

DF: hey fred!!!!!!!!   
DF: are you in the medium yet?????

FP: Not yet

DF: hurry up!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: Its okay   
FP: Theres nearly an hour before the meteor hits   
FP: Im going home to get my old teddy bear so I can prototype my sprite

DF: what if you cant find your sprite???????

FP: Its following me

DF: lucky!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: don't lose sight of it ok?????????

FP: Ok   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to delightedFortune

DF: freds not in the medium yet because hes slow!!!!!!!!   
DF: he says his sprites following him!!!!!!!!

PD: Like mine was. :/   
PD: Maybe he can watch where it goes when he enters. :/   
PD: Uh I see something in the sky. :O

DF: another meteor???????????????

PD: I dont think so. :/   
PD: Its glowing. :/   
PD: Can you build my house up to it? :)

DF: are you sure its not a meteor???????????

PD: :/   
PD: Okay its not moving. :)   
PD: I checked. :)

DF: ok look out for some stairs!!!!!!!   
DF: omg brb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: What is it? :S   
PD: Alicia? D:   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted and delightFortune

PD: Fred? :/   
PD: Do you know what happened to Alicia? :/   
PD: Shes not responding to me. :/

FP: Okay wait a second   
FP: Shes running from a monster   
FP: Its an ogre   
FP: Thats what the game says

PD: :O   
PD: Is she OK?

FP: Uh   
FP: No   
FP: No shes not

PD: :O

FP: Shes not   
FP: Moving

PD: :O

FP: I think shes knocked out

PD: What happened to the ogre? :O

FP: It walked away when she fell   
FP: Im gonna drop something heavy on it

PD: Can you alchemize a health potion or something? :O

FP: Okay   
FP: Ill try   


.

  
delightedFortune is talking to fredPhillips

FP: No thats just sweet milk   
FP: Gross   
FP: It made the bandages are all sticky.   
FP: Yes   
FP: Alicia   
FP: Alicia wake up   
FP: Youre awake

DF: my head hurts!!!!!!   
DF: what happened???????????????????

FP: You got hit by a ogre dressed like ducky momo   
FP: I made a health potion out of painkillers and a growth potion

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: growth potion????????   
DF: where did you get a growth potion?????????

FP: medicine cabinet

DF: oh of course!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: im gonna go indoors and alchemize some armor and a faster weapon!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and more health potions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: that was scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to delightedFortune

DF: back!!!!!!!!!

PD: Alicia! :D   
PD: Fred said you got hit by an ogre! :O

DF: he made a health potion!!!!!!!!   
DF: so im ok now!!!!!!!!!

PD: He alchemized it right? :O   
PD: What did he use? :S

DF: growth potion and painkillers!!!!!!!!!

PD: Oh. :(   
PD: I dont have any growth potion. :(   
PD: Do you think theres ogres in the Land of Flashes and Frogs?

DF: yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: if i get them you get them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: or it's not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :(   
PD: I gotta get a better weapon. :(   
PD: I like the Vaprifier but ogres sound too big for it. :(

DF: thats what im doing!!!!!!!!   
DF: dont forget to make some armor!!!!!!!!

PD: Good idea. :)   
PD: Okay here goes. :)

DF: why did you even have that much acid?????????

PD: It was grandpas idea. :/   
PD: He thought Id need it. :/   
PD: Hes right I am gonna need a Facemeltifier. :)   
PD: Ray. :/

DF: your grandpa is weird!!!!!!!!

PD: Hes weird. :)   
PD: But hes cool. :)

PD: Im gonna call this the Hotifier. :)   
PD: Now to make a Coldifier. :)   
PD: This is fun! :D   
PD: :/

DF: that's it?????

PD: Im gonna call this a Vanillafier. :/

DF: you shouldn't have used icecream!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: use...................   
DF: the freezer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Im out of grist. :(   
PD: Ill find some gnomes to kill for more. :)

DF: ok!!!!!!!!   
DF: i wont waste mine!!!!!!!

PD: What if I need a Vanillafier? :(   


.

With the Vaprifier, Facemeltifier, Hotifier, and Vanillifier tucked safely into his robe, Hal ventured outside again. He wasn't completely confident that he was safe from the ogres, but at least he wouldn't have to engage them up close.

It was still too dark to see anything. Hal used his Evv's light app, but it didn't illuminate much. There was... grass. It was on the ground, where grass usually was. It was a deep purple, for some reason. A frog hopped into the small circle of light, and hopped away again. Hal guessed that was the frog part of the Land of Flashes and Frogs. He wished he'd got candy like Alicia. What was even interesting about frogs? They were amphibians, and they didn't go ribbit as often in real life as they did on TV. Hal didn't know much more about them that.

He was still tired, but it was probably a good idea to go exploring if he wanted to win this game. Barely any games could be progressed by lying on your floor and browsing the Internet. And strangely, he actually felt more energised than when he'd been lying on his bed.

Hal looked back at his house. All the lights were still on inside. It was a waste of power, but at the moment he didn't care how mad his mom got about it.

He forced himself to look away, and started into the darkness.


	10. Fred: Enter

  
delightedFortune is talking to fredPhillips

DF: look fred i made a metallic sweater from a baking pan and a sweater!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'll be hot but also i won't die!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: aw!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: the racing stripes didn't make the boomerang faster!!!!!!!!!   
DF: yay!!!!!!!!   
DF: i made a springloaded boomerang now i can go outside and not die!!!!!!   
DF: fred!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: talk to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: where are you???????????   
DF: oh no!!!!!!!!   
DF: im out of grist!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i didn't make enough health potions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: fred when you read this find some grist!!!!!!!   


.

  
fredPhillips is talking to cozilyPlanted

CP: Heres your bear Fred   
CP: I know   
CP: Im just messing around   
CP: And trying something new   
CP: Bye, Fred   


.

  
forcibleDessertinator contacted proficiencyDiversified

FD: Hello Hal, did you need the vaprifier again?

PD: Yeah! :D   
PD: And the face-melting acid! :D   
PD: I combined them into a face-melting acid gun! :D   
PD: I shot a quacking gnome with it and its face melted! :D :D :D

FD: That's very impressive. I'm impressed!   
FD: By the way, have you seen your Uncle Perry?

PD: No. :S   
PD: But I talked to him! :)   
PD: He told me about the game. :)

FD: He said he'd be home by now. I'm getting worried. He's not as young as he used to be, you know.

PD: Cant you IM him? :S   
PD: Like youre doing with me? :S

FD: Well, yes...   
FD: But for some reason, every time I do, he ends up knocking me out. You know, it's weird.

PD: He cant knock you out if youre not there. :)

FD: You're right! So he can't!   
FD: You're a clever boy, Hal.

PD: :)

forcibleDessertinator signed off  


.

  
forcibleDessertinator contacted peripheralProctector

FD: Perry the Platypus?   
FD: Perry the Platypus, you come home this instant!   
FD: I'm worried sick!

PP: 9_9

FD: Don't give me that look!

PP: 9_9   
PP: busy

FD: What could be more important than... uh... coming home when you said you would?

PP: the worldddd

FD: Hm.   
FD: Well, that is fairly important...   
FD: By the way, Perry the Platypus, is your keyboard stuck?   
FD: What is that?   
FD: "worldddd"

PP: 9_9

FD: Come on, you gotta let me take a picture, just this once.   
FD: It's just so precious, the way you just daintily type the letters out one by one.

PP: 9_9 9_9 9_9

FD: Pppplllleeeeaaaasssseeee?

PP: in upper thermosphere   
PP: ttttoo far   
PP: for picture

FD: Oh right, you're not actually here...   
FD: I just thought you'd be done by now.

PP: notttt ddddone   
PP: busy

FD: Oh, and Perry the Platypus?   
FD: You're not doing anything dangerous, are you?

PP: ddddefine ddddangerous

FD: Well, I don't know about "ddddangerous", but dangerous means something that could hurt you.   
FD: You know, maybe even get you killed.   
FD: You don't want to get killed, do you?

PP: if can survive you   
PP: can survive   
PP: metttteors

FD: Yes, but you were a lot, you know, younger back then.

PP: ccccan ttttakkkke ccccare    
PP: of myself   
PP: dontttt needddd   
PP: your cccconcern

FD: Huh.   
FD: Whatever you say, Perry the Platypus.   
FD: Just come home quick.

forcibleDessertinator signed off  


.

  
fredPhillips is talking to cozilyPlanted

FP: Okay   
FP: What now?

CP: I dont know   
CP: Im just sitting under the digital tree

FP: I think the trees in the park are real   
FP: But I can still sit under them

CP: Okay

FP: Im gonna see what Alicias doing

CP: Good idea   


.

  
delightedFortune is talking to fredPhillips

FP: Hey Alicia   
FP: Nice baking tray sweater

DF: thanks!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm killing ducky momo imps so I can get grist to make even better armor!!!!!!!   
DF: what are you doing???????

FP: Sitting under a non-digital tree.

DF: that's it?????   
DF: why aren't you playing the game???????   
DF: why didn't you answer me before????????????????????????

FP: I was getting Bernie Bear from home   
FP: Im gonna prototype it

DF: that old thing?????????????????   
DF: whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: I am playing the game   
FP: But Im in a public area and I havent entered the Medium yet

DF: enter the medium!!!!!!!   
DF: hurry up!!!!!!!   
DF: also look at your sprite while you enter!!!!!!   
DF: make sure it goes with you!!!!!!!

FP: Okay   


.

  
fredPhillips is talking to cozilyPlanted

FP: Alicia wants me to enter the Medium

CP: Okay   
CP: You can come back right?

FP: I think so   
FP: Its just a game

CP: How do you get in?

FP: In the menu where the cruxtender and alchemilathe were   
FP: Theres a card   
FP: I have to use it and the cruxite dowl on the alchemilathe and it'll turn into something that will take me in when i use it   
FP: Alicia had a kettle and I think Hal had a Steale

CP: Okay   
CP: Here

FP: Thanks   
FP: Thats interesting   
FP: I wonder what I do with this

CP: Well its a mirror   
CP: I guess you look at it

FP: But I need to look at my sprite to see where it goes

CP: You could look at its reflection in the mirror

FP: Oh yeah I could   


.

Fred sat against the real tree at one end of the tiny park and stared at the mirror.

To pass the time, he wondered: why a mirror? It was possible that it was random, but a more disturbing possibility was beginning to occur to him. Hal the technology snob had got the user-friendly operating system that he despised, and impatient Alicia had had to wait for a kettle to boil.

Fred knew he had no personality of his own, and he'd got a mirror. Mirrors were often associated with the self... Well, if it was supposed to make him hesitate, the game had made a mistake. The only times he would ever have problems looking in a mirror would be if he was being somebody with that quirk.

He no personality. No mirror was going to challenge what he already knew.

He inspected his reflection. There were a few brown smears around his mouth from the chocolate icecream he'd had before the game with Alton. He wiped it off.

He kept an eye on the sprite behind him. He'd already prototyped it with Bernie Bear, and now it looked like an old teddy bear with three arms. Apparently his parents had taken him shopping soon after they'd adopted him, and he'd picked out a bear that looked just like Xavier's.

Amanda had sewn on another arm to personalise it. It was the thought that counted.

There was a flash of light. When it cleared, Fred's reflection was exactly the same, but the sprite was gone.

The roads and houses were gone too. Past the walls of the park was nothing but dull green grass, stretching to the horizon.

.

  
cozilyPlanted contacted proficiencyDiversified

CP: Freds in the Medium now   
CP: My turn   
CP: Unless Altons playing

PD: Hes not. :)   
PD: OK Ill install the server version. :)

CP: Okay.   


.

Land of Plains and Grass

.

  
fredPhillips is talking to cozilyPlanted

FP: Okay   
FP: I better find some enemies

CP: Dont you need a weapon?   
CP: What are you gonna use?

FP: I dont know   
FP: Ill think of something   
FP: Maybe Ill try being the enemies

CP: Okay   
CP: Good idea

FP: See any imps?   
FP: Do they look like Bernie Bear?

CP: Not yet   
CP: Did you watch your sprite?

FP: Yeah   
FP: But there was a flash of light   
FP: And it was gone   


.

  
phenominalFunification contacted furtiveForewarning and peripheralProtector

PF: This is it, guys!   
PF: The big one!   
PF: Is everyone ready?

FF: Yes.

PP: *nodddd*

PF: First we should run some checks on the trajectory of the other meteors.   
PF: Better safe than sorry! :V)

FF: No problems here.

PP: okkkk

PF: Uh-oh.

FF: :U?

PF: Most of my meteors will burn up in the atmosphere, but one is heading straight for Candace's house.   
PF: Xavier better hurry up!

FF: Can you reach it in time?

PF: Not with enough time to get to the big one.   
PF: I'll warn him!

phenominalFunification signed off  



	11. Xaiver: Enter / Perry: Drop

  
phenomenalFunification contacted cozilyPlanted

PF: Hey, Xavier! What are you doing? :V)

CP: Hi uncle Phineas   
CP: Im just sitting under the digital tree

PF: I came to warn you!   
PF: You don't have much time before your meteor.   
PF: We'd shoot it down, but there's no time.   
PF: You're gonna have to get into the game fast!   
PF: Within ten minutes fast!

CP: Okay   
CP: Hals installing the server version now   
CP: Ill enter as soon as hes done

PF: Hal?   
PF: What about Alton?

CP: Hes not playing   
CP: He thinks destinies are stupid

PF: He gets that from me. :V)   
PF: As long as you can get in the game before the meteor!

phenomenalFunification signed off  


.

  
cozilyPlanted is talking to proficiencyDiversified

CP: Is it installed yet Hal?   
CP: Uncle Phineas told me a meteors on its way   
CP: Hal?   
CP: You there?

PD: Its nearly installed. :)   
PD: Wait brb   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to delightedFortune

DF: hal guess what!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i found something on your planet!!!!!!!

PD: Is it my sprite? :S

DF: no better!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's a gnome ogre!!!!!!!!   
DF: i bet it gives lots of grist!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it'll be like grist christmas!!!!!!!!!   
DF: gristmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :/   
PD: I dont have any armor. :/   
PD: Or health potions. :/

DF: you have four ray guns!!!!!!!!   
DF: you can shoot it from the hill up ahead!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you've been in the medium longer so you can fight stronger things!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :/   
PD: How many hits did you take from yours? :/

DF: uh.............   
DF: one!!!!!!!!   
DF: just keep your distance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :/   
PD: OK. :/

DF: sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: your world's so dark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i didn't see the other one until it hit you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal?????????????????   
DF: get up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted and delightedFortune

DF: bad news!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal's knocked out!!!!!!!!!

CP: Oh   
CP: So thats what happened to him   
CP: I hope he wakes up before the meteor hits my house   
CP: Was it an ogre?

DF: yeah!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'd make a health potion but he's out of grist!!!!!!!!   
DF: he wasted it all on ray guns!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: :/   
FP: At least he found his enemies. :/   
FP: I cant find any. :(   
FP: Me and Xavier can't build anything. :(

DF: yeah but Hal's knocked out!!!!!!!   
DF: did you find your sprite?????????

FP: No. :(   
FP: It disappeared. :(

DF: ok xavier keep an eye on your sprite!!!!!!   
DF: don't lose it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Sure but I cant release it until Hal connects to me

FP: Are you sure hes just knocked out? D:

DF: he still has a health bar so i guess!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm gonna pour water on him!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it didn't work!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Will he be awake in ten minutes?   
CP: Thats when Uncle Phineas said the meteor would hit   
CP: Nine minutes now

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i don't know!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he fell down really fast!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm pouring water all over him and he's not moving at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: :O   


.

  
cozilyPlanted contacted discerningPedestrian

CP: Alton I need your help

DP: is this about the game

CP: Yeah   
CP: Sorry   
CP: Please get me into the game

DP: explain y hal cant do it   
DP: hes still not any1s server right

CP: Hes knocked out   
CP: And a theres a meteor on its way

DP: what about fred

CP: Hes already Alicias server player   
CP: And Im his   
CP: Alton?

DP: im thinking   
DP: ok fine ill do it   
DP: but im not going in the game   
DP: ill get u in and thats it

CP: Thank you!

cozilyPlanted sent discerningPedestrian a file  


.

Alton turned on his Steale the second it began to chime. Maybe his mom had finally got his message! Maybe she was finally going to do something about all this!

But it wasn't his mom. It was just Xavier.

Alton guessed he should help him. He still didn't want to play the game, but he also didn't want Xavier to die. He didn't think Xavier was lying to trick him into playing. It wasn't like he was Alicia.

And now there was a copy of the game on his Steale. Alton glanced up at the clear sky. What exactly was the criteria for being hit by a meteor? He hoped it wasn't just installing the game.

What a stupid game.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted and delightedFortune

CP: Its okay   
CP: Alton said hed do it

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: alton's playing?????????????

CP: Only as a server player

DF: how did you convince him?????????????????????

CP: I told him Id die if he didnt   
CP: "ok fine ill do it"   
CP: Thats what he said

DF: why didn't i think of that????????

CP: Uh

FP: :/

DF: what????????   
DF: hal's still lying down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: im really worried!!!!!!!!!

CP: Me too

FP: Yeah me three. :(   


.

  
cozilyPlanted is talking to discerningPedestrian

DP: ok   
DP: its installed

CP: That was fast

DP: hal did something 2 my computer   
DP: it runs fast now   
DP: ok im connected

CP: Cool   
CP: Can you see me?   
CP: Is that how it works?

DP: yeah   
DP: what do i need 2 do

CP: Deploy the cruxtender and the alchemilathe   
CP: Then deploy the card that appears in the space where they were   
CP: Is that the right word to use for cards?   
CP: Deploy?

DP: ok   
DP: done

CP: Now drop something heavy on the cruxtender to open it

DP: like what

CP: Anything   
CP: Anything heavy   
CP: Actually maybe don't use the bathtub

DP: wasnt gonna   
DP: is an armchair ok

CP: Yeah

DP: ok   
DP: anything else

CP: I dont think so   
CP: Thanks

DP: no problem

discerningPedestrian signed off  


.

Alton was just about ready to forget about the game forever, but he didn't close it yet. For all he knew, that would doom Xavier forever, which for him would be about... four minutes, by Alton's watch.

Xavier glanced around his living room, reached under a couch, and took out something lumpy and red, which he threw into the red ball that had emerged from the cruxtender. This made the ball turn into... Utah, for some reason. Okay.

Xavier fed his card into the alchemilathe, and soon produced some sort of tall red box. It was open on one side, but it closed as soon as Xavier entered. As he did, the two sides of the box closest to Alton's viewpoint became transparent, allowing him to look inside.

It was a small, retro-looking elevator, with buttons up to its roof. Xavier ran his hands the buttons he could reach, making them glow. He rubbed his chin and looked at the top buttons, which were still dim. He managed to hit a few more by jumping, but whatever he did, he couldn't reach the buttons at the very top.

Alton had had enough. This was probably some kind of puzzle, the kind that killed you if you didn't solve it. As stupid as the game was, the whole point of Alton playing it was to stop it from killing Xavier.

Alton used the game interface to pick up a broom from the laundry, and dropped it outside the elevator. He guessed this game could be pretty fun if he played it more. He did like games with puzzles. But he didn't really feel like being in mortal peril any time soon.

Xavier came out of the elevator to see what the noise was, and frowned when he saw the broom. He looked around, shrugged, and took the broom and used it to press the top buttons.

There was a flash of light. Now Xavier's house was in what looked to be a junkyard. Alton found himself wondering what kind of world he'd get if he played the game, and quickly stopped. It didn't matter. Really.

.

Perry steered his little ship high above the Pacific Ocean. The view below was beautiful, but there was no time for sight-seeing. He had to keep his eyes on the sky.

Phineas had been unable to explain why entry into the game would be accompanied by a deadly hail of meteors. He'd just said it was necessary. It happened in almost every session of the game, he'd said.

Perry had to wonder what happened in sessions where nobody had the initiative to destroy the meteors before they landed. Game sessions were quite common, apparently. Phineas had said that the game was played on many different worlds across the universe, and even the multiverse. Ferb had speculated that it was the constant that linked every intelligent race in existence.

It was an idea that raised a lot of questions, and Perry tried not to think about it too hard. It wasn't really important. Not like the meteor storm.

The ships that Phineas and Ferb had built weren't designed to destroy the meteors -- that wouldn't stop the rubble from hitting the Earth and causing just as much damage. Instead they bled off and stored the energy that would have been released on impact, destroying the meteor in the process and solving the world's energy problems for the foreseeable future. It wasn't instantaneous, but most of the meteors could still be neutralised in less than a second.

Most of them.

Looming over the planet was a meteor the size of Australia. It was, according to Phineas, the biggest and last meteor to threaten the Earth. If it hit, this one wouldn't just end civilisation, it'd destroy the planet itself.

It took a lot of energy to destroy the Earth. It was going to take all three of them to leech it into nothing. Or so Phineas said, and he was almost always right.

The sky finally clear of other meteors, Perry turned his attention to the huge rock. Phineas and Ferb were already shooting it with steady beams; he could see Phineas's ship just over the horizon, while Ferb's beam was coming from somewhere out of sight

Not bothering to aim very precisely, Perry shot his own laser. The meteor was definitely shrinking now, but it was doing so very slowly. It looked to him like it would hit long before it vanished, but if Phineas said it would be fine, then it would be fine.

Perry noticed a small blip on his radar, and glanced up. Another meteor. The big one wasn't the last after all. It was headed for the ocean and seemed to be rapidly breaking up, but still, maybe he should--

.

  
phenomenalFunification is talking to furtiveForewarning and peripheralProtector

PF: Ferb!   
PF: It's Perry.

FF: What's the matter?

PF: He took a meteor right to the cockpit!!

FF: :U|

PF: I knew we shouldn't have made him come up here!!!

FF: :U|

PF: Maybe I don't care what he said!!!   
PF: He was too old for this!!

PP: have   
PP: plan   
PP: ^_^

PF: Perry!!!!!!!   
PF: Are you okay???

PP: no

PF: !!!!!

FF: :U(

PP: possible   
PP: spinal   
PP: injury   
PP: bloodddd   
PP: ttttoo much

PF: I'll come get you!!!!   
PF: Come on Ferb!!

PP: no   
PP: metttteor   
PP: importtttantttt

PF: Oh, and you're not?!

PP: notttt   
PP: comparedddd   
PP: tttto worldddd

PF: Forget the meteor!!   
PF: We're coming to get you!!!

PP: NO   
PP: ttttoldddd you   
PP: have plan   
PP: ddddontttt   
PP: worry   
PP: ttttrustttt me

PF: ...   
PF: Okay.

PP: see you latttter

peripheralProtector signed off  


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to delightedFortune

DF: hal!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal!!!!!!!!   
DF: wake up!!!!!!!!   
DF: wake up now!!!!!!!!!!!!!   



	12. Fred: Encounter an enemy

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted and delightedFortune

CP: Okay   
CP: I entered   
CP: Did Hal wake up?

DF: not yet!!!!!!!!   
DF: your sprite xavier!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: what about your sprite??????   
DF: what did you use on it???????   
DF: you used something on it right??????????????

CP: Yeah   
CP: The state of Utah

DF: the entire state????????   
DF: how???????????????

FP: Hes talking about the costume from the third grade play. :)   
FP: I was Colorado! :)

DF: is it still there??????

CP: Its been under the couch for more than a year!   
CP: Amanda says mom says shes waiting for me to clean it up myself

DF: Not the costume the sprite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Oh   
CP: No   
CP: It disappeared when I entered the Medium   
CP: I dont see any enemies

FP: I still dont either. :(

CP: Let me see Fred   
CP: Theres something

FP: Really? :/

CP: Its not Bernie Bear themed   
CP: Its black   
CP: Its scary looking

FP: :/   
FP: Where is it? :S

CP: Look around   
CP: And a little to your left   
CP: I mean my left

FP: I see it now! :O   
FP: It is scary looking. :/   
FP: Its a lot scarier than Alicias enemies. :/

DF: dont fight it!!!!!!!!   
DF: remember what happened to hal!!!!!!!

FP: brb

CP: Hes running

DF: its all my fault!!!!!!   
DF: i told him to fight the ogre!!!!!!!

CP: Who?

DF: hal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and now hes knocked out!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Hell get better   
CP: I think

DF: i hope so!!!!!!!

CP: Im more worried about Fred   
CP: Hes hiding behind the park wall   
CP: The black enemy found him   
CP: He has a spear

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Now Fred has a spear   
CP: Its the same spear as the enemy

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: I dont think he knows how to use it   
CP: The enemy nearly stabbed him   
CP: Fred ducked   
CP: He stabbed the enemy   
CP: The enemys looking at him   
CP: Hes leaving   
CP: Hes gone

FP: that was scary!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: The spears gone too

DF: how did you get the enemys spear??????

FP: i dont know!!!!!!!!!   
FP: i started being the enemy and it just appeared!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: he nearly stabbed me!!!!!!!!   
FP: is this supposed to happen????????   
FP: i dont think i even hurt him!!!!   
FP: he just left because........   
FP: he was surprised!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: he didn't expect me to copy his spear!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: i think!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Dont know

DF: maybe it was a weak spear!!!!!!!

CP: Theres a dent in the wall

DF: so?????????

CP: Its where the enemy tried to stab Fred   
CP: It wasnt there before

DF: ouch!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: fred i dont think it was supposed to happen!!!!!!!!

FP: he nearly stabbed me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: what if he comes back??????????   


.

  
peripheralProtector contacted discerningPedestrian

PP: altttton

DP: who r u

PP: perry   
PP: i needddd you   
PP: cccconnecccctttt tttto hal

DP: connect what

PP: the game

DP: no

PP: importtttantttt

DP: no its not   
DP: i cant believe even ur into that stupid destiny stuff

PP: cccconsidddder itttt   
PP: my ddddying wish

DP: what

PP: falling   
PP: wontttt survive   
PP: certtttain

DP: what

PP: headddding   
PP: for your house

DP: u mean my crater

PP: when i landddd   
PP: throw me atttt spritttte

DP: why   
DP: do it urself

PP: ttttold you   
PP: be ddddeadddd

DP: no u wont   
DP: r u really uncle perry   
DP: is that u alicia   
DP: im not playing   
DP: ever

PP: itttts me

DP: i dont believe u   
DP: u still there

PP: 2 years ago   
PP: you visittttedddd   
PP: hadddd an acccccident   
PP: *you hadddd the acccccident   
PP: remember   
PP: I ttttookkkk   
PP: the blame

DP: ...   
DP: ok   
DP: i believe u   
DP: ill talk 2 hal   


.

  
discerningPedestrian contacted proficiencyDiversified

DP: hal   
DP: r u awake yet   
DP: hal   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted and delightedFortune

DF: hal twitched!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i think hes waking up!!!!!!!!!

FP: yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Thats a relief

DF: hes awake!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Hi guys. :/   
PD: Why am I all wet? :/

DF: i poured water all over you but you wouldn't wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you should have woken up hal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Im gonna go inside and get dry. :/   
PD: And not fight any ogres. :/   
PD: My healths really low. :(

CP: Im glad youre okay

FP: me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DF: me three!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Okay Xavier I think the server copys installed finally. :)   
PD: Wait youre already connected to someone. :/

DF: it's alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he got alton to play!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: xavier was smart and said he'd die otherwise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: It was true   
CP: There was a meteor and if Alton hadnt connected Id be dead

PD: :(   
PD: brb someone else is talking to me. :)   
PD: Its Alton. :)   


.

  
discerningPedestrian is talking to proficiencyDiversified

PD: Hi Alton. :)   
PD: Did you really connect to Xavier to save him? :S

DP: there u r   
DP: listen i need the client copy of the game   
DP: then i need u 2 connect 2 me

PD: Really? :O

DP: its a favor 2 uncle perry

PD: why does he care? :S   
PD: Is it because of destiny? :O

DP: its not destiny   
DP: ill tell u l8r   
DP: just give me the game

PD: OK. :/

proficiencyDiversified sent a file to discerningPedestrian

DP: thanks   
DP: installing   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, and delightedFortune

PD: Altons playing now. :)

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: how did you convince him?????????

PD: I didnt. :/   
PD: He says its a favor to Uncle Perry. :/

FP: how did perry convince him????????

PD: Dont know. :/   
PD: He wouldnt say. :/   
PD: Hes installing now. :)

FP: did you read about the enemy that attacked me???????   
FP: you converted the game was that supposed to happen?????

PD: Let me see. :)   
PD: D:   
PD: That sounds like a high level enemy. D:   
PD: I think its one of the archagents. D:   
PD: Its not supposed to be there. D:

FP: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: it's the only enemy i saw!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: D:

CP: I havent seen any either

PD: Did Alton see any enemies? :S

CP: I dont know he signed off   
CP: Ill ask   


.

  
cozilyPlanted contacted discerningPedestrian

CP: Alton can you look at my game?   
CP: The one with the meteors

DP: y

CP: Theres no enemies   
CP: Fred doesnt have any enemies except a late game enemy that nearly killed him   
CP: Im scared

DP: ok   
DP: i dont see anything except u and ur house   
DP: can u really die in this game

CP: I think so   
CP: Were inside the game   
CP: Physically   
CP: I mean were not literally in our computers   
CP: Were in the game world

DP: i no what u mean xavier   
DP: y would any1 play a game that can really kill u 4ever

CP: Uh   
CP: Dunno   
CP: Arent you playing?

DP: yeah   
DP: im installing the client   
DP: if a meteor comes ill get dad 2 shoot it   
DP: ill do what uncle perry asked and quit   
DP: wont even need 2 enter

CP: What did he ask?

DP: stuff   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, and delightedFortune

CP: Alton says he cant see any enemies in my game   
CP: Did you guys get enemies right away?

PD: As soon as I entered the Medium. :/

DF: same!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: This isnt supposed to happen. D:   
PD: Im gonna ask dad. :(   



	13. Perrysprite: Exist

  
proficiencyDiversified contacted furtiveForewarning

PD: Dad? :/   
PD: Is every game supposed to have enemies? :S   
PD: The only enemy in Freds game is a high level bad guy that shouldnt be there. D:   
PD: Xavier doesnt have enemies yet either and Im scared hell get a high level bad guy too. D:

FF: Unfortunately, I don't know.   
FF: Do you mind if I include your uncle in this conversation?

PD: OK. :)

phenomenalFunification has joined the chat

PF: No.   
PF: No it's not supposed to happen.

PD: D:

PF: The game isn't supposed to throw players in the deep end like that!!

PD: D:   


.

  
furtiveForewarning is talking to phenomenalFunification

FF: You're scaring him.

PF: Maybe it's that's a good thing.   
PF: You know who else is scared??   
PF: I'm scared!!!

FF: Frightened children make mistakes.   
FF: So do frightened adults.   
FF: :U|

PF: ...   
PF: You're right, Ferb. Sorry.   
PF: Good thing he uses so many smilies! :V)   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to furtiveForewarning and phenomenalFunification

PD: How do you know more about the game than dad does uncle Phineas? D:   
PD: Is it because of your dreams? :O   
PD: Where do you go in your dreams? :S

PF: Since your sprites are missing, I guess it's okay to tell you. :V)   
PF: The universe you're in is called the Incipisphere. At the center of the Incipisphere is Skaia, which is... I'm not sure what it is! But it's important! The whole game revolves around it!   
PF: In more ways than one. :V)   
PF: On the surface of Skaia is the Battlefield, where two forces battle for control over Skaia. Every time you prototype a sprite before entering the Medium, you make the Battlefield more complex!

PD: :O   
PD: Whats the Medium then? :S

PF: I'm getting to that. :V)   
PF: Prospit is a golden planet that orbits Skaia. It's where the forces of good hang out!   
PF: My dream self lives in a tower on Prospit's moon!

PD: :O :O :O

PF: Sometimes, Prospit's moon passes through Skaia's atmosphere, and I catch a glimpse of the future through their clouds. That's how I know how it's gonna go!   
PF: I picked up a lot from asking around, too!

PD: So Skaias in the middle   
PD: And Prospit revolves around Skaia   
PD: And its moon revolves around Prospit and that's where you go in your dreams? :O   
PD: Thats not a stable orbit. :/   
PD: If Propsits moon gets so close to Skaia. :/

FF: The laws of physics appear to differ in the Incipisphere.

PF: That's right!

PD: Are you really there? :O   
PD: Inside the game where we are? :O

PF: I think so!   
PF: Ferb thinks he woke up there earlier today!

FF: I seemed to be on Derse.   
FF: There was no time to check.

PD: Derse? :S

PF: Derse is another planet orbiting Skaia! :V)   
PF: It's where the forces of evil are!

PD: :O

PF: The Medium, on the other hand, is a group of five planets orbiting between Prospit and Derse, one for each of you.   
PF: Actually, at the moment there's four! :V)   
PF: The fifth planet won't even exist until Alton enters.   
PF: And in between Derse and the Medium is the Veil, a belt of meteors.

FF: Meteorites.

PD: If theyre not gonna hit anything theyre meteoriods. :S

FF: We believe that the objects in the Veil will become the meteorites that almost collided with the Earth.

PD: Through time travel? :O

FF: Probably.

PD: That makes sense. :)   
PD: But I dont get it. :S   
PD: How can you dream youre in our game? :S   
PD: Its just a game. :S

PF: It is a game.   
PF: But we think it's something else, too.

PD: Im gonna tell the others about this.

PF: Okay. Good luck! :V)

proficiencyDiversified signed off  


.

  
furtiveForewarning is talking to phenomenalFunification

PF: I don't understand it, Ferb! Why is everything going wrong??

FF: Didn't the clouds warn you?

PF: They showed the kids playing the game! And winning!   
PF: At least, everyone looked happy and relieved...

FF: Have they shown you the winning conditions yet?

PF: Not yet, but I know they win!

FF: I'll try to get some sleep when this meteorite is neutralised.

PF: Me too.   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, and delightedFortune

PD: Guys! :O   
PD: Dad and uncle Phineas told me a lot of information! :O   
PD: Wait Alton needs to see this too. :)

discerningPedestrian has joined the chat

DP: fine   
DP: ill listen to what u have 2 say   
DP: and once i help uncle perry im logging off

DF: yay!!!!!!   
DF: i knew youd come around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ...

proficiencyDiversified sent fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune and discerningPedestrian a file

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!   
DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: I wonder if mom or dad can do that dreaming thing

FP: i bet mom can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: uncle phineas and ferb can and she's their sister!!!!!!!!!   
FP: i think!!!!!!!!!!!!

DF: we're all cousins on dad uncle phineas and aunt candace's side!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: maybe that's why were playing the game!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's genetic!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: How can it be?   
CP: Freds adopted

DF: oh yeah!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: And mom and uncle Phineas are stepsiblings with uncle Ferb   
CP: Theyre not genetically related

DF: oh yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: omg am i even related to any of you by blood????????????

CP: Yeah   
CP: Just me

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you and me are the only ones who have the same genetic ancestors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: i dunno   
DP: i think i share some genes with hal   
DP: like   
DP: 100%   
DP: just a feeling

PD: It's true! :)   
PD: I sequenced our genomes once! :)   
PD: Then I got an A+! :D

DF: well we're all still cousins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: ok?????????????

CP: Yeah   
CP: Itd be weird otherwise

FP: uncle phineas sounded kinda freaked out!!!!!!   
FP: maybe even mad!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: does he get mad much alicia????????

DF: no!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: never!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's the best dad in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: somethings gone wrong   
DP: something our parents werent expecting

DF: maybe it was you not wanting to play the game!!!!!!!!

DP: yeah sure   
DP: i dont think so   
DP: besides i am playing   
DP: for now

CP: So the enemy in Freds game isnt supposed to be there   
CP: In his game   
CP: Does that mean hes in danger?   
CP: And me too?

FP: i think so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: what are we gonna do??????????   
FP: can we leave of the game???????

PD: Dad and uncle Phineas do it when they wake up. :/   
PD: I think. :/

DF: i dont think they know how!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: besides i've seen dad when he's asleep!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's still in the real world even though i guess he's also on prospit!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and we're just here!!!!!!!!!

CP: I agree   
CP: Maybe   
CP: They wont be able to find me   
CP: The enemies won't   
CP: If I go to a different planet   
CP: Like Prospit

DF: but we don't even know where prospit is!!!!!!!!

PD: Which way is Skaia? :/

CP: I think its upwards   
CP: That thing up there doesnt look like the sun

PD: I cant see the sun. :(   
PD: Or anything else in the sky. :(

CP: If i could fly I could get there   
CP: And if I can get to Skaia I can find Prospit   
CP: Right nearby

FP: i don't want to fly at the sun!!!!!!!   
FP: and prospit's too obvious!!!!!!!!!   
FP: maybe they'll guess we went there!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: u should split up   
DP: and hal im installed

PD: OK! :)

FP: yeah let's do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: thanks alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

  
discerningPedestrian is talking to proficiencyDiversified

PD: OK Im connected. :)   
PD: Whats that? D:

DP: uncle perrys ship

PD: Why is it smashed? D:

DP: he crashed

PD: Is he OK? D:

DP: no   
DP: i think hes dead

PD: D: D: D: D: D:   
PD: He cant be dead. D:   
PD: Thats stupid! >:   
PD: Say something normal! >:

DP: hes either dead or knocked out   
DP: im not an expert   
DP: theres lots of blood   
DP: i dont think platypuses are supposed 2 bend that way   
DP: hes over there look

PD: D: D: D: D: D:   
PD: He looks dead to me. D:   
PD: Now youll never be able to do what he asked you. D:

DP: i will   
DP: he knew he was crashing   
DP: he wanted me to throw him in a sprite   
DP: thats y im even playing

PD: D:   
PD: Will that bring him back? D:

DP: dont know   
DP: im gonna try

PD: D:   
PD: OK heres the cruxtender. D:   
PD: Stand back ill drop the alcemalathe on it. :/

DP: i dont need that thing   
DP: just the cruxtender

PD: It was the only thing heavy enough to activate the cruxtender. :/

DP: oh

PD: Gross. :O   
PD: Hes in really bad shape. D:   
PD: :O   
PD: Uncle Perry! :D

DP: he looks ok   
DP: for a ghost

PD: Hes not a ghost hes a sprite! :O   
PD: And also alive! :D

DP: same thing

PD: Can he talk? :S

DP: hes speaking in weird symbols.

PD: Just like the other sprites! :O   


.

  
peripheralProtector contacted discerningPedestrian

PP: thankkkk you

DP: no problem   


.

  
discerningPedestrian is talking to proficiencyDiversified

PD: Is he chatting to someone? :S

DP: yes   
DP: me

PD: I thought you said he could only talk in symbols. :S

DP: thats true   
DP: but he can type in words   
DP: apparently

PD: Oh. :S   


.

  
peripheralProtector is talking to discerningPedestrian

PP: now entttter the meddddium

DP: y

PP: i wantttt tttto investtttigatttte   
PP: the ddddisappearance   
PP: of the sprittttes

DP: ...   


.

  
discerningPedestrian is talking to proficiencyDiversified

DP: he wants me 2 play the game   
DP: so he can find out what happened to the sprites   
DP: whatever that means

PD: None of us have our sprites! D:   
PD: It's like they didn't go into the medium with us! D:

DP: i c   
DP: y is it so important to him

PD: I dont know. :S   
PD: Stuff is going wrong. D:   
PD: Maybe the sprites are part of it. :S

DP: ...   


.

  
peripheralProtector is talking to discerningPedestrian

DP: will it help xavier and fred not get killed

PP: yes   
PP: if   
PP: all goes well

DP: ok   
DP: fine   
DP: will i get killed if i go in

PP: ddddontttt know   
PP: ttttrue ddddeath   
PP: unlikkkkely

DP: & xavier & fred should have been safe 2

PP: ccccorrecccctttt

DP: ok   
DP: ill ask hal 4 the card

PP: ^_^

peripheralProtector signed off  


.

  
discerningPedestrian is talking to proficiencyDiversified

DP: im going in   
DP: give me the card

PD: OK! :D

DP: thanks   
DP: i just take the pole out of the cruxtender & put it in the alchemilathe   
DP: & scan the card right

PD: Yeah. :)

DP: an apple   
DP: y

PD: Its different for each person. :)   
PD: I had a Steale. D:

DP: did u die from inferior computer germs

PD: Nope! :)

DP: so do i bite it or what

PD: I guess. :S

DP: ok   



	14. Alton: Enter

Alton picked up the apple from the alchemilathe and inspected it. It was a deep Perry teal, shiny all over, and didn't look very much like a real apple. It felt like it was made of plastic, actually.

He leaned back on his crutches and stared up into the sky. Was there a glint of light up there, or was he just imagining it? Maybe it was just another one of the government's secret orbiting death rays. Yeah, that was probably what it was.

Uncle Perry floated silently by his side.

"I hope you know what you're doing," Alton told him.

The game couldn't be that bad, right? It wasn't like anyone had died or anything. You probably just restarted back at the spawn point if you lost all your health. Anyone who talked about it maybe killing them was just taking thing too seriously.

Alton closed his eyes and bit into the apple.

The air seemed to change. It was a little cooler, and a lot wetter. It smelled wet too, like grass and damp earth. He thought he could hear running water.

Alton opened his eyes. He was still in a crater, but the suburbs had gone. So had uncle Perry. He was alone in the wilderness.

Also, the grass was pale blue.

Something lightly touched his legs, and he looked around. It was some sort of humanoid... thing, in a fedora. An imp, maybe?

It jumped back and bared its teeth him.

"Hey," said Alton. "I don't even really wanna play this game, so if you could just leave me alone, that'd be--"

The imp started to jump, and Alton's hands arms flew over his face. There was a jarring impact, and he fell backwards.

He scrambled up into a crouch, keeping one hand on the ground, and used his free hand to hit out with his crutch. He could deal with this, he was good at hitting things with sticks. Mostly baseballs. And softballs. Even cricket balls when he felt like getting in touch with his heritage. Imps were bigger targets than all those things.

He felt a soft impact, and the imp exploded into grist. Alton collected it by walking into it, just like in a video game. He guessed if he'd handled that 

worse he just would've died and maybe come back with a scar or something, but losing to the first monster in the game would have been completely embarrassing. He wanted to keep this staying alive streak going for as long as possible, just in case it really did kill people like a stupid game for idiots.

After glancing around for more imps, he approached a nearby river, which was the source of water sound. The rocks at the bottom were lavender, but otherwise it seemed okay. The water was moving fairly quickly, it was too wide for even an able-bodied person to jump, and it looked pretty deep.

It was perfect.

Alton turned away and sat down. He was pretty sure nothing would attack him from behind. Pretty sure.

Could imps swim? He didn't know the boundaries of this game yet. Maybe they could, and they were creeping up on him right now.

He looked back at the river. It continued to be a river.

Alton took a deep breath and tried to relax. Why had he agreed to this? Yeah, to help uncle Perry, and maybe his cousins. What had happened to uncle Perry anyway? Did entering kill the sprites or something?

He glanced around again.

There was nothing there, so he turned back, and came face to face with an imp wearing a poorly-made Ducky Momo costume. "Hey-!"

The imp grinned and pushed him into the river.

Alton grabbed for the bank, held on, and narrowed his eyes at it. He'd been right about the river being deep, at least. He couldn't even feel the bottom.

The imp stroked its chin, then tried to pry Alton's fingers off the bank. Holding on as hard as he could with his other arm, Alton grabbed the imp by the 

wrist and dragged it into the water with him.

It grabbed for the bank, but it wasn't as lucky as Alton. The current picked it up and smashed it against a rock. A second later, some grist bobbed to the surface.

Alton climbed out of the river. He wasn't going to try for the grist. He'd probably just drown or something. Or bash his brains out like the imp. At least they were weak. He could handle them, even if they took him by surprise.

.

  
peripheralProtector contacted phenomenalFunification and furtiveForewarning

PF: Perry?!   
PF: Is that you?????

PP: yes

PF: We thought you were dead!!

PP: was   
PP: now   
PP: spritttte

PF: Oh!   
PF: Of course!   
PF: The sprites are attracted to dead and doomed things!   
PF: Why didn't we think of that?

PP: altttton has   
PP: entttteredddd game

PF: Are you with him?

PP: no   
PP: elsewhere

PF: Where are you?

PP: unknown   
PP: floating   
PP: loccccation ddddarkkkk   
PP: unnerving   
PP: occccasional   
PP: softttt soundddds   
PP: very softttt   
PP: endddd ddddescription

PF: So the sprites are getting transported somewhere different from the players!

PP: adddditionally   
PP: altttton is   
PP: seer of heartttt   
PP: other players are   
PP: knightttt of voidddd   
PP: wittttch of breath   
PP: page of mindddd   
PP: heir of space   
PP: unknown   
PP: which is which

PF: How do you know all that?   
PF: And what does it mean?

PP: inherentttt spritttte knowleddddge   
PP: muddddledddd   
PP: will ttttry   
PP: tttto undddderstttandddd

FF: Could it be something to do with their quests?

PP: almostttt certtttainly   
PP: qqqquesttttts andddd   
PP: abilitttties

PF: Okay! :V)   
PF: We're so glad you're okay, Perry!   
PF: Me and Ferb are gonna get some sleep. Maybe we'll see you soon!

peripheralProtector signed off  


.

  
fredPhillips is talking to cozilyPlanted

FP: what are we gonna do???????????

CP: I dont know!

FP: can i alchemize you a flying thing??????????   
FP: is there enough grist?????????

CP: I dont think so!   
CP: Wait!   
CP: I can build a flying machine out of household items!   
CP: I dont need grist!

FP: good idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: i'll do that too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
FP: once i stop being alica because shes not very good at inventing!!!!!!!!   
FP: she's more of an ideas man!!!!!   
FP: girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Okay   
CP: Good luck   


.

Fred had spent a little time cautiously investigating the surrounding area. There was grass. There was soil. Occasionally, there were terrifying high level enemies. But there was nothing else. Definitely nothing he could use to build a spaceship.

The alchemilathe wasn't any help either. There was no grist. There was no way to get more grist. All he had to work with was the park.

Fred was going to have to be extremely creative. So he was being uncle Phineas. Probably.

It was a pretty small park. It was enclosed by a brick wall with a metal gate for the entrance. There was a public bathroom, some trees, and a little playground. The slide was lying on its side, still uprooted.

He'd been in worse situations. Well, Fred hadn't really, but he was sure that Uncle Phineas had. Uncle Phineas had been on so many adventures. Some of them were bound to have turned bad at some point.

He already had a few ideas. One of those sticks looked fairly pointy... Yes, it would make an adequete tool. And now that he had one, he could make more, until they were complicated enough to take the metal and make it spaceworthy.

He hoped his parents would pay for the damages once all this was over.

.

  
peripheralProtector contacted phenomenalFunification and furtiveForewarning

PP: phineas   
PP: ferb   
PP: ddddiscovery   
PP: d_b

PF: What is it?

PP: ddddream selves   
PP: only for players

PF: What?   
PF: That can't be right! Me and Ferb both have dream selves!

PP: exacttttly

PF: We can't be players! We don't even have planets!   
PF: I know there's only one player per planet!!

FF: Perhaps some of the children aren't players.

PF: Oh no.   
PF: Xavier and Fred.   
PF: I told Candace they'd be okay!!   


.

  
phenomenalFunification contacted candescentFervor

PF: Candace!   
PF: Candace??   
PF: Are you there??   
PF: Candace, pick up!!!   
PF: I am so sorry.   
PF: There's been a slight mixup.   
PF: Xavier and Fred...   
PF: They weren't supposed to play the game after all.   
PF: Me and Ferb were.   
PF: Now the game   
PF: Now the game is trying to kill them.   
PF: We're going in after them.   
PF: Contact me when you get this.

phenomenalFunification signed off  



	15. Kids: Explore

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to delightedFortune

DF: hal you're wasting time!!!!!!!   
DF: stop fighting enemies and go help xavier and fred!!!!!!

PD: Im not wasting time. :)   
PD: Theres levels in this game. :)   
PD: The character kind. :)   
PD: The more enemies we fight the stronger we get. :)

DF: so???????

PD: So if I fight enough of I can get strong enough to beat the enemy that attacked Fred! :)   
PD: I could protect them! Like an awesome hero! :D   
PD: And then their lives wont be in danger. :)

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: great idea!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'll do the same thing!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and let's make alton do it too!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's in the game he should play it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: does alton have a weapon?????????

PD: Oh yeah Altons playing now! :O

DF: you haven't been watching him???????????   
DF: you're his server player go see what he's doing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Oh yeah! :O   


.

  
discerningPedestrian is talking to proficiencyDiversified

Land of Rivers and Rhythm

PD: Alton? :S   
PD: Whats going on? :S   
PD: Are there enemies? :O   
PD: Do you have enemies? :O

DP: yeah   
DP: platypus imps   
DP: in hats

PD: What happened to them? :O

DP: what do u think   
DP: i killed them   
DP: and then i levelled up

PD: You killed them? :O   
PD: With what? :S   
PD: I dont see a weapon. :S

DP: yes u do   
DP: i used my crutches

PD: Isnt that bad for them? :S

DP: probably   
DP: they were all i had

PD: Theyll break if you hit too many things. :(

DP: wow thanks   
DP: i didnt think of that   
DP: u have a better idea

PD: No. :(   
PD: Oh wait. :O   
PD: What about the alchemilathe? :)

DP: what about it

PD: You can use it to alchemize stronger weapons! :D

DP: how

PD: Just scan your crutches and something strong! :)

DP: like what   
DP: dirt   
DP: rocks

PD: Uh... :/

DP: would my tracker work   
DP: its small but its strong

PD: Dont know. :S   
PD: Just try it it doesnt take any grist. :)   
PD: It only takes grist if you click yes. :)

DP: ok   
DP: uh

PD: Tracker crutches! :D   
PD: Now mom and dad can find you even if you don't have your tracker! :)   
PD: They look strong! :)

DP: i guess   
DP: even if theyre not i could use a couple spares   
DP: uh   
DP: they feel strong   
DP: yeah   
DP: theyre strong

PD: :D   
PD: If you use those and level up more maybe youll even be able to fight ogres. :)   


.

Alton was beginning to get bored. He'd tried browsing the Internet, but the imps kept ambushing him and making him lose his place. He guessed he could train, but it was probably best not to tire himself out. What if a real threat came along? If Hal knew what he was talking about, and he usually did when it came to video games, then Alton definitely didn't want to run into one of those ogre things any time soon

He did feel a bit more confident with these new GPS crutches. Maybe he should take a look around. Maybe find something to keep his old crutches in. There was no way he was going to abandon them. These new ones were made entirely out of thin air and grist. Alton didn't trust them.

He reached the top of a small hill. Spread out in front of him were... a lot of rivers. Alton couldn't even count them all. He was impressed that none of them crossed, though some of them did merge. Close by, there was a town, which somehow managed to be on the banks of at least three different rivers. There were... things wandering through it. They did not look human.

Alton sat down. The town looked inviting, but he had no idea if those things were friendly or hostile. He was beginning to wish he'd paid more attention to the game chatlogs.

What would Alicia do? She'd probably run down there and either greet them or attack them. And if her world had towns, she probably had done that. She wasn't dead. As far as he knew.

Alton made up his mind. Whether it was good or bad, it had to be more interesting than sitting here.

It took him longer than he thought to get to the town. He kept stopping and looking over his shoulder in case any imps tried a sneak attack, but they seemed to have stopped for now.

Even up close, he couldn't tell what the town inhabitants were. They stood on two legs, they were covered lightly in red fur, and they had turtle-like beaks with small tusks. They didn't seem to be attacking him, or even really looking in his direction.

"Uh... Hi," said Alton to the closest creature.

"Welcome to the Land of Rivers and Rhythm!" it said, in completely clear, understandable and unaccented English.

"Okay," said Alton. "Uh, thanks." At least now he knew where he was. Not that it helped much. He'd figured out that he was probably in a land of rivers.

"I say that to every human that arrives on our planet!" the creature continued. "Congratulations, you're our first human visitor ever!"

"So, uh... first human, huh?" Alton replied. Maybe it knew something about the game. He might even manage to get a quest out of it.

"Welcome to the Land of Rivers and Rhythm!" repeated the creature.

"Yeah, I know," said Alton. "I'm welcome." He'd heard it the first time.

"I say that to every human that arrives on our planet! Congratulations, you're the first one ever!"

"Uh..." said Alton. What? Why was it repeating itself? "I know?"

Maybe that was all it was programmed to say. It was just a game, after all. Not all of them could have sophisticated artificial intelligences in every random NPC.

"Welcome to the Land of Rivers and Rhythm!"

There was another creature nearby, watching them. "That guy over there said I was the first human in the Land of... whatever," Alton told it. "Is that true?"

"It's true!" said the other creature. "You're human, just like the great hero we're waiting for!"

Alton couldn't get anything more out of that creature either. He was beginning to have a suspicion about what was going on, though. He was this great hero, wasn't he? It figured. The game world was interesting, but it did not have a very original plot.

"You're talking about the Seer of Heart!" said a third creature when he asked about the hero. "The Seer of Heart is going to restore the rhythm of the planet and save us all!"

It was difficult, going from creature to creature for followups to his enquiries, but Alton managed to get a shaky picture of what was going on. It seemed that something called a Denizen had taken up residence in the planet's core, and its snoring was distrupting the planet's rhythm, making the rivers' floods unpredictable. That was bad, because... Alton didn't know much about farming, but it seemed that the planet was otherwise fairly dry, and needed floods to dump fertile mud on the fields.

The current floods still did that, but they were also dangerous. And they happened at the wrong times, and now nobody had anything to eat.

Normally Alton wouldn't have really been concerned about the generic troubles of a bunch of video game characters, but actually being there, watching them describe it in such a heartfelt way... He was finding it really hard not to care.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to delightedFortune

PD: Altons not doing much. :)   
PD: Just fighting imps with his crutches. :)

DF: omg!!!!!   
DF: thats so cool!!!!!!!

PD: Its bad for them. :(   
PD: The crutches not the imps. :)   
PD: Its okay though he alchemized stronger one! :)

DF: ok!!!!!   
DF: ill keep level grinding!!!!!

PD: Me too. :)   
PD: Wait. :/

DF: what is it????????

PD: :/   
PD: Did you tear the roof off? :/

DF: duh!!!!!!!!   
DF: while you were typing!!!!!!!   
DF: didn't you hear it??????

PD: No. :/   
PD: Why did you do that? :/   
PD: Moms going to be really mad. :(

DF: i was bored!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i ran out of health potions so i'm waiting for my health to come back normally!!!!!!!   
DF: and i wanted to know about the glowy thing!!!!!!!   
DF: remember??????

PD: :S   
PD: Glowy thing? :S

DF: you were talking about it just before i got knocked out by an ogre and Fred alchemized a health potion and woke me up and then we alchemized stuff instead!!!!!!!!

PD: :S   
PD: Oh yeah. :)   
PD: That glowy thing above my house. :)

DF: look i built a ladder!!!!!!!!!

PD: Yeah. :/   
PD: I see it. :/

DF: you should climb it!!!!!!!!   
DF: climb it now!!!!!!!!!

PD: :/   
PD: Its really high. :/

DF: the glowy thing is high!!!!!!!!

PD: :(

DF: climb it!!!!!!!!!

PD: Its high. :(

DF: who cares stop making sad faces and climb it!!!!!!!!   
DF: hurry up!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: I dont want to. :(

DF: if you don't climb a big ladder once or twice in your life you'll never be a hero!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal????????   
DF: are you programming????????

PD: No. :/

DF: why are you typing???????

PD: :/   
PD: I was trying to think of things to say. :(   
PD: Okay. :(   
PD: I'll climb it. :(

DF: yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

Hal tucked his computer away and put his feet on the first rung of the rickety-looking ladder. He could do this. If he couldn't face his fears, what kind of hero was he? Heroism was practically all about facing your fears! He played video games. He knew that.

He put his foot on the next rung, and then the next, without looking up.

He really did want to know what the glowy thing was. But couldn't Alicia have picked a better way of getting up there? He was sure he could hack the alchemilathe to give him a jetpack or something if he tried. Or Alicia could have made stairs. He'd seen the server interface, there were definitely stairs. Just because there weren't any in the house, it didn't mean he couldn't climb them. That was just for Alton's sake. Alton had trouble with stairs.

Hal risked a glance down, and his toes curled involuntarily around the rung. He was higher than he'd expected. Higher than his house. He shut his eyes for a few seconds, then looked up. It was an even longer way to the top. He judged that he wasn't even a quarter of the way there.

He closed his eyes and continued the climb.

It was just like virtual reality ladder climbing. With really good, next generation effects. And sometimes there were flashes that turned the inside of his eyelids red. And wind. It made the ladder whip around a little, though it was still stable.

He didn't know how long he'd been climbing, when he reached up for the next rung, but it wasn't there. "Whoa!" Hal's foot slipped, and he nearly fell. Once he'd got himself secure, he opened his eyes. He was close enough to see the glowy thing clearly, but it was still several feet above where the ladder ended. He might be able to reach it if he balanced on the very top of the ladder, but he wasn't going to do that.

Hal got out his Evv, gripping the ladder with his other hand more tightly than he'd thought he was capable of.

.

Candace still hadn't replied. It wasn't unusual, but Phineas couldn't help worrying that something had happened to her too. He was sure that nobody had been injured in the meteor strikes, but what if she'd been in a car accident? Or had a heart attack? Or been murdered by rival singing groups?

He needed to calm down. She just hadn't checked her messages yet. She was a busy woman.

Phineas couldn't wait any longer for Candace's reply. He had to get to Prospit before it was too late. He'd just have to hope he wasn't too spaced out when her reply did come.


	16. Kids: -==>

As much as Alicia kept talking about them, Hal found he didn't care much about heroics at the moment. He cared more about getting off this huge cold windy ladder high above his house. And he wasn't going to do that without at least inspecting that lavender spirograph. Maybe it was a pickup! A pickup that would let him fly so he'd never had to worry about falling again!

Alicia added a bit more height to the ladder, and finally Hal could reach the glowy thing. He waved his hand in it. It felt... weird. Like space was closing about his hand. He climbed up a bit further and stuck his whole arm in, and it pulled the rest of him through.

"Waah!"

He fell onto solid ground in bright sunlight. Hal glanced around, but the spirograph was nowhere to be found. He was sitting on blue grass, and there was a river nearby, and... "This is Alton's planet!"

It was clearly Alton's planet, but he couldn't see Alton himself anywhere. Hal got out his Evv and switched to the game view. If he ever found another spirograph that led back to his planet, he should get Alton's pills for him. Who knew how long they were going to be there?

He located Alton in a village of bipedal lystrosauruses. Why did Alton get a village? It wasn't fair. Hal had looked all over, and found nothing but frogs and cryptic writings about some Heir of Space guy.

If only he'd brought the game code with him. He might've been able to pinpoint where Alton was in relation to him. But he just had the executable. Maybe... He turned the view of Alton's game to the east and fired his new Lightifier into the air.

Nothing happened.

Okay, he wasn't to the east of where Alton had entered. He turned the view to the west and fired again. There! Was that...? He shot in the air one more time, and there was a corresponding flash on the horizon.

Hal's triumph faltered as he realised what that meant. He was going to have to walk again. Ugh.

.

  
discerningPedestrian is talking to proficiencyDiversified

PD: Hey Alton. :)   
PD: Im on your planet. :)

DP: u r   
DP: where   
DP: also how

PD: There was a spirograph above our house and I went in and now Im here. :)   
PD: To the west. :)   
PD: Somewhere. :/   
PD: Im walking to where you are. :)

DP: hm maybe this game is good 4 u after all

PD: Whats that supposed to mean? >:

DP: does the spirograph work both ways

PD: I dont think so. :(   
PD: I cant find it anymore. :(   
PD: But Im looking at where you entered and I think I see something high up. :)   
PD: Maybe. :(   
PD: Your planet is too light. :(

DP: ur planets too dark   
DP: did u have one above the house

PD: Yeah really high. D:   
PD: Alicia made a ladder. D:   
PD: It was so high. D:   
PD: She said I had to be a hero. :/

DP: tell her 2 make a platform or something   
DP: or an elevator

PD: :O

DP: if there is a portal above my crater   
DP: could u build an elevator 4 me

PD: I could go better and alchemize an elevator! :D

DP: would that be faster

PD: I think so. :/   
PD: You have a lot of grist. :/   
PD: Hey what are you doing in the village? :)

DP: im talking to monsters   
DP: theyre talking about how their planet is broken and a hero needs to fix it

PD: :O   
PD: Do you think you're the hero? :O

DP: i guess   
DP: thats the kind of thing this game does right

PD: I think so. :)   
PD: I dont have any friendly monsters. :(   
PD: Just frogs. :(

DP: that sucks i guess   
DP: theyre saying im the seer of heart

PD: Wow! :O   
PD: Thats really cool! :O   
PD: Are you gonna help them? :S

DP: dont know   
DP: r they real

PD: :S

DP: u no   
DP: r they part of the game or r they real

PD: Uh   
PD: Both? :S   
PD: Theyre Turing objects. :S

DP: meaning

PD: The code that made them had high complexity. :)   
PD: So they think like people. :)   
PD: Sort of. :/

DP: meaning

PD: :S

DP: theyre upset because the planets beat is distorted or something   
DP: they need the seer of heart 2 fix it   
DP: thats me right

PD: I think so. :/   
PD: :O   
PD: Maybe Im the Heir of Space! :O

DP: ok   
DP: r they real enough 2 feel bad if i dont help them   
DP: and let down and stuff

PD: :S   
PD: Theyd feel bad. :S   
PD: Why do you keep talking about real? :S   
PD: Theyre Turing objects. :S

DP: because it doesnt matter if your imaginary turing friends feel sad

PD: Theyre not imaginary. :/   
PD: Theyre computer programs. :/

DP: and they can feel sad   
DP: and it would be bad if they starved because the planets beat is broken   
DP: right

PD: Theyre not programmed to be enemies. :/   
PD: So itd be bad if they died. :/   
PD: I guess. :/

DP: u no what im just gonna treat them like theyre real people   
DP: and help them   
DP: i see some1   
DP: theyre looking down and walking real slow and wearing a dorky robe   
DP: is it u   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to delightedFortune

DF: i can't see you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: where did you go??????   
DF: did you fall????????   
DF: don't fall!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: don't have fallen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Im okay Im on Altons planet. :)   
PD: I found him and now were talking. :)   
PD: He says hes not mad I made the house a crater because its the games fault not mine. :)

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: when you fell into the glowy thing it must have been a portal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: a shortcut!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Yeah! :)   
PD: Alton wants to find a return portal so he can get his pills   
PD: but he doesnt want to get pulled through the gate and fall and die. :/   
PD: You should make a platform or something. :)

DF: can he climb ladders?????????

PD: Yeah with his hands. :)   
PD: Hes mad you asked that. :(

DF: i'm just being senstitive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: He laughed. :/

DF: anyway if he can climb he doesn't need a platform!!!!!!!!

PD: He cant use a ladder if hes falling to his death. :/   
PD: And he wants an elevator so Im making him one. :)   
PD: Im using his alchemilathe! :)   
PD: Hes been killing lots of imps and getting their grist! :)

DF: omg!!!!!!!!   
DF: that's just lazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: using an elevator not killing imps!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: He just wants to get his pills and then hell go back to his planet. :)   
PD: He wants to play and help his NPCs now. :)

DF: omg yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: he says if you make a platform on your side and I make an elevator to the glowy thing above his crater he can get back to the game quicker. :)

DF: it's still lazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: but ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: tell him i'm glad he's finally playing properly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

The first thing Ferb noticed when he entered his tiny bedroom was the scribbling on the walls. A permanent marker lay near the skirting board, as if it had been dropped.

The walls had been completely clean just that morning. How strange. Ferb ran his hands over the writing, confirming that it had been written in marker. It was completely dry, so it had clearly been there for a while.

The writing consisted of the letters of his name, written in capital letters and arranged in random order. He'd seen it before, somewhere... In his dream! It was exactly the same letters as his dream.

Very, very strange.

Ferb studied the letters, looking for some kind of pattern to them. There seemed to be none. He squinted. Possibly they represented something else? There were four letters in his name. What else were there four of? Legs on a tetrapod? Large moons of Jupiter?

And more importantly, where had the letters come from? He didn't remember writing them, and nobody else ever went into his room, not even Phineas. Not even his girlfriends.

Housebreakers were a possibly, though only a slight one. It didn't look like it, but he had excellent home security. However, nothing else seemed to have been disturbed, and he doubted that anybody would break into somebody's home just to scrawl on the walls of their bedroom.

And that didn't explain what the same writing was doing on the walls of his dream room.

No explanation was forthcoming, so Ferb removed his shoes and lay on his bed. Maybe he'd discover something more once he dreamed himself into the game.

He relaxed his mind, and was asleep in minutes.


	17. Ferb: Dream

Ferb opened his eyes, and for a second couldn't remember where he was. He sat up and looked around. He was in a bed, in a room that resembled his bedroom but wasn't. The walls were decorated in dark colours, mostly purple. And on the walls were the letters of his name.

Strange. He was very short for a man. No, he was a boy.

He was definitely a man. Ferb was certain of that. And there was... something else. Something he'd come here to do. Ferb cleared his mind, concentrated, and it came to him.

Yes. He remembered where he was now. He was in his dream room, probably on Derse's moon. It was strange the way real life seemed like a vague, disjointed memory, just like dreams did when he was awake. It could have provoked an existential line of thought about what reality was exactly, but he wasn't in the mood.

Ferb had done his best to memorise the the walls of his real room, and the writing here seemed to be very close, if not identical. Probably.

He leaned out of the window. Below, people streamed by on darkened streets. They looked similar to the chess creatures that Phineas had described to him, though they were black instead of white.

A firework went off in his brain.

.

  
phenomenalFunification contacted furtiveForewarning

PF: Ferb, are you asleep?

FF: Yes.

PF: Awesome! So am I!

FF: There's something written on the walls of my dream room.

PF: What is it?

FF: The letters of my name.

PF: What?   
PF: Which name?   
PF: Your real name?

FF: No. The letters F-E-R-B are arrayed in random order all over the walls of my room.   
FF: Both this room, and my real room.

PF: What?   
PF: Why?

FF: I don't know.   
FF: This door seems to be locked.

PF: That's okay!   
PF: You can fly!

FF: Oh, right.

PF: What are you doing now? :V)

FF: Exploring this moon.   
FF: I see two more towers here.

PF: I wonder what those are.

FF: Most likely the towers of the other dream selves.

PF: Oh yeah! I forgot about those guys! :V)   
PF: It's hard to remember things when you're asleep!

FF: Yes, I'm noticing that.   
FF: The two other towers are close together.   
FF: My twins are sleeping inside.

PF: Your twins?   
PF: Oh, Alton and Hal! :V)   
PF: Are you sure it's them?

FF: Yes.   
FF: Their rooms look like their real rooms.

PF: I wonder if Alicia is here!

FF: Is there another tower on Prospit's moon?

PF: Yes, there is!   
PF: You were right, Ferb, Alicia is here!   
PF: She won't wake up!

FF: Maybe she's not ready to wake up yet.

PF: Can you wake up your kids?

FF: No.   
FF: Have you seen Xavier or Fred's dream selves?   
FF: They're not here.

PF: Haha, Xavier and Fred don't have dream selves! :V)

FF: How long have you known that?

PF: Hm... I don't know.   
PF: A long time!   
PF: Is it important?   
PF: I must not remember when I wake up. :V(

FF: It would have been helpful to know earlier, yes.   
FF: Do you remember the danger they're in?

PF: Uh... I don't think so!   
PF: Is it bad?

FF: Yes.   
FF: Do you remember if Candace has responded to you?

PF: Candace? I don't think so.   
PF: Maybe you should deal with her.   
PF: I don't even know what you're so upset about. :V(

FF: That may be best.   
FF: I'm going to explore.   
FF: Gather information.

PF: Are you sure that's a good idea, Ferb?   
PF: Derse is the enemy!   
PF: Right?

FF: If they were going to attack me, they would have done it while I was asleep.   
FF: You said so yourself earlier today.

PF: I did?   
PF: Man, being asleep is hard on your brain.

furtiveForewarning's implant has died

PF: Ferb? What happened?   
PF: You gotta be more careful, bro! :V)   


.

It seemed that Phineas was asleep as well. Ferb wished that they'd dreamed themselves onto the same planet, but at least they were in contact. Maybe Phineas's experience would help guide him through this place, though he wasn't holding his breath. Now that he'd experienced the vagueness himself, he regretted ever rolling his eyes at the things Phineas said when he was asleep.

As he wondered how to fly, he began to float off the ground. So. It was thought controlled. That was convenient. He floated out of the window and over the moon.

The view was dominated by Derse, which loomed huge in the sky above. The biggest things on the moon itself were two purple towers, far in the distance. They looked like as good a place as any to start his investigations.

One or two of the chess people in the street stopped and pointed as Ferb flew overhead, but luckily, they didn't seem to be interested in attacking him. One of them waved, and he waved back.

As he got closer, he noticed that the towers shared a base. They didn't bifurcate until about halfway up. Interesting design choice, Ferb thought as peeked in the closest window.

Inside was a child's bedroom. A purpler version of Alton's, if he wasn't mistaken. He hadn't been in Alton's bedroom as many times as he should, but he recognised the triangle lamp on the bedside table and the remote controlled car under the bed. He had to spend more time with Alton. He had to spend more time with all his children, but it was difficult, with his job and with the distance between them. Of course, that wasn't an excuse.

There was someone in the bed, someone small with a mess of green hair.

Ferb took the boy gently by the shoulders and shook him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even move. That was strange. Alton was not normally heavy sleeper. Maybe he needed to wake up on his own. If it was even him and not some imposter.

Ferb flew out of the window and entered the other tower. This one contained another child's bedroom, a lot messier than the first. The floor was practically coated with what looked like every piece of electronics developed in the last twenty years or so. He didn't even have to look in the bed to know that this was a copy of Hal's room.

Hal snored quietly. Ferb tried to wake him up, but he was sleeping as heavily as Alton, for once. They'd been nightmares as babies. Ferb had taken them for a few nights to give Vanessa a break, and he could barely imagine it had been like to take care of them full time. More than once, Vanessa had called him late at night to berate herself, and to some extent him, for ever wanting to have kids. What had either of them been thinking?

She'd seemed to have felt differently during the day, though.

Ferb was just leaving Hal's room when Phineas contacted him again. As the conversation progressed, it became clear that Phineas was having much more trouble focusing than Ferb. That made sense. Ferb had always been the more down to Earth of the two, though that hadn't always been a good thing.

He descended down to the streets of the moon. He hadn't seen any natural areas yet, on the moon or on Derse. It seemed that the Dersites were entirely urbanised.

A small Dersite walked up to him with a glare. Ferb held up a hand. He was busy. This person looked like bad news, but Ferb could just fly away if he needed to.

In a gruff voice, the Dersite asked him if he was communicating with Prospit.

"Yes, I suppose," said Ferb, with a shrug. That was where Phineas was, wasn't it? The dream fog was beginning to creep up again.

The Dersite informed him that it was unbecoming of a Derse hero to fraternise with the enemy, and that he was going to have to disable his communication device for the sake of order.

Ferb tried to figure out what to do about this, but kept getting stuck on the concept of not fraternising with his brother. Of course he was fraternising with him. That was the what the word meant. To behave in a brotherly way.

He... Had he been talking to someone? Was it Phineas? He'd probably ended the conversation so that he could concentrate on information gathering. He remembered something about that.

Yes, that was probably what had happened.

.

Candace's computer beeped as she drove back from the hairdresser's, but she didn't think much of it. She was expecting a message from her record label about the status of her next album. They'd better not delay it on account of poorly timed lyrical content again, she thought. How was she supposed to have known someone would be dumb enough to literally skydive into Neptune?

She got home, landed the car, and got out. Well. Of all the things she'd hoped not to find, she hadn't even considered a smoking crater. That only ever happened in the imaginations of worried parents, and even then they weren't serious about it.

Candace walked over to the crater and looked into it, more irritated than upset. Come to think of it, Phineas hadn't specified exactly why she had to get all her stuff out of the house. She was going to be really annoyed if the house wasn't back by the end of the day.

She remembered the message, got out her computer, and read it.

Okay, now she was upset.


	18. Candace: Freak Out/Perry: $êSø°}r♠*

  
candescentFervor contacted phenomenalFunification

CF: Phineas

PF: Hey sis, what's the matter?

CF: What do you mean what's the matter my sons are in danger

PF: They are?

CF: What are you talking about  
CF: You told me so yourself

PF: That sounds like something I would say!

CF: What is going on with you

PF: I'm asleep!

CF: What  
CF: Why are you asleep  
CF: Did you invent some sort of... dream... robot or something

PF: I don't think so!  
PF: I'm in the game right now!

CF: The game the kids are playing  
CF: How can you be in it

PF: I don't know!

CF: Okay whatever can we get back to my kids

PF: Are you freaking out?  
PF: You're not using punctuation!  
PF: Isn't that what you do when you freak out? :V)

CF: What do you think

PF: I don't know!

CF: You don't know much when you're asleep do you

PF: I guess not. :V(

CF: Do you know how to get my kids out of there

PF: Out of where?

CF: The game

PF: Are they in the game?  
PF: What game?

CF: klafsjdfoiwerhnfglasdknv

candescentFervor signed off

PF: Bye, Candace! :V)  


.

  
candescentFervor contacted furtiveForewarning

CF: Ferb  
CF: Ferb are you there  
CF: Ferb answer me right now  


.

  
candescentFervor contacted forcibleDessertinator

FD: Oh, hello!  
FD: Candace, right?  
FD: What a pleasant surprise!  
FD: And by pleasant, I mean... genuinely pleasant!  
FD: I don't get many messages these days, you know how it is.

CF: Yeah hi  
CF: I can't believe I'm doing this  
CF: But I need your help

FD: Oh really...

CF: Yeah  
CF: My sons are trapped in some stupid game and it's trying to kill them  
CF: And you're the only person I know other than my brothers that can get me in

FD: Oh let me guess, it's the game Perry the Platypus and your brothers are in cahoots over.

CF: What  
CF: You knew about this  
CF: For how long

FD: I don't know, four, maybe five weeks.  
FD: I didn't know everyone was gonna make such a big deal over it, sheesh.

CF: Are you gonna help me or what

FD: I don't know. What's in it for me?  
FD: The entire tri-state area?

CF: Do I look like someone who has control over the entire tri-state area?

FD: Well, I don't know!  
FD: I can't see you, you're on the other side of a computer screen!

CF: What do you want from me?  
CF: We're wasting time.

FD: Hm...

CF: Hurry up.

FD: Uh...  
FD: I'm thinking...  


.

  
forcibleDessertinator contacted peripheralProtector

FD: Perry the Platypus, guess what!

PP: busy  
PP: whatttt

FD: That girl you used to live with, whatshername. Candy. She wants my help! Mine!  
FD: Be a mensch and help think of something she can do for me in return.

PP: why ddddoes she  
PP: needddd help

FD: I don't know, I wasn't really listening.  
FD: Something about helping her kids by going in that game everyone's always trying to tell me about.

PP: why

FD: Why whatttt?  
FD: I mean why what?  
FD: Ooh, it's catching. 

PP: wantttt game  
PP: *getttt intttto game

FD: How should I know?

PP: askkkk

FD: Do I have to?

PP: yes

FD: Ugh, fine, whatever.  


.

  
candescentFervor is talking to forcibleDessertinator

FD: Perry the Platypus wants me to ask why you want to go into the game.

CF: Because Phineas said they're not supposed to be there after all, and now the game's trying to kill them!

FD: Oh, about that.  
FD: Hey...  
FD: What about my grandkids? Are they supposed to be there?

CF: How should I know?  


.

  
forcibleDessertinator is talking to peripheralProtector

FD: She said her triangle headed brother told her they weren't supposed to be somewhere, and someone was trying to kill them... you know, the usual.

PP: i see

candescentFervor has joined the chat

FD: Hey, this is a private conversation!

CF: Perry invited me.  
CF: Don't ask me why.

PP: phineas toldddd you

CF: Told me what?

PP: about your kidddds

CF: Of course he told me!  
CF: They're my kids!  
CF: And now he says he's asleep and he's acting strange!  
CF: And not just Phineas strange!  
CF: Strange strange!

PP: when asleep  
PP: always sttttrange  
PP: ddddisttttantttt

CF: And how can he even be talking to me in his sleep?

PP: ddddream self  
PP: has computttter

FD: Wait, what? His dream self?

PP: yes

FD: Well, okay then.

PP: Ccccanddddace  
PP: not supposedddd  
PP: be in  
PP: game  
PP: any more than  
PP: childdddren

CF: If I do this right, I'm gonna just go in, get the kids, and come out.

PP: sttttill ddddangerous

CF: Look, Perry.

PP: warzsexdrctfvgybuhnj['\

CF: I appreciate you trying to help.  
CF: Perry?

PP: fvuygbuhnjimko,>"{}

FD: Perry the Platypus?  
FD: What's the matter, you're not even quadrupling your letters!  
FD: Are you feeling okay?

PP: theyre  
PP: here  
PP: help

FD: What?  
FD: Who's here?  
FD: Where are you? I thought you were off shooting the meteors with your little friends!

PP: crashedddd

FD: Oh, there's the quadrulping.

PP: help  
PP: exrdctfvguybuhnjmik,o.pl;/[']\

CF: Perry!

peripheralProtector's computer hassssssssss456784567845678rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRjajajajajajajajaja

FD: Huh.  
FD: What do you think "hassssssssss456784567845678rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRjajajajajajajajaja" means?  
FD: Is he laughing at us in, like Spanish or something?

CF: It means Perry's in trouble.  
CF: How much do you wanna bet he's in the game too?

FD: Wait, am I supposed to be betting for him being there or against him?

CF: You care about Perry, right?

FD: Well duh, he's only my best friend in whole world!

CF: ...  
CF: Are you a 12 year-old-girl?

FD: What? No!

CF: Never mind. Help me rescue my kids and I'll help you rescue Perry.

FD: What's in it for me?  
FD: Oh, I'm just messing with you,  
FD: I'm in!  


.

  
fredPhillips is talking to cozilyPlanted

CP: How does it look?

FP: Great  
FP: !

CP: Do you have one?

FP: Im starting

CP: Where will you go?  
CP: Im going to Prospit  
CP: I bet its safe there

FP: Ill go the other way  
FP: To the Veil  
FP: I can hide better in there

CP: Good idea  


.

  
candescentFervor contacted cozilyPlanted and fredPhillips

CF: Boys, are you okay?

CP: Hi mom  
CP: Were okay for now

FP: But were scared

CF: Just stay where you are, and I'll come pick you up, okay?

CP: Okay  
CP: Wait we cant  
CP: Were splitting up to hide from the enemies

FP: Cant you use our trackers?

CF: I hope so!  
CF: Do they work in the game?

CP: I think so  
CP: The lights flashing

CF: Okay, just do whatever it takes to stay safe.  
CF: I'll be there as soon as I can.

CP: Okay.

FP: Okay.

CP: Hurry.  


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DF: ok everyone!!!!!!!!!  
DF: let's report in!!!!!!!!

DP: lets do what

DF: report!!!!!!  
DF: i'm level grinding!!!!!!!!

PD: Me too. :)

DP: ok im on xaviers planet now  
DP: thats where the spirograph went alicia  
DP: hal r u back to ur planet yet?

PD: Not yet Im on Alicias planet. :)  
PD: I think when I go in the spirograph above her house Ill be back on LOFAF and then I can drop the pills through my spirograph and you can catch them Alton. :)

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: LOFAF is the Land of Flashes and Frogs it's an acronym. :)

DF: hal we should meet up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Huh?  
CP: What spirographs?  
CP: Are they portals?  
CP: Can me and Fred use them to hide?

PD: Uh I think I have to get Altons pills Alicia. :(  
PD: The spirographs are portals but they dont go to Prospit or the Veil Xavier. :(  
PD: Theyre above everyones houses. :)

FP: Thats okay Hal weve finished our spaceships. :)  
FP: Im going to the Veil. :)

CP: Its double okay  
CP: Our moms picking us up

DF: she is?????????????

FP: Yeah. :D  
FP: She said shed be there as soon as she could. :)

DF: but you have to finish the game!!!!!!

FP: I dont think the game wants us to finish it. :(

DF: what are you talking about??????????  
DF: it's just a game!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: it doesn't want anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: It dropped meteors on us and sent us to another world. :(

DF: it's programmed to do that!!!!!!  
DF: right hal??????

PD: Yeah. :)  
PD: Its all code. :)  
PD: Really good code. :)

DP: so maybe its programmed to try to kill some people  
DP: like at random  
DP: im glad ur mom is getting u  
DP: im playing now because the consorts r depending on me  
DP: but u dont have any reason 2 play  
DP: so u dont have 2

DF: don't listen to him you do so have a reason to play!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: no u dont  
DP: its just a game

CP: Yeah  
CP: I thought it would be fun but now I dont want to play it anymore  
CP: Its not fair

DF: how can you say it's just a game alton?????  
DF: you're playing it now even though you didn't want to!!!!!!  
DF: it's destiny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: and what about dad's dreams??????????????

DP: maybe that was coded in too  
DP: me playing  
DP: was it hal

PD: I dont know. :/

DP: ur the one who converted it  
DP: 4 days and days and days and days

PD: I know. :/  
PD: But  
PD: I didnt understand it all. :(  
PD: I just translated the functions and stuff into modern OODL structures. :(

DP: ur a brave kid hal  
DP: yuttama

DF: what???????????  
DF: why do you keep saying that to him???????????????

DP: just babytalk  
DP: its an injoke

PD: Twin talk. :)

DP: its babytalk  
DP: no such thing as twin talk

PD: Its twin talk. :)  
PD: It means congratulations. :)  
PD: Kind of. :/

DP: anyway  
DP: xavier and fred r u still ok

CP: Yeah

DP: fred

CP: Fred where are you?

DF: oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: now do u think he shouldnt play

DF: uh................  
DF: hes probably ok!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: right

CP: Fred?!

FP: Oh hi guys  
FP: Sorry to worry you  
FP: I got distracted in the veil  
FP: Sorry

DF: told you so alton!!!!!!!!!

FP: Where are you Xavier?  
FP: Are you near Prospit?

CP: Yeah  
CP: I can see it now

PD: Does it really have a moon that goes through Skaias atmosphere? :/  
PD: Because that's kind of weird. :/

CP: I dont know

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: its not that surprising alicia

DF: not that!!!!!!!!  
DF: im the witch of breath!!!!!!!!!  
DF: i was talking to one of the snails on the planet and she said there's a legendary hero who's the witch of breath and it must be me because it's my planet!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: oh ok  
DP: that makes sense  
DP: i'm the seer of breath & hal thinks hes the heir of space

PD: :/  
PD: The people on your planet talk too? :/  
PD: I just got frogs. :(  
PD: I dont even know what heir of space means. :(

DF: witch of breath means i get air powers!!!!!!!!!  
DF: one of the snails told me about all it!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: she asked about my sprite!!!!!!!!  
DF: she said my sprite was supposed to tell me i was a witch!!!!!!!!  
DF: hey alton perry's your sprite right??????

DP: yeah

DF: you should ask him what your destiny is!!!!!!

DP: dont need 2  
DP: i dont have a destiny

CP: I wonder if me and Fred have titles

DF: but i do and were playing the same game!!!!!!!  
DF: please talk to him!!!!!!!!!!

PD: You do Xavier. :)  
PD: there was a sea scorpion on your world and it said there was a Page of Mind. :)  
PD: I think thats you. :)  
PD: I didnt meet anyone on Freds world. :(

DP: y dont u talk 2 him if u want 2 so much

DF: hes not my sprite!!!!!!!!

DP: so  
DP: hell still talk 2 u  
DP: hes a nice platypus

CP: Oh thats cool

DF: and i dont know his name!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ill check  
DP: peripheralProtector  
DP: go talk 2 him

DF: ok fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  


.

  
delightedFortune contacted periph1234567890-=]poiuytreqasdfghjkl;'/.,mnbvcx

DF: ×:sfòÔã¶4×˜HS@œÈ’Žêì  
DF: y®Q⌂¡]ßa

delighteEŽ†µÖßÔúpdFortune uncontacted peripheralProtector  



	19. Xavier: Arrive on Prospit

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DF: EŽ†µÖßÔúpn't work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you must have gotten the name wrong!!!!!!!!

PD: What happened? :S  
PD: Why are you making all those symbols? :S

DF: what symbols????????  
DF: i'll show you what happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

delightedFortune sent proficiencyDiverisified, fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted and discerningPedestrian a file

DF: and then it crashed or something!!!!!!!  
DF: except all my other conversations stayed open!!!!!!!  
DF: and it's not in my history anymore!!!!!!!!  
DF: it was when i sent you the file!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Whoa  
CP: Why were you talking in symbols Alicia?

DF: what symbols????????????????????  
DF: i was talking in english!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: no u werent  
DP: there were symbols

FP: There definitely were

PD: You said "×:sfòÔã¶4×˜HS@œÈ’Žêì" and then you said "y®Q⌂¡]ßa" and then in this conversation you said "EŽ†µÖßÔúpn't work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". :/

DF: i know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: what about the symbols???????????

DP: y did u use them

DF: i didn't!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: i don't know what you guys are talking about!!!!!!!!  
DF: i'm confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: You mean you cant see the symbols?  
FP: What do they look like to you?

DF: i'll copy and paste what hal said!!!!!!!!!  
DF: PD: You said "×:sfòÔã¶4×˜HS@œÈ’Žêì" and then you said "y®Q⌂¡]ßa" and then in this conversation you said "EŽ†µÖßÔúpn't work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". :/

PD: :/

DP: stills looks like symbols 2 me

CP: Me too

FP: Me three

DP: what do u think u said  
DP: in different words

DF: ok fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: i asked perry if he was there!!!!!!!!  
DF: then i told him to message me back when he got it!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: then it disconnected!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: and there were no symbols!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: Oh yeah that makes sense

CP: It does?

FP: I mean it doesnt make sense

fredPhillips signed off

DP: ...

PD: :/

fredPhillips joined the chat

DP: well anyway  
DP: i think uncle perry is in serious trouble

PD: Yeah. :/  
PD: Or maybe he is the serious trouble. :S

DP: hes a good guy  
DP: whatever it is its not his fault  
DP: something happened

CP: Is it what happened to all the sprites?  
CP: Do uncle Phineas and uncle Ferb know about him?

DF: i'll ask dad!!!!!!!  
DF: i'll try not to speak in symbols this time!!!!!!!!  
  


.

  
delightedFortune contacted phenomenalFunification

DF: dad???????  
DF: are you there???????????

PF: Hi, Alicia. :V)  
PF: How are you?

DF: hi dad!!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: i tried to talk to perry!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Awesome!  
PF: How did it go?

DF: bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: i said two things and then i got disconnected even though i was still connected everywhere else!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: and the others said i was speaking in symbols even though i wasn't!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Wow, that's terrible!  
PF: Who were you talking to?

DF: perry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: except he wasnt there!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Oh, Perry!  
PF: I wonder where he's got to! :V)

DF: hes a sprite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Whats that? :V)

DF: you know from the game!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Oh yeah! :V)  
PF: Perry's not a sprite, he's a platypus! :V)

DF: dad!!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: are you asleep again??????????

PF: I think so!  
PF: Ferb's asleep too!  
PF: He's gathering intel. :V)

DF: wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: i think perrys in trouble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
DF: you should help him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Alicia, Perry can take care of himself.  
PF: Did you know he's a secret agent? I sure didn't!

DF: wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: I can't! :V)  
PF: Not until I'm ready!

DF: when will you be ready dad???????????  
DF: you need to wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Who knows?

DF: ok dad im going now!!!!!!!!  
DF: message me when you wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!

delightedFortune signed off  


.

Alicia didn't know what it meant to be a Witch of Breath, but she was sure it was something cool. She'd always known she had a destiny! And so did Alton and Hal and Xavier! And so did Fred, even if they hadn't found it yet.

A gust of wind ruffled her hair, and she felt a strange connection to it. She'd felt it before, she decided. Maybe even all her life. Yes, that breeze touched her somewhere, inside her heart, or her soul or something. And if she brought Alton there, he'd be able to see it. Or at least he could see her heart... reacting to it. He wasn't the Seer of Gusts of Wind.

What did Hal and Xavier's titles mean? Was Hal going to inherit outer space? She was pretty sure nobody could own space. There was some sort of law about it. Unless the law was there so that space would be free for Hal to inherit? That made sense

And Page of Mind... What was that, some kind of fortune telling card? Did he do errands for disembodied brains? Did he get them coffee? Could disembodied brains even drink coffee? Xavier had a weird destiny.

It was all very confusing, but what was clear was that Alicia had the best destiny out of all of them. She did kind of want to own space, though.

Okay, breath was sort of like wind, wasn't it? They both involved air moving around. Maybe she could do some sort of witchy thing with the air! She just had to... tap into her inner witchyness? Did she have one of those? Of course she did!

She focused on the air and imagined it moving aside. There was a gust of air, but she couldn't tell if it was from her being a witch or if it was just the wind

She imagined shoving the air straight at herself, and a huge gust of wind hit her in the face. That was it! That had to be her! She pushed some more air around, nearly knocking herself over. She could tell that she was pushing it too hard out of excitement, but she didn't care. She was the Witch of Breath! She could control the air!

Alicia practiced a bit more, and by the time she got bored, she felt she was getting pretty good at it. She always pushed it too hard, even when she wasn't excited, but that was okay. She could counteract the force by pushing it in another direction straight after. Besides, there was no point pushing gently. All that would do was cool her down on a hot day, and the Land of Gusts and Candy was actually kind of chilly.

She looked down the jawbreaker-cobbled road that stretched ahead of her, and located a three-armed imp. It didn't seem to have seen her, but she couldn't throw her boomerang that far anyway.

An idea began to form.

She readied her boomerang, being careful not to touch the sharp edge. That side oozed a sugar-based poison she'd made by alchemising about a million pounds of candy together. It worked by... something about giving the enemies diabetes or diabetic shock or something. She wasn't sure, but it increased the damage done by a lot.

She made a toss that would fall short under normal circumstances, and used her new-found awesome witch powers to blow it at the imp at full speed.

The imp didn't even get a chance to look around before it exploded into grist.

"Yes!" yelled Alicia, and ran over to collect it. She used wind to push herself to run faster, tripped, and scraped her knee on a jagged globule of sugar sticking up from one of the jawbreakers. "Ow!"

Okay, maybe pushing herself wasn't a great idea. But it gave her an idea that really was great! If she used the air right, she could probably fly! The game was going to get even more fun!

.

Prospit was in view long before Xavier reached it. It was a beautiful planet of golden towers, golden spires, golden skyscrapers, and other tall buildings that he couldn't categorise. He liked it. It looked safe, and far away from the bad guys.

He landed in a plaza to a small crowd of weird white chess people. They whispered to each other as he stepped out of his small ship, which looked pathetic and grubby amongst all the golden architecture.

Xavier looked at his feet awkwardly. "Uh. Hi." What if they didn't like him? What if they threw him out for not being interesting enough? What would he do then?

The chess people whispered to each other, and eventually one of them was pushed forwards by the others. She said "We welcome you to Prospit, false page. Please, stay as long as you need."

"Uh..." said Xavier. False page? What did that mean? Was she making fun of him? She sounded sincere enough. "Thanks. I'm hiding from the black chess person with the spear." He hoped desperately that there wasn't more than one.

There was more whispering.

"We will do what we can to protect you from the agents of Derse," said the spokeswoman.

"Thanks," said Xavier. He was still a bit curious about the false page thing. He hoped someone would explain it to him soon.

A human boy in golden pajamas rounded the corner. "Hey guys, what's going on?" He seemed a bit familiar. He had red hair, and a pointy head like Alicia, and... Like Alicia! That was where Xavier had seen him before. Old family photos!

"Uncle Phineas?" It was kind of weird that he was suddenly a kid.

The boy looked at him in confusion for a second, then seemed to recognise him. "Oh! Xavier! What are you doing here?"

"I flew," said Xavier, indicating the ship he'd arrived in. "Why are you a kid, uncle Phineas?" He'd hoped that uncle Phineas would explain that, but it didn't look like he was going to.

Uncle Phineas glanced down as though he'd forgotten, and said "I... I don't remember! I think Perry said... uh... it has something to do with Candace, uh, your mother. She was really upset about something!"

"Perry's talking in symbols," said Xavier, unsure of what else to say. Alicia had already told him that, right? It wouldn't do any good to tell him again.

Uncle Phineas laughed. "Perry's a platypus. They don't talk, you know!"

"But you just said..."

Uncle Phineas's face fell. "I... I don't know what I said," he admitted. "I sure hope you didn't want any answers."

Xavier shook his head. "I wanna not get stabbed by evil chess people," he said. He didn't really have any questions. Except maybe the false page thing... maybe.

"Well, you came to the right place!" uncle Phineas laughed. "Come on, I'll show you around!"

He put his arm around Xavier's shoulder and led him down the road.

Something unpleasant occurred to Xavier. "Uh, uncle Phineas, you're not gonna forget who I am and think I'm a bad guy, right?" The idea that his uncle might not recognise him was an unpleasant one.

Uncle Phineas rubbed his chin, almost looking like his normal self. "Hm... I don't think so. Your uncle thinks I won't forgot anything that happened before I was your age. You don't have anything to worry about, Jeremy!"

All Xavier could say was "Uh."

"Just kidding," said uncle Phineas, giving him a friendly arm punch. "You look a lot like him! Which is kinda weird..."

"How come?" said Xavier. Why shouldn't he look like his dad? Wasn't that how DNA worked?

Uncle Phineas stopped and looked down the streets. "How come what?"

"How come it's weird I look like dad?" said Xavier.

"I said that?" said uncle Phineas. He shook his head violently. "Sorry Xavier, I don't remember."

"It's nothing," said Xavier. It probably was. He wasn't an expert on genetic similarities. Uncle Phineas definitely knew more about it, even in his weird semi-amnesiac state.


	20. Fred: Hit buttons at random

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this story's actually up to chapter 20, and with a regular update schedule too! Thanks to everyone who's commented/given kudos/bookmarked so far! It always makes my day.

  
delightedFortune contacted candescentFervor

DF: aunt candace!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you're not asleep are you????

CF: No.   
CF: Have you been talking to your dad?

DF: how did you know??????

CF: Just a feeling.   
CF: What's up?   
CF: Are Xavier and Fred okay?

DF: i think so!!!!!!!!   
DF: xavier is on prospit and fred is in the veil!!!!!!

CF: Am I supposed to know what those are?   
CF: Sorry, there's a lot going on right now.

DF: they're places in the medium!!!!!!   
DF: actually they're places near the medium!!!!!   
DF: i think!!!!!

CF: Okay.

DF: anyway i tried to talk to perry but the others said i was talking in symbols!!!!!!!!   
DF: i think somethings happened to him!!!!!!!!

CF: Yeah, we know about that.

DF: you do??????   
DF: who's we????????????

CF: Me and Doofenshmirtz.   
CF: He's the only one who can get into the game who isn't off in crazy sleepy land right now.

DF: hal and alton's grandpa??????   
DF: isn't he evil???????????

CF: I didn't have a lot of choice.   
CF: We were talking to Perry when... whatever it was happened.   
CF: One second he was normal, and the next... He started typing all these weird letters.   
CF: Doofenshmirtz is gonna look for him once he gets me into the game.

DF: omg!!!!!!!!   
DF: will perry be ok??????

CF: I don't know.   
CF: I'm sure he'll be fine.

candescentFervor signed off  


.

Doofenshmirtz tightened a bolt with a bit more force than was necessary. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he was offended that whatshername kept suggesting that he didn't.

"Come on," said Candace again. "There is no way that a water clock is gonna help get to whatever weirdo dimension my kids are trapped in."

Doofenshmirtz snorted. "Shows what you know." What rock had she been living under all her life? Sheesh.

Candace chewed on the instant crumbed veal he'd graciously provided her with and examined the part he'd just completed. "And what's this thing?" She poked it with her fork.

Doofenshmirtz pulled her back. "Wait! That's the quantum... quanta. Even looking at it could..." But it was too late. "Oh, now I'm gonna have to recalibrate it!" Seriously, how could she be so stupid about everything? These young people.

"Sorry." Candace didn't really sound very sorry.

And another thing. "W-why did you even let your kids into this horrible game?" Doofenshmirtz asked the parent of the year. "I mean, Perry the Platypus, you... you can never tell him what to do, but how old are your kids? One? Two?" He couldn't remember. It was something like that.

"Because Phineas said they had to play it!" Candace snapped. "He said they'd be fine, and then he changed his mind! Now the game is bad for them! And if I don't get there in time, they could die, all because I let them play!"

"Sorry I asked," muttered Doofenshmirtz. Temper temper.

"And do you know what the worst thing is?" continued Candace. She threw down her plate and began pacing back and forth.

"No, but I think you're about to tell me," muttered Doofenshmirtz. He missed Perry the Platypus. Perry the Platypus didn't suddenly start ranting out of nowhere about boring stuff Doofenshmirtz didn't care about. Perry the Platypus stayed quiet and listened. Usually.

"I should have just stayed where I was. I should have said, Phineas, I'm a grown woman. If Xavier can handle this game, I can handle it. Even the meteor babies did--"

Doofenshmirtz had been waiting to find out what the worst thing was, but he had to interrupt. “I-I'm sorry, did you say meteor babies?”

“What?” said Candace. “Oh yeah. Xavier and Fred weren't born, they fell out of the sky on meteors. Phineas said they had to play the game or they'd cease to exist or something. Time travel... ugh.”

“Like the twins!” said Doofenshmirtz. “Ooh, I'm starting to put the pieces together!”

“Huh?” said Candace. “You mean Alton and Hal? Yeah, they were born the same way. So was Alicia.” She didn't sound very concerned about it.

“I've got it!" Doofenshmirtz announced. "All meteor babies must be cousins!” Alicia was the name of Phineas's daughter, wasn't it? Did Phineas have a daughter? Doofenshmirtz couldn't remember.

“Or, being a meteor baby has something to do with playing the game,” said Candace. She stopped pacing abruptly. “Hey, wait a second. I thought Xavier and Fred weren't players...”

“Are you _sure_ they fell from the sky?” said Doofenshmirtz, remembering his childhood. “Or do you just use that as an insult, you know, when you're mad at them? You know, like 'I found you in a crater and if you don't behave I'm putting you right back there', that kind of thing.”

Candace put her hands on her hips. “Of course I know where they came from. I was there!”

Doofenshmirtz still wasn't convinced, but he was beginning to get the feeling Candace was kind of mad, so he dropped it.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

FP: Hey guess what. :)   
FP: Theres a whole lab in this meteor. :O

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: What kind of lab? :O

FP: I'm not sure. :/   
FP: Theres some screens. :S   
FP: One of them has a picture of a guy on it. :/   
FP: He has a monobrow. :/

DF: wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i bet hes important!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: does the screen have his name?????????????????????

FP: No. :S   
FP: He looks like some kind of army guy. :/

DP: probably major monogram   
DP: uncle perrys old boss

DF: how do you know??????????????

DP: i dont   
DP: hes an army guy with a monobrow   
DP: does he have a purple MM on his shirt fred

FP: Yep. :)

PD: Major Monogram? :S   
PD: Is he related to Major Monobrow? :S

DP: u heard about him from grandpa didnt u hal

PD: Of course. :)   
PD: Who else? :S   
PD: Uncle Perry cant talk. :)

DP: i know   
DP: hes a really good storyteller 4 some1 who cant talk

FP: Major Monobrowgram has a crosshair over him. :/   
FP: I cant move it. :/   
FP: Theres a big blue button below the screen. :/   
FP: Im gonna press it. :)

PD: Good idea. :)

FP: It made a slime copy of him that melted. :O   
FP: Now the slimes in a tube. :O

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he turned into slime??????????   
DF: did he die??????????   
DF: did you kill him????????????????????????

FP: :/   
FP: He looks okay. :)   
FP: Hes just standing there. :)   
FP: Singing. :S   
FP: I think I figured out how to switch screens. :)   
FP: Its Xavier. :O

CP: Me?

FP: Youre sitting under the digital tree. :)   
FP: On the screen. :)   
FP: Im sitting next to you. :)   
FP: The targets on you. :O

CP: Im not sitting under a tree   
CP: Im on Prospit with uncle Phineas   
CP: Its a nice place but theres not many trees

FP: You are in the picture. :S

DF: press the button again!!!!!!!

FP: Theres lots of buttons. :S   
FP: Do you want me to press the button for another screen? :S

DF: no the blue one with the slime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: Okay. :)   
FP: It made a melted slimy copy of Xavier. :)

DF: whats on the screen now??????

FP: I need to change the monitor first. :)   
FP: Now its Alton and Hals grandpa. :O

PD: :O

DP: seriously   
DP: whats he doing

FP: Hes talking to Perry. :)   
FP: Hes got hair and Perrys in a trap. :)

DP: ok so if he has hair   
DP: its the past   
DP: he hasnt had hair for ages

DF: omg that must be it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: fred the monitor must show the past!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: :O   
FP: And now   
FP: Its me. :O

DF: it just changed?????   
DF: fred you should have made a slime copy of alton and hals grandpa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: I did. :)   
FP: I changed it afterward. :)

DP: does it just show random people or what   
DP: u and xavier are brothers   
DP: and mm and grandpa are sworn enemies or something   
DP: but u and grandpa or xavier and mm dont have anything in common   
DP: right

FP: Right. :/   
FP: Im looking at me. :/   
FP: I feel like being me. :/   
FP: :(

DP: then be u

CP: He cant remember?

FP: I cant. :/   
FP: But I want to be. :/   
FP: I can hardly remember how Hal types. :(   
FP: I can't be me. :(   
FP: In the same way a mirror can't reflect the dark. :(   
FP: In a vacuum. :(

DP: if ur that worried about it   
DP: switch 2 another screen so u dont have 2 see u anymore   
DP: how do u look in the mirror anyway

CP: He looked in a mirror when he entered   
CP: I saw him

FP: Thats different. :(   
FP: Okay I made a copy of me. :/   
FP: That was the last monitor. :(   
FP: Wait something else is happening. :O   
FP: :O

DF: what is it?????

FP: Babies. :O   
FP: Theres babies on the floor. :O   
FP: They appeared out of nowhere. :O

PD: :O

DP: what   



	21. Paradox Clones: Multiply

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: real babies??????????????

FP: Theres a baby me and a baby Xavier. :O   
FP: And two more. :S

PD: I bet its baby grandpa and a baby monobrow! :O

DP: so theres a machine in the veil that looks at people in the past   
DP: and makes baby clones of them   
DP: weird

FP: Another button lit up when I made the slime copy of me. :S   
FP: Its green and it has a double helix on it. :S   
FP: Im gonna press it. :/   
FP: The slime in the tubes dropped into containers. :O   
FP: The slime from Xavier mixed with the Major Monogram slime. :O   
FP: The slime from me mixed with the grandpa Doofenshmirtz slime. :O   
FP: Its doing something with DNA I think. :O   
FP: :O

DF: what happened??????????????????   
DF: did the babies break it????????

FP: No. :O   
FP: Four more. :O   
FP: Babies. :O   
FP: I think they came from the slime. :O   
FP: The slime mixture. :O

CP: What do they look like?   
CP: Do they look like anyone?

FP: Uh... :/   
FP: They look familiar... :/

PD: Take a picture. :)

FP: Okay. :/

fredPhillips sent proficiencyDiversified, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian a file.

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: what she said

DF: two of them have heads shaped like mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: like mine and dad's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Im looking at the hair. :O   
PD: I never saw anyone with green hair who I wasnt related to. :O   
PD: :O   
PD: I think the one on the right looks like I did when I was a baby. :O   
PD: Or Alton. :/   
PD: We used to look the same. :/

DP: the other green hair baby more looks like dad   
DP: i bet the black haired baby looks like alicia   
DP: shes the only girl there

DF: omg she does!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and the other one has red hair like dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: Why would mixing slime from Xavier and Major Monogram make a baby that looks like Alicia? :S   
FP: And uncle Phineas? :S   
FP: They dont even look anything alike. :S

DF: maybe its a hint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DF: about what

DF: about how to beat the game duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: xavier plus major monogram makes me and dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: don't forget!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Uh. :/   
PD: I just remembered something from the code. :/   
PD: I didn't know what it meant then but I think I do now. :/   
PD: D:

DF: what???????

PD: Its about clones. :/   
PD: If its a perfect clone it will become the thing its a clone of. :/   
PD: Theres a check every time a clone gets made. :/

CP: Isnt it already whatever its a clone of?   
CP: Isnt that what a clone is?

PD: No. :)   
PD: Its a copy. :)   
PD: Separate from the original. :)   
PD: But in this game they turn into the original through memory loops :/   
PD: At least thats how it works with programs. :/   
PD: People arent made of computer memory. :/

DP: so   
DP: in this game whenever it makes a copy   
DP: it turns it into the original somehow   
DP: xavier and fred r gonna get replaced by their clones

PD: Not exactly. :)   
PD: Theyve always been their clones. :)   
PD: They go back in time I guess. :/

DP: uh   
DP: what

FP: I need to read up on memory loops. :/   
FP: Because I dont get it. :/

PD: You know how all data is stored as ones and zeroes? :)

FP: I think so. :/

DP: i never got how that worked   
DP: dont start explaining hal   
DP: u can tell me l8r

PD: Okay Alton. :(   
PD: Fred all the ones and zeroes in computer memory are stored in a giant line like a street. :)   
PD: The computer uses an address to find where each part of the data is. :)   
PD: You can make a variable thats just got the address of another variable in it. :)   
PD: Thats not a memory loop though its a pointer. :)   
PD: With memory loops you have the pointer before you have the original variable. :)   
PD: It points to a value that doesnt exist yet. :)   
PD: Using extratemporal logic gates. :)   
PD: Its really useful for loop based languages like ~ATH and Despair. :)

FP: Okay. :)

DP: hes humoring u hal   
DP: that didnt actually make sense

FP: I'm not humoring him. :S   
FP: I know what hes talking about when Im being him. :)

PD: It did so make sense. :(

DF: i don't get all this programming stuff but does this mean.................   
DF: xavier and fred and grandpa doofenshmirtz and that monobrow guy are all clones of themselves????????????????   
DF: they were born by fred cloning them from the videos in the lab??????????????????

DP: i dunno   
DP: does it

FP: Yeah. :O   
FP: Right Hal? :S

PD: I think so. :O   
PD: And I think the other babies really are us and dad and uncle Phineas. :O   
PD: Theyre not copies either. :O

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: how???????????   
DF: he didnt make clones of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he just mixed slime from the other clones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and babies came out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: somehow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Oh yeah. :)   
PD: If the other babies come from the memory loop clones then theyre bound by the same rules. :)   
PD: I think. :/   
PD: Even if theyre not direct clones. :)

DP: y r u using smiley faces   
DP: do u realize what u just said

FP: The babies are scaring me. :(   
FP: I dont know what to do with babies. :(   
FP: brb

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal you must be wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: maybe xavier and fred are clones of themselves but mom and dad are my mom and dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: yeah   
DP: if that stuffs true   
DP: lets see   
DP: my dad is really my brother   
DP: my grandpa is really my dad   
DP: my mom is really my sister   
DP: and my other dad is fred   
DP: what

PD: :O   
PD: I didnt think of that. :O   
PD: That means Alicias dad is her brother too. :O

DF: i know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: that's why you're wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's not my brother he's my dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and doesn't it make your mom and dad brother and sister????????????????   
DF: that's so gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :O   
PD: :O

DP: ew   
DP: mom was adopted though   
DP: i guess genetically shes not our sister   
DP: or dads

PD: :O   
PD: Oh yeah. :O   
PD: Thats good. :O

DF: and if the babies are all us why's there only one baby that looks like you guys???????   
DF: there's two of you so there should be two babies!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :/   
PD: We have the same DNA so maybe it only needed one. :S   
PD: To fulfill the perfect clone thing. :/

DP: no   
DP: thats stupid   
DP: whats the baby gonna do split in half

PD: :/

DP: do ur memory loops even work like that hal

PD: not really. :/

FP: Guys   
FP: Guys, I need some help here

DF: what happened?????????

FP: It's one of the babies   
FP: He's not breathing

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: which 1

FP: Does it really matter at a time like this Alton   
FP: He's not breathing, and if I don't do something soon, he's gonna die

PD: Did you try mouth-to-mouth? :S

FP: Mouth-to-mouth   
FP: How am I even supposed to know how to do that   
FP: I'm just a kid

DF: that's it!!!!!!!!!   
DF: the breath of life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: don't worry fred i'm coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: You're coming   
FP: What does that mean   
FP: Even if you could get off your planet, how could you find me

DF: im busy flying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal can tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: About what? :S

DF: how i know where fred is!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: ok i'm going now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Oh yeah. :)   
PD: Alicia had me hack into your trackers. :)   
PD: She said wanted to know where you are in case you got into trouble. :)

DP: isnt that mom or dads job   
DP: or the police

PD: :S

FP: I'm really getting worried here   
FP: Wait!   
FP: I have an idea!

PD: What is it? :S

FP: I'll be right back!

PD: Okay. :)

DP: hey   
DP: wheres xavier   
DP: u here xavier

PD: Hes still connected. :/

discerningPedestrian poked cozilyPlanted

DP: xavier   
DP: say something   
DP: r u ok

CP: Im okay   
CP: I cant talk now   
CP: Uncle Phineas is telling me stuff

PD: Youre with uncle Phineas? :O

CP: Yeah   
CP: His dream self is here on Prospit   
CP: Talk to you later

cozilyPlanted has set his status to "tourist"

PD: :S

FP: Okay, everything's all fixed up.

DP: u saved the baby?

FP: I wish.   
FP: I figured out how to work the cloning machine, and I made another a copy of him.   
FP: And now, now he can be clone who grows up to be Hal or Alton!

DP: oh   
DP: thats who it was

FP: Sorry.   
FP: I just didn't want to worry you.   
FP: Alicia's here!   
FP: Is she... flying?

DP: i dont no   
DP: u tell us

FP: She says it's her Witch of Breath powers or something.   
FP: Oh, thank god.

PD: What happened? :S

FP: Alicia kissed the baby or... something, and now he's fine.   
FP: At least I think he's fine.

DF: he's fine!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i gave him the kiss of life!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's crying now but he's also breathing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you didn't have to make another one fred!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: I didn't know what else to do!

DP: just think   
DP: before computers youd have to say that with your mouths   
DP: maybe even make eye contact

DF: i'm typing so you and hal and xavier know whats happening!!!!!!!   
DF: what are we going to do with two hal or alton babies???????

DP: seriously?

DF: what????????????

PD: I dont get it. :(

DP: did u all flunk logic 101 or something

PD: But were in elementary school. :/

DP: u were wondering why theres only 1 baby for me and hal   
DP: now theres 2   
DP: 1 for each of us

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you're right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: now there's baby clones of all of us!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: good thing hal choked or you wouldn't exist alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: How do you know the first one is me? :S

DF: i just have a feeling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: i have a feeling 2   
DP: maybe theyre clones of us   
DP: but theyre not us   
DP: thats stupid   
DP: write rants on the internet about how bad it is stupid

PD: Thats not very stupid. :S

DP: u no what i mean

DF: that's the wrong feeling alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: yep   
DP: looks that way   
DP: but its how i feel   
DP: just like ur feelings   
DP: u cant just say u have a feeling and magically b right

PD: Yeah. :/   
PD: I know hes wrong because I saw it in the code. :/   
PD: You can only know things from facts. :/

DF: how do you know?????????????   
DF: i think feelings are real!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and i'm the witch of breath!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ...

PD: But Altons the Seer of Heart. :/   
PD: Wouldnt the Seer of Heart know more about feelings than the Witch of Breath? :/

DF: omg stop ganging up on me you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: Its Alton. :)   
FP: The baby that choked. :)   
FP: The direct clone is Hal. :)

DF: how do you know????????????

FP: Look at that monitor over there. :)

DF: it's alton on his planet!!!!!!!!!   
DF: iming someone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: what

FP: I locked on you when I cloned you. :)   
FP: I just fast forwarded to now. :)

DP: what   
DP: thats stupid   
DP: do u really think hal is the kind of guy who pulls pranks like that

FP: Its not a prank. :/

DF: it really isn't!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i see it too!!!!!!!!!!

DP: oops looks like i cant trust my feelings again   
DP: weird how that happens alicia

PD: Does it show how we got from the Veil to home? :S   
PD: And back in time? :S   
PD: Send me the video. :)

FP: Okay. :)   
FP: Ill send you all the video. :)   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa: Be adopted I guess?


	22. Phineas: Angst

"You've had too much to drink," said the woman, glaring at her husband.

He glared back. "What if I have? It's none of your concern."

"It is my concern, and if you don't--"

A flash lit up the road around them, quickly followed by a boom. The couple looked around, then at each other.

"What was that?" said the woman.

The man pointed into the forest, where the sound had come from.

They crept towards it. The woman had never heard of a forest monster that sounded like an explosion, but she didn't want to let her guard down. Her great aunt had let her guard down once. The woman didn't have a great aunt anymore.

Soon, they came to a crater. The woman knelt down and looked into it. "It's a baby." A forest baby. Interesting. "You know, I always wanted a baby," she told her husband.

The man mumbled something about how it was always about what she wanted.

She shot him a glare, and picked up the baby. It reached out for her, but she pulled away. "This one will do for now." At least until she could get one of her own.

.

The man was in his armchair, reading a newspaper from the fifties, when he heard the bang from his backyard. He threw down the paper and jumped up, making sure he still had all his guns. They'd found him! After all the precautions he'd taken, they'd found him!

He ran out to the yard with his hand on his holster, to see a smoking crater. He crept towards it, preparing in case something jumped out and attached itself to his face.

It wasn't any sort of governmental bioweapon, though. It was... "A baby?" he said aloud. How could a baby have survived such a long fall? It had obviously fallen from the sky. That was where craters came from.

After a moment's hesitation, he picked the baby up. Maybe he'd give it up for adoption, but maybe he'd keep it. It had landed in his yard. That had to mean something, right?

.

The woman had just stumbled onto the perfect darker, more alluring tone for her comeback comeback tour -- this one was for real -- when her daughter rushed inside. "Mom! Mom! There's a meteor in the backyard!"

The woman yanked off her headphones and patted the girl on the head. "Oh, you have such an overactive imagination."

The girl grabbed her hand. "Mom, come on! There's a meteor out there!"

She pulled the woman outside, and the woman smiled to herself. Her daughter did this kind of thing so often she was beginning to get used to it. The things kids came up with.

They reached the backyard, and the woman's smile drained from her face.

She didn't know if there really had been a meteor strike, but there was definitely a crater. Luckily, whatever it was had missed the patio.

"See?" said the girl. "It was a meteor! And... I think there's a baby inside!"

"A... a baby?" repeated the woman. She thought she could hear gurgling, but what kind of baby wouldn't cry if it was all alone in a crater? Her daughter definitely would have at that age.

She knelt down, and came eye-to-eye with a real baby. There really was a baby in her backyard. And it really was gurgling.

The baby looked her in the eye and laughed.

.

The man hung a back in five minutes sign on his shop door and walked down the street, whistling. He'd only got started a month ago and it was still small, but he had high hopes for this business. It was going to be big. It was going to be--

A deafening bang overwhelmed his senses.

When he could think again, he turned around to see a smoking crater where his shop had been.

Oh well. His insurance did cover unexplained calamity.

The man approached the crater to see if there was anything that could be salvaged. He'd had some good pieces in there, pieces you couldn't get anywhere else.

He didn't find any survivors, but he did find a baby, sitting calmly on the wreckage of an eighteenth century billiards table. "Oh, that's strange." Other than the hair colour, the baby could have passed for one of the man's nephews. The man picked him up. He was going to have to have a talk with his brother. Destructive pranks just weren't like him.

.

There was nobody around to see the flash or hear the bang this early in the morning. The baby lay in his crater, a bit shaken by the fall, but it was a few hours before he began to wail.

It was a few more hours until the early morning commuters came across him.

.

The woman enjoyed the company of the man. She didn't think she wanted to settle down with him, but he wasn't the settling type anyway. Even if she did, her father would never approve, but who cared what he thought? She was twenty-six, old enough to make her own decisions about her life. And one day he was going to convince her dad of that as well.

She'd just finished explaining to the man all the reasons the defendants in her last case would probably send her death threats, when there was a loud bang outside.

The woman sprinted outside. "What was that?!"

She stared at the crater in the driveway. That was going to cost a fortune to get fixed. And it had sprayed dirt all over her car.

The man came and stood at her shoulder.

The woman's mind went to her father. If he had anything to do with this... Why could she hear a baby crying?

She rushed over to the crater. There were two babies boys inside. One was crying at the top of its lungs. The other was sleeping fitfully.

The woman stared at them for a few seconds, then at the man. She picked them up. "Uh... You know, they kind of look like you."

The man blinked.

The woman rubbed her chin.

.

"First of all," the woman told her brother. "He didn't 'have' babies. They fell out of the sky!" She gestured vaguely upwards. "And second..."

There was a bang from outside, and the woman sighed. "That was a meteor carrying a baby, wasn't it." It had better not have grazed the roof. She'd just got it retiled.

.

The man sat on the front porch, thinking. His brother had inexplicable meteor kids now, and so did his sister. That was awesome! He wanted kids too, regular or meteor. It could be a sibling bonding kind of thing.

He just had to convince his girlfriend, but he was sure she'd see thing the same way. She was an adventurous person.

Something crashed down right in front of him, knocking him off his seat. Unable to stand for the time being, he crawled towards the crater, already guessing what he'd see.

Yes! It was a baby! It even looked a lot like him, though it seemed to be a girl.

One day he was going to look into where they were all coming from, and how they survived the fall. But for now, he thought he was going to have his hands full.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DP: uh   
DP: what was that

PD: :O   
PD: It was a video Alton. :)

DF: dad was in some of those!!!!!!!   
DF: but mom wasn't in any!!!!!

DP: ...

PD: :O   
PD: Mom and dad lied to us! :O   
PD: They never said we came from meteors! :O

DF: i wonder if dad knows he fell from the sky too!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm gonna ask him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

  
delightedFortune contacted phenomenalFunification

DF: dad!!!!!!!!!   
DF: guess what dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: dad where are you????????   
DF: say something!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Oh.   
PF: Hi, Alicia.   
PF: You woke me up.

DF: good you're awake!!!!!!!!   
DF: you're awake???????????   
DF: how come you didn't reply in your sleep????????   
DF: with your dream computer???????????

PF: Oh, that.   
PF: I lost it.

DF: oh ok!!!!!!!!!   
DF: dad did i really come from a meteor as a baby????????   
DF: fred found a lab where he made me and you from xavier and that monobrow guy!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you came from a meteor too you know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Don't you mean Fred made you and Xavier from me and Major Monogram?

DF: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it was definitely you and me from xavier and major monogram!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: the slime mixed up and made us!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: fred told me all about it!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: That's not right.   
PF: And yes, you fell to Earth on a meteor when you were a baby.   
PF: So did I.   
PF: Your grandma never mentioned it, but I saw it in Skaia's clouds.

DF: omg why didn't you ever tell me??????????????   
DF: we're like slime meteor twins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: I guess I was waiting for the right time.

DF: ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hey dad didn't you meet up with xavier???????   
DF: is he still on prospit??????????????

PF: Yes, I did.   
PF: I thought Prospit was safe.

DF: duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: that's where the good guys live dad!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: of course it's safe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: What should I do, Alicia?

DF: something cool!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you saved xavier!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: now save fred!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: there's babies everywhere and he's freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Yeah, I sure saved him.

DF: cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Actually no.   
PF: I didn't save him.   
PF: I'm sorry, Alicia.

DF: ??????????????????   
DF: yes you did!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he went to prospit and met up with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: where it's safe!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: It wasn't safe.   
PF: He got attacked by a Dersite.   
PF: I tried to stop him.   
PF: He was too strong.   
PF: This isn't how it was supposed to go!

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: what happened??????????

PF: I think Xavier is   
PF: I don't think he   
PF: Why do I keep   
PF: I'm sorry.

DF: huh???????????   
DF: you're acting like he's dead or something!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: I'm sorry.

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: dad are you saying...................................   
DF: xavier is dead??????????????????

PF: I don't know.   
PF: I think he might be.   
PF: The Dersite knocked me away before I could tell.   
PF: He hits hard.

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

  
delightedFortune contacted cozilyPlanted

DF: say something!!!!!!!   
DF: say something!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: say something!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: say something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

  
delightedFortune is talking to phenomenalFunification

DF: he's not answering!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's probably just knocked out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: What am I going to tell Candace?   
PF: She's out there looking for him.

DF: he's not dead!!!!!!!!!   
DF: stop talking like he's dead dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   



	23. Xavier: Affect the story for once

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

PD: That's not right. >:   
PD: Edward Under the Ground with Sugilite was way better! >:   
PD: The spinoff was lame. :)   
PD: No offense. :/

DP: at what   
DP: the fact u said lame   
DP: or ur taste in video games

PD: Uh.... :/   
PD: Both! :)   
PD: I mean the first one. :/

FP: Hey guys

PD: Oh there you are Fred! :)   
PD: Did you talk to Xavier? :)   
PD: Youre being him! :)

FP: No   
FP: No I didnt talk to him not not Im not being him   
FP: I am being him   
FP: Alicia spoke to uncle Phineas

DP: so she talked to xavier   
DP: theyre still together right   
DP: i bet theres lots of prospit for uncle phineas 2 show him around

FP: Uncle Phineas says he woke up   
FP: And he said

DP: u still there fred

DF: he's still typing!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's typing really slow!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and crying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: what   
DP: y

DF: he thinks xavier is dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: what

PD: :O

DF: hes not dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: that's stupid!!!!!!!   
DF: dad says he died!!!!!!!!   
DF: but he didn't actually see happened!!!!!!!!   
DF: he just saw xavier get attacked by an enemy!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: a strong enemy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :O   
PD: How do you know hes okay? :O

DF: because he cant be dead!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :/

DP: thats not a good reason   
DP: is this 1 of ur feelings alicia

PD: I dont think hes dead either. :/

DP: dont think or hope

PD: Uh. :/   


.

  
candescentFervor contacted cozilyPlanted and fredPhillips

CF: Boys!   
CF: Good news.   
CF: The transdimensional ship is finished!   
CF: You'll be out of there in no time!

FP: Cool   
FP: Thanks mom

CF: Are you okay? What about Xavier?

FP: Im fine   
FP: Xaviers not here because hes busy   
FP: Hes hanging out with uncle Phineas

CF: Oh, that's a relief.   
CF: You stay safe too, Fred!

candescentFervor signed off  


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

PD: We should go to Prospit and find Xavier. :/

FP: I dont want to

PD: But Fred hes your brother. :/   
PD: Dont you want to know if hes okay? :/

FP: I dont want to

DP: freds right actually   
DP: the enemies r looking 4 him 2   
DP: what if theyre still on prospit

PD: I wish we could see Xavier like we saw baby Xavier. :(   
PD: With Freds screens. :(

DP: wait   
DP: didnt u say u were looking at me right now on ur monitor

DF: he was!!!!!!!   
DF: you were on your planet and you were typing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: so   
DP: can u look at xavier the same way   
DP: fred

DF: he's not answering!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's just doing something to the screen!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's xavier!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: is he ok   
DP: send the video

DF: i don't know how!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's lying face down in blood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :O

DF: omg i think he's moving a little!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :D   
PD: Is he okay? :O

DF: i don't know!!!!!!!   
DF: wait!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's standing up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :O

DP: are u sure

DF: of course I'm sure i never failed an eye test in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: xavier's staring at his hands!!!!!!!!!   
DF: now he's wiping them on his shirt!!!!!!!!   
DF: now he's looking though his pockets!!!!!!!!!   
DF: now he's getting out his computer!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: now he's typing!!!!!!!!!

CP: Are you guys talking about me?

DF: xavier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you're alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you're not dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: What happened?   
CP: One second I was talking to uncle Phineas and the next I woke up covered in blood

DF: he said you got attacked!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he thought you were dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Are you dead? :/   
PD: Are you a ghost? :/

CP: Dont think so   
CP: Whos blood is this?   
CP: This is scary

DF: it looks like yours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: But Im not hurt

DP: you arent   
DP: then how could uncle phineas think u were dead   
DP: i dont think hed tell alicia about it if he wasnt sure   
DP: hes really smart

CP: I dont know   
CP: Why dont I remember anything?

DF: what's wrong xavier?????????????   
DF: you look really scared all of a sudden!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: maybe because he woke up covered in blood & he doesnt remember what happened

DF: no he's even more scared than that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: It's uncle Phineas   
CP: I see him

DF: no you don't he woke up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he said so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: I see his dream self   
CP: Uh I dont think this blood is mine   
CP: Or at least not all of it

PD: :O   
PD: Then whose is it? :O

DP: i bet its uncle phineas's blood   
DP: he got hurt 2 didnt he

CP: Uh

DF: freds rewinding the picture!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hes still not talking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Huh?   
CP: Im gonna go read the chatlog

DP: good idea

DF: fred stopped rewinding and now the monitor has xavier talking to someone!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he looks like dad as a kid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: ok here's the enemy!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's scary!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and he has a knife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: ew gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it really is xaviers blood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: the enemy stabbed him really bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: yay dad's stopping the enemy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: D:

DF: sorry I closed my eyes but now xavier's falling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: there's more blood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: the enemy's looking at him!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's taking his pulse or something!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: now he's leaving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: xavier's not moving anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: now nothings happening!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :O   
PD: Are you sure its Xavier? :S   
PD: And why did you close your eyes? :S

DF: duh it's xavier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's blond and he was in the same position he sat up from!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and i closed my eyes because something happened to dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: good thing it was just his dream self!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i didn't know dream selves even could die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Uncle Phineas died? :S   
PD: How could you be talking to him afterwards? :S

DF: i just said it was his dream self hal!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it only woke him up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: that sucks about uncle phineas   
DP: but im more confused about how xavier survived   
DP: he was bleeding and now hes fine

DF: i don't know!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: fred's looking through the video!!!!!!!!!

CP: I dont remember any of that   
CP: I remember uncle Phineas looking at something behind me   
CP: Then I woke up

DF: also why was dad a kid????????????????

CP: He said he always looks like that when hes asleep   
CP: He was acting kind of weird   
CP: Does he really think Im dead?

DF: i think he was really upset about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he kept saying sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

  
cozilyPlanted contacted phenomenalFunification

CP: Im not dead uncle Phineas!

PF: Xavier?!

CP: Alicia said you thought I was dead!

PF: You survived?   
PF: How?

CP: I dont remember getting attacked all   
CP: I just remember waking up   
CP: Theres blood all over me but Im not hurt   
CP: Maybe you cant die in the game   
CP: Maybe your dream self is gonna wake up too

PF: Trust me, you can die.   
PF: Players can get a second chance with their dream selves, but...

CP: Didn't you say you didn't think I was a player?

PF: That's right.   
PF: Based on what Alicia just told me, I think your uncle Ferb and I were supposed to be the players.   
PF: There must have been some sort of mix-up.

CP: Oh okay   
CP: Why dont you play now?   
CP: The game looks pretty fun when youre not being hunted by stabby bad guys with knives

PF: We can't.   
PF: At least, we can't right now. :V)   
PF: The players have to be kids, and they have to be about the same age.   
PF: Ferb and I must have been supposed to arrive when you and Fred did.

CP: Oh   
CP: Sorry

PF: It's not your fault!   
PF: You don't have to apologize! :V)

CP: How do you know?

PF: It's probably some sort of glitch.

cozilyPlanted signed off

PF: I'm sure Ferb and I could find a way to play if it came to that!   
PF: Xavier?   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

CP: Its all my fault

DF: huh?????????????

PD: What is? :/

CP: The game going wrong   
CP: I changed it so my computer could run it   
CP: I changed lots of little things   
CP: I didnt think it would matter

PD: I changed things too and it didnt matter. :/   
PD: I know it didnt. :/   
PD: I made sure. :/

CP: I didnt

PD: Oh. :/   
PD: Maybe it is your fault then. :/

DP: shut up hal of course its not

CP: Hals right it is

FP: Its not your fault   
FP: Unless you were trying to ruin the game and kill yourself   
FP: and you weren't

CP: If you say so

FP: Its the enemies fault that the enemies are trying to kill us

CP: Thanks Fred   
CP: But who are you being?   
CP: Youre typing like me but thats not how I think

FP: I dont know

DF: fred's right!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's all the enemies' fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: yeah if its going weird because u changed things   
DP: it was an accident   
DP: what we should b thinking is   
DP: how do we fix it   


.

Xavier didn't want to get up. He didn't want to move ever again. He didn't want to look at his uncle's corpse, but he couldn't tear his eyes away. He kept reminding himself that his uncle wasn't really dead, and the brutal stabbing had only woken him up, but somehow it didn't help.

Every time Xavier did move, his bloodstained clothes crinkled and flaked. He rubbed his chest, where the stains were darkest, but there was no injury that he could feel. He was perfectly fine. At least physically.

How had he woken up when uncle Phineas hadn't? He'd been dead, the bloodstains and uncle Phineas had made that clear. And dead people didn't come back to life. Not even in the game.

It must be because of the modifications he'd made. The modifications had killed him and brought him back and he couldn't rely on them not to kill him again. The game was broken and evil monsters were after him and Fred and it was all his fault.

He didn't care what Alton said, or even Fred. It was his fault. Every time he tried to do something, it blew up in his face. He wasn't even supposed to play, so he might as well just sit until the end of the game. Or maybe for the rest of his life.

Eventually, some chess people came back and took away uncle Phineas's body, mumbling something mournful. Xavier couldn't do anything but stare at the ground. For whatever reason, the chess people had pinned their hopes on his uncle's dream self, and Xavier had got him killed. It was all his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Xavier: Don't actually turn out to be dead.


	24. Kids: Plan

  
peripheralProtector contacted phenomenalFunification and furtiveForewarning

PP: am safe   
PP: dddddo nottttt worry

PF: Perry! Perry, what happened???

PP: i was in dddddanger   
PP: now nottttt

PF: Where are you??

PP: the furthesttttt ring   
PP: the space   
PP: betttttween universes

PF: What are you doing all the way out there?

PP: was tttttransported   
PP: when alttttton entttttereddddd   
PP: they thinkkkkk   
PP: was a mistttttakkkkke   
PP: in the program

PF: Oh no!   
PF: Who's they?

PP: the dddddarkkkkk godddds   
PP: one atttttackkkkkeddddd   
PP: another   
PP: saveddddd me

PF: Dark gods?   
PF: I gotta say Perry, that doesn't sound good

PP: ittttts all righttttt ^_^   
PP: ferb   
PP: are you there

FF: Yes.

PP: on ddddderses moon

FF: Yes.

PP: when ddddderse   
PP: eccccclipses skkkkkaia   
PP: when the planettttt   
PP: blockkkkks outtttt the lighttttt   
PP: listen

PF: Come on Perry, Ferb knows what an eclipse is. :V)

PP: you will   
PP: hear them

FF: All right.   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

PD: Fix it? :O

DF: yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: let's fix it!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's our destiny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: before u said it was our destiny 2 play the game

DF: it's our destiny to fix it and then play it!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: duh!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: i wanna fix it because its the right thing 2 do   
DP: not because of any destiny

PD: Can I do it because of both? :/

FP: Ill help

DF: we're all gonna fix everything!!!!!!!!!   
DF: but how????????

DP: first we figure out what went wrong   
DP: then why

DF: okay!!!!!!!!!   
DF: Xavier you said dad said you and fred and got switched with dad and uncle ferb!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Yeah

DF: so lets switch the babies back!!!!!!!!!

DP: how   
DP: we dont even no how they got on the meteors   
DP: besides how do we no thats not what switched them in the first place

DF: uh.............

PD: Wouldnt it make a time paradox? :S   
PD: Fred cant make himself if hes back in time being dad. :/

FP: I dont think I want to be your dad   
FP: No offense 

DF: fred you have to for the good of the space-time continuum!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: It cant be the only way   
CP: Why cant you all just go home?

FP: Xaviers right you dont have to play   
FP: Do you?

DP: dont say destiny alicia

PD: You can go home. :)   
PD: Ill stay. :)   
PD: The games getting fun. :)   
PD: Im learning all about my quest. :)

DF: im having fun too!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: how about you alton??????

DP: its ok   
DP: ill stay as long as i need 2

PD: Does that mean youre going home right now? :(

DP: im learning about my quest 2   
DP: the game needs all 5 heroes   
DP: u cant finish without a seer   
DP: or a knight and page   
DP: so lets fix it

DF: we need five heros??????????????????????   
DF: oh no!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i really want to beat the game!!!!!!!!!   
DF: maybe.....................   
DF: dad and uncle ferb can play instead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: They cant   
CP: uncle Phineas said he was too old

PD: I wonder if we even need to finish the game. :/   
PD: Like Fred said. :/

DF: i dont know!!!!!!   
DF: i'll ask dad!!!!!!   


.

  
delightedFortune is talking to phenomenalFunification

PF: Oh, hi Alicia! :V)

DF: dad hal doesn't want to play anymore!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's like alton he doesn't even believe in feelings and destiny!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i don't know how to convince him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PF: Well...   
PF: You may have made baby versions of yourselves, but you haven't sent them back to Earth.   
PF: You need to play the game at least until then. :V)   
PF: To be honest, I don't really know what happens if you don't, but I know it's bad!   
PF: Your uncle knows more a lot more about this timeline stuff than I do. You should ask him when he's done secret agenting on Derse!

DF: ok thanks dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DF: he says we do have to play!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: oh yeah   
DP: y

DF: because of the timeline i think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: thats not a good reason

DF: he also says your dad's looking for information so you should ask him when he's finished!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: uh huh

DF: so are you guys staying?????????????????????

PD: Who are you talking to? :S

DF: you and alton duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ...   
DP: i already said i was playing

PD: I never said I wasn't. :/

DF: uh.....................   
DF: yay!!!!!!!

PD: Hey Alicia. :)   
PD: Can you build me a fort? :)   
PD: With the server connection? :)

DF: okay!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: but why?????????

PD: Im low on hit points so im gonna take a nap. :)   
PD: I found a stone tablet about forts. :)   
PD: It said they protect you and if you imagine really hard in them it can help wake up your dream self. :)

DF: cool!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Do you need a nap Alton? :S

DP: im good

PD: Okay. :)

DF: i'll stay in the lab with fred in case another enemy comes!!!!!!!!   
DF: what about you xavier??????????????

CP: Ill hang out here for a while   
CP: On Prospit   
CP: The bad guys probably think Im dead   


.

"Peek-a-boo! See, I'm still here! Isn't that-- No! Baby grandpa Doofenshmirtz, you don't hit baby... Baby monobrow guy! You're not allowed to hit either! Baby dad, baby me, get back here!"

Alicia was making a heroic effort to keep the babies entertained and under control, and Fred thought she was doing a pretty good job, all things considered. He didn't know any childcare workers well enough to understand how they could do things like this all day.

He noticed baby uncle Ferb using the commotion to sneak away towards the terminals again, so he put baby Alton down, scooped his uncle up, and put him back in the rough semicircle that Alicia had arranged the babies in.

At least Alton had stopped crying for now. After Alicia had saved his life, he'd demonstrated exactly how well his lungs worked by crying so loud Fred was sure the windows had started vibrating. Alicia had suggested calming him down by being really sarcastic and talking about sports, but Fred didn't think that would work. Instead he'd done his best to comfort Alton in his arms until finally, he calmed down.

It was a bit weird, so Fred became someone who didn't know Alton at all. A few times Alton had sounded like he was about to cry again, but so far Fred had managed to calm him down before things got too bad. So far.

Fred thought he could hear something else, between the gurgling of the babies and Alicia's sporadic yelling. It sounded like... it was something rhythmic and... It was coming from the hall outside the lab room.

"Alicia," he whispered.

"What?" Alicia replied at her normal volume.

Fred winced. Alicia's normal speaking voice was other people's yelling. "Footsteps," he whispered. He was being Alton, he decided.

"Footsteps?" repeated Alicia at the top of her voice.

Something peeked in, and Fred jumped behind one of the machines. Had the enemies found him like they had Xavier?

"You're weird-looking," Alicia told whatever had entered the room. "Are you an enemy?"

The newcomer said, haltingly, that he didn't think so, and that he was on an important mission. He couldn't stay long to talk.

"Wow!" said Alicia. "What kind of mission? What are you reading?"

The newcomer said he wasn't reading, he was transporting the book to its destination, adding that he took it out of a wizard's room.

"Let me see!"

Fred heard her grab the book from the newcomer, over his protests.

Alicia gasped. "This belongs to uncle Ferb! Fred, it's uncle Ferb's diary!"

Cautiously, Fred peeked out. The newcomer was a black chess person, like the one that had attacked him. It was a lot shorter, and wore a Ducky Momo hat. It didn't seem to be hostile. Nothing dangerous would wear a hat that silly.

The book that Alicia had taken off the chess person was a muted green, and nearly half her size. "Look, it's his diary!" she said, showing Fred the inside cover. "Do you think uncle Ferb would let us read it?"

"We probably shouldn't," said Fred, because he was still being Alton and Alton usually respected people's privacy. At least when his friends weren't around goading him on.

The black chess person asked for the book back again.

"Alicia, give it back to him," said Fred, but he wasn't sure if the chess person should have it either. He said he'd taken it... Maybe he was giving it back to uncle Ferb because a wizard had stolen it?

Alicia opened the book, and frowned. "Huh? What is this?"

Fred went over to see, making sure to keep the chess person in his vision.

Neatly written in the book was the letters F-E-R-B, repeated in a random order, all down the pages. Alicia flipped through the book, but there didn't seem to be anything else.

"What kind of diary is this?" said Alicia.

Fred shrugged. "Maybe he's weird when he's asleep, like uncle Phineas." The book was in the game. Uncle Ferb had mostly likely been asleep when he'd written it.

The chess person asked for the book back again, saying he'd fail his mission if they didn't get it back and his superiors would be upset with him, so Fred grabbed it out of her hands and gave it to him.

"So, what is your mission?" said Fred, ready to take the book back at the first sign of trouble.

The chess person walked back into the hall, answering as he did that it was the most important mission of all, even more than his coworkers' missions to eliminate the false heroes early.

Fred didn't like the sound of that, so he let Alicia walk in front of him. Alicia had told him all about her new fighting prowess and wind powers and weapons and wind powers. Hopefully she was strong enough to beat the chess person if she had to. He was pretty small. And maybe if Fred was injured she could save him like she had baby Alton? Even if her breath of life was a lot like kissing. A lot of kids his age thought kissing was gross, and cousin kissing was gross no matter what age you were.

He'd managed to mimic the enemy's weapon, but that had only happened once, and he didn't trust it. Better to leave the fighting to the people who knew what they were doing.

They followed the chess person into another room, with more of the strange machines that had made slime copies of them. This machine had just one screen, which showed the Danville zoo from above. Fred recognised the microclimate generators. With some difficulty, the chess person zoomed in until they could see what the screen had locked on to: a zebra.

Alicia looked around at Fred, who shrugged. Maybe the mission was to make zebra babies? Were zebras endangered? He couldn't remember.

The chess person sat down at the terminal and began typing the letters from the book, almost too fast to keep up with. He got through the whole thing in a little over a minute, and tossed the book aside.

"Hey!" said Alicia, using her wind powers to knock it back towards them. Fred ducked, but Alicia managed to slow it and grab it out of the air before it hit them. "This is our uncle's!"

The chess person didn't reply. He pressed a few more buttons, and there was a sudden blinding green light. When Fred could see again, there was a baby zebra in the middle of the room.

"He's so cute!" said Alicia, picking it up and hugging it.

The zebra... Fred couldn't tell exactly what it did. It appeared inside itself, grew really big and green, and vanished.

"What just happened?" said Fred.

"Don't ask me!" Alicia replied, looking around.

The chess person didn't know either. His mission was just to create the animal, he said. Now it was accomplished and he should go report back.

"Don't g-- Hey Fred, look! It's you and Xavier!"

Fred looked down at the two babies who had crawled into the room. "Maybe we should go watch them," he suggested.

Alicia looked out window into the field of asteroids. "Yeah, okay. I can't go back to my planet until it comes around again!"

Fred looked out the window as well, but he couldn't see her planet. He was pretty sure the window faced Derse's orbit anyway. That was the opposite direction to the Medium, where Alicia's planet was.

Baby Fred looked up at Fred until Fred felt uncomfortable and turned away. He picked up baby Xavier instead, and took him back to the others.


	25. Doofenshmirtz: Detour

  
furtiveForewarning contacted peripheralProtector

FF: You're right, Perry.   
FF: I can hear them.

PP: ddddo you   
PP: believe me   
PP: nnnnow

FF: | :U|

PP: ddddidddd you knnnnow   
PP: aboutttt xavier

FF: That the Dersites killed him, and he came back to life?   
FF: Yes.

PP: itttt is   
PP: the workkkk of   
PP: the ddddarkkkk godddds

FF: That Xavier died?

PP: nnnno   
PP: thatttt   
PP: he is sttttill alive

FF: :U|   
FF: The whispering says the same thing.

PP: some   
PP: wantttt tttto help

FF: Exactly the same thing.   
FF: Help with what?

PP: with our worlddddds   
PP: sittttuation

FF: :U?

PP: they ccccannnn   
PP: putttt the game   
PP: backkkk

FF: :U?

PP: listennnn   
PP: tttto the whispering   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified contacted forcibleDessertinator

PD: I HAVE THE COORDINATES

FD: Hal? Is that you?   
FD: There's no need to shout, you know.

PD: I HAVE THE COORDINATES   
PD: WILL YOU ACCEPT THEM?

FD: Okay, you're really beginning to freak me out, Hal.

PD: WILL YOU ACCEPT THE COORDINATES?

FD: Wait a second, you're not Hal!   
FD: You're the other one!   
FD: Not Alton, the other other one!   
FD: And it's not even night time.   
FD: I guess you're branching out, huh?

PD: WILL YOU ACCEPT THE COORDINATES?

FD: Coordinates?   
FD: Night time Hal, are you...   
FD: Are you trying to tell me something?

PD: WILL YOU ACCEPT THE COORDINATES?

FD: Ugh, what coordinates?

PD: THE COORDINATES OF YOUR FRIEND   
PD: OR SHOULD I SAY   
PD: HIS CCCCORDDDDINATTTTES?

FD: What?   
FD: What is that thing you just did with your spelling?   
FD: You're beginning to sound like Perry the Platypus with all that pointless quadrupeling.   
FD: Quadrupling. Whatever.

PD: YES   
PD: EXACTLY   
PD: WILL YOU ACCEPT THE COORDINATES?

FD: All right, all right, just shut up about it already.

proficiencyDiversified sent forcibleDessertinator a file  


.

  
discerningPedestrian contacted furtiveForewarning

DP: hey dad   
DP: alicia said uncle phineas said u gathering information   
DP: do u no y we have 2 play

FF: :U|   
FF: Yes. I think I do now.

DP: cool   
DP: y

FF: I was just told that the game is the method by which universes reproduce.   
FF: Complete the game, and you'll create another universe.

DP: ...   
DP: ok   
DP: but if u were any1 else i wouldnt believe u   
DP: how

FF: You'll need to discover that on your own.

DP: oh   
DP: thats stupid

FF: I know.   
FF: I'm sorry.   
FF: :U|

DP: thanks dad

furtiveForewarning signed off  


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DP: ok   
DP: i asked dad why we need 2 play and he told me

DF: omg what is it???????????????   
DF: destiny????????????

DP: no   
DP: its 2 create a new universe   
DP: its almost as stupid as destiny but thats what he said

CP: Wow!

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i love universes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: let's finish the game right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: But how can you do that if you need all five people?   
CP: Me and Fred cant play and neither can uncle Phineas and Ferb

DP: the games already broken   
DP: so lets break it more

DF: how??????????

DP: hal   
DP: hal r u awake

DF: i'll check!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: no he's still asleep in his fort!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: when he wakes up ill tell him 2 look through the code   
DP: hes the 1 who translated it   
DP: he could find out how the game decides when u win   
DP: and how 2 break the game 2 win it without 5 people

DF: can he do that?????????

FP: He can. :)   
FP: I havent seen the code but if he ported it he can understand it. :)

DF: ok but breaking the game doesn't seem right!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: like i said   
DP: its already broken   
DP: were fixing it   


.

  
candescentFervor contacted cozilyPlanted and fredPhillips

CF: Sorry, boys. Looks like it's going to take a little longer to pick you up. Are you still okay?

FP: Yeah.

CP: Yeah.   
CP: The bad guys think I'm dead and Freds still hiding in the meteor

CF: Apparently we're taking a little deteor.   
CF: Doofenshmirtz got some message from some mysterious guy and now he thinks he can go save Perry.

CP: Oh   
CP: How long with that take mom?

CF: I don't know.   
CF: Doofenshmirtz says it won't take long, but you can never trust anything that guy says.

FP: Why are you travelling with someone like that?

CF: Believe me, I wish I wasn't, but I didn't have a choice.   
CF: Doofenshmirtz is the only one who can get me into the game and back out again.   
CF: At least, the only one who's awake.   


.

  
phenomenalFunification is talking to furtiveForewarning

PF: Did you find out what Perry was talking about, Ferb?

FF: :U|   
FF: It seems he's in the clutches of a group of Lovecraft-like deities that exist outside the universe.

PF: Whoa, really?   
PF: I hope he's okay...

FF: I heard them whispering to me. Perry confirmed that they were the same creatures.   
FF: He trusts them.   
FF: I do not.

PF: That's weird.   
PF: You both usually agree on that kind of stuff.

FF: :U|   
FF: He can usually tell when I'm suspicious.   
FF: They're the ones who brought Xavier back to life.

PF: What?!

FF: Or so they say.

PF: What do they want with Perry?

FF: I couldn't say.   
FF: Here is our conversation.

furtiveForewarning sent a file to phenomenalFunification

PF: Oh. :V(

FF: Did you notice the way he typed?   
FF: Often, the first sign of outside influence on a non-human is a change in their typing quirk.   
FF: I don't think all his thoughts are his own.   
FF: He trusts them.   
FF: Almost as much as he trusts us.   
FF: I'm worried.

PF: :V(   


.

Candace couldn't tear her eyes away from the view outside the ship. She had no idea where they even were anymore. At first they'd just been in space. Candace was used to space. And then they'd left the stars behind, there'd been a flash of blue, and now... they were in space again. Except instead of stars, there were horrible tentacle monsters. They kept their distance from the ship, but they still made Candace nervous.

Doofenshmirtz didn't know where they were either. He just assured her that he knew where he was going. He said he'd got the coordinates from a friend of his.

The area wasn't completely black, thanks to the tentacle monsters, but they were mostly dark blue, purple or green. So when Candace saw a flash of pale teal, she focused on it immediately. “Look!” Was it Perry? Whatever it was, it looked incredibly out of place.

"I know, aren't they nice?" said Doofenshmirtz, grabbing the twin laser guns he had hanging from the rear view mirror. "I got them from a garage sale. On the moon!"

Candace rolled her eyes. Was that supposed to be impressive? Garage sales on the moon were, like, doubly tacky. "Not that!" She pointed at the teal blur, which was becoming more platypus-like with every second. "That!"

Doofenshmirtz peered out the window. "A platypus?"

Candace slapped her forehead and ran her hand down her face.

Wait... was that a ghost tail? How long had Perry had a ghost tail? And was he wearing his hat? Why was it the same colour as his fur? Were his beak and tail teal as well? They looked like it.

Candace didn't like it when Perry wore his hat. It made him look like someone else.

Doofenshmirtz pointed out the window. "Perry the Platypus?!" he shrieked.

"No," replied Candace sarcastically. What was the matter with this guy? If he wasn't her only hope for saving the boys...

Doofenshmirtz snorted. "I think I know Perry the Platypus when I see him." He waved both arms above his head. "Hey! Perry the Platypus! It's me! Heinz Doofenshmirtz! Your nemesis!"

Perry looked like he was asleep to Candace. He was just floating there, in the middle of tentacle-monster space. "I don't think he can hear you," she began.

Perry opened his eyes and looked right at them. He moved forwards, but he didn't get far. There was something wrapped around his ghost tail.

There was... The thing stopping Perry from moving was a huge tentacle. The tentacle was in front of a huge, beaked mouth, surrounded by more tentacles. There was a titanic monster right in front of them, and Candace hadn't even noticed. It was just too big. She'd thought it was part of the cluster of monsters in the distance.

Doofenshmirtz looked up at the ceiling. "Oh?"

Candace glance around. "Who are you talking to?" It sounded like a response to something. Was it Perry? Was Perry talking to him somehow?

Doofenshmirtz shooshed her loudly. "And all the little kids would be safe, huh? What's in it for me?" He listened, then added "Now you're speaking my language!" He glanced over at Candace. "He... he's literally speaking my language. It's German. He's speaking German."

Maybe it wasn't Perry. "Are you talking to that... that monster?" Candace demanded. What was it saying? And why couldn't she hear it? What was it promising him? It couldn't really be the kids' safety, he didn't care about that.

Doofenshmirtz didn't respond. He opened the side door and said "Okay, lay it on me!"

A huge tentacle swiped him, and Candace jumped back. She slammed the door shut, but it couldn't block out the sound of his laughter as the tentacle carried him away.

She had to get out of there, now. She'd had Doofenshmirtz install a homing function that went straight to her kids, in case anything went wrong. And something had definitely gone wrong. Before she could find the right button on the control panel, Perry floated through the wall and Candace screamed.

Perry looked sad.

"Is... Is that really you?" said Candace. He was... what was he? Something to do with the game, obviously. She hoped it was reversible.

Perry nodded, and put a hand on her shoulder.

Candace looked back out the window. Doofenshmirtz was completely ensnared by the tentacle. He was still laughing, but a lot more weakly than before. "Let's get out of here."

Without hesitation, Perry nodded.

Candace was surprised that he wanted to leave his... his friend so easily, but she didn't question him. With one last glance out at Doofenshmirtz -- He seemed to be asleep now, like Perry had been -- she activated the homing function and they zoomed away.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DF: but what if we make it worse????????????

DP: we just gotta b careful & do it right

DF: i'm...........   
DF: bad at being careful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: i know but u wont edit the code so its ok   
DP: u can b brute force lady

DF: ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Where do we start?

DP: is hal awake yet

DF: not but i'll wake him up!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: How?

PD: Ow. :(   
PD: What was that for? >:   
PD: Oh. :(

DP: hal can u look through the code & try 2 understand it

PD: OK. :)   
PD: Youre right about the game. :)   
PD: Its not fair if we cant beat it. :(

DF: yay!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: we're gonna win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Yeah!

DF: we're gonna bring everyone back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Do you understand the code Xavier and Fred? :)

FP: Yes, of course.

DF: me and alton will keep grinding!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Were all gonna grind!

DF: you can't do that and look at the code at the same time Xavier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Cant?   
CP: What do you mean cant?   
CP: Never let anyone tell you you cant do something!   
CP: If you dont try you'll never succeed!

PD: I dont think I can do both. :(   
PD: Ill just help with the code. :)   
PD: Sorry Xavier. :(

CP: Dont worry about it Hal! :V)   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! (Dusts off hands) I think that wraps everything up pretty well! The end, no more story!
> 
> Actually it's the end of part one. Weekly updating will resume on the 15th of March (Australian time). There'll be an intermission at some point as well. Probably on the 1st.


	26. Intermission

Doofenshmirtz sat in his apartment, reading a book. After a second, he looked up and said "Ah, hello. I didn't see you come in. Who...ever you are. It's-it's weird, talking to an empty room like this. Don't you think that's weird?"

He looked around.

"Heeey, you know this is kinda like talking to Perry the Platypus! I talk, and he doesn't say anything and sits there pretending to be asleep. I could get used to this."

As he spoke, Perry floated into the room, still a sprite.

"Ah," said Doofenshmirtz, "Perry the Platypus, you made it! And you're still a... weird game... construct, I see."

Perry shrugged, and sat down in the armchair next to him. He looked at Doofenshmirtz expectantly.

"Oh... Oh yes," said Doofenshmirtz. "The recap. Now, you may be wondering why I'm back in the comfort of my own home and not in the clutches of my good, grandson-possessing friend, the horrible monster from outside the universe. Wow. When... When you say it like that he doesn't seem so benevolent."

He shook his head. "Well, I couldn't tell you. I-I'm just more comfortable here, you know? Now, onto the recap. This story has a whole group of weird new characters - I... I think they're supposed to be the kids of beloved Phineas and Ferb characters. Uncreative, is what I called it. Let's see, there's Shout Girl, the Human Photocopier, Mr Bland, some smarmy, slimy, conceited, grandstanding attention seeking failure, and... Hal."

Perry glared at him.

"What?" said Doofenshmirtz. "I know he doesn't literally photocopy my documents, I'm not an idiot. He--"

Perry shook his head.

Doofenshmirtz scowled. "Oh, you mean Alton. I... I didn't misjudge him, you misjudged him! He's a bad seed, Perry the Platypus. A bad seed."

Perry rolled his eyes.

"So anyway, it all started when those nice boys Phineas and Ferb found that game all the teenage girls on the Internet fight about. F... Fought about twenty years ago? Is it the future right now? I... I can never remember."

Perry nodded at him.

"Does that mean we already found out if the little angry zodiac guy got with that blind girl? I... I admit, I'm really invested in their relationship. What do you think, Perry the Platypus? Do you think that clown is gonna break them up forever?

"So they found the game, and then they found out it was the new characters who "had" to play it because of time travel and predestination. In fact, you could say they were... destinystuck!" He looked around. "Huh? Huh?"

Perry was not amused.

"Eh, who needs you anyway. Phineas and Ferb gave the game to Hal to... to convert or something, and he and all his little predestined friends started playing it. Oh, except for Alton. Like I said. Bad seed.

"Meanwhile, Perry the Platypus went with off Phineas and Ferb to shoot the meteors which I guess must part of the game or something. What kind of game is that? You start playing, and then everyone else in your neighbourhood dies? Who, I mean, who designed this?"

Perry made a couple of hand gestures.

"Huh?" said Doofenshmirtz. "You want me to talk about... bloodswaps? You mean, giving the kids different blood types? I... I don't even know your blood type, Perry the Platypus. What are you? Type A? You seem like a type A. Maybe type O."

Perry shook his head, and handed Doofenshmirtz a slip of paper.

"Oh... Oh, you want me to explain how the game is played. You know, that makes a lot more sense. Bloodswaps...

"It's one of those newfangled online games you play with _more than one person_. The 'server player' connects to the 'client player' and they can see everything that's going on with the client player, and move things around, like a technological poltergeist!" He looked sideways at Perry. "Hey, maybe we should play this game."

Perry thought, then shook his head.

"The server player puts down all these weird machines that lets them craft items out of ordinary household objects. There's some item they need to make, or they uh... They get smashed by a meteor, that's it. M-meteorite? Asteroid? Eh, Who cares. And also they get this hovering glowy ball thing, that they're _supposed_ to throw a dead guy or two in to bring them back to life, but... kids these days are severely lacking in dead loved ones. Let me tell you about all the people I lost when I was their age..."

Perry chattered warningly.

"Okay, okay. So they make an item, and it sends them inside the game. Somehow. All the kids entered, except Alton of _course_ , so Perry the Platypus manipulated him into it by getting hit by a meteor and then dying. That... that was a good idea, Perry the Platypus. You die, and he has to throw you in a sprite to bring you back. Like, nobody's gonna buy his nice guy act if he doesn't. I never knew you could be so sneaky. Oh who am I kidding, of course I did."

Perry glared.

"Aw, so modest," said Doofenshmirtz. "Now once you get in the game, there's even more world building to take in. That... That's Homestuck in a nutshell, folks. Once you think you understand it, it throws even more complications at you. Well technically this story is only _based_ on Homestuck, but... So you got Skaia in the centre, which is some sort of fortune telling magic planet, and there's the Battlefield around it, and revolving around that is the golden planet of Prospit, and further out-- Do I have to describe the whole thing, Perry the Platypus?"

Perry nodded, smirking a little.

Doofenshmirtz slumped back in his chair. "Just tell me one thing. Just- just tell me what I did to deserve this."

Perry raised a brow.

"Don't give me that look! Ugh. So Prospit has a moon, and half the players have royal versions of themselves that they turn into when they dream or something, who cares. And further out there's more planets that the players appear on when they enter. I think they each get one, Perry the Platypus, do they each get one planet?"

Perry nodded.

"And further out from that is a Veil, which is some sort of asteroid belt, and then there's the purple planet Derse, which has a moon just like Prospit. And that's where the rest of the planets' dream selves are. I mean, players' dream selves. Planets don't get dream selves. Or maybe they do. Wouldn't surprise me." He sighed.

"Now that they're finally, finally all in the game, you'd think the drama would stop, right? Wrong! Let's see... They put toys and things in their sprites because they had zero dead loved ones - except for Perry the Platypus, I guess - But their sprites didn't follow them into the game. Which is..." He tapped his chin. "Bad?"

Perry nodded again.

Doofenshmirtz continued. "So apparently that made the game completely messed up or something. Perry the Spriteapus got sent to uh... The gap between dimensions? Where... Where did you go, Perry the Platypus?"

Perry shrugged, pointed at the sky, and shrugged again.

"Oh, and also... Xavier and Fred got... assassinated. Did I get that right?"

Perry made a gesture.

"Oh, almost. Almost assassinated. Turns out they weren't meant to be players after all, because to play this game you apparently have to be "meant" to play it, like the game's the cool kid who pushes you in the mud if you try to join in with his friendly game of Kinderspaßspeilen without his express permission. The real players are Phineas and Ferb, because I guess the game thinks Xavier and Fred are as boring as I do. I mean, what do they even do? Sit under trees all day?

"Oh, but Phineas and Ferb can't play either because they're too "old". They're like thirty years old. That is not old. Tr... trust me on this. Now me and Perry the Platypus, we're old."

Perry chattered in annoyance.

"You're gonna have to admit it someday, Perry the Platypus." He poked Perry in the chest. "You are old. Though I see dying and coming back as a computer ghost has restored some of your youthful vitality... Say, are there any of those sprite things left? It... it doesn't seem like a bad deal all of a sudden.

"Now where was I... Oh yeah. Now the new characters can't win because they need all the players. And uh... That orange haired girl... Uh... Merideth... Candace! That's it! She got mad about Xavier and Fred being in the game, and for some reason she needed my help to get them out of it. Well, I guess a speaking role is a speaking role. Meanwhile I wanted to nobly, and yet evilly," He clenched his fists, "save Perry the Platypus from being trapped in a poorly defined location for the rest of eternity. So I said okay.

"But everything turned out all right, because Perry the Platypus was found by my friend who'd been possessing Hal since he was a little toddler. He sent me the coordinates, what a guy! Me and Candy headed out to meet him, and then... and... well I think it's obvious what happened then. I'm not even gonna explain it." He sat back and folded his arms, satisfied. "How was that, Perry the Platypus? And you thought I couldn't do it."

Perry chattered.

"What? What did I miss? Was it... Do I have to explain all their titles? Not until I get a title of my own, Perry the Platypus, I'm, I'm boycotting them. I'm boycotting the titles."

Perry shook his head.

Doofenshmirtz tapped his chin. "Uh, okay, what else...? Oh, Phineas's dream self died. Whatever that means. I guess now he... doesn't have a dream self? I don't have one either, I don't... I don't see the big deal. And uh... Xavier was typing strange?"

Perry nodded and indicated for him to go on.

"Oh!" said Doofenshmirtz suddenly. "It turns out that me, Major Monobrow, Xavier, and Fred are all clones of ourselves! And Phineas, Ferb, Hal, Alicia, and Alton are our kids! Somehow. Through... ghost slime. Not through... the normal way. I mean, I don't even know that Fred kid." He shuddered. "And some guy from Derse made a magic zebra." He turned to Perry. "Now am I done?"

Perry thought about it, and gave a thumbs up.

"About time!" Doofenshmirtz stood up. "Come on Perry the Platypus, let's get some seafood. I'm... I'm starving."

He left the room, and Perry trailed after him.


	27. All: Puzzle

  
candescentFervor contacted constructivePlayfulness and fallbackParaclete

CF: That's weird. I don't remember signing out.

CP: Mom?!?!

CF: Uh... Yeah?

CP: You're alive?!?!?!?!?!?!

CF: Why wouldn't I be?   
CF: Wait...   
CF: What happened this time?

FP: "candescentFervor has been vaporized by a meteor"

CF: What   
CF: My chat client said that

FP: Yes.

CF: When

CP: Just after we entered...

CF: That long   
CF: I spoke to you two ten minutes ago

CP: Really?   
CP: What did I say?

CF: You said you were still okay, that the enemies thought you were dead and that Fred was hiding in a meteor.

CP: I dont get it   
CP: Fred isnt hiding   
CP: Hes on his planet   
CP: Did I tell you why he had to hide?

CF: Because you weren't supposed to play and the bad guys were trying to kill you   
CF: That's why I came here in the first place

FP: What?

CP: What?   


.

  
candescentFervor contacted placidFinesse and ferbFletcher

CF: Guys, something really weird is going on   
CF: I spoke to my kids and they said I   
CF: They said I'm dead   
CF: They think I died hours ago

PF: You did.   
PF: I was there.   
PF: Is that really you, Candace?

CF: Of course it's me   
CF: What's going on with you guys   
CF: They said it was a meteor, and you guys took care of all the meteors   
CF: You used some sort of... kinetic energy conserving ray

PF: Really?   
PF: Where did we get one of those?   
PF: Are kinetic energy rays even on the market?

CF: It wasn't on the market, you made it   
CF: I guess

PF: We did?

FF: I don't remember doing that.

CF: Ugh!   
CF: What is wrong with you guys?   
CF: And when did you change your screen names?

FF: I've never changed my name.

PF: I haven't changed it since before you...   
PF: You know.

CF: dlfjuaq;oritgju;oalisgj;lairjg;lairnfkja   
CF: Anyway.   
CF: I got Perry back.

FF: From where?

CF: From the crazy world of giant tentacled monsters   
CF: You know   
CF: They took Doofenshmirtz in exchange, but who cares about him

PF: Doofenshmirtz is alive?   


.

  
peripheralProtector contacted candescentFervor

PP: notttt ccccrazy   
PP: *you are notttt ccccrazy   
PP: i remember   
PP: whatttt   
PP: you remember

PP: no   
PP: same universe   
PP: i ccccan   
PP: feel itttt   
PP: as spritttte

PP: ccccalm ddddown   
PP: ttttakkkke ddddeep breaths

PP: im sorry

PP: yes   
PP: three things   
PP: i wouldddd go free   
PP: he wouldddd be imorttttal   
PP: andddd everything   
PP: wouldddd be   
PP: fixedddd

PP: justttt   
PP: fixedddd   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fallbackParaclete, constructivePlayfulness, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DP: found anything yet

PD: Not yet. :(

CP: I... I think its a requirement of the game that the host race be destroyed

DF: oh no!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: that's humanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: the host race is us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Oh and moms alive

PD: :O :O :O

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: really??????????????????????????????????????????????

PD: :O

DP: how is she alive   
DP: the chat said she was dead   
DP: so did uncle phineas

CP: I dont know   
CP: She told me and Fred she just spoke to us!

DP: but shes dead

CP: But she contacted us

FP: She seemed not to know what we were talking about.   
FP: She claimed that I was hiding on a meteor, and said something about high-level enemies.

CP: I bet you could handle them, Fred! :V)

FP: Not necessarily.   
FP: Luckily we don't need to deal with them just yet.

CP: And she said we weren't even supposed to play.

DF: omg you are so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Thats what the code says. :/   
PD: Hey   
PD: Maybe shes from after the game. :S   
PD: Maybe we beat the game and tell the new universe to be Earth with everything back to normal. :S

CP: I don't think it works that way, Hal.   
CP: :V(

PD: Why not? :(   
PD: Were supposed to create ourselves right? :(   
PD: Why cant we make everything else? :(

CP: Fred thinks the goal of the game is to create something new.

DP: can we at least stop the reckoning   
DP: & u no   
DP: save the entire human race   
DP: from total annihilation   
DP: & being dead 4ever

PD: We cant its hard-coded in. :(

DP: but it hasnt happened yet

PD: Its still hard coded. :(   
PD: Its like if you have a game where you lose hit points after five minutes   
PD: Even if you know about it beforehand   
PD: You cant stop yourself losing those hit points. :(   
PD: Its in the coding. :(

DF: are you sure???????????????????   
DF: i really want to save the earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: really really really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: couldnt we help white win   
DP: the reckoning doesnt start until white loses

CP: Hes definitely right   
CP: Its impossible for white to win   
CP: Besides the black king has to send meteors at Skaia   
CP: And Skaia has to send them at Earth   
CP: Or we wont exist   
CP: Uh... for some reason.

PD: Yeah. :(   
PD: I dont know why either. :/

CP: I thought the only thing we could do was win the game   
CP: At least create more than we destroyed   
CP: And then mom contacted us   
CP: How can she be alive?

DP: look   
DP: how about i ask her   


.

  
discerningPedestrian contacted candescentFervor

DP: hey aunt candace   
DP: r u alive   
DP: if so xavier wants 2 know how can u b alive

CF: Of course I'm alive   
CF: I don't know what's gotten into you people

DP: we dont know whats gotten into u   
DP: other than being alive

CF: Perry says this is the same dimension as always.

DP: dimension   
DP: what

CF: Uh... has anyone been travelling in time?   
CF: Xavier and Fred are acting totally different, and so are your dad and your uncle Phineas.   
CF: I'm just glad you're still the same.

DP: i dont think any1s time travelling   
DP: no1 has powers like that   
DP: ill ask   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fallbackParaclete, constructivePlayfulness, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DP: i just asked her how she can be alive   
DP: she doesnt remember being dead   
DP: she wants to know if anyone was time travelling

CP: Oh that makes sense!   
CP: I dont think I did any of that...

FP: I didn't time travel.

PD: Me neither. :/

DF: or me!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Mom must really remember a different reality to the one weve been experiencing!   
CP: I didnt even know that could happen!   
CP: Im gonna go to sleep and see if anyone on Prospit knows about this!

DP: ok   
DP: ill tell her   
  


.

  
discerningPedestrian is talking to candescentFervor

DP: xavier said hed go to sleep and ask

CF: Xavier can ask things in his sleep?

DP: yeah hes a prospit dreamer   
DP: im a derse dreamer   
DP: or i would b if i was awake   
DP: i mean if i was asleep   
DP: and awake on derse

CF: Alton, I have no idea what any of that means.

DP: oh sorry   
DP: he goes 2 another planet when he dreams   
DP: its real & the people there tell him stuff   
DP: really

CF: Oh, that.   
CF: I thought only Phineas and Ferb could do that.

DP: uh dad and uncle phineas cant do that   
DP: theyre not players   
DP: only players have dream selves   
DP: thats what xavier says anyway

CF: Look, Perry says this is the exact same universe   
CF: He says the tentacle monster... fixed it?

DP: is he sure   
DP: could u explain what happened in ur universe   
DP: xavier and fred can probably figure it out   
DP: like they do with everything else

CF: Xavier and Fred?   
CF: Really?   
CF: I mean, they're great kids, but...

DP: ...   
DP: r u sure ur Aunt Candace.   
DP: do i really no u

CF: Yes!   
CF: Your name is Alton Heinz Doofenshmirtz!   
CF: You have a twin brother named Hal Lawrence!   
CF: You have five half-siblings!   
CF: Do you want me to name them too?

DP: thats ok   
DP: i believe u   
DP: i dont no how u could get our middle names right and then say we have five half siblings when we dont have any   
DP: so ur probably not lying

CF: Really?   
CF: Yeah there's definitely something going on.   
CF: This morning your uncle told me to get out of the house because Xavier had to play a game, which would cause the meteor babies.   
CF: Somehow.

DP: meteor babies

CF: Uh... never mind about that.   
CF: Amanda was at a dress rehersal, and Fred was out playing soccer with you.

DP: yeah that happened   
DP: hal said he was scared so i went home   
DP: fred went on ahead & said he saw my house disappear   
DP: then a meteor blew up the spot where it was

CF: Well, your house is definitely gone...   
CF: I got another message from Phineas. He said he was sorry, and that Xavier and Fred weren't meant to be in the game, he and Ferb were.

DP: how much later

CF: It was a couple hours ago.   
CF: I was driving when he contacted me.   
CF: By the time I checked my messages, he was asleep and had no idea what I was talking about.   
CF: I guess he was doing your Dense Dreaming or whatever.

DP: a couple hours ago ud been dead 4 hours

CF: You keep saying that!

DP: ok so how did u escape the meteors   
DP: they were everywhere   
DP: we only got away because we were in the game

CF: Oh, those meteors!   
CF: Phineas and Ferb absorbed them into some sort of energy storing beam. Phineas said it would solve the world's energy problems and save the world.   
CF: I guess that had something to do with the game, huh?

DP: that didnt happen   
DP: they knew about the game   
DP: they didnt know about the meteors   
DP: u said the universe got fixed

CF: That's what Perry said.   
CF: It was part of the monster's deal with Doofenshmirtz,

DP: so it got fixed   
DP: so xavier and fred r players again

CF: I think you're right!   
CF: The monster made Xavier and Fred into players!   
CF: At the cost of the Earth.

DP: i guess   


.

  
candescentFervor is talking to peripheralProtector

PP: probably   
PP: wantttt tttto   
PP: tttturn aroundddd   
PP: ?

PP: unddddersttttanddddable   



	28. Candace: Catch on

  
candescentFervor is talking to discerningPedestrian

CF: Perry says that the monster might be able to change things back to that way they're supposed to be.

DP: would i still exist   
DP: or would i be a different copy of me

CF: I don't know, Alton.   
CF: Don't worry, I'm not going to do it if there's another way.   
CF: I do not want to go back out there.   
CF: How did your dad and uncle escape the meteors?

DP: u had uncle phineas over   
DP: remember

CF: No.

DP: he was there this time   
DP: when xavier entered he went out to look around   
DP: he got captured   
DP: then he escaped   
DP: now we dont know where he is

CF: Okay. What about your dad?

DP: he was at the park   
DP: where fred entered the game   
DP: fred said he thought he was scared   
DP: and trying not 2 look it

CF: Ferb, scared? Really?

DP: he was being Fred   
DP: he never copies kids   
DP: just other adults   
DP: fred was kinda weirded out

CF: Being.

DP: yeah

CF: You said he was being Fred   
CF: You mean, Fred was being Ferb, right?

DP: no   
DP: fred doesnt copy people   
DP: dad does   
DP: hes really good at it

CF: ...   
CF: If Fred doesn't copy people, what is he like?   
CF: What kind of person is he?

DP: hes ur son but ok   
DP: hes quiet   
DP: but not shy   
DP: hes really good at almost everything   
DP: hes always with xavier   
DP: they build things together

CF: Alton?   
CF: What color is Fred's hair?

DP: what   
DP: green   
DP: like mine

candescentFervor signed off

DP: what   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fallbackParaclete, constructivePlayfulness, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DP: aunt candace says a tentacle monster changed things   
DP: dad and uncle phineas were supposed 2 b players   
DP: instead of xavier & fred   
DP: whatever that means

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: also she says dad & uncle phineas woke up on prospit & saved the world from the meteors

PD: :O   
PD: Only players can have dream selves. :O

DP: yeah thats the point

CP: So either we are supposed to be here and the Earth gets destroyed or we're not and it survives?   
CP: I'd give up everything to get the Earth back   
CP: Even flying

DP: then she acted weird when i said dad was being fred   
DP: like fred was the 1 who copies people

FP: That's completely incorrect.   
FP: Your father is the mimic of the family.

DP: yeah   
DP: she asked what fred was like & then she asked what color his hair was   
DP: when i answered she signed off

DF: that's so weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: tell me about it

PD: Why would she think Fred did dad things?

FP: I would think that my own mother would know me better than that.

CP: The Fred she knows must not act the same as the Fred we know   
CP: I wonder if I act like the Xavier she knows

DP: she says im the same   
DP: except she thinks i have five half siblings

PD: :O   
PD: We dont have any half-siblings! :O

DF: does uncle ferb have a new girlfriend in tentacle world or something??????????????????????

PD: He must really like her. :)

DF: huh???????????????????

CP: Oh, you mean to raise so many kids together!   
CP: I bet they're really in love!

PD: Uh. :/   
PD: Whats so important about his hair anyway? :S   
PD: Me and Alton have the same color. :S

DF: it's a weird color!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: nobody else has green hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: like in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Yeah but it doesnt mean anything. :/   
PD: Its just weird. :/   


.

  
candescentFervor is talking to ferbFletcher and placidFinesse

CF: Are you guys really my brothers?

PF: Huh?   
PF: Candace, what's the matter?

CF: Alton told me   
CF: He said

PF: What did he say?

CF: He said Fred had green hair

FF: He does.

CF: And let me guess   
CF: Your hair is brown

FF: Yeah.   
FF: Of course it is.

CF: And Phineas

PF: Yeah?

CF: You're blond, aren't you

PF: Yeah...   
PF: Candace, what are you trying to say?

CF: I get it now   
CF: I get what happened

PF: Okay, what happened?

CF: They did fix the universe

PF: Who did?   
PF: The tentacle monsters?

CF: Who else

PF: I'm just glad you're alive, sis.

CF: We grew up together, right   
CF: Did I ever flip out and try to bust you when we were kids   
CF: Like every day for example

FF: I don't think so   
FF: You were always pretty calm.

CF: Calm   
CF: You're kidding, right   
CF: What is wrong with this world

PF: That's how I remember it.

CF: Okay this is so messed up   
CF: My brothers were supposed to be the players in place of my sons   
CF: The tentacle monsters didn't change that at all   
CF: They just switched them around

PF: What?   
PF: Candace...

CF: They switched my sons with my brothers

PF: What do you mean by switched?

FF: She means she remembers us as her sons.

PF: That... that's what I thought.

CF: Yeah.   
CF: Fred's right.   
CF: I mean Ferb

PF: But   
PF: But Candace, it's me.   
PF: Phineas, your brother.   
PF: You grew up with Xavier?

CF: I grew up with Phineas   
CF: He has red hair and a triangular head   
CF: He's never satisified with the bare minimum   
CF: He always has to go one step further

PF: :(

CF: My other brother doesn't talk much, but he's the most skilled man I know.   
CF: Last week he single-handedly uncovered a secret cabal of giant drug-dealing moths.

FF: :(

CF: When they're together, they can do the most amazing things.   
CF: They can save the world.   
CF: That's why I'm still alive.

PF: Xavier and Fred saved you?

CF: Phineas and Ferb saved me.   
CF: I'm sure you're great people.   
CF: The Xavier and Fred that I know are great kids.   
CF: But you're not my brothers.   
CF: And the Xavier and Fred you know aren't my kids.

PF: I don't know whether to believe you.

FF: Me neither.

PF: We should meet.   
PF: If you really are Candace.

CF: Of course I'm Candace!

PF: Ferb and I are on the Battlefield at the moment.   
PF: I'll send you the coordinates.

CF: Wait a second.   
CF: Don't bother.   
CF: I still have a lock on you from before.

FF: Are you sure it's us?

CF: You're on the Battlefield, right? That's in the center of this universe?

PF: Yeah.

CF: Okay, that's you.   
CF: I'm on my way.

FF: Is Perry with you?   
FF: You said you got him back.

CF: Oh yeah.   
CF: I guess you guys grew up with him.   


.

  
peripheralProtector is talking to candescentFervor

PP: no   
PP: remember   
PP: your realitttty

PP: yes   
PP: as real as   
PP: you andddd me   
PP: they ddddeserve itttt   


.

  
candescentFervor is talking to ferbFletcher and placidFinesse

PF: I can't wait to see him again.

FF: Does he remember us?   
FF: As us?

CF: He says he doesn't.   
CF: Sorry, guys.

PF: Oh.

CF: He says he won't hold it against you.

PF: Okay.   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fallbackParaclete, constructivePlayfulness, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

CP: This code doesnt make any sense!   
CP: I'm surprised it even compiled!

PD: It made sense before. :/   
PD: Whatever youre looking at. :/   
PD: Maybe its because Freds hair is green. :/

CP: Ill send it to you!

constructivePlayfulness sent proficiencyDiversified a file

CP: I added the code comments :V)

PD: Huh. :/   
PD: I remember this part. :/   
PD: I was right it did make sense before. :/

DP: i blame whatever aunt candace was talking about

DF: so it is because fred's hair is green!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: fred stop having green hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Is it because the universe changed? :/

DP: do u remember the universe changing

PD: No. :/

FP: I don't think it work that way.

CP: Yeah   
CP: Whatever happened it must have changed the past and the present

DP: what about the future

CP: Who knows?

PD: And this class is about time travel... :/

DF: what class?????????????   
DF: is there a school on your planet?????????????   
DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it teaches time travel?????????????????????????

PD: I mean, this part of the program Xavier sent me. :)   
PD: A class is like a variable with functions. :)   
PD: Except different. :)

DP: hal quit it   
DP: nows not a good time to confuse everyone about computers

PD: :(

DF: do you think if we went back in time we'd be in the old universe???????????   
DF: with aunt candace and earth still alive?????????

CP: I never thought of that!   
CP: Maybe!

DF: lets go back in time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: wed b different people   
DP: i asked aunt candace about it   
DP: she said she didnt no if wed still exist   
DP: in her universe   
DP: as us   
DP: brb shes talking 2 me   


.

  
candescentFervor contacted discerningPedestrian

CF: Uh, Alton.   
CF: I think you might want to hear this.

DP: go on

CF: I figured out what's so different about this timeline.   
CF: You said Fred has green hair like you.   
CF: Does Xavier have a triangular head like Alicia?

DP: yeah

CF: I thought so.   
CF: And he's always coming up with amazing new projects?

DP: yeah

CF: When you talk about Xavier and Fred   
CF: You're describing my brothers.

DP: uh

CF: My brothers were supposed to be the players.   
CF: My brothers got switched with my kids.

DP: uh   
DP: what   
DP: like u mean switched places

CF: I grew up with them. I know my brothers.   
CF: And I know my kids.

DP: ok   



	29. Hal: Don't go to sleep

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fallbackParaclete, constructivePlayfulness, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DP: aunt candace just told me what she thinks happened   
DP: she thinks xavier and fred got switched with dad and uncle phineas   
DP: she says she nos her brothers and she nos her kids

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: what?????????

CP: What?   
CP: She remembers me as her brother?   
CP: Is that it?

DP: i think so

PD: :O

CP: Mom remembers me as her brother

FP: whoa

DF: omg i just thought of something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: if you two switched places with dad and uncle ferb..........................   
DF: does that mean you or fred are my dad in aunt candace's world???????????????

CP: It... It must

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: this is so weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: and everything else that happened today isnt

DF: everything is weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^   
PD: What she said. :)

CP: I wonder...   
CP: Am I Alicias dad or Alton and Hals?

DF: i don't know!!!!!!!!!   
DF: okay you have a pointy head like me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: actually it's even pointier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: I guess its kind of pointy...

DF: and alton and hal look more like fred!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: not really

DF: yes you do you have the same color hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: It is a weird hair color. :/

CP: I think you're right...

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: fred is my dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Uh...

DF: i mean xavier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i just got it wrong ok????????????????   
DF: and dad is my cousin???????????????????????

CP: This is... crazy!   
CP: If moms my sister... whos dad?

PD: Gross. :/

DP: yeah

CP: I wonder what it was like growing up in the past with mom...

PD: Your titles are really overpowered I dont think we would have got so far without you. :/

DP: theyre not overpowered theyre just being xavier and fred   
DP: instantly perfect at everything

PD: I think theyre overpowered. :/

CP: What if uncle Phineas and uncle Ferb took on our roles? They were players in mom's old universe, right?

DP: aunt candace said theyre not and thats why you switched

CP: I wonder what happens to kids that aren't players in this game...

PD: Yeah dad and uncle Phineas barely escaped freds planet. :/

CP: Mom said we were in trouble in her universe... Do you think she was trying to talk to uncle Phineas and uncle Ferb?

FP: That's right. She said she was coming to get us.   


.

  
candescentFervor contacted proficiencyDiversified

PD: Aunt Candace! :O   
PD: Is Fred really my dad in your world? :O

CF: I think so, but that's not why I contacted you.

PD: It isn't? :O

CF: You seem the same.   
CF: I found something weird in Doofenshmirtz's conversation history.

candescentFervor sent proficiencyDiversified a file

PD: :O   
PD: I talk weird in your world.

CF: The thing is, I don't think that's you.

PD: Maybe it was my evil twin! :O

CF: You already have a twin, and he's not evil.

PD: Maybe it was my evil triplet! :O

CF: I don't think so.   
CF: Doofenshmirtz seemed to know them.

PD: :O

CF: I tried talking to him after I found this log.   
CF: He's not answering.   
CF: I guess he's still asleep.

PD: You dont have to lie about grandpa being dead aunt Candace. :(   
PD: I know hes dead. :(

CF: Huh?   
CF: Doofenshmirtz isn't dead.   
CF: He built the ship I used to get here.   
CF: He struck some kind of deal with the dark gods Perry keeps talking about.

PD: :O   
PD: That sounds familiar. :O

CF: Hal? Are you still there?

PD: My stomach hurts. :(

proficiencyDiversified signed off  


.

  
proficiencyDiversified contacted forcibleDessertinator

PD: Grandpa! :D   
PD: Aunt Candace says youre alive again! :D   
PD: Look at these exclamation marks! :D   
PD: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
PD: :D   
PD: Are you asleep? :D   
PD: Aunt Candace said youre asleep. :D   
PD: Wake up soon grandpa. :D

FD: GO TO SLEEP HAL

PD: Grandpa! :D   
PD: You are alive! :D   
PD: I knew it! :D   
PD: :D :D :D :D

FD: GO TO SLEEP HAL

PD: Grandpa why are you shouting? :/

FD: GO TO SLEEP HAL

PD: Youre freaking me out grandpa. :(   
PD: Are you sure youre alive? :(   
PD: I got all excited. :(

FD: GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL 

proficiencyDiversified signed off  


.

  
proficiencyDiversified contacted ferbFletcher

PD: Dad! D:   
PD: I tried to contact grandpa   
PD: and he answered but   
PD: he kept telling me to go to sleep   
PD: then it just started   
PD: scrolling down my screen   
PD: even though he   
PD: didn't press enter   
PD: I can tell because it didnt say FD before each one. :)   
PD: D:   
PD: I was excited he was alive but now Im upset all over again. D:

FF: Can you send me the conversation?

PD: Okay. :)

proficiencyDiversified sent ferbFletcher a file

PD: Did you know mom thinks youre her son dad and Freds her brother? :O

FF: Technically she thinks I'm her stepbrother.   
FF: But yes.

PD: Hey dad maybe you should start being Fred! :P

FF: Maybe I should.

PD: :P

FF: Are you certain that the person you contacted is your grandfather?

PD: Duh! :)   
PD: He was called forcibleDessertinator! :)   
PD: It has inator on the end just like grandpa! :)   
PD: Also its grandpas screen name. :)   
PD: Who else would it be? :)   
PD: Youre not talking much today dad! :)

FF: No.   
FF: Is it possible that his account was accessed by someone else?

PD: Maybe. :S

FF: Candace mentioned something about a land of crazy tentacled monsters.

PD: Oh yeah. :/   
PD: Can crazy tentacled monsters use a keyboard? :/   
PD: By the way dad do me and Alton have any secret half siblings? :S

FF: Um... Not that I know of.   
FF: Why do you ask?

PD: Alton says aunt Candace says we have five in her universe. :S   
PD: I thought about why but then I decided not to. :/

FF: I wish you wouldn't disable the net's child filter, Hal.   
FF: It's there to protect you.

PD: I know. :(   
PD: Its just annoying how everything is blocked. :(   
PD: Im gonna try and talk to grandpa again.    


.

  
proficiencyDiversified contacted forcibleDessertinator

PD: Are you a crazy tentacled monster? :S   
PD: Or are you grandpa? :S

FD: GO TO SLEEP HAL

PD: That's not an answer! D:

FD: GO TO SLEEP HAL

PD: I don't want to! >:   
PD: You can't make me! >:

FD: NO

PD: You said something different! :O

FD: GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL 

proficiencyDiversified signed off  


.

  
constructivePlayfulness is talking to fallbackParaclete

CP: No!   
CP: I refuse to accept it!   
CP: It cant be the only way!

FP: Mother is alive in that world.

CP: I know   
CP: I want her back as much as you do   
CP: But there must be a better way!

FP: Xavier, nobody wants to be annihilated from existence.   
FP: Not you, and not mother.

CP: Youre right   
CP: I just wish there was a way where nobody had to be annihilated   
CP: Maybe we should tell her

FP: We still exist in her world, remember.

CP: Yeah as her brothers   
CP: I'm not ready for adulthood yet!   
CP: I don't even know how to get a mortgage!

FP: :U|

CP: Thats true   
CP: Uncle Phineas and uncle Ferb werent ready either   
CP: I just don't know what to do!

FP: :U|   
FP: Maybe there is a way.   


.

  
constructivePlayfulness contacted candescentFervor

CP: Uh mom?

CF: Yes, Phineas?   
CF: I mean, Xavier?

CP: Me and Fred have been crunching some numbers...   
CP: And... If things stay the way you are, youre gonna phase out of existance   
CP: Sorry :V(

CF: What

CP: Fred says thats how time travel works in this situation

CF: So on Back to the Future rules

CP: Whats that?

CF: Never mind   
CF: Just an old movie   
CF: I can't ask you to do this, but

CP: To change things back to the way they were?

CF: Yeah.   
CF: If anyone can do it, it's you two.

CP: Not to worry mom! Me and Fred are already working on it!

CF: You... you are?   
CF: Are you sure it's even possible?

CP: Never say "Can I do this?"! Say "How can I do it?"! That's my motto!

CF: It is, huh?

CP: Well since yesterday   
CP: Do you like it?

CF: It sounds like the title of your last book.

CP: I wrote... books in your reality?

CF: You and   
CF: You and your brother, yeah.   
CF: Some of them are best sellers.   
CF: And then there was that book on the history and flavors of parsnip wine.   
CF: I don't know what you guys were thinking with that one.

CP: Whoa...   
CP: I'm a really successful adult huh?

CF: Yeah.   
CF: I've always been proud to be your big sister.

CP: ...   
CP: Thanks

constructivePlayfulness signed off

creativePlayfulness contacted candescentFervor

CP: sis

constructivePlayfulness signed off  


.

  
constructivePlayfulness is talking to fallbackParaclete

CP: Okay lets do this

FP: *thumbsup*   



	30. Hal: Disregard the previous chapter title

Hal needed to rest and regain his hit points. He wasn't used to bosses that moved faster than he did. It didn't matter how effective your acid gun was when you couldn't even get a shot in.

Actually, his arm was broken, but it felt better to think in terms of hit points. His arm didn't even hurt much. Sleep would make it better.

He walked back to his house, still thinking about what his aunt had told him. It sounded so... familiar. What was it? Every time he tried to figure it out, his stomach and brain hurt too much to continue.

The walking was a lot easier than it had been a few hours ago. Every time he went up a level, he felt stronger and faster. It was actually a pretty cool feeling. Maybe there was something to this exercise thing.

It was a bit hard to see in the dark, but Hal's planet seemed to be completely deserted, other than the frogs. He'd found tablets that mention some Heir of Space who was supposed to arrive and do... something. Something to do with the frogs. And a forge? Hal hadn't found all the tablets yet. Most of them were guarded by bone-breaking bosses.

After a lot of walking and a few minor battles, Hal finally got back to his house. He wondered when he was going to get space powers, and if they'd include not having to walk all the way home just to restore hit points.

He went back up to his room and went into his fort of computer parts, making sure there were no enemies inside. He'd found that the fort was the best way to avoid getting attacked in his sleep. The only enemies in his house were weak imps, but they still woke him up.

Usually Hal took more than hour to get to sleep, but in the game he could sleep instantly, and wake up completely refreshed. He wished it worked that way in real life. Maybe he wouldn't be late for school as often.

He woke up in... his room? No, this wasn't his room. The fort was missing. Also the room was purple. Hal looked down at himself. He was wearing a purple outfit with a moon on it. He grinned. This must be his dream self! He was the first non Xavier and Fred person to wake up! This was so exciting. He was barely ever first at anything!

Maybe he could go see Fred! Fred was probably awake at the moment, so that meant that his dream self was... asleep? Wasn't that how it worked? Maybe he could wake Fred up in the dream so that his real self fell asleep. Xavier could probably cover for him if Hal woke him up during a fight.

Couldn't dream selves fly?

Hal looked out the window. It was a long way to the ground, and a longer way to the planet nearby.

He floated off the ground.

Grinning, Hal spread his arms and flew out the window.

There was another tower nearby. Hal peeked in the window, hoping to see Fred, but it was Alton. He landed inside and shook his brother on the shoulder. "Hey, Alton."

Alton snored.

"Alton, wake up! You're a dream!" That didn't sound right, but Hal didn't care. He was dreaming!

Alton turned over.

Hal gave up. He wasn't going to wake up unless he threw some water on his face or something.

Actually, that wasn't a bad idea. Hal flew back out the window and looked around for some sort of lake or something.

The moon seemed to be one giant medieval looking city. So did the planet. Hal floated down to some black chess people that were wandering a nearby street.

"Uh..." he began. He hoped they weren't enemies. They looked like enemies, but they weren't attacking him. "Uh, do you have any water?"

The enemy looking person directed him to a fountain. Hal flew over, wondering why he hadn't seen it from the air. Maybe he had seen it, but he hadn't noticed? He did that sometimes.

He had a lot of difficulty carrying the water up to the tower. It was easy to scoop the water up with his hands, but every time it drained away before he got two feet in the air. He really needed some space powers, soon.

Hal landed again, and looked thoughtfully at the fountain. His IQ was so high it was untestable. He could handle a stupid fountain. He cupped his hands, dipped them in the water, and watched it drip through his fingers. He needed... some kind of container, that was what he needed. Some kind of container that didn't have big holes in it like his hands did.

Hal flew back to his dream room. It had a lot of the same stuff as his real room. There was even the same stack of video game cases, sitting on top of a tangle of cables. What he needed was something to hold water in. There were some old motherboards he could make into... No. Electronics probably weren't a good idea.

Under his bed, Hal located a mug of... something. He had no idea what had been in it, and he didn't really want to know. But it was a container, and it would do.

He flew back down to the fountain, dipped the mug in without landing, and flew back up to Alton's room.

He dumped the water on Alton's face and waited. Alton rubbed his face, mumbled something, and pulled the covers further up. Hal poured more water on, but Alton still didn't wake up.

Hal dropped the cup. He was bored now. He was going to go look for Fred.

As he flew around the small moon, another tower came up on the horizon. It also began to get a bit darker. Intrigued, he flew back in the direction he'd come, and it got lighter again.

This was so cool. He was flying across the moon's day-night line! Hal flew so far that he couldn't even see the planet anymore, and became aware of a feeling that had been on the edge of his consciousness all dream.

It reminded him of the unsettling feeling he'd got when he'd tried to contact his grandfather. Still, he really wanted to find his cousin. A stupid feeling wasn't going to get in the way of that.

.

Xavier stood on the highest mountain on the Land of Flashes and Frogs and checked his watch. Any second now...

Fred jumped down from the sky.

Xavier grinned. "Long time no see, bro!"

Fred gave a thumbs up. The game obviously wanted them to branch out and try new things, but it was a comfort to be working together again.

Xavier tried not to think about what they were going to do when they got the code. Fred knew what he was doing. Probably. Xavier was the long term planner of the two, but... he'd think about it when they were looking at the original source code.

He just didn't want to lose his entire life and become some completely different person, no matter how many best-selling cookbooks his mom assured him he'd write. Or whatever she'd been talking about. It was hard to remember. Every time he thought about that conversation he got depressed.

But Fred said it wouldn't happen if they did it right. They'd be back in a reality where their mom was still alive, and they'd still be themselves. And their uncles would still be themselves too. He'd said something vague about alternate timelines when Xavier quizzed him.

Fred got out his tracker detector, which was tuned to Hal's frequency.

If they'd been kids back when their mom was growing up, they wouldn't have had one of those. Xavier could barely imagine that. The trackers were really more for parents, but even if they hadn't made their own, they were easy enough to get. How else would they know where their friends were? Would they have to... what was it they used back then? Cell phones? Would they have had to call them and then track them via the phones? That sounded like a hassle.

According to the tracker, Hal was on still on the planet. He was back in his house, it looked like. Maybe he was resting? They'd just have to wake him up.

Or maybe he'd got distracted from his quest by an idea for a computer that ran slightly faster than the last one he'd built. That was fairly likely too. Xavier and Fred were both pretty good at computers, but Hal was some sort of master. He barely did anything else. They'd argued about it more than once. Xavier felt that wildly varied experiences were the best way to spend a childhood, but Hal thought it was better to do what you loved.

Xavier guessed he could do what he wanted, but it seemed a bit samey to him.

Fred grabbed Xavier's arm.

"Huh?" said Xavier, who'd been daydreaming.

Fred pointed. There was an ogre ahead.

They'd been running into a lot of ogres lately. They barely even saw the imps anymore. Scaling the enemy strength to the player strength helped keep the challenge in the game, but it made it kind of a hassle to get around sometimes.

This particular ogre had three arms like his uncle Ferb's old teddy bear, and it wore a fedora like Perry's. That meant it had quick reflexes and a strong right hook.

Xavier could easily hold his own in a fight, but it was Fred who was the real master. As Knight of Void, he had access to every possible hand-to-hand combat ability in existence.

Xavier, the Page of Mind, could mostly only come up with ideas. It wasn't that great of a power. Ideas were easy. Putting them into practice was hard.

They'd been able to do those things long before they'd even heard of this game. Alton seemed to think that the game gave them powers, but Xavier thought that it just gave them a title based on what they could already do.

Since they'd figured out that the game had probably made them, maybe the difference was moot.

Fred charged at the ogre, jumped twice his height in the air and landed on its back, while Xavier scraped some dirt off the ground and threw it into the ogre's eyes.

It howled in pain.

Did game constructs feel pain? Would it even have attacked them if they hadn't attacked it first? Were not the thoughts to be thinking in middle of a battle. Fred fell off the ogre's back, and it grabbed Xavier and squeezed.

It squeezed him so hard he turned into ooze, dripped through its fingers, and reformed on the ground.

While the ogre was staring at him in confusion, Fred jumped up and bludgeoned it a few times with his shoes.

The ogre exploded into grist, and Xavier and Fred high-fived.

They continued on.


	31. Xavier and Fred: Visit

  
delightedFortune is talking to discerningPedestrian

DP: im nearly at the next gate   
DP: it leads to ur world   
DP: r u still on it

DF: duh!!!!!!!!   
DF: i have to be i haven't finished my quest yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: so   
DP: neither have i   
DP: most of my clues were on xaviers world   
DP: the 1 with all the scrap metal

DF: it's called the land of scraps and joints!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: omg you stole xaviers clues!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: they were about the seer restoring the beat   
DP: xaviers quest is about designing the ultimate blueprint

DF: it is??????????

DP: have u been paying any attention   
DP: like at all

DF: yes i have alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: xaviers quest doesn't matter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: really

DF: it doesn't matter to my quest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: shouldn't i think about my quest more so i can beat it????????   
DF: mr smarty guy?????????????????

DP: i guess   
DP: anyway   
DP: if ur still there we should team up   
DP: i need 2 explore ur planet & my powers suck

DF: they don't suck you get mind reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you can read minds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: i wish   
DP: i got emotion reading   
DP: i can do that without video game superpowers

DF: i think its cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: quit being a baby and use your awesome powers alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: xavier and fred think you should use them too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: thanks   
DP: but i have used my powers & they dont help   
DP: the enemies r getting tougher   
DP: & u can do that windy thing

DF: you must not be using them right but okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: where are you????????

discerningPedestrian sent delightedFortune a file

DF: okay i'll be right there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

Xavier and Fred finally reached Hal's house, which was now perched on the edge of a cliff. According to Fred, it was relatively safe to go inside. There was no way for it to fall. Probably.

There were wearing night vision goggles now. Xavier had forgotten they had them, but luckily Fred had not. They'd made so much stuff since the start of the game that Xavier didn't know how his brother kept track of it all. It was probably part of his Knight of Void powers somehow.

Xavier pulled open the back door. "Hal...?" he called.

No answer. According to their tracker, he was in his room, completely still. He was almost definitely asleep in that case.

Xavier glanced at Fred, and Fred took a health potion out of his infinite carry bag.

"Just what I was thinking!" said Xavier.

They needed to get the code off him as soon as possible. They couldn't wait around for his health to raise on its own. As long as he hadn't woken up on Derse, the worst they could interrupt was a really great dream.

.

  
constructivePlayfulness contacted proficiencyDiversified

CP: Hal?   
CP: Are you awake?   
CP: On Derse, I mean.  
  


.

Xavier put his computer away. "He's not answering," he told Fred.

It was possible that Hal's dream self just didn't have a computer, but... Actually, knowing Hal, that was not possible at all. His dream self was still asleep.

They made sure the door was shut - the enemies didn't seem to have figured out doorknobs yet - and headed for Hal's room.

Fred knocked on the door, but there was no answer. They went inside, where they could just about see a tuft of green hair poking out of Hal's fort of electronics.

The door to the fort creaked open.

Startled, Xavier stopped. "Hal?"

Hal crawled out of the fort. He didn't say anything. He just stared at them with tired eyes.

"Did we wake you up?" asked Xavier. "Me and Fred brought you a health potion."

Fred held up the potion to demonstrate.

"You're here for the game code," said Hal, in an even flatter voice than usual.

"Uh... yeah." Xavier looked around at Fred.

Fred blinked.

Hal was acting weird. Talking weird, too. Maybe he'd been having the best nap ever, and he was mad that they'd interrupted it? He did get angry about strange things sometimes.

Hal reached into his robe, and Xavier leaned forward to see what he was doing. Suddenly Fred pulled Xavier back. Something wooshed right by them, and Xavier spun around to see the wall behind them start to melt.

"Wh... what did you do that for?" Xavier demanded, when he could breath again.

Hal said "You won't get the code," and fired again.

Xavier rolled out of the way just in time, and he and Fred ran out of the room and down the hall.

What was wrong with Hal? He could have killed them! He knew that, right? Why was he trying to kill them?

They ran into a half open closet, and pulled the door tight.

"Do we have any sleep powder left?" whispered Xavier. He remembered that one. Their first boss fight would have been a lot harder without it.

Fred held up the small bag. The sides were still bulging a little. Just a little.

Chances were good that Hal was possessed in some way. Maybe by some kind of monster that the game hadn't yet hinted at. There was no way he would have attacked them if it was up to him.

They didn't know much about Hal's quest. Wasn't it something about frogs? They did know that it was the most important quest in the game, though Hal hadn't made a lot of headway. More than Alicia or Alton, though.

It was still the first day. The reckoning wouldn't even happen for weeks, if Fred was interpreting the apocalyptic literature correctly. The others had plenty of time to catch up. Not like the two of-- Now was not the time to get melancholy. They had things to do. He could be depressed later.

Xavier listened, but he couldn't hear a thing. Not even footsteps. He went to open the door, but Fred grabbed his arm.

Xavier nodded, and they hid behind a stack of boxes. Fred threw a tacky plastic griffon at the door, opening it slightly, and they both ducked.

A blast of energy hit the box stack.

They stayed still.

Hal looked over the top of the boxes, and Fred threw the sleep powder in his face.

Hal stumbled back.

"All right!" said Xavier. "Time to..."

Hal stumbled forwards. "Leave. Now." He kept his gun on them and, with his free hand, produced another, which he shot at a nearby box.

The box disintegrated.

Xavier and Fred looked at each other. They didn't want to hurt him if they didn't have to. He was their cousin. And their friend.

They needed to regroup. Maybe if they brought Alton there, he could use his powers to see why his brother was acting so homicidal. Maybe Xavier could figure it out if he gained better control of his mind powers.

Xavier put up his hands, and Fred followed suit. They backed out of the house.

Hal slammed the door shut.

Xavier sat down on a rock. "What was that all about?"

Fred shrugged.

"Demonic possession?" Xavier suggested.

Fred shrugged again.

Fred was right. The game was full of magic, but so far there were no sign of anything demonic. It was probably something to do with Hal's quest. It couldn't entirely be frog breeding.

They needed more information.

.

  
constructivePlayfulness contacted fallbackParaclete, discerningPedestrian and delightedFortune

CP: Hey guys   
CP: Does anyone know whats gotten into Hal?

DP: its ok   
DP: hes always like that

CP: No not that   
CP: He attacked Fred and me!

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ok that is weird even 4 him

DF: maybe he's possessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Thats what Fred and I think   
CP: But we dont think this game even has any demons

DP: hey   
DP: do u think if we change to the other universe   
DP: hed still act weird

CP: :VO   
CP: I dont know!   
CP: But it still wouldnt help

FP: We were looking for the master of the game code.   
FP: We can't change anything until we get it.

DF: i thought he already sent it to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Only some of it   
CP: Even if he did send us all of it we still need the master to change anything

FP: He said specifically that he wouldn't give us the code.

DP: huh   
DP: and ur sure he wasnt himself   
DP: hes kinda weird about his computer stuff

CP: Were sure!   
CP: He doesnt usually try to kill us

DP: good point

DF: i'm gonna check on him!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: my screen's blacked out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i can't see anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Are you sure?

DF: duh i'm sure xavier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: the game window is still there but all it shows is black!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: Hm...

DF: hey alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you should use your mind reading powers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and find out what he doesn't want me to see!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and why he tried to kill xavier and fred!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: i told u   
DP: its not mind reading

CP: Alicias right   
CP: Whatever your power is we could really use your help on this   
CP: Where are you?

DP: logac   
DP: alicias here 2

CP: So you were just on Hals planet?

DP: uve got it backwards   
DP: i was just on ur planet   
DP: hals planet is next

CP: Oh yeah right   
CP: Do you know where to find your next gate?

DP: nope   
DP: probably in the sky somewhere

DF: alton i can breeze you to lofaf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: sounds uncomfortable

DF: its fun!!!!!!!!

DP: ok fine   
DP: just dont kill me ok

DF: okay!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: See you guys there! :V)   



	32. Alton: Go home

"Alton, stop screaming!" yelled Alicia over the rushing wind. "This is fun! Don't you think it's fun?"

Alton didn't stop screaming. If he kept it up, maybe someone would arrive and take his crazy cousin away, and the big grey planet below them would go away as well.

They plummeted through the cloud layer and into darkness. Alton screamed louder. He couldn't see a thing. There was no way Alicia could stop in time. They were going to smack into the ground. They were going to smack into the ground and die.

They slowed, and touched down surprisingly gently. Alton felt the ground beneath his feet and went limp, letting his crutches support his entire weight. He wasn't ready to walk yet. He didn't know if he ever would be again.

Behind him, Alicia laughed uncontrollably. In the darkness, her new light-up dress cast eerie shadows over her face.

Alton opened his mouth, but his voice came out a croak. It was probably for the best. He'd been grounded for using milder words than the ones he was thinking now.

She must have got the idea from his expression, because she folded her arms and said "You just don't know how to have fun, Alton. It was the most fun _ever_."

"Hey, guys!"

Alton looked around, but he couldn't see anything. It was too dark. Kind of like a planet-wide version of Hal's room, actually, without the smell of metal and old soda.

There was a brief flash, and he saw the distinct outlines of Xavier and Fred run up to them.

"Hi!" said Alicia, waving and accidentally hitting Alton in the head.

Reluctantly, Alton used his Seer of Heart powers to check her emotions. She was excited. Yep. Definitely exited. What a shock.

Xavier on the other hand was cheerful on the surface, but deep down... Alton couldn't tell exactly, but it wasn't cheerfulness. It was something deeper and sadder.

Fred seemed... Resigned? Serious? Accepting? He was as hard to read as ever, even with powers.

Alton didn't know how this was going to help. He couldn't even read people unless he already knew how they felt. This power was useless.

As they went in what Fred assured them was the direction of Alton's house, they made small talk about their quests. Unsurprisingly, Xavier and Fred were much further along than Alton and Alicia.

What was the game like with Alton's dad and uncle Phineas? Were they as good as at it as Xavier and Fred? Alton's dad was good at basically everything, but Alton had no idea what his childhood had been like. He hardly ever talked about it.

The got to Alton's house, and Alicia asked "Is he there?"

Alton flinched. He preferred to play stealth, but it was very hard to when Alicia was around. At least her powers were usually strong enough to fight off the hoards of enemies she attracted.

Feeling silly, Alton concentrated. "He's there," he said after a second. Or someone was. He couldn't tell from this distance.

He really did have the worst power out of all of them. Except for maybe Hal, who didn't even seem to have one yet. Unless suddenly shooting at your superstar relatives for no reason was a power.

"Can you tell what he's thinking?" said Xavier.

Alton rolled his eyes -- he still could not read minds -- and shook his head. "He's too far away. I'm gonna need to get in closer." He concentrated harder, and felt... something unusual? He didn't know what it was, but it made him uncomfortable in a place he'd never been aware of before.

Maybe Hal had discovered girls? Alton couldn't say he knew what that felt like.

No, probably not. There weren't even any girls around, other than Alicia, and she was their cousin. Maybe one of the chess people he'd heard about...?

Alton opened the back door. "Hal...?" he called. "Hal, I think I left some of my pills here!" That was a lie, of course. He'd collected them all hours ago. He wasn't an idiot.

There was no answer.

"Hal, I know you're in there..."

Alton closed the door, and Fred outlined a plan. He and Xavier would stay outside so that Hal didn't suspect that they were the reason Alton was there. Alton would go inside, and Alicia would cover him with her wind powers.

"I won't hurt him!" Alicia promised quickly.

For once, Alton believed her. It wasn't another fedora imp they were fighting. It was Hal. Even she could control herself well not to hurt Hal.

Alton opened the door again and walked in. "I'm just gonna get my pills and leave, okay?" He sounded too nervous. Why would he be nervous about going into his house? Why would he sound like he was asking permission? He lived there too.

There was a creak behind him and he jumped, but it was just Alicia. "Sorry!" she whispered. She used her powers to lift herself off the floor.

They went up the hall to Alton's room. Hal was definitely in the room next door, probably in his fort. That should be close enough for Alton powers to work.

He still didn't see how it would help though. So what if he knew that Hal felt murderous or whatever? Wasn't that obvious from the attack he'd made?

"Just going into my room!" he called.

Great. That didn't sound suspicious at all.

Alton pressed a panel on his bedside table and it slid out to reveal his action figures, untouched from the way he'd left them that morning. He rummaged through then loudly and focused on what was in the next room.

There was something that felt like Hal, but there was something... else. He couldn't put a word to it, but it made him uncomfortable. Sickness? Madness?

As he looked at it, it looked at him.

.

  
constructivePlayfulness is talking to fallbackParaclete, discerningPedestrian and delightedFortune

DF: uh-oh!!!!!!!!!

CP: What's the matter?

DF: it's alton!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Oh no! :VO   
CP: What was he doing?

DF: looking at his dolls!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i mean action figures!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and now hal's here!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: gtg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

Candace sat in the front of the ship and stared at the giant checkered Mobius strip she was heading for. So this was the Battlefield? She'd been expecting something more... warlike. A muddy collection of trenches or something. What was this, a giant game of checkers?

She noticed she was hugging herself, and forced her arms by her sides.

She had to stay focused. She couldn't look vulnerable for her kids. And they were her kids. She didn't care if they thought they were her brothers. Her brothers were Phineas and Ferb. Xavier and Fred were her kids.

Perry floated around somewhere behind her. He wore his normal blank expression, and Candace wondered if he was thinking the same things she was. He'd been very close to Phineas and Ferb in their childhood. He still was.

She willed the ship to go faster so they could get this over with. Or maybe Phineas and Ferb would turn things back to normal before she even got there. Their projects almost never lasted longer than a day. They never had.

.

Alton and Alicia were in trouble. Xavier and Fred had to go in after them. But... What could they do? They'd nearly died last time.

They had to try. Maybe with Alicia's help they could--

There was a huge gust of wind, and something big and heavy fell on Xavier's head.

"Oops!" he heard Alicia say. "Sorry!" There was more wind, and the weight was lifted. "I dropped Alton on you!"

Xavier picked himself off the ground. "Alicia! Are you okay? What happened in there?"

Alicia landed next to him. "Hal pushed us out the window!" she said. "It was over the cliff, so I had to use my wind powers!"

She stuck her hands out to demonstrate.

" _Hal_ pushed you out a window?" Xavier asked. The same Hal who'd collapsed after his first imp battle?

"He used a gun!" Alicia replied. She made a pushing gesture.

It occurred to Xavier that in the other universe they were trying to get back to, he would have raised Alicia. He would have been her dad. He couldn't imagine being anyone's dad, especially not his hyperactive cousin's. What kind of a parent was he? He believed he could do anything if he just tried hard enough, but... parenting?

He pushed the thought to the back of his mind and said "How's Alton doing, Fred?"

Fred was bent over Alton's unconscious body, holding a stethoscope. After a second, he gave a thumbs up.

That was a relief. He should be fine when he woke up.

Now what were they going to do? They needed that code.

Fred gave Alton a potion, and he began to stir.

"My head..."

"Sorry!" said Alicia, rushing over. "I dropped you on Xavier!"

Alton patted the ground, and Xavier couldn't figure out why until he said "Where are my crutches?"

"Oh yeah!" said Alicia. Alton's razor-tipped crutches dropped out of the sky.

Alton sat up. "Thanks," he said, not completely sincerely.

"Are you okay, Alton?" said Xavier, looking him over. He seemed okay. His pupils were the right size and everything. Probably. What if his pupils were supposed to be different sizes, like Fred's? What if Fred had a permanent concussion?

Alton hesitated. "I think so... I think Hal is possessed by something... weird." He stopped, obviously trying to find the right words. "I can't explain it. Something's controlling him, and it felt real... weird. I never felt anything like it."

"Well, if we can figure out what it was, we can figure out how to beat it!" said Xavier. "Did you feel anything else?"

Alton considered. "Hal? I think he was asleep."

"Asleep, huh?" said Xavier slowly. Had the demon sent him to sleep? Or had he been asleep already? Maybe... "Maybe it's his dream self!" he said aloud.

"You think Hal is possessed by his own dream self," said Alton.

Xavier shook his head. "Maybe someone is controlling his dream self!" he clarified. "Like Fred was when he wrote uncle Ferb's name all over our bedroom wall!"

Fred nodded.

"Let's go to Derse!" Alicia announced, levitating herself a small amount off the ground.

"I'll go," said Fred.

That was a good idea. He could get to Derse faster than anyone, just by falling asleep.

How could he be so casual about that? His dream self was on Derse, where the people who wanted to destroy all of creation came from. Still, there was nobody Xavier trusted more than his brother.

"I'm going too," said Alton suddenly. He looked at Xavier and Alicia and added "You guys keep doing your quests. We can handle it."

"But..." Xavier began. Alton's dream self was on Derse, but he was still asleep. How was he going to get there on his own?

Alton cut him off. "I'm going to wake up this time."

"Well..." said Xavier. "Okay... Good luck!" He didn't think it was that easy, but he didn't say so. Alton looked very serious.


	33. Hal: Wake

Phineas couldn't stop thinking about what would happen to him if reality went back to the way it had been. Yeah, Earth would be safe. But he'd become a completely different person. It would be like disappearing. He... he didn't want to disappear. It would save everyone, but he didn't want to disappear.

He was so selfish.

And now they were about to meet up with a sister who didn't remember them. But how could she not? They remembered her. What about when they'd got Perry and Candace had asked if they were kidding? What about those summers that felt like they lasted years? Fred's book tours? Was all of that... not real?

The Battlefield was a strange place, with weird checkered ground and warring chess people, but there were a few comforting trees around. Phineas had always loved sitting under trees. It was the most relaxing, perfect feeling in the world.

Everyone one of these trees was real, like the ones they'd had when he was a kid. He didn't see the point of the digital trees. He kind of wished they'd go away.

Had he really just thought that? What was he, a crotchety old man? He wasn't even thirty!

Suddenly Phineas was completely okay with erasing his entire identity and becoming a child again.

Ferb didn't seem to mind what was going on, but he'd never really had an identity of his own to start with. Phineas kept telling him to get help, and Ferb kept saying that he was fine, no matter who he being at the time. He even said it when he was being Phineas. He didn't imitate Phineas as much as he used to, though. He'd broadened his horizons a lot since college.

Now he was off being Fred and exploring the battlefield with a child's fearlessness. And blinking whenever Phineas asked a direct question. It was kind of weird to see him imitate a kid when his impressions were usually age-appropriate. But what wasn't weird today?

Phineas became aware of a roaring, and looked up to see a small spaceship bearing down on them.

 _Candace_.

Phineas jumped up and ran to the ship, not caring that she didn't know him. A sliding door opened in the back, revealing his big sister, very much alive.

"Candace!" He nearly hugged her, but he thought better of it.

"Xavier, uh... I mean..." Candace blushed.

"It's cool," said Phineas. It wasn't really, though.

Candace was followed by a ghostly, floating Perry. Phineas didn't really care that he was a magical game construct now. He was alive. Perry saw him looking and smiled, a bit weakly.

Candace looked around. "Where's Fr... Uh, your brother?"

Ferb dropped out of the tree and struck a Perry-esque pose, making Candace jump.

"Hey Ferb," said Phineas. "He's being Fred," he told Candace.

"I figured."

Candace was alive. And talking to them. Phineas couldn't get past that she was alive.

.

  
fallbackParaclete contacted proficiencyDiversified

FP: I want to talk to you.   
FP: Who are you?   
FP: What do you want?   
FP: Let Hal go.   
FP: Please.

PD: CEASE THIS   
PD: YOU CANNOT HAVE THE CODE

FP: Why not?

proficiencyDiversified blocked fallbackParaclete  


.

Well, it had been worth a try. Fred turned off the computer and lay in his bed. Nearby, Alton was shifting uncomfortably in Xavier's bed. Xavier had offered to figure out how to alchemise some sort of sleeping pill for them, but Fred had declined. They still didn't understand how this dreaming thing worked, and he didn't want to mess it up.

He cleared his mind.

 

Fred woke up in his dream room. He glanced at the writing scrawled on the walls, rose off the ground and flew through the window.

Flying was one of the best things about being asleep, and he wondered how Alicia would feel about it when she woke up. She could already fly, but he imagined that this kind of flying was simpler. All you had to do was think about moving, and you were on your way.

Fred had explored enough of the moon to know where Hal and Alton's rooms were. Their towers started as one, and then split halfway up in some sort of metaphor for monozygotic twins that would probably really annoy them when they found out about it.

He checked through Hal's window. The room was the same, but Hal was gone.

They were getting somewhere. Fred flew across to Alton's window.

Alton was still in his bed, but his eyelids flickered like he was dreaming, which was unusual. Dream selves normally stayed in deep sleep. Fred entered the room and bent over him to get a closer look.

Alton opened his eyes.

Fred jumped back.

Alton mumbled something that sounded disturbingly like "Dad...?" and sat up, blinking. "Oh. Hey Fred."

Fred waved.

Alton looked around the room with interest, and eventually pronounced that it was cool. He reached for his crutches, which were propped against a wall.

Fred rose into the air to show that he didn't need them.

Alton did the same, but he kept his grip on his crutches. "This is much cooler than flying with Alicia! It's barely terrifying at all! Uh... weren't we looking for something?"

So even heroes of Heart got vague when they dreamed. That was interesting. Fred had guessed that Alton's Seer of Heart focus on the self was the reason he'd woken up so easily, but clearly his grasp on his aspect wasn't absolute.

He could give it more thought later. They had a job to do.

"We're looking for Hal," he said.

Alton floated to the window and looked out. "Is he somewhere on this moon?"

Fred shrugged. They could ask someone. The Dersites were a bit reluctant to talk to him about some things, since he'd made it clear he wanted to save Skaia, but he didn't think that this was something Derse was responsible for. It was too... Why would they care about the game code? They barely knew it existed.

It just wasn't Derse's style.

They flew out the window and landed on what looked like a purple sidewalk. There was a road, but no cars.

"Hey," said Alton to the first chess person to pass by. "Seen anyone who looks like a dorkier version of me?"

The Dersite looked startled. "Seer! You're awake?"

Alton nodded impatiently. "We're looking for Hal... Uh, the Heir of Space, I guess. Have you seen him?"

The Dersite pointed to the right, and ran.

Fred and Alton watched him go.

"Weird," said Alton. "Are they all like that?"

Fred shook his head. Something about the Dersite's reaction worried him.

They set off in the direction that the Dersite had pointed. The moon was so small that they soon entered its dark side. Fred glanced up at the sky. He'd never been able to get used to the lack of stars, or the monsters and their whispering.

Fred thought the whispering sounded more insistent than usual, but he was probably imagining it. He'd only explored this moon a couple of times. Maybe it had been unusually quiet before.

He realised that Alton had stopped.

Alton stared up into the sky. "What is that? The... what did you call them? Dark gods?"

Fred nodded. For now they had to find Hal, but maybe they should come back later and listen. They might have something interesting to say.

Fred realised three things at once, and went cold. One of the dark gods had been responsible for the universe changing. Hal's dream self was awake. Hal was being possessed by something that didn't want them to change the world back.

Was Hal possessed by the dark god responsible for the change?

They had to find him fast.

They continued flying. On the way, Fred shared his theory with Alton.

Alton looked confused. "I thought... Isn't it obvious? What else could it be?"

Fred didn't want to admit it, but he felt a little stupid now.

"I figured that's what Xavier was talking about," said Alton with a shrug. "Hey!"

He pointed at the top of a building on the curved horizon, where a smudge of green stood out among all the purple.

The building had one of those circular sharply slanted roofs that were popular on Derse's moon, and as they got closer, they could see that Hal was hovering slightly above it, staring up at the dark sky.

"Hey!" said Alton again, more loudly. "Hal! Over here!"

Hal didn't move. Fred wondered if he was still possessed. Then he wondered if dream selves could die. They were alive, so... probably. Maybe they should be careful.

At least Hal's dream self didn't have his guns. Probably. He hoped Hal didn't have a gun.

He didn't move as they approached. He didn't move as Alton and Fred touched down next to him. He didn't move as Alton tried to support himself on his crutches on the heavily sloped roof, stumbled, and rose into the air again.

Fred waved a hand over Hal's face. Hal's eyes flickered for a second, but otherwise he showed no reaction.

"Hal!" said Alton again, and shook him.

Hal broke out of his grip and went back to looking at the sky. Sighing in exasperation, Alton grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him so that he faced the ground.

Hal made a noise that was somewhere between a mumble and a groan. "Alton...?" He looked around slowly. "Dad...?"

Fred didn't like the sound of that.

"That's Fred," said Alton, in his you're-being-an-idiot voice. He used it on Hal a lot.

Hal groaned again, and held his head. "What happened? I..."

"I don't know," said Alton. "You went crazy and tried to shoot us, so me and Fred went to sleep and found you out here."

"You were probably possessed by a dark god," said Fred, hoping that Hal hadn't immediately figured that out either.

Hal stared at him. "You're not Fred."

Alton put a hand over his face in disgust.

Of course Alton knew Hal better than Fred did, but this was the kind of mistake that Hal didn't make, in Fred's experience. He did have trouble with faces, but not that much.

"You're... dad," continued Hal. "Except as a kid. Why are you and uncle Phineas's dream selves kids? Maybe all dream selves are kids!"

He remembered the old universe!

"What are you talking abou... Oh!" Alton had figured it out. "You think Fred is _dad_?"

Hal was beginning to look upset. "He's not Fred, he's dad!" He glanced at Fred for support.

Fred paused for a few seconds to figure out what kind of phrasing to use, then said "You should talk to Candace." He didn't want to freak Hal out further by referring to her as his aunt. She could probably explain things better than they could, being from the universe that Hal seemed to remember.

Hal thought Fred was his dad. Alton's too. Fred wasn't sure how he felt about that.


	34. Xavier and Fred: Get started

  
proficiencyDiversified contacted candescentFervor

PD: Aunt Candace? D:   
PD: Are you there? D:   
PD: Dad said to talk to you. D:

CF: Yeah, I'm here.   
CF: What did he want to talk about?   
CF: Wait.   
CF: Did you say dad?   
CF: When did he contact you?

PD: A few seconds ago. D:   
PD: He didnt contact me he talked to me. D:   
PD: Alton kept saying he was Fred. D:   
PD: He woke me up from a dream flying above a building staring at the sky and I don't remember how I got here and I don't remember falling asleep. D:

CF: Hal, calm down.   
CF: Try taking deep breaths.

PD: Okay. D:   
PD: Breathing worked. :)

CF: By your dad, do you mean Ferb?   
CF: Green hair, big nose, doesn't talk much?

PD: Yeah I mean dad. :S

CF: You mean you remember as well?

PD: Remember what? D:   
PD: Im gonna breathe again. D:

CF: Some... alien monster switched your uncles with your cousins!

PD: But I have two uncles and four cousins. :S

CF: Okay, not all your cousins. Just the boys.   
CF: And your uncle Jeremy wasn't involved.   
CF: At least, he better not be.   
CF: I meant your uncle Phineas, and your dad.

PD: Is that why Alton keeps calling dad Fred? :O   
PD: Does he think dad is our cousin? :O   
PD: And Fred is dad? :O   
PD: :O :O :O

CF: Yeah.   
CF: Weird, huh?   
CF: I leave the universe for two seconds, and this happens.   
CF: Hang on, Perry wants to join.

peripheralProtector joined the chat

PP: hal   
PP: am i ccccorrecccctttt   
PP: tttto believe   
PP: you have been   
PP: ttttouchedddd   
PP: by ddddarkkkk godddds

PD: Uh... :S

PP: you see through   
PP: vaneer

PD: Van driver? :S   
PD: I don't see any vans. :S   
PD: Is that what you mean uncle Perry? :S   
PD: The van drivers are invisible? :S

PP: *veneer

PD: Oh. :/   
PD: Whats a veneer? :S

CF: You can rewrite an ancient, world-destroying game and make it work on modern computers, but you don't know what veneer means?

PD: Yes. :(   
PD: Im in elementary school I just really like computers. :(

CF: Sorry, Hal.   
CF: I guess I'm a bit tense.

PP: you see   
PP: through ddddream   
PP: whatttt is really there   
PP: likkkke ccccanddddace   
PP: andddd me

PD: Uh... :S   
PD: Cant everyone? :S   
PD: Except blind people. :S

CF: I think what Perry means is that you remember the way things are meant to be.

PP: way things are

CF: Whatever.

PD: What dream? :S   
PD: Do you have a dream self? :S   
PD: I didnt know you had a dream self uncle Perry. :S

PP: ddddream of   
PP: ddddarkkkk godddds

CF: Yeah, that doesn't actually explain anything.

PD: Dark gods? :S   
PD: Are they the same as the alien monsters? :S

CF: I think so.

PD: How is uncle Perry even here? :S   
PD: Wasn't he in space? :S

PP: yes   
PP: with ddddarkkkk godddds

CF: I fetched him back.

PD: How did you get into space? :S   
PD: Did dad and uncle Phineas build a spaceship? :S   
PD: Alton says the worlds destroyed now. :(

CF: I wish.   
CF: It was Doofenshmirtz.

PD: Grandpa's with you? :O

CF: He stayed behind.

PP: exchange

PD: Hes with the alien monsters? D:   
PD: D: D: D:

PP: benevolentttt   
PP: alien monstttter

PD: Is he against the evil ones? D:

PP: whatttt evil ones

PD: The ones that made everything wrong and mixed up! :(

PP: one andddd   
PP: same

PD: :O

PP: itttts inttttentions   
PP: were goodddd   
PP: i believe

CF: Yeah, well I don't.   
CF: Do you remember what I told you earlier, Hal?

PD: What? :O

CF: About a conversation you don't remember having?

PD: No? :O

candescentFervor sent proficiencyDiversified a file

PD: :O   
PD: Hey aunt Candace. :)   
PD: Alton wants to talk to you. :)   
PD: But he doesnt have a computer so hell use my account while i read what you sent me okay? :)

CF: Sure thing.

PD: hey its me   
PD: xavier and fred tried to get the game code but whatever was controlling hal wouldnt let it   
PD: it was a dark god i think

CF: That would not surprise me.

PP: why ddddidddd they want   
PP: ccccodddde   
PP: tttto resttttore realitttty   
PP: ?

PD: duh   
PD: why else the whole earth is destroyed   
PD: we like the earth

CF: And this "dark god" wanted to stop them.   
CF: I really don't think he's a good guy, Perry.   


.

  
fallbackParaclete contacted creativePlayfulness and delightedFortune

CP: Any news?

FP: Hal is back.

CP: :VD

DF: yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal's not evil anymore!!!!!!!

CP: What happened to him?

FP: Alton and I found his dream self staring at the sky.   
FP: It was probably the dark gods.

CP: Oh. :V(   
CP: I should have thought of that.

FP: There's a problem.

DF: what is it?????????

FP: He thinks I'm his father.

CP: What?!?!?!

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he must be other hal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: from other other universe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: He spoke with mother and Perry just before I woke up.   
FP: Mother said Hal remembered the way things were supposed to be.   
FP: Perry said Hal remembered the way things are.

CP: Is there really much of a difference?

DF: perry thought so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: There is huh?   
CP: That give me an idea!   
CP: Can we get to the code now?

FP: I hope so.

DF: i'll go with you if you want!!!!!!!!!

FP: Thank you, but we can handle it from here.   
FP: It's more important that you continue your quest.

DF: ok i'll do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified contacted forcibleDessertinator

PD: Grandpa? :S

FD: LISTEN TO ME

PD: Not you again! D:   
PD: I want to talk to grandpa! D:

FD: LISTEN TO ME

PD: Lalalalalalalalala

FD: LISTEN TO ME LISTEN TO ME LISTEN TO ME LISTEN TO ME LISTEN TO ME LISTEN TO ME LISTEN TO ME

PD: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:

proficiencyDiversified signed off  


.

Hal jolted awake to find himself on the living room floor, with one leg tucked under his body. He tried to stand, his knees buckled, and he fell. "Ah!" His foot was asleep. He hoped. What if it wasn't just asleep? What if the way he was lying had cut off the circulation and his foot was about to drop off? Hal tried not to think too hard about that, crawled to the couch and felt around underneath until his hand closed around a big stick.

Good, it was still there. A few months ago, Alton had been in some stupid popular kid situation where he'd thought he had to pretend not to need crutches. Eventually Hal had had to get him a stick instead.

Their mom had been really mad when she found out. She'd punished Hal as well! She was really unfair sometimes.

But Alton had taken the stick home, and then he'd forgotten to take it outside. And like most things they forgot about, it had ended up under a couch.

Hal stood, leaning heavily on the stick. His foot was still numb, but at least he could walk around now. He almost hoped it would stay that way. He hated that pins and needles feeling.

He limped back to his room. He didn't really feel like doing his quest. He felt like browsing disturbing websites. He could just send the code to his dad and uncle Phineas, if they really needed it to stop thinking they were Xavier and Fred. He wouldn't even need to leave his room.

Unless they wanted to edit the version on the main server? He guessed they'd need to come over in that case. He still wasn't going to leave the house, though.

Hal rolled his chair across the room and sat at the server computer, a relatively large machine that he'd built a month or two ago. He wondered what would happen if he turned it off, and reached for the power cord. After a second's thought, he withdrew his hand. Maybe later.

It wouldn't be hard to write an interpreter to see what was going on the game as it was running, he thought. He understood the source code pretty well. It would probably help. Maybe the game would be more fun when they understood it better.

He was fifteen minutes into it when an unfamiliar voice yelled "Hello? Hal?"

Hal jumped up and grabbed one of his less deadly guns. Whoever it was sounded friendly, but he'd learned to be cautious. He was down the hallway before he remembered the stick, but his leg seemed to be fine now. He vaguely remembered some uncomfortable tingling, but he'd been paying more attention to why his interpreter kept crashing whenever he closed it.

It only happened when the program was closed, so it wasn't a big problem, but it shouldn't have been crashing at all. Crashes meant bad code, and bad code meant lazy programming. Maybe there was a problem with the memory allocation...?

Hal looked out through the back sliding door, but it too dark to see anything.

"Hal, it's us! Are you there?"

A sudden flash illuminated two figures in the yard. They had very distinctly shaped heads.

Hal hesitated. "Uncle Phineas?" They were his height! His uncle was even shorter than him!

"Uh..." said the boy who'd spoken earlier. "Is that me, Fred?"

The younger version of Hal's dad must have made some sort of gesture, because the younger version of uncle Phineas went on. "We need the game code, okay?"

"O... Okay." Hal opened the door.

His dad and uncle came in, and Hal couldn't stop staring. They were his age. They were adults who looked like kids. It wasn't right, it was like an adult sitting in the back seat of the car. He'd be so much happier when this was over.

Hal led them back to the server computer, telling them haltingly about the interpreter. They looked and acted so much like kids that he kept forgetting to talk to them like adults.

But they really thought they were kids, like him. How was he even supposed to act? They'd be adults soon, and then they'd... Maybe they'd forgot like he had?

"Are you?" he said aloud, as they entered his room. "I mean, uh... Are you gonna forget everything like I did?"

His dad glanced at his uncle Phineas, who said "Actually, nobody will forget anything! We've got it all figured out. You got woken up roughly, but if we treat the dream like a bubble glubbed to contain our souls..." He seemed to notice Hal's confusion. "It'll be fine! Besides, Fred says he has a way to make sure we're both still kids in the new universe!"

Hal's dad nodded, and they shared a look Hal couldn't interpret. He'd probably said something wrong.

Hal sat and recompiled the program. "Oh, uh, here's the interpreter. It's not finished."

He was a bit more relaxed now that he knew that they were staying kids. Hal didn't know how exactly that worked with them needing to be adults so they could save the earth from the meteorites, but his dad understood way more about time travel than he did.


	35. Xavier and Fred: Be Phineas and Ferb

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fallbackParaclete, constructivePlayfulness, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

CP: Well Hals okay and we have the code!   
CP: Were nearly there guys!

DF: yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: me and alton are going to fight a boss!!!!!!!!

CP: A boss?   
CP: One of the denizens?

DP: yeah   
DP: mine

CP: Not even Fred and I are up to the Denizens yet!   
CP: Are you sure youre ready?

DP: i know where it is so i thought y not   
DP: we can handle it   
DP: its probably balanced for a seer   
DP: & alicias a witch   
DP: witches have better powers than seers

CP: Well okay...

DF: Will the thing you're doing to change anything??????????   
DF: should we wait????????????   
DF: i don't want to wait it's boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Hm...   
CP: I dont think so   
CP: Go ahead! :V)

DF: yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

Finding the tunnel to the denizen's lair had been laughably easy. Alton had just asked one of the monsters -- Fred called them lystrosauruses -- where they should never ever go under any circumstances. That was usually the best place to find final bosses, in Alton's experience.

They knew it was the right place, because there was a big flashing sign outside that read "TUNNEL TO DENIZEN'S LAIR. DO NOT ENTER." The lystrosauruses had their hearts in the right place, but Alton didn't think they were very smart.

As they followed the tunnel to the centre of the planet, the distortion of the planet's beat became obvious. And annoying. Alton was beginning to get a headache.

He was pretty sure that the two of them could take the denizen. Most enemies were easy with Alicia around. Alicia kept saying that they made a good team, but Alton was pretty sure it was just that she had powers that weren't completely useless.

Soon the only light was from Alicia's flashlight, and the only sound other than their footsteps, and Alicia's nervous attempts to make conversation, was the disrupted rhythm of the planet.

The tunnel narrowed, and soon they had to walk single file. Alicia walked ahead, and Alton behind. He was sure he'd notice if something tried to creep up on them, and Alicia was more than capable of handling anything up ahead from the front.

The ceiling began to slope down, and soon they had to crawl on their hands and knees as well. After a few failed attempts to make the flashlight float in the air in front of them, Alicia put it between her teeth.

Alton was sure they were almost there, when the beat began to speed up. He glanced around, but he couldn't see anything different. Why was it going so fast all of a sudden? Maybe-- What was that up ahead? A cavern?

The sound merged

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fallbackParaclete, constructivePlayfulness, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: What happened? :O   
PD: Was it the denizen? :O

DF: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: actually i don't see the denizen!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: anywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Then what was it? :O

DF: the planet beat went really fast!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: the tunnel collapsed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i got out but alton didn't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :O   
PD: Is he okay? :O   
PD: He's okay right? :O   
PD: :O :O :O

DF: uh.............................   
DF: sort of............................   
DF: he's still breathing!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i was ahead of him and i didn't crawl fast enough!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Oh no   
CP: That earthquake was us   
CP: I am so sorry   
CP: I didnt   
CP: I didnt know you were underground

PD: Did you bring any health potions? :S

DF: alton had them they're all smashed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Can you at least get back outside?

DF: the tunnels collapsed xavier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i just said that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: pay attention!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Are you sure there isn't another way out? :S   
PD: All video games have a door to the exit after a long dungeon. :)   
PD: D:

DF: uh.........................   
DF: ok there's a transportalizer over here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: we're back on the surface!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Does Alton look any better?

DF: no.................   
DF: he will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he'll get better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'll take him somewhere where he can get better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Like our house? :/

DF: somewhere on his planet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: ok i found a place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's a bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it has his symbol on it so he probably has to sleep here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Hm...

DF: i took him so that's where he has to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'll put him there and find more health potions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Uh...   
CP: Good idea, Alicia! :V)   
CP: The changeover is nearly finished.   
CP: See you soon!   


.

  
fallbackParaclete contacted constructivePlayfulness

FP: Xavier, I have a confession to make.

CP: Is it about how there isn't really a way to stay ourselves?   
CP: Because I figured that out as soon as you brought it up in person

FP: Yes.

CP: Did you know the tip of your nose twitches when you lie?

FP: I've never been entirely comfortable with falsehood.

CP: Its okay   
CP: You did the right thing   
CP: It was selfish to want to preserve our own identities over the lives of everyone on Earth   
CP: It's not like we wont still be alive   
CP: Im sure were gonna have lots more great experiences!   
CP: Even as adults!

FP: :U|

CP: I love you bro

constructivePlayfulness signed off  


.

The rumbling stopped abruptly, and suddenly the other two people in the room were a lot taller.

Hal jumped back, startled. "D... dad?" Of course he knew the people in the room had been his dad and uncle the whole time, but it wasn't the same, seeing a kid...

His dad patted him on the shoulder.

"But... I thought..." said Hal. They'd said they were going to stay kids. Why were they adults? Had something else gone wrong? Like it had with Alt... No. He couldn't think about his brother now. He was sure he was fine. He was always fine. He had to go to the hospital a lot, and every time he came back from the hospital even more energetic than before.

"I suppose I was wrong," said Hal's dad.

Hal stared at them, and began to back out of the room. All he wanted to do was continue the game and not be around adults or think about his dad being wrong.

"Hal, wait!" his uncle called.

Hal stopped.

"There's something important we need to tell you!" continued uncle Phineas. "It... It didn't work all the way."

Hal stared past his dad's left ear. What didn't?

"The code only affected whatever is currently in the game," said his uncle. "Earth is still destroyed."

Hal nodded. He felt sick.

.

The rumbling stopped, but Xavier barely noticed. Memories were rushing at him like a train, overrunning over the memories he'd thought were real and replacing them with the truth.

He looked at his hands. He was a kid again. So was Fred. Like they were supposed to be, and like they always had been.

Their mom stared at them with an unreadable expression. Then she hugged them.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DF: xavier and fred!!!!!!!!!!!!    
DF: is that you????????????   
DF: are you cozilyplanted and fredphillips???????????????????????

CP: I think so

DF: yay you're back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: What happened?

PD: Dad and uncle Phineas fixed reality. :/

FP: Whats wrong, Hal?   
FP: Youre slantmouthing   
FP: Isnt it a good thing?

PD: I guess. :/   
PD: But   
PD: uncle Phineas said Earth is still destroyed. :(

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: really?????????????????????????

PD: He says they dont know how to fix it but theyre working on it. :(    
PD: And we should keep playing because he saw us winning. :/

DF: all of us??????????????

PD: :(

CP: ?

PD: Is Alton better yet Alicia? :(

CP: What happened to Alton?   
CP: Is he okay?   
CP: Hes not like me on Prospit is he?

DF: we were underground!!!!!!!!!    
DF: there was a cavein!!!!!!!!!    
DF: i put him on a bed with his hero of heart symbol on it!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: Why?

DF: i just flew around randomly and we ended up there so it must be important!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: then alchemized more health potions!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Stop typing and give them to him! D: D: D:

DF: i did he's still unconscious!!!!!!!!!!!!    
DF: he still looks uh..........   
DF: flat!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Give him more! D: D: D:

DF: i gave him all of it!!!!!!!!!    
DF: he still isn't waking up!!!!!!!!

PD: D:   
PD: D:   
PD: D:

FP: Did you try kissing him?

DF: what?????????????    
DF: gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :S :S :S    
PD: Ew. D:

FP: Not like that    
FP: One of the soldiers on the battlefield told me a kiss from a prince or princess is supposed to bring players back to life   
FP: if they have a dream self

DF: a princess????????????????????????????   
DF: princesses are cool but i'm not one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: am i??????????????????

CP: Every player is a prince or princess of their moon   
CP: My adult self did lots of research about the game   
CP: Even though we didnt know about the meteors

FP: The soldier said that too

DF: i don't believe him!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: It was a girl

DF: i don't believe her!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: You should try it. D:

DF: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'll just use more health potions!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: But theyre not working. :(

DF: yes they are!!!!!!!!!!!!    
DF: i just need more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i didn't alchemize enough because i didn't want to waste all my grist but......................   
DF: it's not a waste!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: I asked dad and uncle Phineas about it but they didnt answer. :(   
PD: :(

DF: i thought they were in your house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: They are. :(    
PD: Uncle Phineas says he saw Alton winning too. :(

DF: remember when xavier died????????    
DF: he came back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Altons not dead. >:

CP: That reminds me what happened to the babies?

DF: how does alton getting hurt remind you of babies??????????????????????   
DF: what babies??????????????

PD: Oh yeah. :/   
PD: The baby versions of us Alicia. :)   
PD: Uncle Phineas says they have to be sent back in the reckoning. :/

DF: when the white team loses the war???????????????

CP: What?

FP: What?

CP: Whats the reckoning?

PD: What happens after the war between the white chess people and the black chess people over Skaia. :)   
PD: When white loses the black king sends all the meteorites at Skaia. :)   
PD: And Skaia redirects them to Earth. :/   
PD: I dont remember uncle Phineas saying that but I read the chatlogs. :)

CP: But the wars not over yet   
CP: Maybe white will win

DF: dad said white always loses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: It's hard coded in. :(

DP: guys?   



	36. Alton: Ascend

Alton woke up floating. He remembered something... something really painful. But he seemed to be fine now. Whatever it was, it had just made him... fly?

He looked around, expecting to see rivers and lystrosauruses, but instead there was a long strip of black and white checkered land.

What was this, the Battlefield? It was the Battlefield! What was he doing there? Had Alicia dragged him out of the tunnel and taken him all that way? What had even happened in the tunnel? Had they reached the denizen?

"Alicia?" he called.

There was no reply.

Alton caught a glimpse of his sleeve, and was startled to see that it was red and baggy. He seemed to be wearing some kind of pajama outfit. With a hood. Alton picked at it. It was so long that it was almost like a dress. On the front there was a dark red, half filled in heart that Alton recognised as his symbol. Or at least, it was the symbol of the hero of Heart.

"What?" he said aloud.

Was this some kind of reward? Did he defeat the denizen and forget about it? And then got new girly pajamas to commemorate the occasion?

He could feel someone's terror, a long way away. He tried to tune it out. Why could he suddenly feel emotions over such long distances, anyway? Was that also some kind of reward? If so, it was a bad one. He didn't want to sense more feelings. It was pointless. Also scary. He might feel something like he had in his room at any moment. That had been horrible. Like mental torture.

Alton tried to block out the fear by pulling on the hood. It flopped over his eyes. Annoyed, he pushed it back, and inspected it with his fingers. At first he'd thought it was too big for him, but no, it was the right size. For some reason there was a bit of cloth attached to the top of the hood for some reason, just long enough to cover his eyes.

How stupid.

The frightened person was getting out of range, to Alton's relief. He wondered what it was. Probably a soldier of some kind. What side was it on? Maybe he should help? But there was probably no point. Black would win no matter what he did. It wasn't like it would change anything.

He fished around in his pockets until he found a computer. Strangely, it was one of Hal's. The same one Hal had lent him in their dream, actually.

He signed into his account to see the others talking like he was dead.

"What?"

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

PD: :O :O :O :O :O :O

DF: ??????????????????????????????

CP: Alton?    
CP: Is that you?

DP: yeah   
DP: btw im not dead   
DP: or hurt   
DP: just saying

DF: that's not alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    
DF: he's still on his bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's not sitting up or typing or anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :O

DP: what bed   
DP: u put me on a bed

DF: yes i put you on it when you died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    
DF: i mean when the tunnel fell on you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: oh thats what happened   
DP: i feel fine    
DP: im on the battlefield

PD: :O

DF: no you're not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: yes i am   
DP: maybe im my dream self or something   
DP: would explain why i have this computer

PD: Alton? :O

DP: yeah its me

CP: Me and Fred are on the battlefield    
CP: Were sitting under a tree   
CP: Moms here too

FP: Im sitting next to her!

DP: u think we should meet up   
DP: ok   
DP: the battlefields a big place   
DP: where can i find u

CP: Uh under a tree

DP: Helpful

CP: Sorry we dont know where you are   
CP: Cant you sense emotions?   
CP: Maybe you can find us

DP: no thanks

PD: I dont think he can sense them that far anyway. :/

DP: its better after i woke up here   
DP: but im still not gonna do it   
DP: ill ask around   


.

  
forcibleDessertinator contacted proficiencyDiversified

PD: Oh no. D:   
PD: Not again. D:

FD: Wow, that's not a nice thing to say to your old grandpa, Hal.   
FD: What, do they not teach manners in school anymore?   
FD: Let me tell you about when I was your age...

PD: :O

FD: When I was your age, manners were paramount.   
FD: They'd beat you if you used the wrong spoon to eat your soup!

PD: Grandpa? :O

FD: At least, they'd beat me... And by they, I mean the schoolyard bullies.   
FD: Kind of weird now that I look back on it...

PD: Is it really you? :O

FD: Uh...   
FD: I'm sorry, I don't know how to respond to that question.   
FD: I am still your grandpa, right?   
FD: The change didn't affect that too, did it?

PD: :S   
PD: Actually I think youre my dad and dads my brother. :S   
PD: Ectobiologically. :S   
PD: But really youre still my grandpa. :S

FD: Wait, what?   
FD: What does that make your mother?

PD: Uh... I think it makes her Fred? :S

FD: Or wait, did I already know about this?   
FD: I feel like I mentioned it before... Oh, no, that was the intermission.   
FD: I think the intermission might be non-canonical.   
FD: That reminds me, Hal, you gotta try some of that non-canonical seafood.   
FD: Delicious!

PD: :S

FD: Listen, I don't have much time.   
FD: So, how have you been?

PD: Im okay. :)   
PD: I thought Alton was dead but he wasn't. :)   
PD: So Im happy. :)

FD: Ah, who cares about him?

PD: I do. :(

FD: But he's the popular one!   
FD: Don't you just hate him with every fiber of your being?

PD: :S   
PD: Hes my brother. :(

FD: Yeah, I'm not seeing your point.

PD: :S

FD: Whatever, you'll come around.   
FD: Anyway, what I wanted to say was   
FD: That dark god guy is outright evil!   
FD: And not the good kind of evil, either.   
FD: The bad, hijack-your-evil-plan-and-try-to-seduce-your-daughter kind of evil.   
FD: That kind.

PD: I know! D:   
PD: He possessed me and made me shoot at kid versions of dad and uncle Phineas! D:   
PD: They were trying to get the game code to fix everything but he made me shoot at them and dad and Alton had to go into my dreams to wake me up! D:

FD: Fix everything?   
FD: Fix what?

PD: Everything! D:   
PD: Dad and uncle Phineas were kids and Xavier and Fred were adults and the Earth was destroyed and you and aunt Candace were dead! D:   
PD: Everyone on Earth was dead! D:

FD: Everyone?

PD: Except me and Alton and Xavier and Fred and Alicia and dad and uncle Phineas because we were in the game! D:

FD: Your mother?

PD: Yes! D:

FD: It's more serious than I thought.   
FD: And that is pretty serious, let me tell you.   
FD: Did Phineas and Ferb fix it?   
FD: You know, I wouldn't trust many people with the restoration of the entire universe, but... yeah, I'd trust them.   
FD: They're good kids.   
FD: Good kids.

PD: They sort of did. :/   
PD: They fixed the game universe but not the real one. :(   
PD: Theyre not kids anymore and their memories came back but everyone on Earth is still dead. :(   
PD: Dad says the code only applies to the game. :(   
PD: He doesn't know how to fix the rest of the universe but theyre working on it. :)

FD: Ooh, I know that one!   
FD: I definitely know that one.   
FD: That's the simplest thing in the world.   
FD: Well, not the simplest, it still requires some effort and a bit of character development, but it's doable.   
FD: And fun, too!   
FD: Of course, naturally it was Phineas and Ferb who came up with it.   
FD: Naturally.   
FD: what you do is GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL

PD: How would that help? :/

FD: GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL

PD: Oh no! D:

FD: GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL GO TO SLEEP HAL

proficiencyDiversified signed off  


.

Hal put his Evv away, shaken. It looked like the dark god had got his grandpa's computer back.

He wondered what exactly was happening to his grandfather. He'd seemed normal. Or at least he'd seemed like he usually did. Was the monster just possessing him, like it had Hal?

Hal rolled over, trying to get comfortable. He was taking a nap on his bed, like his uncle had suggested. Whatever the dark god had made him do, it had really tired him out. Didn't it know he had to conserve his strength? Maybe it was trying to exhaust him so he'd go to sleep again.

Well he wasn't going to do that. Even if he did, his dad and uncle had promised to wake him up straight away.

He knew he wouldn't fall asleep, because his dad and uncle were still there. It was bad enough when Alton came into his room, like he sometimes did for no apparent reason. At least Alton was just his brother.

He didn't like it, but they did need to look at the game code. Either they had to be in his room, or Hal had to set his computer to broadcast sensitive information all over the Land of Flashes and Frogs. It was a tough choice, but they had to be in his room.

Hal swung his legs over the side of the bed, stood up, and tugged on his dad's shirt. "Uh... dad...?"

His dad was so intimidating sometimes. Hal was sure that he'd would hate him if he ever really got to know him.

His dad turned around without changing his expression.

"Uh..." said Hal. "Grandpa messaged me. He says..." He couldn't sum it up, so he called up the conversation history on his Evv and gave it to his dad.

His dad read through it, then handed it to his uncle, who started talking to him in a low, worried voice.

More loudly, his uncle said "We don't remember coming up with a solution already. We think maybe your grandpa is experiencing time in a non-linear way, as a result of spending so long in the Furthest Ring. Thanks for telling us about this, Hal. Just keep getting some rest and play the game, and we'll work it out!"

Hal nodded. He knew they would.


	37. Alton: See

  
delightedFortune contacted discerningPedestrian

DF: alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: yeah what

DF: i cleaned out the denizen tunnel and guess what????????????????????

DP: u cleaned it out

DF: i just said that alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: sorry   
DP: i mean   
DP: u cleaned it out?

DF: we still have to get down there and fight the denizen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ok so what happened

DF: there was no denizen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: what   
DP: r u sure   
DP: u said u couldnt see it before right

DF: i was distracted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: now............   
DF: i'm sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: so what was down there   
DP: if there was no denizen

DF: nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: just a transportalizer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you can hear the beat going weird but there's nothing causing it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's just weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: sounds like a metaphor

DF: i don't get it i was sure the denizen was there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: me 2   
DP: maybe it was a decoy tunnel

DF: but it was so dramatic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i wrote a play once i know what an anticlimax is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: u did

DF: yeah my parents helped me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it got a newspaper article!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: cool

DF: have you found xavier and fred and aunt candace??????????????

DP: no   
DP: i tried 2 ask the soldiers but they were busy fighting

DF: alton use your mind reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you said it was better so use it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: its not mind reading   
DP: and nope

DF: use it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: nope

DF: alton stop saying nope and use your mind reading powers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you can read minds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: that's so cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: why don't you do it??????????????

DP: because   
DP: wait u really think its cool?   
DP: its not   
DP: at least with ur powers u can kill enemies   
DP: i can what   
DP: counsel them?

DF: and i can fly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: but alton the game's not about killing things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's about talking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and sometimes killing!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: actually..........................   
DF: when you're done on the battlefield can you help with my quest?????????????

DP: y   
DP: what can i do   
DP: ill tell u basically nothing   
DP: if i cant kill enemies theres no point

DF: there is so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i just said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: are you doing this on purpose????????????????

DP: doing what

DF: alton you understand people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i don't but..................   
DF: i know when you're playing dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you need to understand people to finish this game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: the gorgonopsids in my planet's first village won't even talk to me anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: they need to tell me where the bitterness is coming from and they won't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: alton say something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: did get crushed again????????????????   
DF: alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: maybe u shouldnt have tried to eat their houses

DF: there you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: yeah i know that now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: they looked tasty and i said i was sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: i guess i was playing dumb   
DP: a little   
DP: but u dont really need 2 get people 2 play the game

DF: apparently you do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm............   
DF: bad at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you're good it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: even without powers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: being good at people is really important!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm........................   
DF: jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: yeah right

DF: ???????   
DF: omg alton maybe you're so not good at reading people after all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: huh   
DP: oh wait   
DP: ud never admit that normally   
DP: u were kind of confiding   
DP: im sorry

DF: yeah exactly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: i should have realized   
DP: i was uh   
DP: moping   
DP: ok ill help u after i meet up with xavier and fred

DF: thanks that's all i wanted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: when will that be???????????   
DF: did you find them????????????????

DP: no but i no where they r now   
DP: i used my powers   
DP: same as when i figured out why u were mad   
DP: ur right i guess   
DP: they can be useful sometimes   
DP: thanks

DF: yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

Alton kept his powers active as he headed for the place where he'd sensed his cousins and aunt. Avoiding the battles was easy now. Every time he felt someone's pain and terror, he just made sure to keep well away.

If the battles were that bad from such a long distance, he couldn't imagine how they would feel close up. Terror was mundane compared to what he'd felt in Hal back at the house, but Alton still didn't want to experience it if he didn't have to. He'd sort of begun to accept his power, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to be responsible with it. Upsetting himself for no reason wouldn't help anyone. Especially not him.

He wasn't walking, and he was glad for that. He could go pretty fast on his crutches when he wanted to, but he couldn't keep it up for long. Eventually he would have had to drop to a slow shuffle. Or he could keep pushing himself, if he felt like ending up in bed for a week. It usually wasn't worth it. Unless he had a race or game to win. He didn't care what his mom said, it was worth it then.

He could fly now, just like his dream self could. It was faster than walking, but a bit slower than running. It didn't even tire him out. It was like sitting in a car. A mind-controlled car. That was also invisible.

Alton decided to abandon that metaphor for now.

He concentrated on the emotions he could feel ahead of him, the ones he was sure were his aunt and cousins.

He could tell that there were three people, and they had a different... quality to the soldiers. One was very worried, one was calm, slightly tending towards excitement, and one was upset.

The first was aunt Candace, the second was Xavier, and the third was Fred. Alton was almost certain. What was wrong with Fred? On the surface he felt uncannily similar to Xavier, but underneath, he was definitely upset. Had something happened? Why weren't Xavier and aunt Candace upset too, in that case?

Alton concentrated harder, like he had on Alicia, and got a better idea of what they were felling. Luckily, the feeling never became unpleasant. Just... sharper.

Xavier had an undercurrent of fear and optimism and anxiety, and Fred had very similar emotions, though they were dulled by the sadness. Aunt Candace felt maternal and mature and relieved and slightly disturbed.

Alton still couldn't see them, but their emotions were so clear that he was beginning to feel uncomfortable. He shouldn't be rifling around in people's feelings without their permission. It wasn't right.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i just remembered something!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: What? :O

DF: the babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: :O

FP: Oh yeah

DF: what happened to them fred????????

FP: I dont know   
FP: I dont remember

DF: i don't think they even existed in the other universe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: fred never went to the veil!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: He didnt? :O

CP: We went right to the Battlefield

PD: Why? :S

CP: I... don't remember...   
CP: Its all kind of a blur

DP: does that mean u dont remember any of the stuff u were acting mysterious and adult about

CP: I dont think so

DP: oh well   
DP: uncle phineas probably told us everything we need 2 know anyway

DF: does that mean we didn't get born in the other universe???????????

CP: We must have been born sometime   
CP: Otherwise how would we exist?

PD: I hope baby us are okay. :(

FP: They must be   
FP: Otherwise how could we exist?

PD: But what if we dont do anything because we think well be okay because we exist and we were supposed to do something about them and suddenly we dont exist anymore because we didnt do anything? D:

CP: What?

DF: he said he thinks we should do something in case we're supposed to!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: maybe i should go!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: but i'm still looking after alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: im fine   
DP: go worry about the babies

DF: i don't want to leave you!!!!!!!!!

DP: ur still on lorar right   
DP: im on the battlefield   
DP: ur already pretty far away

DF: you're on the land of rivers and rythym too!!!!!!!   
DF: i mean rithm!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i mean rhthym!!!!!!!!   
DF: that word doesn't make sense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: im asleep or something   
DP: monsters dont attack when ur asleep   
DP: just go

PD: I think Altons right. :/

CP: I know he is!

DF: uh...............   
DF: ok fine!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm going!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's your fault if you die while i'm away alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ok ill keep that in mind   


.

  
phenomenalFunification contacted furtiveForewarning and candescentFervor

CF: So, how's saving the world coming along?

PF: Don't tell the kids, but... not good.   
PF: The code is only about the world we're in now!   
PF: Not our entire universe!

CF: So how was it changed in the first place?

PF: We're still figuring that out.   
PF: Ferb thinks it wasn't through the game code.   
PF: It was modified by some kind of god, after all.   
PF: Actually...   
PF: We don't think changing the code should do anything at all.

CF: Huh?

PF: It's just supposed to set the starting conditions.   
PF: You know, for when the players enter and the kernelsprite hatches.

CF: I don't know, but go on.

PF: I don't think anything I did even had any effect. It was all Ferb.

FF: My theory is that it wasn't the code at all.   
FF: I was only using it as a channel.

CF: A channel for what?

FF: The powers granted to me by the game, I presume.

CF: Oh right, those powers.   
CF: The game gave you superpowers?!

PF: Yeah!   
PF: We just don't know what they are yet.   
PF: During the change, we thought we were the Page of Mind and the Knight of Void, but I think those are Xavier and Fred's titles.   
PF: What Ferb did doesn't actually make sense for a Knight of Void.

CF: I'll take your word for that.   
CF: So, uh...   
CF: Am I still gonna disappear?

PF: Yes.   
PF: Sorry sis. :V(   
PF: But we'll fix it before it comes to that, I promise!   
PF: We know it's possible.

CF: You do?

PF: Yeah! :V)   
PF: Dr D contacted Hal earlier, and he was just about to tell him how to fix everything!!

CF: Uh...   
CF: You really trust Doofenshmirtz on this?   
CF: I don't know how he doesn't mess up getting dressed in the morning

PF: Haha, maybe he is a little eccentric. :V)   
PF: But he's not overconfident.   
PF: I think Perry beat it out of him a long time ago.

CF: I really hope you're right about this.

PF: We do too.

CF: Hey Phineas, before you go, Xavier was telling me some story about Alton dying in a cave-in, and he just showed up here wearing pajamas or something.

PF: That's weird!   
PF: Did they have a heart on them?

CF: Yeah actually, they do.

PF: I saw him wearing them in my vision! The one where they won!   
PF: Is anyone else wearing pajamas?

CF: Well, Xavier and Fred aren't.

PF: Neither is Hal.   
PF: All the kids were wearing them in my vision.

CF: Maybe you need to die to get them?

PF: What about Xavier?

CF: What?   
CF: What about Xavier?

PF: He didn't tell you?

CF: Tell me what   
CF: Phineas I know you're still there

PF: Candace, Xavier died.   
PF: He only came back when the god that messed everything up brought him back.

CF: What

PF: I was gonna tell you...   
PF: Then he came back, and then the big change happened and I didn't know about it anymore...

CF: You know what?   
CF: I don't care. He's alive now, and that's what matters.   
CF: What kind of pajamas was he wearing?   
CF: And Fred?

PF: Xavier's pajamas were green, and Fred's were blue.

CF: They don't even have pajamas that color.

PF: I don't think Alton does either.   
PF: But I guess they will in the future!   



	38. Perry: Exposit again

Even though he was some sort of weird game construct now, Perry still had to sleep. Or, at least, he still got sleepy. He'd been enjoying a nice nap inside the ship when a loud voice woke him up. Grumbling, he tried to stand, remembered that he had a ghost tail now, and floated to an upright position.

He could hear someone else talking now. Probably Xavier.

There were so many kids running around these days. He couldn't keep them straight.

If Xavier was a child, then that meant they'd fixed the swapped ages problem. That was good! Did that mean the Earth was back as well?

He hoped so. He liked Earth, and he hadn't spent most of his younger years protecting it just so it could get battered to death by meteors.

Perry floated out the door. To his surprise, Alton was there too. He felt a strange sense of... protectiveness? Alton was just a kid, and kids did need protecting, but he hadn't felt it so strongly in quite some time. At least, not towards a kid who didn't seem to be in any danger.

Even though they were all facing away, and Perry hadn't made a sound, Alton turned around to look at him. Perry greeted him with "hello", and was surprised when Alton reacted.

"You talked?" he said, staring at Perry in wonder.

Perry stared back at him. Talking was part of his sprite abilities, but Candace had never seemed to hear him. Neither had Doofenshmirtz, as far as he could tell.

"yes" he replied.

Alton frowned. "How come you're speaking in lowercase?"

Perry wasn't aware that he was.

Candace turned around, looking confused. "Uh... Who are you talking to?"

Alton pointed at Perry. "He's talking!" he insisted. "He never talked before!"

Candace stared at Perry's beak, then said "Alton, he's not talking."

"seems only you ccccan hear me" Perry told Alton. The sprite powers allowed him to talk, but they didn't make English syntax any easier.

Alton frowned again. "Now you're doing that letter repeating thing."

Perry had noticed that. Strange that he talked the way he typed. Strange that Alton could hear not only what he was saying but whether he was using capital letters and punctuation. Was he even hearing Perry's words as sound?

"Alton..." said Candace. Perry felt bad for her. She was under a lot of stress today.

Fortunately, Alton had calmed down a bit. "He really is talking. I'm just the only one who can hear him. Right, uncle Perry?"

Perry nodded. It sort of made sense. He was Alton's sprite, after all. From the game's perspective, Alton was the only one who really needed to hear him. Perry wondered why he hadn't gained that knowledge on becoming a sprite. Maybe in a normal game it would have been obvious. They wouldn't have been separated in a normal game.

Perry didn't have anything else to say, but Alton was looking at him like he expected to hear something else. What did he want? Small talk? Maybe he was more like his grandfather than he seemed. Perry chattered, tried to think of something suitably banal, and came up with "you have reachedddd godddd ttttiers".

"Huh?" said Alton. He plucked at his clothes. "You mean this? There's a name for it?"

He didn't know? "yes"

Alton turned to the others. "Perry says this thing-" he indicated his outfit "-is called god tiers or something."

From their faces, they knew as little about it as Alton did. Perry said "how ddddidddd you achieve if you notttt know whatttt is?" He'd definitely missed a few words there. Human languages were easy to understand, but hard to speak.

Alton shrugged. "I got caught in a cave-in and Alicia put me on some bed with the Heart symbol on it. Then I woke up here."

So an accident. A very, very lucky accident. Almost too lucky to be coincidence. "one of ways tttto achieve godddd ttttier is ddddie your qqqquestttt bedddd" That wasn't very clear. He tried again. "ddddie on your qqqquestttt bedddd"

"Die?" repeated Alton. He looked down at himself again. "I _died_?"

Perry nodded.

"Hey, ask him about bringing people back to life with a kiss," said Fred.

Alton stared at Fred for a second with a strange look on his face. Perry didn't know why. Corpsesmooching was definitely part of the game mechanics. He said "tttto kkkkiss a ddddeadddd boddddy will revive ddddream self if there sttttill is one"

"How can you lose a dream self?" said Alton with interest.

"ddddying" Perry replied. He thought that was obvious. How else would you lose a dream self? There was some sort of psychic link. It wasn't like losing a squeaky toy.

"Dream selves can die?" said Alton loudly.

Xavier paid attention to them for the first time. "Yeah. Remember uncle Phineas?"

Perry was glad he hadn't been present for the death of Phineas's dream self. He probably would have done something... rash.

"Yeah, but he's not a player," said Alton, like that made a difference. "I can't remember where I left my dream self..."

What did that matter?

Alton caught Perry's confused expression and said "What?"

"you do notttt have ddddream self"

"What?" said Alton, even more loudly than before. "Did he die?"

It all seemed so obvious to Perry. It was so obvious that he kept forgetting that the others didn't know it. Maybe that was how the game made sure the players didn't get all the information at once. You didn't tell people things if you thought they already knew. "you mergedddd with ddddream self when godddd ttttier was attttainedddd."

Alton didn't look happy to hear that. He summed up what Perry had said to the others. "Uncle Perry says the bed Alicia put me on was my quest bed, and I got to god tier by dying on it. I..." He turned back to Perry. "Do you have to have a dream self to be god tier?"

Perry nodded, then shrugged. You... usually had to have one? But it was possible not to need it? In certain circumstances? That he wasn't familiar with?

"Sorry guys," Alton told Xavier and Fred.

"Aw..." said Xavier.

"Can uncle Phineas and Ferb go god tier?" said Fred.

Alton looked at Perry. Perry shrugged. The only game knowledge he had was things that pertained to Alton. Xavier or Fred's sprites would probably know, but they were still out... somewhere. Perry didn't even know what their sprites were. Wasn't Xavier's sprite a state or something? Could sprites even function without living souls?

.

Hal didn't want to be stumbling around outside. He didn't want to have to stay alert in case another imp fell out of the sky. His dad and uncle had told him go to play the game more, and they were probably right... But he really didn't like going outdoors. Indoors was much more comfortable. It had air conditioning and everything.

He'd just about figured out that he had to breed frogs to make... a really good frog. Almost every clue had mentioned it in some way, so he knew it was important, but he still didn't understand why exactly he needed to do it. There was some poem that he couldn't decipher at all. He was no good at word puzzles, unless they were cyphers. He liked cyphers.

The poem seemed to be talking about some sort of frog that was... everything? And it was doing it really metaphorically. And it kept talking about the short path. And something about blacksmiths? Maybe a college student could figure out what it all meant, but Hal couldn't.

Maybe it'd become clear when he bred the best frog. There was some some sort of ectobiological... thing half a mile from his house, and he'd already figured out how to ues it. Just target a frog, and if it wasn't destined to be there in the future, it would be transported to the machine. If it was supposed to stay where it was, he'd get slime instead, like the stuff Fred had got from the people he'd targeted in the meteorite lab. Then he could mix it with other slime, same as Fred had done. And a child frog would be born.

Which was fun and interesting and everything, but Hal still had no idea why it was important.

At least, the idea was fun and interesting. In practice, Hal couldn't even see what he was targeting. It was too dark. Even when a flash lit up the surroundings and he managed to lock onto a frog, it was impossible to tell if it was going to be there in the future. He'd only got slime out of the thing once.

Hal's mind wandered to how the game knew which frogs should be slime and which should be frogs. He couldn't remember porting that part, but he couldn't remember coding a lot of the game. He'd probably been half-asleep. He'd accidentally worked through the night more than once.

But it couldn't be that complicated. It was probably just a function that returned true or false. If it was well-programmed, and he'd done it so it had to be, then it was just a boolean function with two possible return values. So if he commented out the code and just made the function return true... Or false... Whatever meant the frog became slime...

Modifying the program sounded infinitely more interesting than blindly poking around the planet and teleporting every frog in paradox space. It was technically cheating, but... The point of games was to have fun. That was why he'd combined the totem lathe and punch designix with the alchemizer. Messing around with scanning the items and making totems and combining things would have got dull really quickly.

It'd definitely be more fun to streamline everything.


	39. Paradox Clones: Continue to Exist For Now

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DF: ok everyone let's report!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: the babies are back in the meteor lab!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm watching them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Are they okay?

DF: yes!!!!!!!   
DF: except..............   
DF: dr d and monobrow guy still keep hitting each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and me and dad and uncle ferb and alton keep trying to explore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: but they're not crying or anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm holding hal because he's trying to mess with the consoles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: also i'm covering fred's eyes so he doesn't copy anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: xavier is just sitting there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ok cool   
DP: so we still exist   
DP: im on the battlefield with xavier and fred and aunt candace and uncle perry

FP: Im exploring

DP: he wants to see a battle   
DP: its stupid

FP: Yeah but what if that thing with the spear happens again?   
FP: I think I can do it again

DP: ur gonna get killed   
DP: u dont have a dream self so you cant come back as a god or even get kissed or whatever

FP: Im not going to die

CP: Thats good   
CP: Dying hurts

PD: I'm back at home! :)

CP: Werent you exploring your planet?

PD: I was. :)   
PD: Then I had to fix the game to make it more fun. :)

DF: fix the game??????????????????

DP: he means hack it   
DP: he always tries 2 do that

PD: I found a game within the game but it has too much luck. :(   
PD: I dont like luck games. :(   
PD: They take too long to play. :(   
PD: Dad and uncle Phineas hacked the game. :/

DP: they were trying 2 save the world

CP: Arent we doing the same thing?

PD: Yeah! :)

DP: how is cheating at a minigame saving the world

PD: The minigames really important. :/   
PD: Its practically a megagame. :)   
PD: The faster I do it the faster Ill do my quest. :)

DP: u always say that

PD: No I dont. :/   
PD: But you cant stop me! :P   
PD: Youre all the way on the battlefield. :)

DP: ...

DF: you died from playing the game properly alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: i wasnt just playing a minigame   
DP: also i got god powers out of it

CP: Wasnt that luck?

PD: I dont like games of luck! :D

DP: ok   
DP: ok whatever   
DP: uve convinced me with ur wily words   
DP: u do what u want

PD: :D   


.

  
delightedFortune contacted candescentFervor

DF: aunt candace i want to play the game again!!!!!!!!!!!!

CF: Aren't you playing it right now?

DF: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm watching the meteor babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: can you watch them??????????????????

CF: Sorry Alicia, I'm a little busy right now.   
CF: Besides, aren't you out in the veil?   
CF: That's what it's called, right?

DF: yes but i'm supposed to play the game not watch babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CF: Are you sure that watching babies isn't part of the game?   
CF: Or your uh...   
CF: Quest?

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: aunt candace that's sexist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CF: It is, huh?   
CF: Then isn't asking me to watch them just as sexist?

DF: uh.................   
DF: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you like watching babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CF: I do?

DF: duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: why else would you have three of them????????????????????   
DF: two and a half??????????

CF: Uh...   
CF: That's not quite how it works, Alicia.

DF: then why???????????????   
DF: anyway you should watch the babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CF: I have my own kids to watch.   
CF: Your dad just told me that Xavier died once already!   
CF: There's no way I'm gonna let that happen again.

DF: he didn't die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he just got stabbed a lot of times and fell down and got covered in blood!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: and then he came back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i mean woke up!!!!!!!!!!

CF: Okay, but I'd feel better if I stayed with him and Fred.

DF: but i'm not even in fifth grade!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i can't look after babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: unless they're choking!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm good at magic cpr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CF: I'd rather look after the kids whose futures aren't predetermined through some kind of time loop.

DF: but what if they start crying????????????

CF: You can call me and ask what to do.   
CF: You'll do fine!

DF: but i want to play the game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you have to watch the babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CF: I'm not going to argue anymore, Alicia.   
CF: You'll have to watch them yourself.

DF: please???????????????????????

CF: No.

DF: please??????????????????????????????????

CF: I'm turning off the computer now, Alicia.

DF: please??????????????????????????????????????????

candescentFervor signed off  


.

  
phenomenalFunification contacted furtiveForewarning and candescentFervor

PF: How are you holding up, Candace?

CF: I'm okay.    
CF: Any progress?

PF: None.   
PF: We can't seem to work this out!

CF: Really?   
CF: Wow, it must be a really hard problem.

PF: Me and Ferb are beginning to feel a bit bad about monopolising Hal's room like this.   
PF: I always say a kid should have their space.

CF: But don't you need it to figure out how to fix this?

PF: We're gonna try sleeping again.   
PF: I don't know what's gonna happen to me, but maybe Ferb can get in contact with Doofenshmirtz and find out what he was going to say.

CF: Well, if you think it'll help...

PF: Hal's working hard on searching through the game code.   
PF: What are other kids doing?

CF: Well, Fred keeps trying to wander off to see a battle, but Xavier's just sitting under a tree, as usual. Alton is talking to Perry.

PF: What about Alicia?   
PF: Do you know where she is?

CF: I guess she's looking after the meteor babies.   
CF: She asked me to look after them for her, but they'll be fine.

PF: Uh, how do you know?

CF: For one thing, one of the babies is you.   
CF: You're not fading out of existence are you?   
CF: Tell me you're not fading out of existence

PF: It's okay, I'm fine!   
PF: But that's not how time loops work.   
PF: You can't just sit around expecting everything to work out because you know it does in the future.   
PF: You might accidentally create a doomed timeline!

CF: Define doomed.

PF: Destined to die.

CF: Oh.   
CF: So, I just left nine infants in the care of a little girl who thinks babies cry because they're being mean.

PF: Yep.   
PF: I know you want to stay with Xavier and Fred. Ferb and I can watch them if you want.

CF: Thanks a lot, guys.   
CF: Are you sure you can handle it?

PF: Of course! :V)   
PF: We're parents too, you know!   


.

Phineas and Ferb found Alicia sitting on the floor of the meteor lab, typing on her Steale with her back to the babies. Phineas quickly grabbed Alton's younger self from the top of a slime tube - how had he even got up there? - and said "Alicia?"

Alicia turned. "Dad!" Her face was somewhere between relief and delight. "And uncle Ferb!"

She ran over and hugged them both, hard. "I'm so glad you're here! The babies are really boring, I want to play the game again like I'm supposed to! Are you and uncle Ferb here to watch them? I asked aunt Candace but she said no!"

"Of course we'll watch them, Alicia," Phineas replied. He ruffled her hair. "You go play the game."

Alicia laughed. "Thanks, dad!" She launched herself straight up and out a window. Phineas was pleased to see that she'd got control over her powers so fast. Or at least, over the obvious powers. She didn't seem to know about the Breeze, and Phineas didn't want to tell her about it straight away. The game was all about personal growth. Probably.

The second she was out of sight, Phineas began to worry that he'd never see her again. He'd got both Xavier and Alton killed. There was a precedent. But... they'd both come back again. People could come back from the dead in this game. And none of the the kids could die for good until his vision of their victory came true.

Of course, he hadn't seen himself in that vision.

But he didn't think he'd run into anything he couldn't handle. It was the kids they needed to worry about.

Speaking of the kids... For babies, they were extremely well-behaved. Mostly they just crawled around and made cute little baby noises. Even infants who hadn't been left with an irresponsible nine-year-old grumbled and tantrumed more than this. Maybe they really would have been fine.

But Alicia was right. She was supposed to be playing the game, not playing babysitter.

Phineas and Ferb looked at each other, and both agreed that Ferb should sleep first. Phineas didn't know where he'd go now that his dream self was dead. Maybe he'd just dream normally, but from what he knew of the game mechanics, he didn't think so. Ferb would almost definitely go to Derse when he slept. Maybe from there, he could get in contact with Doofenshmirtz.

Ferb made himself comfortable in his bed-on-the-road suit, and Phineas watched the kids play. Baby Alicia was very adventurous and easily bored, just like she'd always been, but she definitely wasn't as fussy as Phineas remembered.

Baby Xavier was as calm as always, but Alton and Hal were almost as easy to handle, which was unusual. Fred was doing nothing but stare around robotically, but maybe that was normal for him? Phineas had no idea.

He avoided looking at himself.

Wait... there was some trouble. Baby Major Monogram had given up on bothering Dr Doofenshmirtz, and now he and Alton were pinching each other. Phineas separated the two, and they seemed to forget what they were doing.

They really were cute. Phineas could watch them all day.


	40. Fred: Incite

  
delightedFortune contacted discerningPedestrian

DF: alton guess what????????????????

DP: earths back and we can go home

DF: no i wish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: actually dad and uncle ferb came and looked after the babies and now i play the game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: cool

DF: let's look for my quest bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: what   
DP: why   
DP: r u dying   
DP: stop dying

DF: no i'm not dying alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i just want to be a god tier!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it sounds fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: no u dont   
DP: dying isnt fun   
DP: it hurts a lot   
DP: i remember that part   
DP: so does xavier i think

DF: no but then i'll be god tier!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's worth hurting a bit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's like..............   
DF: getting a needle so you won't die from disease later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm not scared of needles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: not if there's a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: uh it hurt way more than a bit   
DP: how would u even die   
DP: imp swarm?

DF: ew no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it would take too long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you should kill me instead!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: no

DF: don't be mean alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you have to kill me once we find my bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: no thats messed up

DF: meanie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ill help u find ur quest bed   
DP: but im not gonna kill u   
DP: its just so if u get in trouble u can go there and get ur extra life

DF: kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: no

DF: kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: no

DF: kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ill meet u at logac

DF: and kill me???????????

DP: no

DF: kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

discerningPedestrian signed off  


.

Fred had finally found a battle, and for once his mom hadn't noticed him slipping away. He mostly wanted to see what a battle was like because he'd never seen one in person, but now that he was there, he was beginning to have second thoughts. Those chess people really were killing each other. They were sticking weapons into each other and everything.

Both sides were taking heavy casualties, but more white chess people seemed to be dying than black chess people. Maybe Fred could help them! Hal kept saying that black had to win because it was part of the game, but Fred couldn't believe that.

He was being Alicia, he guessed. Alicia didn't believe that white had to lose. Or couldn't believe it. Whichever.

Almost without thinking, he rush into the press of bodies, and pretended to be one of the white pieces. A pike appeared in his hands, and he clumsily stabbed it at a black chess piece.

The chess person countered with a thrust that missed Fred by inches, spurted real blood from his chest, and collapsed.

Fred dropped the pike and backed away.

He'd killed someone. Or injured them. He'd done that. He couldn't even pretend he was a chess person. He'd done it. It was him. Fred.

He stood frozen in the middle of the battle. Chess people were yelling and screaming around him, and he knew he should run away, but he couldn't bring himself to move. He didn't want to hurt anyone else.

A black chess person poked him gently with a pike and told him to get out of the way, and that the battlefield was dangerous and didn't concern him.

He also called him a false knight.

For a moment, Fred wasn't sure who to be. Alton, he decided. He'd be Alton. Confident almost to a fault, no time for idiocy, thought he was more mature than he was. "It... It does concern me."

Would Alton's voice have shaken like his just had? He wasn't sure.

"You're fighting over the creation... life... thing," he continued. He couldn't remember whether Alton knew or cared what Skaia was, either. "We need it to win the game or something."

The chess person told him that he had to move before he got hurt. It wasn't his fight, he said. He waved his pike for emphasis -- it wasn't a pike. It was just a staff. What a weird weapon for a soldier.

"It is so my fight!" Fred yelled.

Okay, now he was being Alicia. She wasn't very good at debate. He tried to go back to being Alton, but it was hard.

"What do you care if I get hurt, anyway?" he continued. "You're evil!" No, no, that was something Alicia or Hal would have said. Maybe Xavier, if he hadn't slept for a few days. Fred couldn't remember Alton ever calling anyone evil, not even his evil scientist grandfather.

They'd moved away a bit from the main battle. The black chess person lowered his staff and asked what he meant by evil.

"One of your friends tried to kill me," said Fred, in a more Alton-like tone.

The black chess guy seemed completely confused now. He asked what Fred meant by friends, rubbing the top of his head.

"He tried to stick me with a spear," said Fred, in his best impression of indignation.

The black chess guy rubbed his head again. He obviously had no idea what Fred was talking about.

Probably the chess guy who'd tried to kill Fred wasn't actually friends with this chess guy, but Fred didn't give it too much thought because Alton wouldn't have figured that out yet.

He did feel a bit bad for equating an apparently friendly black chess guy with the one who'd tried to kill him, but not much. It was what Alton would have said, not him. Alton would be this upset in this situation, wouldn't he? The relationships between chess people were easy to infer to a calmer person.

Even so, he didn't want to push the subject of his not-friend too hard, so he said "Why do you hate creation, anyway?"

The chess person seemed even more confused, and asked why Fred thought he hated creation.

Fred rolled his eyes in a superior way and said "If you don't hate it, why are you fighting to destroy it?"

In reply, the chess person pointed at the field to their right, then at the ground.

Fred looked down. It was hard to tell, but it looked like the battle was happening in a field as well. "You're a farmer?"

They did things other than fight?

.

Xavier watched Alton float into the sky until he disappeared. He wished he could do that. It looked comfortable.

His mom watched him too, then turned to Xavier and frowned. "Where's your brother?"

"I dunno," said Xavier. "He went to see a battle." He'd gone off somewhere, but he hadn't told Xavier where.

His mom didn't seem to to like that answer very much. She looked around wildly and said "Where is he?!"

Xavier looked around too. They were on the outward facing part of the strip, and all he could see was the black and white checkered ground, some trees, and some hills. And a river. And the sky.

His mom widened her eyes and breathed deeply. Xavier knew that expression. She was trying to prevent herself from having a freakout. That was weird. So far the Battlefield was way safer than the planets with all the imps. Adults freaked out over the weirdest things.

Suddenly, his mom grabbed him and said "Of course! The tracker!"

What about it? She could use it to find Fred? Wasn't that obvious?

Xavier really didn't get his mom sometimes.

"Come on, Xavier!" said his mom. "Let's move."

Xavier snuggled into the dirt. It was a very comfortable spot. "Can't I stay here?"

"No." She was using the voice she used where if even thought about arguing, she'd build a rocket and buy rocket fuel and launch a satellite just so she could laser you from orbit. Even Amanda did what she said when she talked like that. "I'm not gonna let you out of my sight again. Ever."

Xavier thought about that. "Not even to go to the bathroom?"

"Come on, Xavier," said his mom. She checked the tracker and began to walk.

.

  
furtiveForewarning contacted phenomenalFunification

FF: How are the babies?   
FF: Are you having any difficulties?

PF: Nope! :V)   
PF: They're really well-behaved!   
PF: What did you find out?

FF: :U|   
FF: I have no leads on the Earth.   
FF: However, I have been informed of the dark god's possible goal.   
FF: It wants...   
FF: There is no word for it in any human language.   
FF: Probably.

PF: Not even you speak every language, bro! :V)

FF: It wants a new... bauble.   
FF: And it wants it to be unique.

PF: Huh.   
PF: A unique tchotchke.

FF: :U|

PF: Do you think we can make it one so it'll leave us alone?

FF: I suppose it's possible.   
FF: However, what the dark god wants is a universe.

PF: :VO   
PF: Our universe?

FF: No.   
FF: It has no access to the Incipisphere where our universe was created.   
FF: It wants the next one.   
FF: The one created by our kids.

PF: :VO   
PF: Then why does it want to destroy our universe?

FF: It doesn't. It wants to create a winnable session.   
FF: Apparently it doesn't believe that the current configuration is winnable.

PF: So that's why it swapped us with Xavier and Fred!   
PF: It wanted us to win the game!   
PF: The destroying the world was just a coincidence!

FF: :U|   
FF: I'm told that the Incipispheres act as a buffer between the universes and the dark gods.   
FF: It needs Dr Doofenshmirtz in order to make any changes.   
FF: I don't yet know why.

PF: Of course, Dr D!   
PF: If we rescue him, maybe our universe will go back to normal!

FF: :U|

PF: You're right.   
PF: But it can't hurt to try.   
PF: Even if nothing changes, we can at least find out what he tried to tell Hal!

FF: :U|   



	41. Fred: Copy [WV: Rise up]

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DF: report time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: dad and uncle ferb are looking after the babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: me and alton are looking for my quest bed so he can kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: What?

PD: :O

DP: im not killing her   
DP: shes being stupid   
DP: as usual

DF: you're the stupid one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: let me think about it no

CP: Dont kill her it hurts

DP: i told her that & she didnt listen

DF: i heard you i just don't care if it hurts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i want to be god tier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Maybe we should just hack in invincibility   
CP: Can you do that Hal?

PD: I think so. :/

DF: don't do that it's cheating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: what are you doing now anyway??????????????   
DF: you're playing the game right?????????????

PD: Sort of. :)   
PD: I'm cheating. :)

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: You didn't mind before. :/

DF: yes i did i just called alton out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you shouldn't cheat at the game hal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: actually i agree   
DP: dont cheat hal   
DP: its what the game wants

PD: I could cheat a do not attack flag on Xavier and Fred. :/   
PD: Then theyll be in less danger. :/

DP: whats that

PD: It means the enemies wont attack them anymore

FP: YES GOOD IDEA.   
FP: DO THAT.

CP: I agree with Fred and whoever hes being   
CP: Where are you Fred?   
CP: Moms worried

FP: I HAVE ENCOUNTERED A WELL-DISPOSED VIGILANT.

CP: A well disposed vigilant what?

FP: IT WAS A NOUN.

CP: Mom wants to know if youre in danger

FP: MY COHORT AND I ARE ORGANIZING A COUP.   
FP: HE BELIEVES THAT THE WAR IS POINTLESS AND DETRIMENTAL TO EVERYBODY.   
FP: AND HE IS SORRY FOR CALLING ME A FALSE KNIGHT EARLIER.

CP: Does that mean youre in danger?

PD: It sounds dangerous to me. :/

CP: Mom says stop doing that and come back

FP: HOW CAN I DO NOTHING WHILE WEIRD CHESS PEOPLE ARE SLAUGHTERED FOR FRIVOLOUS REASONS?

CP: Mom says stop being the vagrant guy and come back   
CP: She says its not safe

DP: i think shes right

DF: it sounds fun to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you're in the rebellion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: hal put up the flag!!!!!!!!!

PD: :S

DF: PD: I could set a do not attack flag on Xavier and Fred! :/  
DF: remember it was like 30 seconds ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Oh that. :)   
PD: Okay. :)   
PD: I think I can do that. :)   
PD: brb

DF: now fred doesn't have to come back!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he can keep being a prospitian rebel!!!!!!!!!

FP: HE INFORMS ME THAT HE IS A DERSITE.

DF: a dersite??????????   
DF: stop it he's evil!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: aunt candace was right after all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: THAT IS A HORRIBLE SLANDER.   
FP: HE HAS THE GOOD OF THE PEOPLE AT HEART.   
FP: IT IS FOR THIS REASON I HAVE REQUESTED THAT HE DESIST FROM EATING MY CHANGE OF CLOTHES.

DF: he's lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: alicia its fred   
DP: hes good at telling when people r good or evil   
DP: if he didnt think he wasnt at least a little good he wouldnt b him

CP: Yeah   
CP: Mom still says you have to come back   
CP: And also she says to tell you to at least tell the wandering vagrant to look out for you

FP: I WILL PASS THAT MESSAGE ALONG.

PD: Back. :)   
PD: I did it. :)   
PD: I think. :)

CP: How can we know for sure?

DP: go up 2 an enemy and c if it kills u

PD: I also set your health to never go down. :)   
PD: Now you cant die. :)

DF: don't do that for us too!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's double cheating!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Okay I wont do it for you. :/   
PD: What about you Alton? :/

DP: its ok   
DP: uncle perry said i couldnt die anyway   
DP: i think   
DP: unless im a hero or a villain   
DP: and im not

PD: Okay. :/   
PD: Oops. D:

DF: what's wrong?????????????

PD: I made a mistake. :(   
PD: brb again   
  


.

Candace didn't care if Fred had joined up with the invincible frog-king of the universe , or whatever people believed around here. He was coming back, and he was coming back now.

Fred was beginning to pull ahead of them, which Xavier said was because he was on a boat. Great. What else could go wrong today?

When they got home, Fred was in trouble. No excuses this time. It didn't matter how rebellious and cool the person he was imitating was. He had to learn to stop hiding behind his personas. There was a smart and unique kid in there, and one day he was going to have to come out.

They needed to move faster, but Xavier had never been particularly athletic. He usually didn't move unless he really had to. With his appetite, it was surprising that he stayed so small, while his chubbier brother ate like a hummingbird, as well as doing soccer and athletics and curling every week.

Candace's life coach had said that his lack of exercise would catch up with him eventually, and Candace had passed that information on to Xavier, but she didn't think he'd taken it very seriously. Oh well. He'd find out eventually.

They reached the bank of a river, and Candace dipped in a finger and tasted it.

It tasted like water, but it had been worth a shot. "Come on," she said, gesturing downstream.

Xavier dragged his feet. "Mom, I'm tired. Can't we stop? Fred has the indestructible flag!"

Candace really didn't trust Hal's ability to magically make Fred invincible. "No. We're not stopping."

Amanda would have sat down right then and refused to move, but Xavier kept following. One day he'd also become a defiant teenager, but hopefully that day was still some way off.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

PD: Sorry guys. :(   
PD: I thought I did invincibility right but I didnt. :(   
PD: Im gonna keep working on it.

CP: The do not attack thing is working right?

PD: Yeah definitely. :)   
PD: Almost definitely. :/   


.

  
phenomenalFunification contacted peripheralProtector

PF: Perry?   
PF: Where are you?

PP: assistttting altttton   
PP: andddd alicia

PF: Me and Ferb are gonna go rescue Dr D.   
PF: How would you like to come with us? :V)

PP: itttt seems   
PP: ddddishonourable

PF: Huh? How?

PP: itttt was a ddddeal   
PP: him   
PP: for me   
PP: he agreedddd

PF: Perry, It was a trick!   
PF: He just wants the universe the kids are going to make!

PP: ddddoofenshmirttttz?

PF: The dark god!   
PF: He's using Doofenshmirtz to mess with our universe to make the game winnable!   
PF: Ferb found out all about it!

PP: impossible

PF: Come on, Perry. Who are you going to believe? Me and Ferb, or the dark god?

PP: you may be   
PP: misttttakkkken

PF: :V|

PP: i will   
PP: accccompany you   
PP: you shouldddd   
PP: see itttt yourselves

PF: :V)   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DP: i think fred is going into a battle

CP: How can you tell?

DP: i focused on him with my game powers   
DP: hes really excited and scared about something

PD: :O   
PD: Can you sense what I'm feeling? :O

DP: ur feeling like a geek who never leaves his room once even in a video game

PD: :/

DP: ok ok   
DP: ur tired & nervous & shaky from too much concentrating   
DP: & ur scared that u wont hack the game right & every1 will die   
DP: and that the earth will never come back

PD: Wow! :O

DF: that's cool but fred's going into a real battle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Mom says does he know hes not invincible

DF: i dont know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: fred do you know you're not invincible yet??????   
DF: fred??????????????   
DF: alton why won't fred answer??????????

DP: hes busy   
DP: cause hes in a battle   
DP: hell be ok i think   
DP: i dunno   


.

Now Xavier seemed a little worried. But probably not as worried as Candace. Fred had actually gone into a battle! She was going to ground him until he was 18 if he ever saw him again. What did he think he was doing?

They rounded a bend, and Candace thought she could see a shape floating towards them. She squinted, but it was still too far away. It seemed to be a small boat. Somebody was paddling it upstream.

Candace began to make out some details as the boat got closer. It was one of the black chess people. It was wearing a purple robe. It was holding... something in its arms. Something... brown and orange. And red.

Candace realised what she was looking at, and her heart leapt into her throat. "Fred!"


	42. Kids: Know what they're gonna do today

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

CP: Guys   
CP: Freds dead

DF: what?????????????   
DF: no he isn't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: he really isnt

PD: D: D: D: D: D:

CP: The Dersite brought him back to mom   
CP: He says he was in a battle   
CP: And it was friendly fire   
CP: Except with stabbing   
CP: I should have stopped him

DP: didnt u hear me   
DP: hes not dead   
DP: id b able to sense if he was

DF: oh yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: hes knocked out   
DP: and delirious

PD: Is he going to die? D:

DP: how should i know   
DP: im not the seer of people dying   
DP: i just no hes not dead yet

CP: I hope youre right

DP: of course im right

CP: Mom says if hes not dead hes dying

PD: D:

DF: hal you should have raised the flag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: D:

DF: its your fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: D: D: D:

DP: lay off him alicia hes doing his best

PD: No shes right. D:   
PD: I shouldnt be playing. D:   
PD: I always mess everything up. :(   
PD: Now Freds hurt because of me. :(

CP: I came back and Alton came back   
CP: Fred can come back too

DF: yeah he can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: How? D:

CP: I dont know

DF: use a health potion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i have the code!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Health potions only work on players. :(

DP: how do u no

PD: Its in the code. :(

DP: hey   
DP: can u bring him back in the code

PD: I dont know. :(   
PD: Maybe I can heal him but its complicated. :(   
PD: The hit points are just an abstraction. :(   
PD: I dont know much about doctoring. :(

DP: xavier spit it out

PD: :S

CP: Spit what out?

DP: ur idea

DF: you have an idea xavier???????????????

CP: Yeah but its stupid

PD: Alton were you reading his mind? :S

DP: emotions   
DP: xavier even if it is stupid u should say it   
DP: fred needs help

CP: Yeah   
CP: OK   
CP: Hal would the game heal him automatically if he was god tier?

PD: :O

DP: thats not a stupid idea   
DP: its a good idea

DF: omg hal you should make fred god tier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: then it won't be your fault anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Really? :O

DP: it was never his fault   
DP: im so sick of the pity party   
DP: its no ones fault   
DP: fred shouldnt have gone into the battle but it was an accident   
DP: also uncle perry says u need a quest bed to go god tier

PD: Any member of the Human class can go god tier. :/   
PD: The code just checks if theyre on their quest bed and dying and their dream self is alive. :/   
PD: It has to cast it to Player though. :(

DP: i dont know what that means   
DP: but can you fix it

PD: Maybe. :/

CP: Couldnt you bypass those checks?

PD: I guess. :/   
PD: I dont want to break the game though. :(

DP: hal the games already broken

PD: Yeah but it still works. :/   
PD: What if I make it crash? D:

DF: do it hal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: if you don't fred could die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: If I make it crash we all might die. :/   
PD: And then humans will be extinct forever. :/

DP: u wont crash it   
DP: ur really good at programming so i trust u

PD: :O   
PD: Okay. :/   
PD: Ill have to rewrite a lot to make it work. :(   
PD: Its pretty complicated. :(

CP: Mom says hurry

PD: Ill try. :)   


.

Phineas really had tried to sleep, but no matter what he did, he couldn't settle his thoughts. And whenever he stayed still for too long, his baby self would crawl over with baby Alicia and push him until he reacted.

As much as he loved his daughter, he was glad that she was a bit older now. And he decided that the first thing he'd do when the Earth was restored was call his mom and apologise.

Now he was sitting up, making up a story about ninja caliphs that the kids were probably too young to really understand, while Ferb distracted the young Dr Doofenshmirtz and Major Monogram from squabbling.

There was a beep in his brain, and he blinked, bringing a message onto his left retina.

He read it and frowned. From Ferb's expression, he'd received the same one.

None of the clouds had ever indicated anything about any of the kids dying. Until Fred won the game the way Phineas had seen, he could not stay dead. Just like Xavier and Alton hadn't.

Just like the world wouldn't. Phineas didn't need prophetic dreams to tell him that.

Fred's survival was so sure that Phineas was interested to see how the other kids could achieve it. If they really couldn't, he and Ferb would have to step in, but they couldn't hold the kids' hands all their lives.

.

The Land of Gusts and Candy looked pretty nice, but Alton didn't trust any place that had lollipop trees and gumball bushes in place of real vegetation. And the pebbles in the rivers were actually... what, fruit gushers? Or maybe tiny pieces of build grist? Were gushers really that iconic?

He liked candy and everything, but he felt like he could get diabetes just by being here.

Currently, he and Alicia were wandering through a thick forest of things that had appeared from a distance to be actual trees. Of course, they weren't. The bark was made from chocolate, and the leaves were some sort of green taffy.

Alicia plucked a leaf from overhead, put it in her mouth, and declared it to be green apple flavour. Alton took her word for it.

Alicia was sure that her quest bed was somewhere around there, or at least a clue to her quest bed. It was true that the gorgonopsids in the nearest town had instructed them not to go anywhere near the forest. And it was true that there was some kind of presence in the forest that felt extremely strong. But that didn't mean a quest bed had to be there. Maybe the presence was protecting a stronger weapon, or a hint on what she was supposed to do. Maybe she wasn't supposed to get information out of the gorgonopsids at all.

Besides, from the way Alicia had described Alton's quest bed, it was sitting just out in the open. No boss or gate or anything. Why would Alicia's be any different?

But they might as well check it out. He thought they could probably take the monster. Alton still wasn't very good at fighting, but it helped a lot to be able to read his enemy's feelings. And he'd upgraded his crutches with sharp edges, spikes, and a boxing glove on a spring that emerged. It made them a little hard to walk with, but nothing he couldn't handle.

Alicia couldn't read intentions at all, but she didn't need to. She could create a tornado around them that ripped up anything that got too close, or she could throw things so far in the air that they never came down again. The more Alton saw of her power, the more afraid he was to see what she could do if she ever went god tier. Were witches always this powerful?

The strong presence moved around a lot, but it seemed to keep close to the centre of the forest. Candy trees didn't have emotions that Alton could sense, but the bees that lived in the forest felt slightly different to the ones that lived outside, which made it pretty easy to sense the forest's extent.

Alton could get used to this. It was like being in a video game and having a transparent map overlaid over your vision, except it didn't make it any harder to see. His power was definitely growing on him.

They entered the strong creature's range. Alton stopped and said "It's somewhere around here. Keep an eye ou..."

Suddenly, the presence was right in front of them. Alton caught a glimpse of a bearlike white thing that quacked like a duck as he threw himself to the side. Alicia sent a gust of wind its way, but it had already vanished.

"It just wanted to see what we were," said Alton shakily. "That's why it didn't attack."

"Oh, good," said Alicia, radiating relief that the boss wasn't hostile.

The only good thing was that it hadn't attacked right then. Alton hadn't expected it to be so fast. Speed was hard to tell from a distance. "Now it's figuring out the best way to kill us."

"Oh," said Alicia, with a lot less relieved. "Bad." She giggled nervously.

Alton still thought they could take it. It moved fast, but it seemed to think as fast as a human did. Or at least react as fast as a human. It was nowhere near them at the moment, so Alton motioned at them to continue. If it attacked, they'd be ready. He hoped.

Suddenly, Alton felt the enemy's hostile presence to one side, and, almost without thinking, struck out with one of his crutches.

It hit surprisingly hard, and Alton swayed to the side and nearly fell. The creature had been stunned by the blow, and Alton managed to get a good look at it before it could get up.

It was pure white, and shaped a lot like Ducky Momo, though its face and limbs were more like a teddy bear. It struggled to its feet up and shook its head, its thoughts murderous.

It had identified Alton as the easier target, so Alton stayed out of its field of vision. He didn't think it would bother him if he didn't make a big scene. It wasn't very smart.

Before it could use its speed, Alicia picked it up with her wind powers and slammed it on the ground.

Alton began to relax. As long as Alicia could keep it immobilized, they had the upper hand. Its biggest asset was its speed.

The creature laboriously crawled out from under the gale and focused on Alton.

Great. It was smarter than he'd thought. Not trusting his legs, Alton rose into the air, but not fast enough to stop the creature from pouncing.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

CP: Do you guys think the Earth will really go back to normal?   
CP: Im kinda scared   
CP: What if the Earth stays gone and mom disappears and us and uncle Phineas and aunt Ferb are the only people left?   
CP: Ever?   
CP: Guys?   
CP: Are you there?

PD: Im am. :)   
PD: Im busy though. :/   
PD: This is really hard. :/

CP: I guess Alicia and Alton are busy too   
CP: I wish Alton was here   
CP: He could tell us what everyones doing   
CP: Dont you think Hal?

PD: Yeah. :/

proficiencyDiversified set his status to away  



	43. Alton: Do what you have to do

Alton woke up, feeling well-rested. Had he gone to sleep on this pine needle covered ground? The trees... They weren't pines. They were candy trees. He was lying on ground covered in thin needles of toffee.

He'd definitely been knocked out. His crutches were a little out of his reach, but he felt good enough that he could probably get up on his own. Besides, he could fly now.

He floated over to the ditch that his crutches had fallen into, picked them up, and settled back on the ground.

Okay. They'd been fighting that fast enemy. He remembered that. It had attacked him, and must have knocked him out. He felt like he'd had a good night's sleep though, not like he'd been hit hard on the head.

It was probably another feature of being god tier.

He couldn't sense the enemy's presence, which was good. Alicia was lying nearby, face down in a huge pile of grist, so she'd probably killed it while he was unconscious.

Alton floated over and shook her. "Hey Alicia, wake up!"

She didn't reply, so Alton shook her harder. Then he turned her over.

Her head was split open.

She probably wasn't unconscious.

Alton stumbled back, and nearly lost his footing.

His Evv beeped.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DF: i have good news and bad news!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Oh hi Alicia!

DF: the good news is i woke up on prospit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i feel funny though!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: alicia

DF: alton????????????????????

CP: Good you guys arent busy anymore

DF: i guess there isn't any bad news!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: alton i thought you were dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: nope   
DP: i must have got knocked out

DF: you got cut in half!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: uh   
DP: thats not true   
DP: i feel fine   
DP: good actually

DF: i saw it!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it was horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: speaking of saw   
DP: im looking at u right now   
DP: ur head   
DP: ur brain is still   
DP: theres lots of blood

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: w8   
DF: I cant feel u anymore   
DF: i cant feel ur real self   
DF: i can feel ur dream self   
DF: the one ur using 2 talk 2 us

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Does that mean Alicias dead   
CP: Can you still feel Fred?

DP: yes   
DP: yes 2 both

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: my head hurts!!!!

DP: im not surprised

DF: no i mean it really hurts!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: its getting worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: quick find my quest bed!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i bet it's in the forest!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ok

DF: i think..........   
DF: if you dont ill die for real!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: my head really really really hurts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: really really reallyreally really reallyreally really reallyreally really reallyreally really reallyreally really reallyreally really reallyreally really reallyreally really really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: i cant carry u and walk

DF: then fly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: oh yeah   


.

Alton picked Alicia up gingerly, using one hand to support the back of her head and the other to support the rest of her. She was pretty heavy, but not as much as he'd feared. He just had to be careful to keep holding her this way, so she wouldn't... fall apart. Or leak. Too badly.

He carried her to the centre of the forest, where he found a clearing bisected with a crumbling wall. The wind whistled through the holes in the walls, producing eerie, probably meaningful notes. Meaningful to Alicia, anyway. Maybe.

What wasn't there was a quest bed. Alton put Alicia down and floated above the clearing. Definitely nothing. Maybe the wall was a clue to the location quest bed, but Alton had no idea how to interpret it, and probably no time to carry Alicia anywhere else.

It sounded like Alicia's injury was catching up to her dream self somehow. She'd said she had a headache.

A splitting headache, maybe?

Alton wished he hadn't thought that.

He put Alicia down and concentrated on her dream self.

She didn't feel like she had a few minutes ago. She felt like... His perception strengthened, and he felt the pain she was in more strongly than anything else his powers had ever shown him.

Alton stopped focusing in a hurry, and stared down at Alicia's... corpse. He couldn't get her to her quest bed. Was there any other way? There had to be another way. Alicia wasn't going to die. Just like Fred wasn't. Nobody was going to die.

Fred... What had he said? Kissing would bring back her back? But that was gross. She was his cousin. And a girl.

They weren't related by blood, though. Their dads were stepbrothers. And also it turned out they'd been created in a lab by some kid who'd had no idea what he was doing or why. Their biological dads were adoptive brothers and... sworn enemies, probably. Uncle Perry had never been clear about his grandpa and Major Monogram's relationship.

Maybe it was okay. To save her life.

He looked down at her, trying not to see the blood. Could he just kiss her on the cheek, or did it have to be the mouth? He really didn't want to kiss her on the mouth.

Time was running out. Alton touched down.

Kissing on the cheek was what family did, right? There was nothing weird about that. It was mostly something gross old great uncles and aunts did, but it wasn't creepy. He didn't think.

Alton leaned over and quickly kissed Alicia on the cheek.

Nothing happened.

Alton bit his lip hard. Maybe he'd revived her dream self? Maybe that was how it worked? He had to focus on her and see.

He didn't want to focus on her. What if she was still in pain?

What if he couldn't find her at all?

Steeling himself, Alton concentrated on Alicia.

She was okay. She was scared and disappointed and a little relieved, but at least she wasn't dying.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DP: feel better alicia

DF: yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: what did you do???????????   
DF: i don't feel god tier!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ur not   
DP: i kissed u   
DP: on the cheek

DF: what???????????????????????   
DF: you were supposed to god tier me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: ur quest bed wasnt there   
DP: sorry   
DP: u were about 2 die

DF: now i'll never be god tier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: But youre alive right?

DF: but not god tier!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: r u sure ull never be god tier   
DP: can u feel it

DF: sort of!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: but not like the wind!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: uncle perry just said u need a dream self   
DP: u still have 1 of those

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you're right!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: what should i do??????????????

DP: no idea   
DP: die on ur quest bed

DF: but what if it doesn't work?????????????   
DF: i'll be dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Maybe you could ask the Prospitians   
CP: Theyre pretty nice people   
CP: Mostly

DF: they talk???????????????

CP: Yeah   
CP: I was talking to one just before the big change

DF: ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: hal r u there   
DP: r u finished yet   
DP: freds fading

PD: Im busy. :(

DP: so no ur not finished   
DP: by the way alicia died and now shes a dream self

PD: Okay. :/   
PD: My status still says busy right. :/

DP: ...   


.

Phineas still didn't have much of a plan by the time Perry was supposed to arrive. He'd never been completely clear on what a dark god even was. There was still so much to reality that was completely unknown to him. He wouldn't know it all if he lived another five hundred years.

Hopefully Perry would have some insights.

It was Phineas's turn to work on the interdimensional space ship, which was nearing completion. The paradox clone sniffer just needed a bit more fine-tuning. They had the coordinates that the dark god had given Dr Doofenshmirtz, but they had no way of knowing if it was still at that location. The sniffer could find any paradox clone in paradox space within ten parsecs, but Ferb thought the range needed improvement. Phineas agreed. They had no idea how big or empty the Furthest Ring was, or how quickly dark gods could move.

There was a chatter, and Phineas slid out from under the ship to see Perry descend through the roof. "Perry!"

So he really was alive! Ever since his ship had gone down, Phineas had secretly worried that it was some sort of trick, or a prank. He knew it was stupid, but he couldn't stop worrying.

Perry seemed okay. He was entirely teal with a white outline and had a ghost tail, but other than that he looked healthier than he had in years. His wrinkles were entirely gone, which was interesting. Phineas didn't think post-prototypical youthening was a universal phenomenom among sprites. They needed to do more research.

But not now.

Perry landed on the floor and settled onto his stomach, with his ghost tail curled around his body. Ferb stroked him, and Perry made a sound somewhere between a chatter and a purr.

To Phineas's surprise, the baby Hal crawled over and patted Perry all over. Perry let him, even when Hal started pulling his skin.

Phineas was less surprised to see Dr Doofenshmirtz do the same thing. He'd never noticed how closely the twins resembled him before. He guessed if Dr D was their real father - one of their real fathers - the resemblance only made sense.

It didn't make any sense that Ferb, Alton and Hal had all spontaneously and independantly developed green hair. Ferb being the father of Fred, Alton and Hal would have made a lot more sense. Maybe he was supposed to have been. Without seeing the modifications that Xavier had made to the game, it was impossible to know for sure. Genetics and predestination were a tricky mix.

Although the ship was almost ready to go, they couldn't leave until the Reckoning began. They had to see the babies off, just in case.

They only had an approximate time for its beginning, because they'd only thought to get a meteorite sample in the timeline where they were children. Ferb had been okay at running temporal probes at the time, but now he could probably get the time down to the nearest femtosecond, if not the nearest Planck time.

What they did know was that the reckoning would be very, very soon. Lucky for Dr Doofenshmirtz, Phineas guessed. The war wasn't supposed to progress this fast in a normal game, but Phineas almost approved. Who wanted to do the same thing for weeks on end, not matter how important or frivilous? The game was important, but not worth spending more than a day or two over. Few things were.

It was terrible that Prospit had to lose before the Reckoning could begin, but it was predestined and everyone knew it. Phineas had spent enough time on Prospit to know how unbearably fatalistic Prospitian culture was. The best they could hope for, apparently, was to give the heroes enough time to gain the strength to defeat the black king.

If only there was time to do things better. If only they'd realised how fast the game would progress when they'd begun.


	44. Hal: Go outside or something

Hal shoved some salted peanuts into his mouth and reached back into the bag, but after a second of rumaging around, he realised it was empty. He grabbed the bag and tried to throw it across the room, but it just fluttered onto his face. He growled, stood up, and shook it off.

He hadn't made in progress for five whole minutes. He knew how the game handled death, thanks what had happened to Alton and Alicia, but he didn't know how it flagged players as being on their quest beds. He needed someone to stand or lie on theirs, but with Alicia on Prospit there was nobody who was on the same planet. And did it even work for players with no dream self? He didn't want to make her go all the way back to her planet only for it not to work.

Alton was already god tier. The game probably flagged that weird too.

Xavier and Fred's quest beds probably wouldn't even register them, so that just left... Hal sighed. That just left his own bed.

He had to go outside and fight more imps. There was no getting around it. He knew where it was, but it was a long way away on another continent. Or island. He forgot what the difference was, and his planet was much, much smaller than Earth.

But it was still too far away. He only knew where it was because he'd written an object locator extension. Now that he thought about it, he could probably use it to find Alicia's bed -- maybe he should tell her? But what if she died on it and she didn't come back because she only had one self? She probably would try something like that, even if everyone yelled at her not to.

Hal picked up the empty packet of nuts and scrunched it between his hands, trying to think. Could he even get to his quest bed this fast? How long did Fred have? The game didn't seem to record time until death in any useful way, and writing an addon would probably chew up too much of it.

He had partially cracked the alchemilathe, though. Maybe he could alchemize a car or something to drive himself there? A remote-controlled car, of course. He was too young to drive.

The more he thought about it, the better of an idea it seemed. Maybe Fred wouldn't die after all!

If only he could get past the grist requirements. It was possible for some classes, but not for Heirs of Space. Most heroes of Void could do something to bypass it, but not while they were dying. Besides, Fred was a Knight. His item-creating abilities were probably limited to 

Hal loaded up the program he'd written to predict alchemisations and grist requirements, and messed around with simulations of his mom's car and video game controllers until he got something small and fuel-efficient.

Luckily, the only type the car required was common shadow grist, but it needed a lot of it. More than half the supply he'd built up. Hal looked at his empty bag of nuts, then back at the screen. Nuts cost a lot of grist too. He did want more nuts...

Five minutes later, Hal sat in his new remote-controlled car and guided it through the sky, his free hand covering his stomach in a half arms folded gesture. Snacking calmed him down, and nuts made him way less tired than candy. He wanted nuts.

In front of him was a rotating three-dimensional projection of the local terrain. It was too dark to just look out the window. He had to figure out how to light up the planet sometime. It was something to do with lighting a volcano? Or a forge? Or was the volcano the forge?

There was no volcano anywhere on the planet. He'd checked.

The game seemed to expect him to make one, or maybe bring one with him. He didn't know how he was supposed to do either of those things. Danville almost never had volcanos.

Hal held his hand out the window and felt the wind woosh past. This wasn't too bad. He wasn't high level enough to have flying monsters like...

A flash lit up the skies, revealing a silhouette less than two feet from his outstretched hand.

Like... that one. The winged gyclops glanced in his direction and began to charge, just as the sky went dark again. Hal pulled his hand back inside like he'd burned it and banked hard to the right. He no longer regretted forgetting to include headlights.

He sped up. What if it was chasing him? This car made no more noise than a normal car, but he was practically moving in a straight line. It could follow him easily.

He thought he could hear wingbeats, but maybe it was his breathing. He held his breath. No, whatever he could hear, it wasn't breathing. Maybe it was the engine. How could he test that? He couldn't, not without stopping.

He didn't want to stop.

Hal nearly shut his eyes, until he remembered that he still needed to steer and that the game was too immersive to have a pause function.

Did he really need to do this? He couldn't even beat a groundbound gyclops yet. He should have set the do not attack flag on himself before he'd left. He was sure it would work. Fred's injuries weren't even from enemies, they were from people on his side. 

He should have just changed his position to somewhere near the quest bed. He knew its coordinates. He knew the structure of the player class. It had a number describing his distance from Skaia and another describing the angle. Those numbers were changing right now as he moved through the sky.

He sped up as much as he dared and thought about those numbers. He wished he was back in his room, changing his coordinates to the coordinates of the quest bed. All he would have had to do was edit a couple of characters. He could do that much more easily than flying through the dark away from some faceless--

The car abruptly ran into the dirt, nearly throwing Hal out of the seat until the automatic safety kicked in and stabilised him.

"Huh?"

Shaken, Hal checked the map. That looked like -- he was there! How could he be there already? Had he fallen asleep or something? It was hard to sleep when you were terrified, but apparently he'd managed it. He couldn't think of what else it could possibly be. Memory erasure?

Hal got out of the car, took out his flashlight and shined it around at the mountainous terrain, then ahead at the space where his Evv told him his quest bed was.

There it was, on a small plateau. A black, comfortable looking bed with the galaxy Space symbol on it. Now even if the monster caught up and killed him, he might be okay.

But that wasn't what he was there for. Even if it would give him amazing power, he didn't want to die if he could help it.

Hal climbed onto his bed, stood up, and activated his Evv. He couldn't modify the code from here, but he'd let it broadcast just for the trip. Soon he'd know exactly how the game detected the god tier conditions.

.

  
delightedFortune contacted peripheralProtector

DF: hey perry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: is there another way to be god tier????????????????   
DF: i died and alton didn't put me on my quest bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i think it was too far away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: perry??????????????????   
DF: are you there???????????????

PP: Perry's asleep right now, Alicia.   
PP: I don't want to wake him.

DF: you're not perry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: who are you????????????

PP: It's your dad.   
PP: Did you say you died?   
PP: What happened?

DF: there was a boss monster!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i killed it but then it killed me i think!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: alton kissed me so my dream self wouldn't die too!!!!!!!!!!!

PP: He did what?

DF: on the cheek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PP: Oh.

DF: when perry wakes up ask him about god tier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PP: Does that mean you're on Prospit now?

DF: i'm on it's moon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PP: Alicia, that's one too many apostrophes. :V)   
PP: The word its only has an apostrophe when it's a contraction!   
PP: Like just there! :V)

DF: oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: that's stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: dad do you know anything about god tiers????????????????????????????

PP: Hm...   
PP: Try asking around at the mausoleum.

DF: thanks dad!!!!!!!!!!!!

delightedFortune signed out  


.

Xavier had been holding his brother's wrist for the last fifteen minutes, and he could feel his pulse weakening. Fred didn't look hurt anymore. He and his mom had stitched and bandaged him up, and got rid of his bloodstained clothes.

But Xavier knew that Fred was dying. His mom said so, and so did Alton. He didn't know exactly what was wrong, but his mom did, and she hadn't even let him look until she was done stitching.

He wished Fred would just open his eyes. He wished he'd said something before Fred had wandered off that last time. Maybe he could have stopped him.

They weren't even players. They were just kids.

There was the distant sound of a horn. Then again, a bit closer.

Probably another battle. Xavier hated being reminded about the battles. He just wanted to sit comfortably against a tree, forever. And he wanted Fred to be awake and sitting next to him.

The horn sounded one more time, startlingly close. Xavier looked around, but the gully they were hiding in didn't offer much of a view. He could hear marching footsteps, though. "Mom...?" he began.

"Let's go," said his mom. She picked up Fred and put him over her shoulder, and they began to walk in the opposite direction from the horns.

Xavier went first, so his mom could defend them from anyone that came up from behind. Even carrying Fred she could beat almost anybody one-on-one. He climbed a small hill, and stopped and stared. "Uh, mom?"

"What is it, Xavi..." His mom had reached the top as well.

Laid out in front of them was an entire army of black chess people. There were so many that the hills looked black.

Xavier turned around, caught a glimpse of something, and stood on his toes so he could see over the trees.

He hadn't been imagining things. There was a whole army over there as well. The only difference was that they were white chess people.

His mom pulled him down, and an arrow thudded into a tree nearby.

Even with all the trees around them, Xavier felt very exposed. If they stayed where they were, the armies would start fighting right on top of them. He didn't think they could get out of the way even if they ran.

A battleship flew overhead and another army parachuted onto the other two. This one was made up of both kinds of chess people.

"Really?" said Xavier's mom, sounding exasperated.

One more time, Xavier wished that Fred would wake up.

And then he did.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

PD: I did it! :D   
PD: I hope. :/   



	45. Fred: Wake

Fred woke up from a vivid dream of blood and meteorites to find himself floating in the air.

He didn't know why or how he was flying, or why the entire black and white armies were fighting the rebels around him, but he did suddenly understand one fact about himself.

He had a personality.

He'd joined the rebellion because he'd wanted to -- he'd been the Well-disposed Vigilant at the time, but he could have been anyone. He could have imitated Xavier and just sat under a tree. He could have imitated Alton and Hal's grandpa if he'd wanted to. But he'd chosen to imitate someone who wanted to stop the war. Because he wanted to stop the war as well.

It was like he'd only been half imitating them. He'd changed who he copied based on his mood. How could he never have realised that?

"Boys...?" said his mom, breaking into Fred's thoughts. "Um... Are you okay up there?"

Xavier was nearby, floating and being powerful in a slightly different way. He was wearing a weird green outfit with a cape and a pointy hood, and pants that were just underpants.

They glanced at each other, and lifted their mom up and flew away. They couldn't stop the war if they were too busy being killed by the war.

"Uh, thanks, boys," said their mom. "I guess you're gods now too, huh?"

"I guess so," said Xavier, as Fred looked down at himself.

He was wearing something different as well. He had a cape and a less pointy hood, but also actual pants. His clothes were dark blue, with a broken circle kind of symbol on his chest.

Fred hadn't figured out who to be yet. He had to be someone. And he had to do it right for once. He scanned the armies below, and his eyes were immediately drawn to a huge white chess person with three arms, a crown and scepter, and a fedora. Whoever they were, they looked important and capable. Fred needed to be important and capable right now.

After only a second's concentration, he knew that the chess person he'd copied was the White King, and exactly what the White King would do in this situation. If he wasn't head of an army and was just some kid who suddenly had amazing power. He could even feel the king's scepter in his hands. He felt a bit like Perry and Bernie Bear and Ducky Momo and Xavier's Utah costume and a garden gnome, and he knew it was because of what they'd put in their sprites. It was the scepter. The scepter channeled the power of the sprite prototypings into the White King, and Fred was mimicking that power.

He really was holding a copy of the scepter, but he couldn't use it directly. It was powerful to carapaces, the proper name for chess people, but to a human like himself, it was just dead weight.

So he dropped it.

The staff fell onto a small pile of bodies, and Fred realised his mistake. He'd just dropped a powerful weapon right on top of the only people who could use it. The spear he'd copied from -- his White King persona provided the name -- from the Draconian Dignitary had dissipated, but the scepter didn't feel like it would any time soon.

Oh well. Maybe nobody would notice.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

PD: Hello? :/   
PD: Xavier? :/   
PD: Fred? :/   
PD: Are you god tier?

DP: theyre busy hal stop bugging them

PD: are they busy being god tier? :S

DP: i think so   
DP: freds not dying anymore

PD: :D

DF: yaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: hes being the white king i think

DF: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: he feels different to before   
DP: hes not sad

DF: fred's not sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: he is he just doesnt talk about it   
DP: actually nevermind i shouldnt have said anything   
DP: its none of anyones business

DF: why not?????????????????

DP: cause its private   
DP: if he doesnt talk about its private

PD: :S

DP: u guys really dont get it do u   
DP: ill tell u about not making every1 h8 u l8r   
DP: after every1 stops dying all the time

PD: Okay. :/   
PD: Everyone doesnt hate me do they Alton? :/

DF: i don't hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Oh good. :)

DP: ur a good kid hal but u dont act right and thats why other kids dont give u a chance

PD: Oh. :(   
PD: I dont want them to give me a chance theyre all stupid anyway. >:   
PD: I can act any way I want. >:

DP: theyre not all stupid   
DP: just some of them

DF: my dad says everyone's good deep down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: maybe he just means adults

DF: yeah i think so!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: Declan Harrington beats up all the other boys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: Hes not good deep down!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: not me   
DP: he says its not right   
DP: it makes me h8 him more

PD: Was he trying to make you mad? :/

DP: dont think so   
DP: y dont i ask him again with seer powers

DF: do you think we get to keep them????????????   
DF: the powers????????????

DP: dunno   
DP: lets save the world first

CP: Wow!   
CP: This is great!

DF: oh hi xavier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: what is

CP: Being god tier   
CP: I dont feel like my ideas are stupid anymore!

PD: Is that the only power you got? :S

CP: I could write a whole song about how great it feels!

DF: you can't write songs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you can only sing them!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Now I can

DP: hows fred

CP: He can copy any technique he sees!   
CP: He's even better at being people now!

PD: Cool. :)   
PD: I wish I had powers. :(

DF: you have computer powers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: you just made xavier and fred god tier remember????????????????

PD: Theyre not real game powers. :(   
PD: I could do it before I started the game. :(

DP: then go outside & level up or something   
DP: or die on ur quest bed   
DP: actually dont do that

CP: Hey Hal thanks for saving Fred and making us god tier

PD: :)   
PD: Youre welcome.

FP: Yeah thanks. :D   
FP: Im glad Im not dying anymore. :)

DP: sorry about talking about ur feelings fred   
DP: i wasnt thinking

FP: Its okay I dont mind. :)   
FP: I didnt know I was sad but I think youre right. :)

DP: u dont mind or hal doesnt mind

FP: Me. :)   
FP: Im only mostly being Hal. :)   
FP: Guess what I really do have a personality. :D

DP: u dont say   
DP: y dont u type like urself then

FP: :/   
FP: I never figured out a typing style... :/   
FP: Or which words to use. :/

DP: u dont need one   
DP: just do what comes naturally

DF: yeah just type how you want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: :/   
FP: All right.   
FP: I do not think this will help in all effectiveness, however.

DP: dont say help in all effectiveness again and ull do fine   


.

Phineas noticed that baby Major Monogram was looking a bit green, and stopped the miniature octopus amusement ride. As he unstrapped him and tried to remember if he already knew how to treat motion sickness in babies, Major Monogram vanished. "Huh?"

Fred vanished too, followed by Alicia and Ferb.

Perry raised himself up and pointed out the window, where the smaller meteors were already zipping away towards Skaia.

"It's the Reckoning, isn't it?" said Phineas.

Perry nodded, and pointed at the finished ship.

He was right. They should get going.

"Do you think the babies will be okay?" said Phineas, staring at the empty octopus ride. They'd barely even got to use it.

Perry looked at him like he was an idiot. Ferb rolled out from under the ship to do the same.

Phineas had to laugh. "Oh yeah, that's right!" They'd be fine. Except for Doctor D. And Major Monogram, apparently. But he and Ferb had had great childhoods! And so would their kids. He hoped.

Provided they hadn't entered a doomed timeline due to the machinations of some unseen time traveller. They probably hadn't. Phineas was optimistic.

"Okay guys," he said, as Perry floated on his left and Ferb stood on his right. "Let's go save the world!"


	46. Candace: Join

Alton was probably right, Hal thought. Now that he'd finished saving everyone, he needed to go out again and level up. Maybe he could grind levels on the frog sidequest until he finally developed powers. It wasn't fair that he was the only one who still didn't have them.

Except for maybe Xavier. Hal didn't think confidence counted as a superpower. Maybe being confident all the time was sort of a superpower? Hal wished he was confident all the time. But no, it was more of a state of mind.

Hal stepped outside and checked his level. He didn't really understand how he could see his level like this, but he could. It was some sort of game-only power that allowed him to look at some colourful thing called an "echeladder". All the levels had weird names -- he thought he was currently at Frog Wranglelad -- but it didn't matter much. He could see what rung it was. He was a long way from the top.

"Huh?" That was strange. He wasn't a Frog Wranglelad anymore. He was at Malboge Master, which was about two thirds of the way up the ladder. When had that happened? He hadn't killed anything for hours, even out at his quest bed.

Maybe it was all the programming? Hal hoped so. He liked programming a lot more than he liked killing enemies. Whatever it was, the game's experience system was much more flexible than he'd thought. He also seemed to have a lot of boondollars, which were the game's abstract, incorporeal currency. He had to get back to Xavier's planet as soon as possible and buy that homing instakill upgrade to his guns!

Hal turned around and tried to see his house. He was still right next to it, but he could barely see a thing in this darkness. What did Heirs even do, he wondered. He thought he had a good idea of what each aspect represented, but he was still clueless about classes. When he developed powers, they'd be to do with creation and physical things, but he had no idea whether it was normal not to have them yet.

He should look though the code again and figure out, gaining levels as he went. But the frog game would probably be fun too. And he'd already decided to do it. And if he went back now, Alton would probably nag him about it forever. Hal couldn't even lie about it anymore. Alton and his stupid powers would be able to tell.

He was going to play the frog game. The improved, fun version of the frog game.

.

Alicia flew all over Prospit's moon, looking for the mausoleum. At least, that's what she was doing at first. Flying was just too much fun to focus on one thing for too long. Now that she was wearing dream pajamas, she could fly with the wind, or under her own power! It was fun to try to combine the two. She was beginning to get the hang of not slamming into walls.

What would she do when she found the moon quest bed or whatever she was looking for? Would she still have to die? Now that'd she'd nearly died, she realised what Alton had been talking about. Fatal headaches hurt a lot more than needles did. She wasn't sure she could go through that again.

Another newspaper flew into her face, and she pulled it away, trying not to look at the front page. If she saw her kid dad's chalk outline one more time, she'd probably cry or something. And what was up with that headline? She'd once told one of her friends she was so lucky to get the day off school to go to her uncle's funeral, and even she thought a giant "DEAD" was a bit insensitive.

Maybe she could get Hal to hack her into god tier. But she'd have to ask him first, and then he'd know she wasn't brave enough to die like Alton and Xavier and Fred had. Xavier hadn't come back from dying by being god tier, but he had died. It counted. And Fred would have died if he wasn't god tier. Joining a rebellion and going into a battle was just as brave as dying.

She guessed she'd died too, but her mind had just gone into this dream body instead of actually dying. Or something like that. She didn't really remember. She only remembered thinking she could relax, being hit by that fast boss in its death throes, then waking up on Prospit. It probably didn't count as proper death.

Alicia was sure she'd passed that same golden mosque-looking thing three times already. She was flying in a straight line, mostly. Prospit's moon was really small, and she was beginning to think that it didn't even have a mausoleum on it. Maybe her dad had meant the planet.

She should at least check out the alternate god tier method and see if she really needed to die to activate it. Maybe she didn't! Maybe she just had to ask, and she'd be god tier!

She couldn't really believe that, but she floated towards the surface of the planet, ready to ask for directions or something.

It was a lot further from the moon than it looked. Alicia knew she was moving downwards, but the planet wasn't getting any bigger. Annoyed, she accelerated. Still nothing. She accelerated as strongly as she could.

Ah. Now the planet was getting bigger. It was... getting bigger very fast.

Too fast! Alicia braced herself.

.

  
phenomenalFunification contacted furtiveForewarning and candescentFervor

PF: Hey sis.  
PF: Is it true that Xavier and Fred went god tier?  
PF: Ferb and I could see the flare from here!

CF: It's true.

PF: That's great!  
PF: It means they can't die anymore!

CF: What, really?

PF: Unless they heroically sacrifice themselves.  
PF: Or become evil! :V)  
PF: To stay dead, the deaths have to be either heroic or just.

CF: That's... comforting.  
CF: Does that mean what you told me this morning is true now?  
CF: About the game keeping the boys safe?

PF: Yep! :V)  
PF: Ferb thinks the game thinks they're players now.

CF: Are you trying to convince me to leave my sons alone on a hostile battleground to go off with you guys to do... whatever you're going to do?

PF: Uh...

FF: Oh darn, you've seen through our clever ruse.

PF: Actually, we never thought of that!  
PF: Wanna come with us to save Dr Doofenshmirtz and the Earth?

CF: What's the plan?

PF: Oh right, a plan...

CF: This is not making me feel very confident.

PF: Don't worry, we'll come up with something.

CF: Sounds like you guys need all the help you can get.

PF: Well...  
PF: It would be great if we had another person who  
PF: You know  
PF: Had met the dark god before.  
PF: I think it  
PF: Did something  
PF: To Perry.

FF: It made you type like him.

PF: :VP

CF: Where are you guys, anyway?  
CF: Are you still looking after the babies?

PF: The babies left in the Reckoning.  
PF: We're en route to Derse.  
PF: Ferb thinks the dark god may be able to control him through his dream self.  
PF: Like it did with Hal.  
PF: We're gonna pick up his dream self just in case.

CF: Derse.  
CF: Isn't that on the other side of the solar system?  
CF: Or whatever?

PF: We're still locked onto your molecular signal after Limoges.  
PF: Remember?

CF: How could I forget?  
CF: I really shouldn't leave my kids...  
CF: If we can't fix this, they're all I have left.

PF: We will fix it!  
PF: I promise!

CF: I'm beginning to have a hard time believing that.  
CF: You said Xavier and Fred would be fine, and now look at them.

FF: They are fine.

CF: I already lost my parents, my husband, and my daughter.  
CF: I'm not losing anyone else.

PF: Don't think of it as losing them, Candace!  
PF: They're just...  
PF: Temporarily non-existent!  
PF: We can get them back!

CF: I don't know.  
CF: Even you guys have limits.

PF: Maybe you're right, but we know we can do this!  
PF: Dr D said so!

CF: And you trust him?

PF: Perry does, and that's good enough for me.

CF: Really?

peripheralProtector has joined the chat

PP: he tells  
PP: the ttttruth  
PP: no benefitttt  
PP: tttto lie  
PP: *ddddoof ttttells the ttttruth

CF: Unless he knew you'd go save him

PP: no  
PP: ttttoo much  
PP: uncerttttaintttty  
PP: in addddition  
PP: very calm  
PP: for a man  
PP: believing  
PP: his belovedddd ddddaughtttter  
PP: lostttt forever

PF: Yeah, that's right!  
PF: Have you ever seen Vanessa's baby pictures?

CF: No.  
CF: But...  
CF: Maybe he was telling the truth.  
CF: If Perry believes him.  
CF: ...

PF: Was that a good ... or a bad ...?

CF: It was an I'm thinking ...  
CF: Maybe I should go with you.  
CF: Xavier and Fred are way more powerful than I am now.  
CF: I don't think I could protect them if they wanted me to.

FF: They don't want you to protect them?

CF: I spoke to them about leaving.  
CF: They said they'd be okay.  
CF: They said they wouldn't be heroes if they could help it.  
CF: Zap me up.

PF: Okay! :V)


	47. Alicia: Go where you need to go

Alicia lay groaning on the cracked pavement, as a small crowd gathered around her. She'd managed to slow herself down before she hit, so she'd only scraped her knees, bloodied her lip, and broken her elbow. It didn't hurt as much as nearly dying had. Besides, somehow she still had access to all her items. She drank a few health potions with her good arm, and her injuries disappeared.

She stood up, and the crowd drew back. A few of them whispered about the Witch.

Alicia waved. "Hi, everyone! Does anyone know where I can go god tier?"

There was muttering and headshaking, so Alicia repeated her question, more loudly. "Does anybody know where I can go _god tier_?" Someone had to know. Even her dad knew, and he wasn't even a chess person. It was very rude of them to ignore her.

She waited for a few more seconds, then loudly said "I guess nobody knows." That should draw them out.

One of the chess people responded that that was obvious. A few others agreed. They sounded a little annoyed.

Alicia couldn't think of anything to say to save face with them all staring at her, so she just flew away.

Fine. She'd find the place on her own. All the buildings looked the same, but how hard could it be to find a mausoleum? They probably smelled like dead people. Whatever that smelled like. Also formaldehyde.

Skaia rose in front of her as she flew forwards. There seemed to be a lot of gates around it. Was that normal? Maybe that was where her dad had meant she should go?

No, he'd said the mausoleum on Prospit. The portals probably did not lead to Prospit.

A meteor arced overhead, and was swallowed up by a gate.

Alicia hoped the gates didn't lead to Prospit, because otherwise it was in trouble. What were these meteors doing, flying at Skaia? Didn't that only happen in the Reckoning, once White had lost? That couldn't have happened already. The white chess guys wouldn't have time to be sarcastic at her if they'd lost. They'd be too busy crying or something, like the newspapers said they had about her dad's dream self's death.

Where was that mausoleum? She wanted to ask, but she didn't want anyone else to make fun of her for not knowing obvious things. That happened at school sometimes. Sometimes it didn't bother her, but other times it did.

She was a Witch now, and Witches didn't ask stupid questions.

She was a Witch. Of Breath. Maybe she could use her witchy powers to show her where to go! Knowing where to go was an essential part of any computer game. Hal had tried to show her a video game where you had to figure it out on your own. Alicia hadn't liked it.

She breathed out loudly, but she could tell that it didn't do anything.

She could control the wind, so what else could there be? Why did she want to go god tier, if she already knew anything?

She checked to make sure the roof of a tower was empty, before floating down to sit on it.

Why did she want to go god tier?

She wanted the immortality, but that wasn't all. Going god tier had made both Alton and Fred a lot more power. Xavier she wasn't sure about, but he at least thought he'd got powers. Alicia wanted more powers.

What could Witches of Breath do other than control wind? What did Witch of Breath even mean?

She couldn't control very small puffs of wind, but why would she want to? How was that important? She could sense where they were going, but she never really paid attention to that. Who cared where the wind was going? All that mattered was where it was now.

Maybe it was important. She didn't want to control small amounts of wind, so where wind was going was her only lead so far.

Alicia squinted at the breeze trails. There was one that was going to pass through a fence at some point, one that would blow directly into someone's ear, and one that led her directly to where she wanted to go. It was doing that because she was asking it to. Subconsciously. Somehow.

The breeze got confused and collapsed. "Hey!" said Alicia.

She was about to find out how to get to the mausoleum! What was wrong with that breeze? Angrily, Alicia tried to start it moving, but the harder she pushed it, the more broken the breeze became.

Maybe she could trick it.

"I give up!" said Alicia loudly, then practically started a localised hurricane.

Her hair whipped into her face and she had to grab onto a spire, but the breeze didn't come back.

This was too hard! Alicia dismissed the wind and flopped onto her back.

She sat up. No, nothing was too hard. That was what her parents always told her, and unlike some of the things they said, it really was true. She'd thought learning the viola was too hard, and her parents had made her practice every day until she was good at it. She'd even placed in a competition once.

What did her mom always tell her to do when she was stuck? To vary her approach. What other approach was there? Instead of concentrating really hard, maybe she could... not concentrate? She hadn't really been concentrating the first time.

Alicia took a deep breath like she'd been told to do that time she'd been suspended from for getting into a fight, and tried to relax. There. The breeze was there, flowing past her roof

Alicia was so excited that it dissipated.

She wanted to yell, but she took another deep breath. She couldn't wait to get to the mausoleum and become god tier, but she had to pretend she didn't really want to.

She found the breeze again, and slowly lifted off the rooftop. She didn't want to scare it. Carefully, she followed it down to street level, then between a large gap in two paving stones.

Was this really the way to the mausoleum? Was it an underground dead-people house or something? Weird.

While she was thinking that, she lost track of the breeze for a second, and growled. She'd nearly found where she needed to go, and then she'd had to question it!

No, she couldn't get angry. She really wanted to, but she couldn't. She just had to relax again.

Alicia located the breeze again, and followed it through the crack, which eventually opened out into a huge cavern with chains dangling everywhere. And in the centre...

"I found it!"

The breeze dissipated, but Alicia didn't need it anymore. In front of her was a blue mattress with her Breath symbol on it. And a yellow mattress with a white winged symbol. Alicia didn't know what that represented. But she didn't care, because she'd found a quest bed she could use!

She flopped down onto her bed, and discovered that it was made of stone. The impact only reduced her health slightly, but she still took a health potion. Soon she wouldn't need them.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

CP: Mom just got beamed up by uncle Phineas and uncle Ferb   
CP: Theyre saving Dr Doofenshmirtz from the dark monster

PD: Good then grandpa can tell them how to fix the world. :)

FP: At this time the Battlefield is a target for meteors.

DF: i know i saw them from prospit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: is it the reckoning?????????????   
DF: did black beat white???????????   
DF: dad said it would take longer than one day for black to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: No theyre still fighting   
CP: Its good mom left when she did

PD: Is the white king still alive? :/

CP: I think so   
CP: I can see him from here   
CP: Hes really tall

PD: Thats weird. :/   
PD: Theres only one way to start the reckoning and thats with both kings sceptors. :/   
PD: The white king is programmed to never let go of it unless he abdicates. :S

FP: Oh dear.   
FP: 0|-| |)3AR   
FP: tHiS iS bAd   
FP: tthhiiss iiss bbaadd   
FP: thii2 ii2 really terriible   
FP: T[|-|][I]S [I]S RE[/\\][|_][|_]Y TERR[I]B[|_]E   
FP: I di$like thi$ new$   
FP: i dislike thsi newa   
FP: *this   
FP: *nesw   
FP: crud   
FP: *nwes

DF: what are you doing????????????

PD: I think hes practicing new typing styles. :/

DF: they're hard to read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: even more than perry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: who cares about that   
DP: why is it bad fred

FP: remember when i was being the white king?????????????

DP: yeah

FP: i copied his sceptor.......................   
FP: and then..............................   
FP: i dropped it.......................   
FP: on the black army................................   
FP: sorry...............................................................

DP: uh its not us u should b apologizing 2

PD: Don't worry Fred. :)   
PD: The Reckoning always has to happen or else how would we be born? :)

DP: maybe hals right 4 once

PD: :P

FP: Hal raises an interesting point.   
FP: When all our actions are predestined, can we truly be responsible for anything, good or bad?

DF: wow fred's smart when he's being fred!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: really really smart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: In this field my knowledge is in fact quite small.   
FP: I am sure that many of the philosophical greats have considered this question to far greater effect than I.

DP: fred ur 9

FP: Oh yes, of course.   
FP: I had not thought of my true age in quite some time.

CP: Wow   
CP: Who woulda thought Freds real self was a stuffy old 20th century college professor?

DF: not me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: Nor I.

DF: hal is the game unbroken now?????????????

PD: Maybe! :D   
PD: Lets play and find out! :D   
PD: I still dont have space powers though. :(

DP: dont u

PD: no :(   
PD: maybe im not playing it right. :(

DP: r u sure

FP: Alton, are you hinting at some element of the game that we have not considered?

DP: shh no helping him   



	48. That: Happen

Perry knew that they were doing the right thing. He was as certain of that as he was that Doofenshmirtz took two sugars in his coffee.

He was annoyed at the delay, but Ferb insisted that they couldn't leave his dream self on Derse. He seemed to think that the dark god could use it against them somehow, by controlling him the way it had done with Hal. Nothing Perry could do seemed to change his mind, or Phineas's mind, or even Candace's mind.

"Perry, can't you see that that monster guy is evil?" said Candace, as they touched down on Derse's moon.

Perry shook his head. Candace of all people should know not to judge so much by appearances.

There was a door at the base of the tower that housed Ferb's dream self, but it was guarded by a burly Dersite with a disproportionately small face.

"Excuse me," said Phineas politely. "We need to get up to the tower."

The Dersite looked them over, then gruffly responded that nobody was allowed in.

"Why not?" demanded Candace.

The Dersite explained that there'd been reports of terrifying sleepwalking princes. Apparently people were afraid to leave their homes. The princes of Derse were to be confined to their rooms until the issue was resolved, he said.

More prejudice against the dark gods.

"Uh..." said Phineas. He pointed up at the window. "Couldn't they just fly out through there?"

The guard looked up at the window, then back at them without changing his expression.

Candace folded her arms. "Can we just get Ferb's dream self so we can go already?"

Perry agreed. This was a waste of time anyway. He looked up at Phineas and punched his palm. He was sure he could take this guy. He was weak to edged weapons, if Perry's sprite knowledge hadn't failed him.

"Perry!" said Phineas. He sounded shocked, but Perry didn't see why. "Let's try to be diplomatic." To the guard, he said "Is there anything we can do for you to let us in there?"

The guard radioed his boss, then said that his boss wanted the black queen's ring. He didn't say what for. It worried Perry on a deep, instinctual level, though he couldn't say why. He assumed that it would cause something bad to happen in the game, but that was okay. He was sure the kids had handled worse.

Candace groaned loudly, and went back to the ship.

Perry wondered how much longer doing the Dersites' errands would take, until he noticed Ferb reaching into his pocket.

The guard asked if they'd do it or not.

Ferb took the ring out of his pocket and said "Is this what he wanted?"

He was very good at surreptitious teleportation.

The guard became very excited and radioed his boss again, and Perry glanced up idly. He wasn't surprised to see Candace grappling up the tower. She'd never been very patient.

"Hey, Candace!" Phineas called.

Candace glanced down and gave a curt wave, then went in the window of the tower. She came back a second later with Ferb's dream self under one arm, and abseiled back down with the other.

Ferb put the ring back in his pocket. "Sorry about that. I guess the deal's off."

Phineas waved at the guard. "See you later!"

They retreated to the ship before the guard could do anything unwise.

.

"I... saw this memory already!" Doofenshmirtz complained. "Play something else!"

"You do talk a lot of nonsense, Heinz," said his mother. She pointed out the window. "Now go outside!"

Doofenshmirtz trudged outside, just like he had on that chilly April of his childhood. He'd found that it wasn't good to deviate too much from what had actually happened. It broke the memory, and always gave him a terrible headache. Better to let it play out.

He squeezed through the barbed-wire fence at the edge of the Begütertvolksplatz. Part of him was thinking that it wasn't fair. He was no good at poaching rabbits. He hadn't been outside in days, but that was no reason for his mother to throw him out. He was busy with his science project. She should have made Roger do it.

The other part of him was bored. It wasn't even a very interesting or traumatic memory. So he had to go outside and put himself in mortal danger so that the family would have meat on the dinner table. So what? He hadn't found any rabbits and no guards had found him.

Boring.

He started to climb a steep hill, and the memory dissolved. Doofenshmirtz had barely had time to breathe a sigh of relief when he began to fall.

He was screaming. He was still small. Those were the things that Doofenshmirtz noticed before he stabilised himself and floated to the ground.

He took stock of what his memory self was thinking, and smiled. It was one of those memories. They were always interesting, even when they were reruns. He hadn't spent his whole life dwelling on these ones. He couldn't even remember them.

"You made it!" said Phineas, who was just as small as Doofenshmirtz was. "Do you still wanna do this?"

"Sure," said Doofenshmirtz, and thought about how they didn't have much to lose. It was all boring stuff that he must have gone over at least a quintillion times in memories before and after. Earth was gone. They couldn't beat the game. They had to reset. Whatever. It was all ancient history now.

"Ferb's... sort of found a problem," said Phineas. Somehow, he still sounded insufferably cheerful. Doofenshmirtz might have thought it was because he was trying to live up his title of Sylph of Hope, but he knew his cousin. He was always like that.

Doofenshmirtz hadn't even wanted to play this game.

"Is it about swapping places with our older relatives and miscellaneous hangers-on?" said Francis. His surname wasn't Monogram here - It was Flynn - but Doofenshmirtz still called him Monobrow. Because he still had a monobrow, and it looked stupid. "Cause I think we got that."

For a second Phineas's mask of good cheer fell. Ah, so he was worried about ceasing to exist as everyone else. Or... having different lives. However that worked.

It seemed that Doofenshmirtz would be swapping with his grandfather. And one of his great-uncles at the same time, apparently. However that worked. He didn't know, twins were weird. His grandfather had told him a lot of horror stories about his youth, but personally, Doofenshmirtz thought he was exaggerating.

Personally, Doofenshmirtz thought his much younger self was an idiot.

"No, it's not that," said Phineas finally. "Ferb thinks... well, he made a slideshow."

Ferb twitched his finger, and a screen appeared in midair. Showofff.

The screen showed a dramatic rendering of a universe reset, or what the people in the Incipisphere called a Scratch. It was a series of images of a giant frog exploding and coming back together.

Ferb tapped the middle picture, where the frog was completely unrecognisable. "Think of the universe frog as the human body, and Paradox Space as a men's bathroom."

"Ew," said Doofenshmirtz.

"So you're saying all those... monsters from outside space are going to get in our universe if we scratch it?" said Francis. "And give it stomach flu?"

"Essentially, yes," said Ferb. "We may be able to prevent it."

"From what, exploding?" said Doofenshmirtz. He wasn't going to get that metaphor out of his head any time soon. This memory had better have some new information in it.

"We can't prevent that," said Phineas, "but we can control the way it explodes. If we do it right, nothing should be able to break in!"

Ferb produced yet another computer. "This is hooked up to the scratch subroutine," he said. "It should exclude everything that wasn't a part of the universe to begin with."

"Unless a piece of the universe comes to them," added Phineas.

So if they'd already fixed it, why were they telling them about it? What a waste of time. A gross waste of time.

"Can you control other things with that?" said Francis suddenly.

Phineas looked thoughtful. "I guess..."

"Like, can we make sure they actually have a hero of Space so they can win the game?"

A hero of Space was necessary to complete the game's objective of creating another universe. They had a Bard of Doom, a Rogue of Light, a Sylph of Hope and a Mage of Time, but no hero of Space. The game had been stacked against them from the start. It was one of the worst games Doofenshmirtz had ever played. Definitely in the top three.

"Great idea!" said Phineas. He looked at the computer pensively. "In fact, we could control everyone's new titles..." Suddenly, he grinned. "Why should their world get destroyed too? We should give them titles that can bring their world back!"

"Impossible," said Doofenshmirtz. He let his stupid younger self say that even know he knew the truth. "You can't bring back the host planet! It's... it's against the whole point of the game!"

"Impossible?" Phineas demanded. He jumped onto a nearby crumbling wall. "Impossible, Doof? Nothing's impossible, as long as we have our imaginations! It doesn't have to be the point of the game! Not if we can help it!"

That was a very flawed speech and Doofenshmirtz was sure that Phineas knew it. If nothing was impossible, why did they have to reset the game and wipe themselves from existence? Why couldn't they just live forever in a magical universe made of sparkles and unicorns?

Francis was looking uncertain. Probably torn between disagreeing with what Phineas said and not wanting to agree with Doofenshmirtz.

Doofenshmirtz sidled up to him. "What do you think, Monobrow?" he said. "Phineas thinks we should--"

His head exploded with pain.


	49. Phineas: Negociate

"just destroy the entire-- huh?"

Doofenshmirtz was still a fair way away out in the void, but somehow he sounded like he was right next to them.

Phineas stared out at him through the window of the ship, wondering what Doofenshmirtz had been dreaming about to wake up saying something like that. It sounded ominous.

It was ominous that he'd woken up at all. They'd had a lock on his life signs for some time, and he'd definitely been in a coma five seconds ago.

They shouldn't even be able to hear him, let alone so clearly. Candace had told them about how bad the whispering got out here, so they'd used their trip out of the Incipisphere to soundproof the walls of the ship.

Doofenshmirtz looked around wildly, and saw them. There was something strange and constrained about the way he moved, but at first Phineas couldn't figure out what it was. "H... hey! Over here!" He waved one arm over his head. He didn't seem to be able to move the other one very well.

Then Phineas realised what he was looking at. "L... look!"

Ferb looked, and went pale. Perry just nodded, and Candace was stubbornly staring at the ceiling.

What Phineas had thought was the shapes of distant dark gods was actually a mass of writing tentacles. Phineas could see Doofenshmirtz clearly, but he could also see that he was completely enveloped. It was like he was looking at something different out of each eye, but he knew he wasn't.

What was even more worrying were the glimpses Phineas caught of other parts of the dark god. Was that a mouth...? He hoped it was a mouth.

"Boy am I glad to see you!" said Doofenshmirtz. "Come on, let's... let's get out of here!" He struggled weakly.

Phineas looked at Ferb and Perry. This was more of their kind of thing than his.

Ferb produced something small and deadly looking from his pocket, but Perry gently pulled his arm down. He mimed talking.

"Yeah, you're right, Perry," said Phineas. He didn't know what had come over Perry on Derse. He usually tried to solve things non-violently, if he could.

He cleared his throat. He'd spoken to lots of big scary abominations. Well, one or two at least. "Excuse me, uh... Mr Dark God." No, no, no. What was he, nine? He hadn't been nine for... hours.

It had been the weirdest day in the past six months. At least.

He waited, but the dark god didn't react in any way that Phineas could make sense of.

"You're gonna have to come out," called Doofenshmirtz, still struggling. "He says you can't hear him from in there!"

Go out? Phineas swallowed. All he wanted to do was be back home in his lab, working on something awesome and beneficial to the future of the human race.

Not even that. He wanted to be in bed, with the covers pulled over his head.

There was no home to go back to, and there was no human race to improve the future of. There wouldn't be until they could get this straightened out.

He looked at Ferb. He really wanted Ferb out there with him, but if something happened, it was better that it only happened to one of them.

Ferb blinked his agreement.

Slowly, Phineas opened the hatch on the roof and pulled himself up. "We need Dr Doofenshmirtz back," he said, as normally as he could manage.

THAT WAS NOT THE AGREEMENT.

That wasn't a whisper. It was a shout. Phineas grabbed his head. "I... I didn't make any agreement," he managed. He could do this. He'd convinced lots of scary people of things.

UNIMPORTANT.

"You didn't tell Dr D you were gonna destroy the world," continued Phineas. "Don't you think that makes the agreement kind of null and void?"

NO. NO IT DOES NOT.

The dark god was good. "We really need our planet back," said Phineas. He didn't think he could reason with it at all. Perry was... mistaken. "Do you really need that thing you want?"

NO.

Phineas saw something out of the corner of his eye. Perry had come up to join him. He was looking directly at the dark.

NO.

Phineas realised that Perry was communicating with the dark god somehow. He was barely moving at all, so he wasn't communicating through his facial expression the way he normally did. He wasn't even using his inborn platypus body language. He probably couldn't, without his tail.

I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE. I NEED HIM.

Perry widened his eyes, and leapt in front of Phineas with his arms outstretched. Phineas appreciated the gesture, but Perry barely came up to Phineas's knees. If anything--

A tentacle whipped out at Phineas and grabbed him by the head. Before Phineas could do more than yell, he was pulled into the fold of tentacles.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DF: guess what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i found out how to go god tier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: cool   
DP: how

DF: i can't use my quest bed but i can use my quest slab!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's like a bed but its a slab!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FP: Does it also require your demise?

DF: yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i think so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i didn't find the mausoleum but i did find the center of the planet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i've been lying down here and nothing's happening so i must have to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: couldnt hal just make u god tier

DF: that's the wrong way to do it!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i have to die like you all did!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: fred never died

DF: he nearly did!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: & u did die   
DP: remember

DF: that doesn't count!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i don't remember it actually!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: someone should kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


.

  
discerningPedestrian contacted proficiencyDiversified

DP: hal   
DP: hal i no ur there   
DP: its important   
DP: hal   
DP: hal   
DP: hal   
DP: im gonna keep bugging u until u answer   
DP: hal   
DP: hal   
DP: hal   
DP: hal   
DP: hal

PD: What? >:   
PD: Im busy. >:

DP: ur napping   
DP: thats not busy

PD: Im tired. :(

DP: hal alicia still wants 2 die   
DP: u should make her god tier   
DP: so shell stop being suicidal

PD: She thinks thats cheating. :/

DP: i know   
DP: she already died once   
DP: not that it even matters   
DP: make her god tier

PD: Shell be mad at me. :/

DP: ok   
DP: want 2 kill her instead?

PD: Okay. :)

DP: uh   
DP: uhhhhhhhhhhhhh   
DP: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

PD: What? :S   
PD: Stop typing Hs Alton. :(

DP: i wasnt serious

PD: :S   
PD: Why not? :S   
PD: All you do is flip a bit. :S   
PD: Its easier than making her god tier. :/

DP: in the program u mean

PD: Yeah. :)

DP: would it hurt her

PD: No. :)

DP: are u sure

PD: Yes. :)   
PD: It just changes her state from alive to dead. :)   
PD: Dying doesnt hurt its the things that kill you that hurt. :)   
PD: I think. :/

DP: are u sure u wont make her god tier

PD: Shed be really mad. :(   
PD: And loud. :(

DP: ok   
DP: lets try it   


.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

PD: Alicia? :/

DF: hi hal!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Are you on your quest slab? :/

DF: of course!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm waiting for someone to kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: Okay. :/

DP: alicia hals gonna kill u now   
DP: with his computer   
DP: is that ok

FP: I believe he may have already done it.   
FP: There's a rather large flash coming from the vicinity Prospit.

PD: Yeah I did. :)

DP: what y   
DP: y didnt u ask   
DP: or at least warn her

PD: But she wanted to get killed. :/

DP: its the kind of thing u warn some1 about

PD: She was on her quest slab and everything. :S

DP: doesnt matter   
DP: if ur gonna hurt some1 u warn them first   
DP: right fred

FP: Yes, exactly.   
FP: Though I highly doubt Alicia will mind.

PD: I dont get it. :S

DF: you killed me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: thanks hal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i'm queen of the wind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: i thought u were witch of breath

DF: i'm both those things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: we should fight the black king now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's making all those meteors come down and it's scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: but fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: let's save skaia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: what about the black queen

DF: let's fight her too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Shouldnt you guys beat your denizens first?

DP: alicia's right   
DP: stopping the reckoning is more important

PD: Yeah if it goes on too long therell be more meteors than defense portals. :/   
PD: Skaia will die just like Earth did in this reality. :(

DF: we can't let skaia blow up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: we need skaia to win the game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: dad saw us win in the clouds and i saw dad seeing us win!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: also in the clouds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: And all the chess people on the Battlefield will die.

DP: we can fight the denizens l8r   
DP: we cant even find them yet   
DP: hal can u take us 2 the battlefield   
DP: every1 else is already there

PD: Okay Ill change the program. :)

DP: wait   
DP: dont use the program

PD: But you said to take us to the battlefield. :/

DP: just try it ok   
DP: without the computer

PD: :/   



	50. Kids: Meet

Phineas sat under the big tree in the backyard. He was a kid again.

No, wait. The tree was digital.

This was obviously a dream, but what did it mean? Was it the timeline that the dark god had created. He could barely remember anything about that anymore.

In the dream he was thinking about how he wished Ferb was there to enjoy the nice morning sun. But he was at a theremin lesson. He was getting really good. People thought you couldn't play much except generic 1950s science sound effects, but they'd never heard Ferb play.

The gate swung open, and Phineas looked over with a smile to see...

Doof?

His... cousin?

Nine-year-old Heinz Doofenshmirtz?

What?

He couldn't stop himself from saying "Dr D?"

Doofenshmirtz - it was definitely him - looked puzzled for a second. Then he said "Oh! It's a _shared_ dream!"

"What?" said Phineas. His head was beginning to hurt. Not because he was confused. He'd been more confused. It was just beginning to hurt.

"Quick!" said Doofenshmirtz. "Let's salvage what we..."

 

"...can-- Oh."

Now they were on a blimp and Phineas's head was killing him, though the pain seemed to be going away. Phineas was still a kid, but now Doofenshmirtz was a middle aged man, like he should have been at this point in time.

Weird that the headache wasn't waking him up.

Phineas said "So this is what it's like to be doomed. Riding around on a blimp." He was in a bad mood. He didn't know what to think about Perry anymore. If it was all a lie, why would he turn himself in just to save them? Did he care or not?

Candace was also in the dream, along with Ferb and Perry. She said "Actually, I think the doom's happening over there."

Phineas looked over to where she was indicating. It was a stadium in the second dimension, before its liberation. This dream must be about the first time he'd found out Perry's secret, though he didn't know why he'd be dreaming about that now. He'd never even fully retrieved that memory.

He'd been told a lot about it, but he didn't remember hearing anything about a blimp. Oh well. It was just a dream. They didn't have to make sense.

.

Hal opened his eyes to find himself in the exact position on the Battlefield that he'd imagined himself. "Huh?" He really had not expected that to work.

He imagined Alton being moved to a black square a few feet away. Alton appeared, right in front of his eyes.

Alton looked surprised for a second, then saw him and smirked.

"What?" said Hal. Alton was being all high and mighty again, just because he was right. He didn't even know how Alton was right.

"I knew you had powers!" said Alton, grinning.

So what? He hadn't even got them from the game. He'd just transcended the need for computers. Or something. "How did you know?"

"You got spooked when you went out to check... something," said Alton, like it was obvious. "You teleported. How did you not notice?"

Hal couldn't remember anything like that. Maybe Alton could see the future as well as feelings. That sounded like something Seers did. Maybe he could see into the future so well that he got it confused with the present.

"You didn't get as close this time, huh?" added Alton.

"Huh?" said Hal. They were on the Battlefield. He was completely certain of that. Wasn't that what Alton said? He'd done what he'd said...

"We're on the wrong side of the planet," said Alton. He pointed at a distant checkered strip of the Battlefield, arcing far overhead. "The others are up there."

"They are?" said Hal. Oh yeah. The Battlefield was pretty big. He might be able to manipulate space now, apparently, but he couldn't sense where it was so much. The locations were stored as distance from Skaia, which was easy to understand, and rotation, which wasn't. He still hadn't completely figured out quaternions. He should have just used Cartesian coordinates. "Where are..."

"Wait," Alton interrupted. "I got an idea." He awkwardly put his hand on Hal's shoulder.

Suddenly Hal knew exactly where Alicia, Xavier and Fred were, on the distant strip that Alton had pointed to.

Alton took his hand off Hal's shoulder and gave an embarrassed smile. "Never mind. It was a stupid idea."

Hal didn't know where they were anymore. "Hey!" he said.

"Yeah yeah, you don't like being touched..." mumbled Alton. Before Hal could say anything else, he said "Wait. It worked, didn't it?"

Alton's mind reading powers were getting annoying. "Yeah, I knew where they were!" said Hal. "Do it again!"

Alton put his hand on Hal's shoulder again. As soon as he got a good idea of their location, Hal changed around a few numbers.

"Oh, hi!" said Alicia. She was wearing a really cool blew pajama dress combo that seemed to constantly swirl around. "Look what I can do!"

She flew off the ground at a worryingly high velocity. If she hit something at that speed, everything in her body would break, or splat.

It was so cool that he could know that without even thinking.

Alicia slowed and landed gracefully. "You didn't bring your computer!" she said to Hal. "Now how are you supposed to hack the game?"

Hal looked around. He guessed he hadn't. He'd barely noticed. It was like his brain was the computer now.

"He doesn't need the computer anymore!" Alton told her.

"I just wish I had my Heir of Space powers..." said Hal. Maybe it wasn't his title after all. Maybe he was really the hacker of... hacking.

"Oh, now I understand," said Fred from behind them.

He spoke much more carefully than he usually did, and it sounded so silly in his high voice. He looked even sillier, with those dark blue pajamas and that snug little hood.

"Your hypothesis was that Hal's hacking was in itself a manifestation of his powers?" continued Fred.

"Yeah," said Alton, after a long pause.

Oh. Hal was glad he hadn't said anything. He didn't want to look any stupider than he already did.

"Are you sure we should be doing this, guys?" said Xavier, who was wearing a cape, but no pants. He was wearing underpants though.

Hal was glad he wasn't a Page like Xavier, but he still felt left out. He wanted cool pajamas too. The Battlefield was cold, and all he had was a bodysuit and a robe.

Oh well. He didn't want someone to kill him like Alicia had. That was kind of... weird. But if he did get killed, he wouldn't be complaining. As long as there was time to teleport back to his quest bed.

"We have to stop the Reckoning," said Alton.

That reminded Hal. "I found out what the frog game does!"

Alton ignored him. "All we have to do is defeat the black king and queen, and the meteors will stop, right?"

Oh well. He'd left the final frog back on his planet anyway. It probably didn't matter until it came time to actually create the new universe.

"I believe that is the case," said Fred.

Xavier cleared his throat, and everyone stared at him. "I..." He blushed. "I think I have a plan."

He did? That wasn't like him.

Hal really, really wanted some pajamas.

.

Candace saw the tentacles pull Phineas in, and craned her neck up at the door to the roof. What was happening up there?

Perry flew past the front window, shooting hats from his mouth at the dark god. Candace didn't know if that was supposed to be an attack, but it didn't seem to be doing much.

Ferb jumped several times his own height onto the roof to join him, and after a couple of seconds, the tentacles drew back with his sleeping body.

She couldn't see Perry anywhere anymore, and it probably wasn't because he'd been called away on a mission. Not even the OWCA had tunnels out here.

She took a deep breath so she wouldn't do anything too stupid. Talking didn't work, and fighting didn't work, and...

Someone tapped her on the shoulder. Candace turned to see Ferb's young dream self, now awake.

"I have a plan," he said. "If we ram--"

A tentacle phased straight through the front of the ship and grabbed Ferb's dream self. pulling him out through the open top.

"Hey!" said Candace. She leapt at it, but it pulled away too quickly to get a good grip.

Candace flattened herself against the back wall. It could phase through walls. Nowhere was safe. It was only a matter of time before it got her too.

Coming here had been a mistake. They should have prepared more. She was glad that it had brought her son back to life, but it clearly hadn't done that out of the goodness of its heart. If it had a heart. It had obviously needed Doofenshmirtz to make the timeline change, so what did it need her brothers for?

What had Ferb said? Something about ramming? She didn't know why the dark god wasn't attacking her, but she couldn't just throw this opportunity away. She had several tons of spaceship, and very little left to lose.


	51. Hal: Sacrifice

Hal willed himself to keep walking forwards. The closer he got to the Black King, the more he wanted to be anywhere else. Maybe that forge he was supposed to have on his planet? That sounded safer than what he was about to do.

The appearance and powers of the black king were supposed to be influenced by the things that prototyped their sprites with. So Hal sort of knew what he was looking at. Those lumps coming out of the king's torso were his three arms. He was wearing one of those pointy garden gnome hats with a fedora perched on top. He was very blocky in shape, and Hal could just make out an oversized zipper on his back. He also seemed to have a beak. Hal couldn't tell if it was a Ducky Momo beak or a platypus beak from this distance.

He could have looked inside the game to see what exactly the king had turned into, but he didn't feel like getting any more frightened than he already was.

He passed a lively sword fight between a hero of Prospit and a hero of Derse. He wasn't worried that they'd turn on him. Every time he'd tried make people invincible, the code had somehow reverted itself, but stopping enemies from attacking people was easy. They were programmed to attack certain things, and programmed not to attack others. He just had to change the status of the things he didn't want them to attack. It hadn't stopped Fred from nearly getting killed, and he didn't want to push his luck on higher level enemies. But it did seem to be working now.

If it suddenly stopped working like the invincibility did, he could probably take these guys. Guns always beat swords. And even if he couldn't, he could teleport himself somewhere safe.

Hal entertained himself by thinking of the best locations to warp to. He couldn't transport anyway between universes, but his house would probably work. Or Xavier and Fred's house. Or Alicia's house. Or maybe his dream room! He could hang out with his dream self somehow.

His power seemed to have infinite range, but there didn't seem to be much beyond the furthest limit of Derse's moon. He couldn't search for objects by distance, so it was hard to tell.

Hal wondered if he could find his dad and uncle and aunt like he could find his cousins. Hadn't they gone off somewhere out of the Incipisphere? He thought about his dad, and immediately found him at a huge distance from Skaia. And there was uncle Phineas, and uncle Perry, and even his grandpa, but... Hal couldn't find his aunt anywhere. Frowning, he concentrated hard.

Nothing. Nothing anywhere in any of the data in the entire game. Even if... Even if she was dead, her body should still show up. It was like she didn't exist.

And the data of the others was... strange. It was read-only. He couldn't change it like he could change everything else. Nothing could.

Something was acting on them, because they were moving a little, but nothing could act on them because they were read-only. Hal didn't understand.

A shadow fell over him. He looked up.

Oh yeah. The plan. He could figure out what was going on with the adults' data later. He hoped.

He stared up at the Black King and tried to say something.

What could he say? He could barely even remember how to move his tongue, or which order words went in. What were words, anyway?

He had to do this. The plan would fall apart without him.

"Uh..." he managed. "Mr Black King?"

The king turned and looked down at him.

Okay. Now he had to say something else. Or he'd probably die. And mess up the plan. "Uh... Hi... Uh... Why are you destroying Skaia?"

He was relieved when the king answered him. "It's Skaia."

Hal smiled slightly. That was what he'd thought the king would say. They could do this. Between the five of them, they could do this.

What now? He had thought this far ahead, but he'd forgotten that he'd probably still have to say. "Uh... Can you stop? We don't want Skaia to be destroyed."

The king laughed in disbelief, and Hal could sense his attack before he executed it. He could also sense that this particular attack would be instant death if he didn't move.

But that was okay.

.

The four of them stood and stared up at the Rule Structure, which dominated this part of the Land of Mountains and Fur. It resembled the kind of retractable tape measure Ferb used to use for time travel. Now he claimed it was just a crutch, and theorised that crutch items were fairly common for players before they went god tier.

That made sense to the part of Phineas who was observing the dream. Hal's computer was probably a similar focus, and Phineas hoped that Hal realised that by now. All the game code determined was the initial conditions of the Incipisphere. You could modify the code all you wanted afterwards, and nothing would change. Unless, apparently, you were of the Heir of Space.

Or the Mage of Time, now that he thought about it. Ferb had modified the code too, in that other other reality. No wonder they hadn't been able to get the Earth back to normal. Mages weren't a particularly powerful class. At least not directly.

If they'd realised what was really going on at the time, maybe they would have figured out the nature of that reality a lot faster. Even then, Phineas had had a suspicion at the back of his mind that he wasn't a Page of Mind, and that Ferb wasn't a Knight of Void. But there'd been more important things to think about.

While post-Scratch Phineas was thinking about focuses and alternate realities, pre-Scratch Phineas was having last minute doubts. Maybe Doof was right. If nothing was impossible and you were only limited by your imagination, why were they erasing themselves? Surely there was a better way to fix everything.

Of course, the Scratch was part of the alpha timeline, and-- what? Why had he thought that? He wasn't a hero of Time, or even a hero of Light. He had no idea what was and wasn't supposed to happen.

"Phineas?" Francis waved a hand in front of Phineas's face. "Hello? Are we gonna do this or not? My foot's going to sleep."

"What?" said Doof. "Your... Your foot? You're standing up, how can you be cutting off the flow of information from your feet?"

"It's a genetic predisposition, okay?" said Francis irritably.

They always sniped at each other. And they were never going to do it again. At least, they wouldn't be kids anymore--

Phineas shook his head violently and said "Ferb, do you have the needle?" Of course he did. Phineas had seem him emerge from his denizen's lair with it. It was just a formality.

Ferb handed Phineas the needle and Phineas began to rise up to the top of the structure. One big scratch from the top of the tape measure should do it. Then the game would reset, and so would the universe.

And maybe the child versions of their biological parents would be able to win. Or was it their biological children? It was definitely their biological children...

"Wait!"

A stray gust of wind nearly knocked Phineas into the Rule Structure. He landed quickly. Wasn't that...? But... wasn't she...?

"Alicia?" said Doof, sounding as confused as Phineas felt.

An old woman ran over the rise, and leaned against the base of the Structure, taking a deep breath.

"What are you doing here?" said Francis. "We thought you were dead!"

"We saw the Earth explode!" Phineas added. In addition to the surprise of running into a dead woman, it was a bit disquieting to see his daughter plus sixty years, especially since she looked familiar. Her hair was white, her skin was wrinkled, and she'd put on quite a bit of weight.

If he remembered right, she'd been Perry's boss during his secret agent days, and taken an interest in uncle Xavier and uncle Fred and their potential. Or something like that. He'd never heard the whole story. He just knew she'd been a family friend since before he was born.

Alicia finally finished breathing. "Not dead yet. I'm not dead yet." She smiled in anticipation. "I have something to tell you kids -- this is not a dream."

"What?" Doof began. "What do you mean, not a dream? Oh sure, we all hope that any second we're gonna wake up and--"

Phineas interrupted him before he could get into a full blown rant. "What do you mean, it's not a dream? We don't think we're dreaming... do we?"

He looked at the others, who seemed as confused as he was. Even Ferb.

"Of course you do," said Alicia. She thought for a second, then added "Except Francis."

She liked to be vague and mysterious when she told them things. She said it made childhood more interesting, and forced them to use more of their brains. Phineas and Ferb liked that about her, though Doof and Francis were... less enthusiastic.


	52. Ferb: Scratch

Ferb put a hand on his chin. He was on to something, though Phineas couldn't think what. Present Phineas was dreaming, of course, but past Phineas was definitely wide awake.

"Are you addressing our adult selves?" said Ferb.

Alicia smiled slightly and nodded encouragingly.

"You mean..." Phineas began. Present Phineas wasn't dreaming anymore? Was that why past Phineas kept having those strange thoughts? Was this all completely real?

"It can't be..." said Doof.

"What?" said Francis, annoyed. "What are you guys so surprised about?"

"It's not a dream, Francis!" said Phineas. He wanted to laugh. "It's all real!"

"Uh... yeah," said Francis. "What are you guys talking about?"

"From our point of view, Francis, the Scratch already happened," said Ferb. "Phineas and Doof and I -- and mother, and Perry -- got into an altercation with a Horrorterror from the Farthest Ring."

"Ever since it captured us, we've been having dreams from before the Scratch!" said Phineas. They'd been having dreams from after the Scratch as well, but Phineas didn't want to complicate things. "But this isn't a dream, it's... time travel?"

"Mind travel," said Ferb.

"That's right," said Alicia. "The Seer thinks-- thought it's because you entered the dream, Ferb."

"The Seer?" said Phineas, without thinking. "Alton?" He was surprised that the adults knew so much about the game, but maybe he shouldn't have been. He'd known a lot about the game before the kids had even played it in the other reality, and he wasn't even a Seer.

Did powers work for non-players? Obviously Ferb had been able to channel his through Hal's power focus, and he wasn't a player in that reality, but their situation was... complicated.

Alicia looked surprised, then said "Oh! You learned his title after the Scratch! By... by the way, how is he doing?"

Phineas glanced at Ferb, then said "He's doing great. Everyone's gonna win this time! I saw it in Skaia's... I know they're gonna be fine! They're our kids." At that moment he was more proud of them than he'd ever been. He didn't need magical fortune-telling precipitation to tell him that they'd be okay. If they could get so far into the game so quickly, they could do anything.

Alicia gasped, and for a split second she sounded exactly like Phineas's daughter. "Skaia showed you a vision from _after_ the Scratch?"

"I saw it after the Scratch," Phineas clarified. "But that doesn't matter, because--"

"Oh," said Alicia. "You entered with your players too!"

Phineas was about to mention his post-Scratch dream self, but he didn't want to worry her. She seemed to know a lot about the game, probably enough to know why that wasn't right.

He noticed Doof smirking at something behind him, and became aware that that Francis was muttering under his breath. It sounded something like "Never get invited to anything... Typical..."

"Francis?" said Phineas. "What's wrong?"

"Huh?" Francis obviously hadn't realised that he was speaking out loud. He had a habit of doing that. "Uh, nothing's wrong. Just keep talking about... whatever you guys are talking about."

"You feel left out, don't you?" said Phineas. He should have thought of that. Why hadn't he thought of that?

"No, no, I'm fine," said Francis. "Just fine. I didn't want all the knowledge and experience of an adult version of myself anyway. I'm fine."

Alicia put a hand on his shoulder and said "Francis. Are you sure you want to go through... whatever the others went through to be in this situation?"

"Ooh, she's right, it was terrible," said Doof mockingly. "First I built a big spaceship, and then I... No, that really was... Okay, before that I spent... Wait. No. Alicia's right. It... it was... fairly horrible."

"See?" said Alicia gently. "I'm sure your adult self is having a lot more fun, uh..." Suddenly she looked worried.

"He's not dead," said Ferb quickly. "He's on vacation in..." He trailed off.

"Barbados!" said Doof irritably. "He's in Barbados. Do I have you tell you people everything?"

Francis thought about that for a second, then said "I'd still rather be here. Or... whatever."

"There is one thing I wanted to ask you," said Alicia. "You know why this session failed, don't you?"

"Yeah -- we don't have a Hero of Space," said Phineas. "That's why we set the titles for the new... for you guys."

"You did change them," said Alicia. She let out a long sigh of relief. "Who did you make the hero of Time?"

"What?" said Phineas.

"Huh?" said Doof.

"Ferb's already a hero of Time!" said Phineas. "We don't really need another... do we?" Had they missed something? So long after the window for setting post-Scratch parameters had passed?

Alicia frowned and looked away, rubbing her chin.

"Don't tell me you need a Hero of Time to win as well," Francis groaned. "I have an idea. Why don't we scrap the whole idea and go back home to live out our lives in the burned out ruins of civilisation?"

That really was giving up. Phineas still believed that nothing was impossible, and he'd always believe that. But some things required a sacrifice. They only had two options. They could not erase themselves, and doom the Earth to extinction. Or they could go through with it, and humanity would exist again. And a completely new universe would be born.

"Whoa!" said Phineas. "I think I just Slyph of Hoped myself!" Now he got it! 

"Well, uh, good for you I guess," said Doof. "So, if the future kids need a Hero of Time, and we have a Hero of Time, then..."

"Causing the scratch isn't giving up hope at all!" Phineas interrupted. "If we did anything else, it would be like giving up on the human race!" And if it was fated, that was just a happy coincidence.

It wasn't that he didn't believe in fate, because it was obviously real, but he'd die before he'd use it as an excuse.

Alicia nodded. "I'm afraid you might be right. I know it's scary. But think of it as... well, at least you'll keep your memories when your post-scratch selves wake up."

Francis looked at the ground and mumbled again.

"Sorry, Francis," added Alicia. "Oh, that reminds me! I also came to pass on a message. There's a box hidden in the temple. The temple from after the Scratch. We put it there. For us! Our post-scratch selves. The new players." She licked her lips nervously and looked like she wanted to say something else, but she didn't.

"You did?" said Phineas. "That's great, Alicia! I'm sure they'll love it!" Whatever 'it' was. He was almost jealous, but he, Ferb and Doof were getting a much greater gift -- the memories of an entire past life.

Alicia smiled and says "We were sure too. It's below a blue flagstone, in the centre room on the top floor."

Phineas committed that to memory. He'd noticed the strangely coloured flagstone when, but he hadn't thought much of it at the time. He'd been much more interested in the strange programming language and images of long-extinct species of synapsid.

"Well, there's no point standing around and talking all day," said Ferb, looking up at the Rule Structure.

Phineas took a deep breath, and let it out. "You're right, Ferb." It was only a matter of time before the lithifying contagion spread to this pocket of the Incipisphere too. How crucial could a hero of Time really be? Maybe they could fix it. Maybe Ferb could do whatever the hero of Time was supposed to.

Maybe the real problem with this session was that this reality's hero of Space had died a year before the game had even started.

"Okay," said Francis reluctantly. "Let's get this over with."

Doof held up a hand, and typed frantically on his handheld computer with the other. "Wait, wait, wait... Okay! I... I've done it! You can go ahead with your little erasure of reality now."

Ferb flew up to the top of the Rhythm Structure to begin the Scratch.

"What did you do?" said Francis, leaning over Doof's shoulder. "If you beat my high score on Crazy Crazy Therap--"

"I saved everyone, that's what I did," said Doof smugly. "It's the very last act of the me that's not evil, and you better appreciate it." He stuck his tongue out at Francis.

"Are you sure you're not-- You're evil after the Scratch?" said Francis. He took a step back.

Doof smirked. "Yep. Completely, absototally take-over-the-Tri-State-Area evil!"

"What, really?" said Francis. " _You_ took over the Tri-State Area?"

"Well, no, but--"

"Heinz, what did you do?" interrupted Alicia.

Doof pointed triumphantly at his computer. "I switched them! I switched Phineas and Ferb with uncle Xavier and dad! Or just Xavier and Fred, depending on which reality we're talking..."

"What?" said Phineas. "You mean the post scratch game is still going to treat me and Ferb as the players, and Xavier and Fred as the guardians?"

"Huh?" said Francis. "Wouldn't that mean...?"

"The game will think there's still a hero of Time and allow them to win?" Doof finished. "Yes. Yes it does."

"I was going to say to say you rendered the Scratch pointless," Francis muttered.

So that was what was going on with the post-Scratch game! Doof had done something behind the scenes, like he always seemed to.

Doof thumped his chest. "I caused the destruction of our doom!"

"Well, I guess that is thematically appropriate..." said Phineas. Bards were passive destroyers, if he understood correctly.

Ferb came down from the Rule Structure. "It's done."

There was a loud rumble as the Rule Structure detached itself from the ground and rose up towards Skaia.

Doof sat on the base, which had remained on the planet. "Well, I guess this is it. At least for you, Francis."

"Doof, quit antagonising him," said Phineas. He was only a kid, unlike the rest of them, and Phineas was sure he was terrified.

"You're right," said Doof. "It's not fun unless he remembers it." He smiled.

Francis glanced up at the sky, and said "Hey. Uh... Alicia. I'm gonna swap with you, right? Do... do you think I'll be okay?"

"Uh..." Alicia glanced at the sky too.

Phineas didn't know much about Alicia's childhood in this reality, but he knew a little about Francis. He'd had an emotionally distant father who'd pushed him into the family business and sent him to the academy at a young age. According to Doof-- Dr D-- on his father's deathbed, he'd just said he was disappointed.

That wasn't the childhood Phineas wanted for his daughter, but she seemed to have bounced back. He hoped. Francis, however, was gloomy even with cheerful, laid-back Xavier as a father.

"Well?" said Francis. "Did you hear me? Should I ask again? Guys, should I ask her again?"

"Let's all hug!" said Alicia loudly. It was the most childlike thing Phineas had heard her say all day.

"What?" said Doof. "Why?"

"You know, for comfort!" said Phineas, who very much wanted to hug his daughter before she was erased from existence.

Doof shrugged. "Okay then."

Phineas hugged Alicia, and was quickly joined by Ferb and Doof.

"Francis, hurry up!" said Phineas. "This reality isn't gonna last much longer!" The sky was full of weird lights, and he was beginning to feel light headed.

Francis stood awkwardly a few steps away from them. Then he said "Aw, what the heck," and hugged Doof.

Doof laughed in triumph. "Hah! Hudson owes me ten... Oh wait. He... He's dead. Well that just puts a damper on the whole--"

Phineas woke up.


	53. Fred: Descend Metaphorically

Alton had his eyes shut and a deep frown on his face. Xavier didn't have to ask what he was concentrating so hard on. It was Hal.

It did make sense for Hal to be the one to go. If he went, then everything fit together just right. But what if...

Alton broke into his thoughts. "He ascended."

Alicia cheered. "I knew he'd do it! Now we're all gods!" She pointed at her blue pajama dress, in case the others couldn't tell what she was talking about.

Alton concentrated again, and said "He's up there again." He pointed at the strip in the sky. "I'm gonna tell me to come over here." He got out his Steale and started typing.

It had actually worked! Somehow, Hal had fooled the game into thinking that he was always on his quest bed, so that he'd ascend if the Black King killed him, which was obviously what had happened. Trusting Hal really had been the right decision.

Hal appeared in the sky a fair distance away, looked around, disappeared, and reappeared slightly closer.

Alicia waved. "Hal, down here!" she yelled, using the wind to carry her voice.

Hal saw them, and suddenly he was right next to Xavier. Xavier jumped.

"Hi guys," said Hal. "I'm god tier now!" He indicated the black god pajamas he was wearing, which had a white galaxy symbol on the front.

"Hey," said Alton, not as casually as he probably thought. "So...?"

Hal grinned. "I was right! And you were right, and Fred was right!"

Xavier assumed he was talking about the Black King's motivation. If both Fred and Alton understood something so weird, then they could understand anything about their enemies, and that was the first step to beating them. Stopping the Reckoning was going to be a breeze! Maybe even literally!

.

It didn't take long for Candace to start the ship's engines. She'd driven enough of her brothers' contraptions to know how their controls usually word.

The acceleration was a little sluggish, or maybe she was further from the dark god than she'd thought. How big was it, anyway? Distance was hard to estimate without an atmosphere to make things fuzzy.

She aimed directly at the tentacles holding her brothers, her childhood pet, and that other guy, and braced for impact.

There was no impact. The ship went straight through the dark god. Straight at its prisoners.

Candace swore, hammering at what she hoped was the brake button as fast as she could. Where were the controls for the side thrusters? Why did Ferb always move the thruster controls around? Where there any side thrusters?!

The ship slowed just enough that the speed that Candace hit them with was not fatal in such a low friction environment. She still plowed through them like a cruise liner through a school of fish, knocking them all away in different directions.

Luckily Candace had kept up with her courses in space lifesaving. With a life like hers, who knew when she'd need it? She pulled out her Steale and took snapshots of their trajectories, then went after Phineas first. As long as they didn't hit anything, they'd be where the program predicted.

She caught up to Phineas, matched speeds with him, and pulled him inside with the ship's claw grip.

He seemed to be unconscious. She hoped that was all it was. She'd lost enough family today. She checked his pulse, which was steady, and leaned him against the wall. Now for Ferb Ferb.

He wasn't where the Steale had predicted. He was nowhere in sight.

Candace took a deep breath, then slammed her head down on the controls and screamed as loud as she could. How could he not be there? These things were practically infallible! They were never so inaccurate that you couldn't even see them!

"Candace...?" She'd woken Phineas up.

Candace slammed her head on the controls again. "He's gone, Phineas. I can't find him!"

"Who is?" said Phineas. "What happened? Did you save me from the dark god?"

"I guess so," said Candace. "You all went off in different directions and I can't find Ferb!" She held her Steale in the air to show him the screen.

Phineas was silent for a second. Then he said "Oh. Uh... Paradox space doesn't work like regular space."

Of course it didn't. "Then how does it work?!"

"It's like, uh... boiling water," said Phineas. "Except... it's not hot. There are invisible bubbles... no, wait... Look, things in paradox space don't always stay at the same place, or the same time relative to other things. We designed the ship so we could travel through it like normal space, but since he wasn't in it, Ferb could be a billion light years away! Or a billion years away!"

And for a second Candace had thought that something simple had gone wrong. But Phineas didn't sound upset, so there was still hope. Plenty of it. "So what do we do? Perry and Dr Doofenshmirtz are out there somewhere too."

Phineas sat down in the co-pilot's seat and started pressing buttons. "We installed this to find Dr D, but I think we can use it to find Ferb as well. And Perry, with some modification!" Three flashing arrows came up on the front window, accompanied by distance to target in miles.

Candace took another deep breath and followed the closest arrow. They were lucky her brothers were so good at what they did.

.

Xavier took a deep breath. They could do this, if he made the right decisions. And he was going to make the right decisions.

This Page of Mind stuff was so cool. Xavier didn't feel any smarter, but he did feel more confident, and much more like he was doing the right thing. He still didn't feel like much of a leader, but nobody else seemed to know how to stop the Reckoning, even though it felt obvious to him. Normally he'd assume that nobody else had come up with a plan because Xavier had overlooked some flaw that everyone else could see, but now he let himself believe that they just hadn't thought of it yet. If there was a flaw, nobody had told him about it.

All they had to do to stop the Reckoning was neutralise the Black King and Queen. The queen was easy. She wasn't even wearing her ring, so Hal had already stolen it with his powers. She wasn't much of a threat without it. At least at their levels.

The king was much harder. Hal had tried to just take his scepter as well, but the game wouldn't let him as long as the Black King was using it. They couldn't wait for him to conveniently let go of it like the queen had.

For him, they had to use guile. And that was going to be hard, because unlike the queen, he was a very straightforward person. You were supposed to defeat him by force, and according to Hal, they didn't have enough of that yet, even as god tiers.

Apparently Utah was a big powerup to the monsters. Maybe if he'd been god tier at the time, Xavier would have prototyped his sprite with something else. Maybe another Ducky Momo. Nothing Ducky Momo themed could be very strong.

Even if he had, the Black King would still have been too strong for them. The Reckoning wasn't supposed to begin so early, but they could handle it.

Fred landed behind them. "The Warmongering Valiant is with us," he said.

Good. That'd make things easier, if Fred was talking about that rebel Dersite who'd got him stabbed earlier. He kept making up names for him that began with W and V. Most of them were a bit of a stretch.

"I'll go tell the White Queen!" said Alicia, already beginning to fly upwards.

"Are you sure you wanna do this, Fred?" said Alton. "You know, we can probably do it some other way."

Fred said "I'm aware that the experience may well be highly unpleasant, but the results may be worth it, and I don't believe there will be any permanent consequences."

Alton frowned as he worked out what Fred had said, then replied "Hal says he doesn't even know what's gonna happen."

Hal glanced up from his Evv on hearing his name. "Yeah. The methods only apply to carapaces. I just know it's possible." He went back to his computer.

Fred shrugged, and didn't say any more.

He was going to do it. He'd always been really stubborn, even when they'd all thought he had no personality. Xavier suspected he was trying to make up for his mistake in dropping the staff copy on the black army. There was no point telling him that he didn't have to do that when he'd already made up his mind.

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DF: ok i'm in place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: your turn fred!!!!!!!!!!

FP: All right.   


.

Fred concentrated on the Black King. Okay. Now he was being him. Sort of. He was being the part that was concerned with destroying everything, and the part that understood that there was a time and a place for that, but not the part that wanted to kill all the good guys.

It was enough to pull a copy of his staff from the Void. Fred went back to being himself, but he kept the staff.

Now to make up for being so irresponsible with his powers.

Fred made sure he was still wearing his earpiece, and landed a fair distance away from the Black King. Not so close as to be noticed, but not so far that he wouldn't be noticed after what he was going to do.

Still holding the staff, Fred concentrated on the Dersite who'd organised the rebellion, who didn't seem to have a name. He'd just given Fred some description starting with the letters W and V. Every time Fred had tried to describe him in a different way, it always came out with that started with W and V. Everyone else seemed to be able to refer to him as the Dersite or the rebel or something. Maybe it was some kind of Void thing.

So Fred just thought of him as WV. It was easier than looking through his thesaurus app every time he did something.

WV could probably have done this, and he was willing to. But he had to lead his army. For the best chance of success, they needed Black as distracted as possible. And there was no other carapace any of them trusted enough to do this.

Fred began his impression, and for the first time, didn't hold anything back. He was an ex-soldier with heavy resentment towards his superiors and a taste for the colour green. He felt guilty every time someone under his command died, and extra guilty for letting Fred get stabbed. He considered him a true hero as much as Alton, Hal and uncle Ferb were. According to Hal, he was a game construct that was probably intended to delay the way and provide another avenue to defeating Black, but Fred kept that knowledge outside his impression. WV didn't know that. Probably it was best that he didn't.


	54. Kids: Engage Final Boss

Alicia was hiding in a tree a couple of miles from the Black King. She couldn't stop fidgeting. They were going to win this game! It was broken, and they could still win! She'd always known that the five of them could do something amazing if they tried hard enough.

On the far side of the valley, a huge, exact copy of the Black King rose up, and up. That had to be Fred! The staff had actually worked on him!

The real Black King looked around, and stomped over to Fred. They spoke, and Alicia tried to let the wind bring her his words, but she couldn't hear much. Fred was challenging the Black King, maybe? She hoped he was, because that was the plan.

The Black King practically roared, and shot a laser out of his mouth, narrowly missing Fred. Alicia floated as close as she dared. As long as she didn't attack until she had to, the Black King wouldn't notice her. Neither would Fred, if something went wrong and he turned against them.

It could happen. They didn't really know how the staff worked.

The Black King laid down the white staff so that he had one hand free, just as Alton had predicted he would. He kept hold of the black staff, but Alton had predicted that too.

Alicia kept her eyes on the Black King, because she had to, but she wished she could see what kind of awesome beam moves Fred was using. One of them was rainbow coloured. She loved rainbows.

She wasn't worried about Fred getting hurt. He had Alton telling him everything the Black King was feeling. He'd be fine, as long as he stayed on the defensive. Alicia didn't think she could resist attacking once in a while if she was fighting the Black King head on, but Fred probably could. He was good at not doing what he wanted to do.

The Black King wasn't punching with his staff hand. Alton and Fred and Xavier had all agreed that he'd eventually punch with his staff hand. The plan wasn't working. It had taken forever to set up, and it wasn't working. They needed it to work.

But she kept watching. Maybe she could... He was drawing back his staff hand! Finally!

Alicia summoned up all the wind she could manage and pulled at the staff just as the Black King finished his punch. The force from the punch and the force from the breeze just barely managed to yank it out of its hand.

Fred caught it, held up both staffs, and did a loud Perry chatter.

The Black King shrunk.

Alicia rose up to make sure everyone was in position, and whistled, at the same time sending out a breeze to carry the whistle around.

The Dersite's army emerged from the hills around the valley. She couldn't see the look on the Black King's face from this altitude, but she was sure it was amazing.

They'd really done it! They'd won! And they hadn't even needed their parents' help!

.

  
proficiencyDiversified is talking to fredPhillips, cozilyPlanted, delightedFortune, and discerningPedestrian

DF: we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: the king's small and wv's army is arresting him or something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: arresting

DF: yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: they're not killing him i checked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: oh   
DP: anyway im worried about fred   
DP: i cant feel him at all anymore

DF: but we won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's not dead i can see him!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's still all big and staffy!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: And platypusy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: i can feel something   
DP: its just not him

PD: Oh I get it! :O   
PD: This is the part where we think hes dead but he isnt! :)

DP: hal this isnt   
DP: o never mind

DF: he's really not dead!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's talking!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: i can hear him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Hal can you transport me near him?

PD: Near who? :S

CP: Fred!

PD: Oh okay. :)

DP: hes not dead hes just not fred anymore   
DP: i think

DF: duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: he's being the dersite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: i can still tell who he is even when hes not being himself   
DP: it's like   
DP: he forgot   
DP: who he is

PD: :O

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: your powers must be working wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DP: r ur powers working rong   
DP: everything else is normal   
DP: y would my powers only work rong   
DP: y would they only work rong 4 him

DF: i don't know but they are!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP: Theres something really wrong with him   
CP: Hes saying he doesnt know me   
CP: Or Fred   
CP: Hes saying hes WV and Perry and Utah and a garden gnome and Bernie Bear and Ducky Momo   
CP: He cant be WV because WVs over here telling him theyre not the same person   
CP: Tell me how to tell him to change him back

DP: i dont no   
DP: i dont no how void powers work but   
DP: he doesnt have them anymore   
DP: hes full

PD: Its the staff. :)   
PD: I think the staff stores the original state of the user and Freds void powers do too but theres only slot for states and the staff overwrote it with the rebel's state. :(

DF: what does that mean??????????????????

DP: hes lost his soul   
DP: i mean personality   
DP: hal did u no this the hole time

PD: No. :(   
PD: I told you I didnt know remember. :(   
PD: I thought something might happen. :)

DF: like what????????????

PD: Alton just used a bad word. :(   
PD: He asked me why I was smiling except he swore. :(

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: don't swear alton!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: it's bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

proficiencyDiversified has muted discerningPedestrian (Were not allowed to swear! :()

PD: He was typing more swear words. :(

CP: So why were you smiling Hal?   
CP: Freds not getting any better

PD: I thought he might not be the same after he used the staff. :(

CP: We all thought that

DF: he wasn't!!!!!!!!!!!!

PD: So I made a backup copy. :)   
PD: Of his state. :)   
PD: His soul. :)

DF: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
DF: quick use it on him

PD: Thats not how backup copies work. :/   
PD: Okay I restored it now he just has to drop the staff and hell be back to normal. :)

CP: Cant you just put magic back to normal now?

PD: No. :(   
PD: He needs to transform. :(   
PD: I cant make people transform remember. :/   
PD: Thats why we had to do this instead. :/

CP: He doesnt want to drop it   
CP: Hes leaving so he doesnt have to hear me   
CP: Crying

proficiencyDiversified has unmuted discerningPedestrian (He asked me to and said he wouldn't swear again. :))

DP: xavier   
DP: ask him if he wants to b like the black king   
DP: he thinks hes the rebel & the rebel hates kings

CP: OK   



	55. Phineas and Ferb: Explain

It didn't take long to find the others once Phineas enabled the paradox sniffer. Both Ferb and his dream self were inside some sort of interdimensional bubble full of... ghosts? Ferb's explanation wasn't very clear, and Candace suspected that he didn't understand either. Perry was floating in an eerily empty area of the void, and they found Dr Doofenshmirtz on what seemed to be Derse's moon. But the coordinates were nowhere near Derse, or any part of the game.

According to Phineas, it was another game, attached to a completely different universe. There were a lot, he said, scattered throughout paradox space. Uncountably many. They didn't see any of the players during their brief stop, but Doofenshmirtz apparently had.

Candace didn't really want hang around and sightsee. They had their own game to get back to. She was sure whoever was playing this one had it under control. Nothing was exploding, as far as she could see.

"Hey, guess what?" said Dr Doofenshmirtz, as soon as they were out of the other game's incipisphere. "I found out what a meowrail is!"

Perry rolled his eyes at him. It was obviously something they'd argued about. They argued about everything, according to Ferb, which Candace didn't really understand. It was Perry, right? The platypus? Who didn't talk?

Doofenshmirtz slumped into a chair and said "You know, I am never, ever doing that again."

"If we're lucky, we won't have to," said Phineas. He almost sounded tired.

"What exactly was 'that'?" asked Candace. She was the one who'd saved them, in the end. She deserved to be told what was going on.

"You know how when you're about to die, your life kind of flashes before your eyes?" said Doofenshmirtz, waving a hand in front of his face.

"Yeah, of course," said Candace. She'd never personally experienced it during any of her near-death experiences, but it probably happened to someone. Somewhere.

"Well, it wasn't really like that," said Doofenshmirtz. "It was more like... whatever the opposite of a flash is. A long, long... exposure."

Candace thought she understood. "You remembered everything that ever happened to you." She didn't know much about Doofenshmirtz's past, but she'd heard enough to understand why he might not want to go through all that again. Odd that Phineas seemed to feel the same way, though.

"Not exactly," said Phineas. "Uh... Do you know what a Scratch is?"

"Pocketing the cue ball in pool," said Candace, who was getting sick of all the unexplained jargon.

"No--" said Phineas.

"Actually..." said Ferb.

They looked at each other for a second, then Phineas went on. "Well, in game terms, it means resetting the game. And also... the entire universe the game was played in."

Candace said "Go on..." She didn't like the sound of this. This was how they were going fix everything? She didn't want to be reset. She'd put way too much effort into her life, and so had a lot of her friends.

"Well, that's the idea, but it involves scratching an artifact on the hero of Time's planet, and the kids don't have a hero of Time..." Phineas continued.

"But we did!" Doofenshmirtz put in, grinning.

"What?" said Candace to Doofenshmirtz. "When did you ever play the game? I mean, okay, Phineas and Ferb played it in that freaky alternate reality where I was their mom, but when did _you_ do it?" It was beginning to seem like it was more unusual not to have played the game, like some kind of world ending Farmville, or whatever people played now. It had been a while since she'd kept track.

"Before the Scratch!" said Doofenshmirtz, like it was obvious. "I was the Bard of Doom!"

Candace just narrowed her eyes at him. She'd had enough of this.

Phineas tried to explain. "You know how we were all sent to Earth on meteorites?" he said.

Candace narrowed her eyes at him instead, then nodded.

"The meteorites landed at different times before the Scratch. For me and Ferb and your kids, it was just like the alternate reality!"

"Okay..." said Candace slowly. So it was another alternate reality where her kids were her brothers and her brothers were her kids. She could handle it. "And Dr Doofenshmirtz landed at the same time?"

"And the twins landed in the 60s!" Phineas agreed. "So did Alicia, more or less."

Candace thought she got it. "So... you three played the game, and reset it. I mean 'Scratched' it." She made the most exaggerated quotation fingers she could without the use of special equipment. "And that's what you were dreaming about?"

"And Monobrow," said Doofenshmirtz.

"Okay, next question," said Candace. It all made sense so far. " _Why_ did you reset the entire universe?"

"Well..." said Phineas. "It was Dr D's idea..."

Doofenshmirtz looked smug. "I kept telling them we were all doomed, and they didn't listen. I even wrote a song about it!" He cleared his throat.

Phineas cut him off hurriedly. "We couldn't complete the game because we didn't have a Hero of Space, and we couldn't go home because Earth was destroyed by meteors."

"And what made you think resetting would help?" said Candace. If she thought of it as resetting only the game, it was a little easier to think about.

"Before we did it, Ferb edited the game and set the classes for the new players," said Phineas. "We figured if the Earth got destroyed again, and our kids got superpowers, they should at least have superpowers that can fix it."

"So... can they do that?" said Candace. Hal had saved Fred's life, so if the five of them could do the same for eight or nine billion people, or whatever they were up to now... How long would that take them?

"Yeah!" said Phineas. "We just need to tell them how. Ferb?"

Ferb projected a spirograpth onto a nearby blank wall.

"Hey, that's the... That's the same slideshow from the dream!" said Doofenshmirtz. "You've been awake, what ten minutes? Where... Where did you get the time to recreate that?"

Ferb blinked, and clicked through the slides as Phineas explained.

"We needed a hero of Space and a Hero of Void to do the heavy lifting," said Phineas. "Space is nothing without void to separate it. Uh, I guess it is, but would just be a supermassive black hole the mass of the entire universe, or maybe a star, and..." He seemed to realise that he was rambling. "Obviously the heroes of space and void would both have to have active titles. But not too active."

He was talking like Candace had a clue what active titles were. But she could guess, and it probably wasn't that important, so she nodded.

"Space and void would take care of all the matter in the universe," Phineas continued, "but without Heart and Mind, none of the people would have, uh... hearts or mind. Metaphorically speaking. We needed passive titles for those, so the active heroes could channel them."

Candace nodded again. She thought maybe they should be telling that to the kids. They were the ones who were apparently going to restore all the matter in the universe to its original form.

She hoped the kids were still okay.

"Then all we needed was an aspect to bring everyone back to life," said Phineas.

Ferb clicked to a slide that showed three different symbols. One was two wavy lines, one above the other, one looked like a cut with blood dripping from it, and one of them was... some sort of... vine, maybe?

"The most obvious choice was Life," said Phineas, tapping the vine, "but Blood and Breath also have tenous connections with life. We went with an active hero of Breath. We thought it would be the most useful."

"He thought it fit," said Ferb, in a loud whisper.

They began to pass through an asteroid field, which according to the radar was the Veil of their own Incipishere. Candace couldn't help noticing that none of the meteors were moving anymore. Had the Reckoning ended? Or had the kids actually stopped it? They couldn't have.

"Are you sure they can do this, Phineas?" said Candace. "They are just kids, you know. Not exactly saving the world material."

"Candace," said Phineas in a calming tone. "How many times did we save the world when we were their age? They'll be fine!"

Candace had never saved the world at their age, and Phineas and Ferb had only done it once or twice. Still, it was a bit reassuring.

Candace stared out the window as the stripes ahead of them resolved into the Mobius strip of the Battlefield. The first thing she noticed was the Black King, who seemed to just be standing there. She used her telescope app to zoom in.

Xavier was floating in front of him in his new superhero sidekick pajamas. He turned slightly in Candace's direction, and with a start, she saw that he was crying. He never cried.

Xavier yelled something haltingly, and the Black King looked startled, let go of his staff, and shrank down into a human.

"Fred?" said Candace aloud. The Black King was Fred now? What? She knew she'd seen both of them in the same place at the same time. It didn't make any sense for him to be the Black King. It didn't even make sense for him to imitate him. She couldn't see how it would help.

Dr Doofenshmirtz was standing behind her. "I can't wait to find out what happened here!"


	56. Alicia: Jump the Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to update every two days from now on. I never meant to leave it three chapters from the end like this.

"Dad!" yelled Alicia, as soon as she saw the ship in the sky.

Phineas was impressed. They were nowhere close to within earshot, and none of the windows were even open. Alicia had got really good at manipulating the wind. And judging by her new dress, she'd even ascended. He was so proud of her.

"Dad, we did it!" Alicia yelled. "We beat the game!"

He wasn't looking forward to disappointing her with the true goal of the game, but Phineas was more curious about what had been happening with Xavier and Fred. Fred had apparently been using one of the staves to gain the power of the sprites, but Phineas was sure that the staves and rings only worked on carapaces. And they'd both been crying. Fred did cry sometimes, but only when he thought it was something the person he was imitating would do. As a result, he cried a bit more than most boys his age, but not much more. Sometime really traumatic seemed to have happened.

As they landed, Alton and Hal blinked into existence nearby. It looked like Hal had ascended too, and figured out his power. He was even wearing the black pajamas from Phineas's vision.

The kids all flew towards the ship as it landed and opened. Xavier wiped his face and tried to rearrange his tearful expression.

"We beat the black king!" said Hal, when he was close enough. "It was mostly Fred and Alicia!"

Alicia shook her head. "You got the ring and Xavier came up with the plan and Alton helped Fred fight and he told Xavier how to get him back to normal!"

It sounded like they'd had some sort of team building adventure. Phineas was mostly pleased that they were still alive, but it was good that they were learning to work together. They were all quite talented in their own way.

"Did you save grandpa?" said Alton. He actually sounded a bit worried.

Dr Doofenshmirtz and Perry came down the ramp as he spoke.

Alton jumped, and tried to look unconcerned. "Oh, hi grandpa. Hi, uncle Perry."

"Grandpa!" said Hal. He made a small movement like he was going to run forwards, then seemed to change his mind.

"Dad!" said Alicia. She ran up to him and hugged him and until he had to pry her off. "Dad! We won, and we beat the Black King, and I died, and..." It took some working out, but Phineas managed to piece together what had happened to her and the others.

He was upset to learn that she'd chosen to ascend by dying, but at least it had been painless. He couldn't understand why she hadn't just asked Hal to make her god tier like Xavier and Fred. It sounded like her cousins hadn't wanted her to kill herself any more than he did. She could be very stubborn at times.

Once Alicia had run out of things to say, Phineas explained what had happened out in space, including what they'd discovered about the Scratch. He was having trouble not talking at a million miles an hour himself.

"Wow!" said Alicia, and Phineas could practically hear the exclamation marks. She pressed him on every tiny detail, and several times, Phineas had to tell her to slow down because even he couldn't understand her.

"Dad, you should wear your alternate universe god tier hope pajamas!" Alicia said, pointing at her dress. "How did you get them? Did you die?"

How he'd gone god tier was quite a story, but Phineas wasn't ready to talk about it yet. He looked down at the coat and pants he wore every day. "I don't think they'd fit me anymore, but I guess we could make adult sized outfits..." That would be pretty fun. It could be a family bonding sort of thing.

He should have got Isabella into this too. They'd talked about it, but she couldn't cancel her youth group's three-day survival hike through the Australian outback, and she still had a screenwriting deadline to meet. If only his visions had given him a better idea of how all this was going to be. He couldn't wait to tell her all about it. When she... existed again, of course.

"Yeah!" said Alicia. "And then we can remake the world and go home!"

Phineas laughed. "Whoa, slow down. Don't you want to finish the game first?"

"We did!" said Alicia, indicating the area around them. "We beat the black king and stopped the Reckoning!"

He really thought he'd told her at some point. "And now Skaia is safe, you can go find your Denizens, finish your quests, and eventually initiate the Vast Croak!" It wasn't really something even they would have been able to do in a day. It made sense that they wouldn't even know all the basic mechanics yet. The pre-Scratch game had taken weeks, and they hadn't even come close to completing it before they'd been forced to reset.

Alicia wrinkled her forehead.

Hal was nearby, talking enthusiastically to Dr D. He looked over. "Did you say Vast Croak? I know what that is!"

"Well done!" said Phineas sincerely. He'd been worried that Hal wouldn't participate once he realised how much... reality was involved. Obviously his concerns had been misplaced.

Alicia put her hands on her hips. "Then what is it, if you're so smart?"

"It's what the frog does when it becomes a universe!" said Hal. He closed his eyes for a second, and a black, strangely docile frog appeared in his hands. "See? This frog! I made it! With the minigame!" At first Phineas thought that the frog was just covered in red and green markings, but on closer inspection, the markings were galaxies and nebulae.

Alicia didn't say anything for a second. "Universe?" she said. "What universe? How can a frog be a universe, Hal?" She was trying to sound condescending, but she really just sounded interested.

Before Hal could say anything, Phineas answered. "That's the point of the game, Alicia! To make a universe!"

"From a frog?" said Alicia, staring at the frog in Hal's hands. The frog croaked quietly.

"I think all universes are frogs," said Hal. "Even ours." He stared at the sky.

Phineas nodded. He didn't completely understand the cosmology, but it seemed the most likely thing. Every single universe was a frog inside a completed session of the game, even parallel ones. He didn't know where the first game had come from. the future, probably.

Alicia stared at the frog for a few seconds, then used her breath powers to amplify her voice. "I have an announcement to make!"

Phineas flinched. He was very proud of her and her new powers, but he was not looking forward to having to remind to her to control her volume from now on.

"The game is not over!" said Alicia. "We still have to create a universe!"

"What?" said Alton, who was talking to Ferb and Perry.

"It's not?" said Xavier, who'd been talking to Candace.

Alicia took the frog out of Hal's hands and held it up. "We need to initiate the Vast Croak!"

"Careful!" said Hal.

Alton leaned back on his crutches and said "Okay. How do we do that?"

Alicia turned to Phineas. "How do--"

"Indoor voice, Alicia," said Phineas. He was going to have to check for permanent hearing damage as soon as he could. It was actually a good thing, because he'd been working on ways to reverse it, and the more data he got the better. But it did hurt.

Alicia lowered her voice. "How do we do that, dad?"

"Well, first you need to finish your quests," said Phineas. "You could permanently mess up your new universe if you skip them." He'd seen some of pre-Scratch Fred's writing on the subject. It was depressing.

"How long will that take?" Alton asked.

"A couple days at least," said Phineas.

"Oh," said Alicia. Phineas didn't have to remind her to keep her voice down this time. He'd been upset about it at her age too. At least her game was winnable, though.

Ferb blinked at Phineas.

"Oh yeah!" said Phineas. He'd nearly forgotten. This should cheer his daughter up. "Come on, I'll show you guys something."


	57. Past kids: Be Santa

It looked like the frog temple was still in the Veil, which Hal thought was weird. It was supposed to be sent to Earth in the Reckoning, and there was no Reckoning anymore. They'd stopped it. Maybe they could just push the temple there themselves when they were done. With whatever they were doing. Uncle Phineas wouldn't tell them. He just kept smiling. Sometimes Hal didn't like it when he smiled.

The frog temple was creepy on the inside. It was dim and quiet, and there were carvings of all of them on the walls. Normally Hal liked seeing his picture in newspapers, but this was unexpected and disturbing. He never even made that serious, mature face, as far as he knew. He looked at the floor, but he could still feel his eyes on them.

Uncle Phineas seemed to know where he was going. They went up a few flights of stairs, and reached a large, green and blue checkered room decorated with more statues of frogs. There was nothing else in it, and Hal couldn't see what it was for. There weren't even any health pickups. It looked like a boss room, but uncle Phineas didn't seem worried. So it probably wasn't.

"Here we are, guys!" he called, striding over to the centre of the room. He knelt and tried to pull one of the blue stones off the floor. It looked heavy even for an adult, so Hal disappeared it for him.

Uncle Phineas looked around in confusion for a second, then said "Oh! Uh... thanks, Hal."

Hal looked back at the floor. Uncle Phineas knew it was him. He hadn't thought of that. He wanted to crawl into the hole he'd opened, but everyone was looking at it.

His dad reached into the hole, and pulled out a large wooden box, almost exactly as big as the hole.

"What's that?" yelled Alicia. She yanked it out of Hal's dad's hands with her wind powers and pulled off the lid. "Wow! Letters!"

There were a few envelopes inside, and a thick, rectangular present. They were all huddled together at the bottom, and made the box look even bigger than it was.

Alicia held up one of the envelopes, which had a sharp bulge at the front. "This one has my name on it!" She ripped it open and pulled out short letter.

"What is it?" said Alton, looking around Hal's shoulder.

Alicia threw him a thick envelope, barely looking up from the letter. "Alton, they're from our past selves from the last universe! This one's yours!"

Alton ducked before it could hit him in the face, and said "What?"

Hal still didn't really understand the alternate universe versions of themselves that the adults had tried to tell them about. Who cared about past lives or whatever? Past lives didn't have your personality, and you usually didn't even remember them. Unless they made you some kind of chosen one, there was no reason to even think about them.

Still, he was curious. Hal took the envelope with his name on it, and tore it open. At first he thought it was empty and a cruel prank, but then a small chip fell out. It was a pretty standard storage device that worked for both the Evv and the Steale. Hal probably had hundreds by now, and they weren't even the main reason his allowance never lasted more than a few days.

He put his Evv on lockdown in case it was dangerous, and plugged in the chip.

He was distracted by an excited squeal. Alicia was holding a small tube of blue liquid like it was this year's quantum CPU. "Dad, can I drink it now?"

Uncle Phineas had her letter now. He frowned. "Sorry Alicia, but we need to make sure the antidote works first. You can drink it after, okay?"

"Before tonight?" Alicia pleaded.

"We'll see," said uncle Phineas. He still wasn't smiling.

Xavier looked over Alicia's shoulder. "Awake serum?" he said, restlessly drumming the small paper packets in his hand against his leg.

"It means you never have to sleep again!" Alicia yelled. "You can't! My alternate universe made it for me, and she even knew mom and dad wouldn't like it! That's why she wrote the antidote!"

Hal liked sleeping, but he knew Alicia thought it was a waste. Probably her past life or whatever thought so too.

There was a single program on the chip he'd received. Hesitantly, he ran it. It asked for access to the text output, which he granted. It would be hard to see what it was for if it couldn't output anything.

The word _Hello?_ flashed onto the screen.

"Hello," said Hal, then felt stupid. It couldn't hear him. It didn't have access to the microphone.

"What've you got there?" said Alton. His envelope contained a thick letter, which he kept glancing at.

"A program," said Hal. He typed _Hello_. "From the envelope."

"I got a letter," said Alton unnecessarily. "I... I haven't read it yet."

Hal nodded, staring at the screen.

_Yes, hello. To whom am I speaking?_

"Is that an AI?" said Alton. He looked at the letter again.

Hal shrugged. He looked up at all the adults in the room, and decided that he could probably risk giving out a little personal information. It wasn't like the Internet, where he couldn't say anything about his life in case they figured out he wasn't thirteen or over. _My names Hal. :)_

The response was very fast. _Excellent! So is mine._

That was weird. Why would there be-- Was this an AI of his past life? Nobody had made a completely sentient copy of themselves yet.

"Ooh, let me see that!" Hal's grandpa grabbed his computer off him. He mumbled to himself as he read the log, then said "It's pre-Scratch Hal! He was good people. Nice and evil."

Hal took the Evv back, and said "Evil?" He wasn't supposed to talk to evil people, unless they were related or kidnapping him. Even if it was his own past life and just an AI.

"Yeah, he wanted to force technology to evolve or... or something," said Hal's grandpa. "You know, it takes all kinds. All... All evil kinds. Perry the Platypus stopped him, of course. It's always Perry the Platypus."

That was almost like Hal's grandpa, and Hal's grandpa was safe. Hal typed out another message. _Are you my past life? :S_


	58. All: Go home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! It kept slipping my mind.

The seeds Xavier had received came with detailed instructions on planting, watering, and music consumption. Apparently it had taken his alternate gardener self decades to breed and engineer them. Gardening was pretty interesting, Xavier guessed. Plants were just interesting in general. He had a few at home. He was going to enjoy growing these ones, and he hoped he wouldn't kill them all. He'd never killed a plant yet, but he'd never tried to grow something that required so much attention. He mostly just had tomatos and cactuses. And a few digital orchids that he couldn't kill even if he'd wanted to.

Out of all the presents they'd got, he liked his the best, but the others probably didn't care about as much about seeds as he did. Fred had tried growing a cactus once, but he'd only ever remembered to take care of it while he was being Xavier. And Xavier thought Fred had been Xavier less than usual during that time. What Fred had got was a signed book on psychology written by his alternate self. He'd barely looked up from it since he'd opened it, but he'd showed Xavier the glowing introduction and all the impressed reviews on the back.

Hal hadn't stopped typing on his Evv, either. If the alternate AI version of himself was as good at computers as Hal, and as evil as Hal's grandfather, then it seemed dangerous to keep him around, but Hal probably knew what he was doing.

Alicia still wasn't allowed to drink her serum, which she complained about every thirty seconds or so while she looked over everyone's shoulders, and Alton still hadn't started reading his letter. Xavier had asked Fred about it, and Fred had said something about Alton still being nervous, before running his finger down the page and mumbling to himself.

"Okay!" said uncle Phineas eventually. "Now we just have to bring back our old universe. Ferb made a slideshow about-- Oh. Never mind."

Uncle Ferb had indicated that he wanted to speak. "All you have to do is join hands, call up your aspect, and think of home."

Uncle Phineas frowned. "Really? That's kinda cheesy, don't you think?"

Uncle Ferb shrugged. "It's the most efficient way to do it."

Xavier gingerly took Fred's hand, and Alicia grabbed his other hand.

"I feel stupid," said Alton.

"Just concentrate on home and Heart like uncle Ferb said!" said Alicia.

Xavier thought about Mind and thoughts and decisions, then about his house. "Alton's right. This is stupid." Was it even going to work? He didn't feel any different.

"Xavier!" snapped Alicia, in the loudest, most Breath-amplified voice Xavier had ever heard.

"Alicia!" said uncle Phineas, clutching his ears. "Inside voice!"

Alicia hung her head. "Sorry, dad. But Alton and Xavier aren't doing it right!"

"Don't rush them, Alicia," said uncle Phineas sternly.

"Look, I think it's working!" said Xavier's mom. She pointed at Fred.

Xavier looked around, and jumped. Fred was glowing with a dark blue light that matched his outfit. His hands were glowing too, and the glow was spilling over onto Xavier and Alton's hands. It didn't feel like anything, but it was there.

If Fred could do it, so could Xavier. He concentrated again, more seriously this time. He thought about the confidence he'd gained since going god tier. Was that what Mind was about?

A concentrated flash of thought passed through him, and he opened his eyes, startled. There was a green glow around him too, though it was fading. There were coloured glows around all of them.

So it was working. He concentrated, and there was another flash. He grit his teeth and kept his thoughts on his aspect.

The amount of thoughts increased exponentially, until he could barely stand. He had to keep it up, or everyone would be mindless. Or something. He was always afraid of messing things up, and the collective IQ of the universe was the most important thing he could possibly ruin.

The flood subsided, and Xavier realised someone was yelling his name. "Huh?" It was his mom. She sounded scared.

"Are you okay, Xavier?" said uncle Phineas, looking at him with concern.

"You were groaning!" said Alicia.

"Yeah. I'm good," said Xavier, looking around at the others. Alton had collapsed against his dad, but Alicia, Hal and Fred seemed fine, if a bit tired. "What's wrong with Alton?"

"It takes a greater toll on a passive class's mind," said uncle Ferb. "He'll be fine when he wakes up."

Xavier didn't really know what that meant. He was just glad that they were all okay, and that Earth was finally back. If they'd done it right. They probably had.

.

Somehow the kids had even brought their homes back to where they were supposed to be. Candace had thought they needed them to complete the game, but now Phineas said they didn't. She wished they'd make up their minds.

Candace had to carry Fred inside when they got home. He'd always been a heavy sleeper.

"Hey, Candace!" called Phineas from the ship, which was parked on the front lawn. "Ferb and I wanted to give you this." Ferb unrolled a set of clothes. "It's a god tier outfit!"

"Uh..." Candace wasn't sure what to say. "Thanks..." She took them.

"We made new outfits for ourselves and Dr D, and we didn't wanna leave you out," added Phineas. "You're the one who saved us, just be being you! And... fully human."

Candace inspected the clothes. They included a hood and cap, were purple with some sort of stylised... face on them? They were really well-made for a set of clothes made during a half-hour trip on a spaceship without even a sewing machine.

She liked them, she decided. "Thanks, guys."

They hugged, and the ship took off again.

Candace had only just got the chance to try the clothes on when the door slammed open.

Sounded like Amanda was back.

"I can't believe you're watching TV, Xavier!" said Amanda from downstairs. "What did you get done today?"

"Saved the world," said Xavier, in a bored voice.

"Yeah, whatever you say," said Amanda. "And where's Fred?"

"Asleep," said Xavier. It sounded like he was concentrating on the sitcom he was watching. It was something about a wacky family going to a different wacky and exotic location every week. Candace didn't know how it stayed on the air.

Amanda raised her voice. "Mom, are you hearing this?"

Candace came down the stairs. "Amanda, I know what they're doing. How was the rehearsal?" She wanted to ask about that man who'd harassed her, but not while she was so upset about the boys.

Amanda glared. "You're just enabling them, you know... Hey, where did you get those new pajamas?"

"Became gods," said Xavier. "I'm the Rogue of Mind."

"Quit it with the sarcasm, Xavier!" said Amanda. She stormed off up the stairs, and slammed the door to her room.


End file.
